Author: Babychan email. email@example.com
Title: Right Before My Eyes
Disclaimer: X-men and all its characters do NOT belong to me.
Summery: Scott/ Ororo. Scott muses over his chosen love.
Right Before My Eyes
You know that old saying, "You never miss the water until your well runs dry" Well I know exactly what they meant.
Right before my eyes. This whole time...she was right before my eyes and I never saw her.
When my focus is clear....
I lost her.
I'm waiting for her now. She should be entering the library in about five minutes. She is such a slave to routine. Even when she tries to change, she falls right back into her well carved and comfortable rut.
I glance at my watch, only few more minutes. I can't believe that... I am reduced to stalking her just so I can get to watch her without being interrupted, called out, or ridiculed.
They just don't understand.... They don't understand what it feels like to love someone so much that it hurts.
So many years I wasted pining over Jean. So many years...
If I would have just known that I could have had a chance with her, you can bet your ass I would have taken it. But....
How does a mere mortal tell a goddess that he is in love with her?
If I would have known, I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now.
Don't get me wrong. I loved Jean, I really did. I *lived* for her. I would have *died* for her. Killed, stole, anything for her.
All she had to do was say the word.
And then.... she did.
She told me to get the fuck out!
And I did.
I had no choice.
It was my own fault.
It really was.
I should have expected it. I really should have. I mean she *is* a telepath.
So of course she would know when my thoughts, dreams, desire and love started to waver.
When my preference for red hair turned into white.
Then again...maybe she didn't find my infidelity in my thoughts. I mean it took a year after I realized that I was in love with the goddess before Jean even mentioned it.
Jean was never one to pry. Even in *my* thoughts. The professor taught her those morals well. And for that I was always grateful.
So perhaps it was in my own actions that lead her to see the truth. That I no longer loved her in that unconditional way anymore.
Yes, maybe Jean noticed the way I started to stand closer to Ororo than I needed to. Or the way I always started to notice when the goddess came into a room and how I would gaze at her longer than I should have. Blushed every time she smiled at me, hell every time she spoke to me. Maybe she noticed the way I seemed to volunteer to help Ororo in the green house....everyday. Or how I would rearrange the training schedule so that Ororo and I would be paired together... every time.
I used to do that for Jean. Used to, being the key word.
No...now that I think about it. I'm certain that it wasn't any of that. Jean never noticed, she would have called me on it. Threw me out long before the night I confessed.
But my actions weren't as discreet as I hoped they would have been because even though Jean was oblivious to my wonderlust, Logan was not
Nor was Marie....
God the list goes on and on.
I should be ashamed, I know...But I'm not.
Love tends to change people, and not always in the best ways.
But the funny thing is, like Jean, Ororo never noticed.
She never noticed me. Not that way anyway.
But her boyfriend did.
It wasn't that he wanted *me*, that way.
It was that he noticed that I was in love with his girl. And that I was trying to steal her away from him.
I'll admit it. I was. Still am, actually
Damn him! Damn him to HELL! I hate him!
No, I shouldn't be like that.
I should be happy that he makes Ororo so happy. I should be happy for them...for him.
He *is* my brother after all.
But he had *no right* to tell me to stay away from Ororo.
No right to tell me that I need to try and make things right with Jean.
I wish I never found him. I wish his power never surfaced.
I wish...I wish I never suggested for him to come here and join the X-men.
Because now.... I lost her.
He always gets EVERYTHING!!
Even when we were little.
Everything I ever wanted...was given to him.
At first...I thought he was going to try and seduce Jean. I think if he did, she wouldn't have turned him down. From the get-go, She was attracted to him. I could tell right from the moment we picked him up from the airport. She kept looking into his sky blue eyes, and then the way she looked at me, and at my ruby glasses and force a smile. At that moment I felt.
But I let it go because I knew she wished she could see my eyes. When we got to the mansion, all was well. I introduced Alex to everyone and he seemed to hit it off well with the X-men as well as the students in the school. The only ones he didn't meet at that time was Ororo and Professor Xavier. They were in Egypt for a conference and since Ro was the only one who spoke the language fluently, she was his interpreter.
It was in the days we waited for the professor and my co-leader to come back did I realize how unhappy I was in my marriage.
I started to notice the way Jean spent all her free time with my brother. Giving him a "tour." I wasn't stupid. I knew her game. She played it before, with Logan. But this time, I didn't get jealous. This time I didn't care. I wasn't sure why I didn't care. I just didn't.
When the door to the library opened I unconsciously sat back so I was enshrouded in the shadows.
God Ro, how long have I been in love with you? It seems like forever. But I do remember the day I realized that I loved you. You and only you. Forever you.
It all happened the morning of the day you and Professor Xavier came back. Logan, Marie, Jean, Alex and I were in the adult lounge. We were sharing past stories and adventures when Jean and Marie had the bright idea of bringing out the photo albums for Alex's benefit. There were about 24 albums, no lying, and each one had at least 100 pages. My brother took it with good cheer and was eager to share in the many good times we had in the haven which was Xavier Mansion. A mutants perfect little paradise, a refuge from the hate.
Perhaps it was fate, but the first one they dug out of the pile to look at was *my* personal album. Honestly, I don't even know where Jean found it. It had ample pictures of the original X-men. Me, Bobbi, Hank, Peter and Jean.
God we looked so young.
And of course, there were tons of pictures of Jean.
Then ... there was you, Ro. I didn't even know I had taken that picture of you. It was maybe 6 months after you arrived. When you still wore your tiara. You had on some type of toga like dress and you were floating in the air. A full moon was behind you, your eyes were a ablaze with white fire and you were in full Goddess- I'm -controlling -the -elements mode.
My God that was a sexy picture.
"Who's this?" I remember Alex asking. I could tell that he was enraptured by the picture and for some reason that bothered me. I wasn't even sure why. He had asked the same question about the other original X-men, but when he wanted to know who *you* were... I felt...extremely jealous and possessive.
"Oh" Jean giggled and curled her fingers as if she were going to tell a scary story. "That's our resident Weather Witch!"
I could have smacked her where she sat. I'm mean if I was the kind of man that hit women. But the way she had said it, Ro. You could tell that she was insulting you. I wasn't the only one who noticed it either.
Alex gave her a confused glance and everyone else in the room just stared at Jean. In shock. A disgusted type if shock.
It was no secret that Jean had a deep seeded enmity toward you, Ororo; even though in public, your relationship seemed amiable. I still don't see how you two have pulled off that charade for so many years. Logan and I are still fighting like cat's and dogs.
I guess you two are just used to it. I mean, from my point of view, it seemed like your personal relationship started off on a bad note.
You don't know this, my sweet, but Jean's dislike toward you started after she realized that she was no longer the object of every guy's, in the mansion, fantasy girl. Before you moved in, Jean would mope about and whine that she wished there was another female in the house. But after she got her wish, she hated the fact that she wasn't the only female among men.
When I think about it now, Its kinda funny.
But back then however, I was so mad at you, Ro. I didn't understand why Jean hated you so much, because she never told me. Being older and wiser, I know now. But back then, I just knew that you were a thorn in her side and because I loved her and she hated you.... well, I couldn't find it in myself to ever hate you, but... you made me angry.
At the time, I didn't understand that she was upset because you were drop dead gorgeous and 10 years younger than her. I didn't realized that her emerald eyes were green with envy because the guys in the house seemed to worship the ground you walked on.
Jean always boasted about being an independent woman, so I didn't understand why she cared so much that the guys were actually and literally *fighting* each other to do your bidding.
As for you, Ororo...well, you weren't completely innocent either. I know that you weren't jealous of the crimson haired doctor. No, that wasn't it at all. In truth Goddess, I don' t think you acknowledged Jean's existence, at all, unless it was on the battlefield. Ororo, your problem was...to put it nicely... When you first moved into the mansion...you, my dear, were the *worst* kind of snob.
But how could you not be? For the last six years of your life you were worshipped, WORSHIPPED as a GODDESS! And because of that you expected things to be done for you.
And for the most part....
Even though I was completely devoted to Jean, *I* even found myself fighting for one of your household chores.
I can remember it as if it were yesterday. It was your laundry that I wanted to do. The guys, we had an arm-wrestling contest for it. But in the end, it was Peter who won.
Not that I didn't want the job for the same exact reasons, but *I* wasn't the one who was stealing your used panties every chance I could get.
Ok, okay... Maybe I did it once...Ok twice. But everyone was doing it, so it didn't really count.
And anyway, I only did it twice... Okay maybe three times. But that was it!
Ororo, you should have seen Marie take up for you. I was proud. I just wish that I could have done it myself. She corrected Jean's purposely mistaken title and explained to Alex about your goddess-ship .
It was during that polite southern reprimand when I noticed how *close* Jean was sitting to Alex. Practically on his lap! Alex didn't seem to mind ,or maybe he didn't notice because his eyes never wavered from your picture.
I think that's when I realized how deeply I was in love with you. Because I was pissed off.
I wasn't mad at Jean, who was blatantly flirting with my little brother!
No... I was upset at the thought that Alex could be attracted to you, Ororo.
No, not mine.
Not yet anyway.
What are you reading my love? I can't see the title from here.
You have no idea how hard it is for me to stay over here while you are so close.
So close but yet....so far.
I watched the object of my affections read silently, in a corner, at the other end of the library. Rays of sunlight filtered through the window and cast a heavenly glow over her as it gave her hair a romantic shimmer.
Her luscious tresses looked so soft to the touch, and I wished that I could run my fingers through it. Just once. I want to know if it was really as soft as it looked.
But if I even tried..... then that would give away my hiding spot.
And I couldn't do that because you don't even know that I am here do you, Ro. For if you did, you probably would have gotten your book and left the library to read in another room.
I know its not that you dislike me. You have no idea how grateful I was to hear those words from you. I have no doubt in their validity because you don't lie do you, my goddess? No of course not.
Its just easier for you to avoid me, to avoid confusion. Even after a year of dating, Alex is paranoid that he is going to loose you to me.
He should be. Because I swear, Ro, you will be mine one day.
I know its hurts you, what I am doing. I also know it's driving a wedge in your relationship with Alex, but trust me, love. Its for your own good.
You deserve better than him.
I wonder if this was how Logan felt. Completely unremorseful to the damage he caused to a perfectly healthy relationship
I know I should feel guilty. But I love you, Ro. And it's *I* who deserve you. Not *him*
Why won't you see that?
Ah!... Where are you going? Its not 7:15 yet!
And you never leave until 7:15. So what's the big rush? What was in that book that got you so excited that you had to leave so suddenly? This is the only precious beads of time I get alone with you.
Before I even know it, I've padded across the empty room and was standing in front of the shelf where she so carefully put the book back in it proper place.
I pulled the book out and kissed where I knew her fingers have touched before I read the title.
And as my glasses hidden eyes scan the title, I felt like my heart was ripped out.
But I was still alive. Unfortunately.
How could you Ro?
How could you?
With a shaking hand, I placed the book back in it place, and then methodically and with labored movements I made my way down to the first floor to await dinner.
To await the announcement that Ro found in that damned book.
That book with the title. "25 Ways to Tell Friends and Family That You Secretly Got Married Over Dinner."
Well.... At least I am prepared.
But Ororo, my Goddess, mine.
Don't think I've given up on you.
I'll never give up. Not on you...
Not on us.
We were meant for each other.
And one day, you will see that...
You will see the true love that you have been wishing and searching for.
You will see me.
Just as clearly as I see you.
I will wait forever if I have too.
And one day... you will thank me for never giving up on us.
But until that day...
I'll be patient.
And I'll be waiting...Right before your eyes.