So, I tried to put this new story on hold and work on my two current stories, but this little gem wouldn't leave me alone. It got so bad that I could write nothing for the other stories, so I decided there was no other choice, but to go ahead with this new one. Anyway, this is not your typical love story...and definitely not for kids. So if you're under 18, you better high tail it outta here! :) I still love you though!


The amazingly talented Hiro Mashima is the owner of all things Fairy Tail. He is responsible for giving us deliciously complex characters such as Gajeel!


CHAPTER 1: SIMPLE PLAN

Today had been a bitch of a day, and I was desperately ready for it to be over. I had finally kicked "the boyfriend" to the curb, and all I could think was Thank Mavis, it's over. It had been a disaster dating that guy, who we shall from here on out call "Asshole." It had only taken 2 very short weeks for Asshole to show his true colors. He was an incurable flirt, and not the cute kind. His brand went more towards exasperating. I was beyond done with his flirting with every girl in sight, right in front of me. The final straw hit tonight when he'd taken me out for dinner. We had barely been seated before he'd started his shit again. The bastard had actually winked and told our waitress that she had a lovely body. Who the fuck does that? I had taken my glass of water and dumped it right in his lap. Oh, but it felt so good.

I was so unbelievably tired of dating. Men were just more trouble than they were worth. Either they were sweet to the point of girly or they were arrogant and thought you should be thrilled to be in their presence. I had seen it all, and the sight definitely wasn't pretty. I knew not to expect perfection when dating someone, but really, was it too much to ask for a sweet, dependable, appreciative man who was also masculine and sexy? Apparently, it was, because my searching thus far had yet to reveal this mystery man of my dreams. Ugh...I'm just so sick of the whole damn thing. Now here I was walking to the guild, still in my "date" clothes. I was feeling a definite need for my girls. They would help me curse the Asshole's name and pray for his dick to shrivel up and fall off. I smirked meanly at the thought; yes, that sounds nice.

It had gotten dark as I walked, but it didn't bother me. I walked this path to the guild at night quite frequently, and nothing had ever happened. Besides, I wasn't some pansy little woman who couldn't deal with a nasty pervert on her own. I had perfected my Lucy kick a long time ago, and one guess the first place I aimed on a troublesome man. I rounded the corner, and caught the sound of a party. Yep, definitely coming from Fairy Tail. I felt a smile grace my face; this was exactly what I needed. Music, drinks, friends, dancing. I couldn't wait to get in there and get rid of all this tension. I was home and nothing could mess with me there.

I hurried to the double doors and pushed them open to see the guild was only slightly lit up and the music was pounding. I giggled as I realized that someone had even put up a disco light; they were definitely in rare form tonight. Stepping through the entrance, I quickly made my way to the bar, seeking a chilled drink. As I shuffled through the crowd, I heard greetings from many of my friends. I called out to each of them, waving, before making my way around the converted "dance floor". I swear, my guild does nothing halfway. I reached the bar and leaned over to greet Mira.

She smiled confusedly and came over to me, asking "What are you doing here Lucy? I thought you were on a date tonight."

I scrunched my nose up in disgust at her question, before answering, "Let's just say that shithead is officially Lucy-less from here on out."

"Oh, that bad huh?" she said, patting my hand in sympathy, before continuing, "Sounds like you could use a drink then!"

"God yes!" I all but shouted, "I'm gonna be needing a lot more than one! I don't intend to leave until I drink and dance this bad date out of my memory forever!"

Her eyes took in my outfit, tight black skinny jeans, black sheer lacy shirt, black bra showing underneath, knee high leather boots. Her brows rose as she grinned, nodding, "It must have been quite bad if you came straight here still in your date clothes. Very sexy, by the way."

I returned her nod, saying, "Thanks Mira. I was just so ready to get the hell out of there; I didn't even think about the fact that the perverts here would be staring." I laughed as I pictured the "friendly" men of the guild sporting nosebleeds at my attire.

She giggled cutely, imagining the same thing I was sure. "Oh yes, they will be staring. The only question is how long it will take them to notice."

I snickered as I looked through the dimness and flashing lights to find my best friend. Giving up when I didn't see her, I asked "Hey, where's Levy-chan?"

Mirajane handed me a frothy glass of peach colored liquid and joined me in my search. She looked for a bit and then pointing off to the left, said "Oh there she is, Lucy."

I jumped up, telling her to join us when she had a moment, so I could tell them of my latest dating failure. She nodded excitedly, and I followed her directions toward my blue haired friend. I felt a smile tug at my lips when I caught sight of her at a table surrounded by a large number of the girls. Erza, Lisanna, Juvia, Cana, and Levy smiled, waving me over.

I pulled a chair up next to Levy, as she pulled me into a hug, squealing "Lu-chan! I didn't think you were coming!"

"Yes, Lucy, didn't you have a date with what's his name tonight?" Erza asked as her head tilted in confusion.

"I dropped him like the bad habit he is," I began, as I rolled my eyes, "As far as his name goes, I've permanently changed it to Asshole."

Levy covered her mouth giggling, "Wow Lu-chan, what did he do to earn the new designation?"

The other girls laughed and I joined them. I waited until Mira joined us at the table, before spilling the details of the night. When I'd gotten to the part about the waitress, Erza stood up with a sword in hand and declared, "That asshole! I'll cleave his balls from his body!"

"See?" I said, cackling, "The new name works perfectly, doesn't it?!"

The girls burst out laughing once again, as Mira smiled sweetly, calmly stating, "We should cut his tongue out and feed it to him."

Juvia smirked evilly, "Juvia thinks we should drive a nail through his dick."

"Then shove his naked ass down a hill covered in razor blades..." Lisanna snickered.

"And straight into a pool of lemon juice!" Cana added, cheering with her drink in the air.

We all shot our drinks up, yelling "Hell yeah!" We howled as we realized the guys seated closest to us were staring at us in horror. We offered a little wave, not caring that it caused their faces to contract further in fear. It was just too damn funny. We finally managed to calm down enough to guzzle our drinks and slam the glasses to the table.

Her sword now gone, Erza eyed her empty glass and announced, "Girls, we require shots!'

"Woo-hoo! Yeah!" Cana agreed profusely, as she tottered a bit on her chair.

I nodded in satisfaction; these girls always knew how to lift my spirits. We hopped up, gathering our glasses, and headed to the bar. I turned to cross the room, when Macao and Wakaba stopped in my path, mouths wide and blood dripping from their noses. They stared for a moment, before dropping to the floor. I glanced over to see the girls chuckling at the spectacle. Mira simply smiled and winked at me, as if to say Here come the pervs. I shook my head, stepping over the bodies, and laughed. We continued to the bar, pushing through the crowd, before claiming the stools lining the bar.

Mira slid behind the bar, asking "So what kind of shots do we want girls?" She grinned wickedly, before requesting, "Can I choose for everyone? I have the perfect shot for each of you!"

Looks passed from Lisanna to Levy, to me, to Erza, to Cana, to Juvia. We all shrugged, then cheered in assent. Who cared what she gave us; we were here to party! We watched as she began pulling bottles out, setting them in front of each of us along with several shot glasses each. Mira was smirking as she mixed in silence, our eyes following her quick movements.

She stopped when she'd mixed a number of shots for each of us; then she stood in front of Lisanna and said, "Okay girls, I'm going to tell you what you've all got!"

She giggled, saying, "Lisanna's got Purple Hooters!" We leaned forward to watch the younger take-over mage blush madly.

"Levy gets Slippery Nipples!" Mira announced loudly with a wink, as I almost fell off my stool laughing at Levy trying to shush Mira.

Oh, hell, now it's me. "What's mine?" I asked as I giggled nervously.

She leaned back, cackling, "You get a Screaming Orgasm!"

I threw my fist into the air, shouting, "Yes! I love those!" The girls all looked at me, and fell into hysterics.

Cana slapped her hand against the counter, and taunted me, "Oh you love orgasms huh?"

Juvia shook her head, trying to be serious, saying, "No, Cana – Juvia is sure that Lucy only likes SCREAMING orgasms!"

I had actually meant I love the drink, but it had definitely sounded like something else entirely. Oh well... "I actually meant the drink dumbass, but honestly, I have to say I love the others too!" I smirked saucily.

Levy gasped, her eyes wide, and collapsed on the bar laughing, Lisanna joining her. Mira clutched her stomach, her shoulders shaking. Erza pounded the bar with her fist, laughing so hard she cried. The music swelled around us as we took a deep breath to dispel the giggles so that Mira could continue her game.

She moved to Erza and told us slyly, "Erza's is a Red-Headed Slut!" She wiggled her eyebrows at Erza and we all were all slain with another wave of hysterics.

"Erza's the red-Headed slut!" Cana shrieked as she hung onto her stool for dear life. I could completely relate to her problem.

Erza shot Cana a crabby look that had no effect, as Cana was currently slipping off the back of her stool, her arms flailing wildly. We all collapsed into hysterics watching Cana flop onto the floor, her head tipped back, still howling. Juvia stooped to help her back up onto the stool, and Mirajane picked up where she'd left off.

Mira smiled at Cana, saying, "Cana, I give you the Suck, Bang, and Blow Me!"

"Oh yeah, I can get with that!" she answered fiercely, as our merriment continued.

Juvia looked at Mira as she pushed the shot to the water mage. The bartender threw her arm out with a flourish and said, "Juvia, you get the Fuzzy Dick." Juvia's eyes went wide and we fell into fits again.

I tried to resist, I really did, but I just couldn't. I called out to her, between giggles, "Juvia, just swallow it! Go ahead and swallow that Fuzzy Dick!" Her eyes flew to mine, but I couldn't hold her gaze. My eyes slammed shut at the sight of her expression of utter shock. So damn funny!

Juvia's mouth opened and closed for a moment before she sputtered out, "Well, Erza's the Red-Headed Slut, so maybe she should swallow the Fuzzy Dick!"

We all slid into the floor at that one; we had just laughed too much and too hard to hold ourselves upright any longer. Erza tried to speak, coughing out, "I'm...not the...slut." She turned her head to me, saying, "Lucy's...the slut...She's the one...that loves those...screaming orgasms."

We lay in the floor with Mira's head hanging over the bar eyeing us, and realized that everyone on the dance floor was watching our breakdown. They all had curious looks on their faces, but no one actually came over to question us. I guess we were acting just a bit too far from the norm for them to feel safe about coming closer. We shook our heads and helped each other off the floor, returning again to our seats. Erza turned long enough to wave everyone back to whatever they'd been doing, before she commanded, "Let's drink!"

We laughed and talked while we each drained our respective shots. I'm not sure how long we sat there, but before long we were back on the topic of my shoddy dating life. I explained to them how I was done with dating and trying to find "the one" seeing as how he didn't actually exist. They nodded their heads sagely, each agreeing with me that guys suck.

Then I remembered my oddly named drink and pouted, "But I don't want to miss out on screaming orgasms!"

"I wouldn't want to live without those either," Cana exclaimed, shaking her head in pity.

I thought for a moment, and hearing a song I liked, I grabbed Levy's hand, shouting, "Ooh, I love this song, Levy-chan! We have to dance!"

Cana jumped up to join us, saying, "Wait for me!" The other girls shook their heads and turned back to their conversation as we took off.

We wove through the crowd before finding a spot, and threw our hands up in the air enthusiastically. We found the beat and began moving our hips side to side. I started singing the words, my voice following Christina Aguilera's...Let me get mine, you get yours... My head swayed, sending my hair out around my face...Put my back into a slow grind... I flexed my hips back and forth to the words, Cana and Levy doing the same. I froze as I thought about the words and realized...it was genius. She had the right damn idea! I had already decided I was done with dating, but why on earth did I think that meant I had to go without sex.

I smirked as the idea took root, and I reached out to grasp Levy's and Cana's arms. They leaned toward me and I bit my lip in excitement, and spilled out my plan. Levy looked aghast for a moment, shocked that I would think of something like that, but Cana grinned in total sync with me on the idea. She nodded her head and threw her arm around my shoulder. Levy's lips puckered as she tilted her head in consideration, and then she gave me a quick nod of assent. Yes!

Levy leaned closer to me and asked, "But Lu-chan, who are you going to ask? It's not like you can just walk up to some random guy and ask him to have sex with you."

"Well, actually, I could and it would probably work like a charm," I laughed as I imagined doing that very thing, "But I don't think I want to get all sweaty with a total stranger."

Cana piped in, "Yeah, you can't just fuck anybody. You gotta be careful."

I nodded as Levy added, "Why not someone from the guild?"

I felt a smile stretch across my face as I said, "Just my thinking Levy-chan." I wagged my eyebrows at them, and began scanning the crowd for potential candidates. Soon their heads were turned, looking for a man that would suit my needs.

Cana called out, "How about Jet? He's outgrown that awkward phase and he's got some nice abs now."

Levy's face went white and I chuckled, saying "Don't worry Levy-chan. I know that particular package has a For Levy Only tag."

Cana's eyes widened in surprise at Levy's red face. She giggled, "Oh Levy, you've got the hots for Jet, huh?"

"I told her she needs to jump on that soon. I mean really, can you imagine the speeds that one can reach?" I asked, taunting my best friend. Cana cocked her head to the side, as if indeed imagining that very thing.

Levy's face went ever darker, if that was possible, as she sputtered, "Stop imagining things Cana! And Lu-chan, stop talking like that!"

Cana and I laughed, before turning back to our search. They went through several suggestions, including Natsu (Ewww...best friend and Lisanna – need I say more?), Gray (Eww...brother and hello? JUVIA! I didn't want to die anytime soon), Freed (Um...no, and Mira would murder my ass!). Laxus was out, because he was currently "riding the Cana train" as Cana so eloquently put it.

We resumed dancing as we laughed and talked, and suddenly my eyes were drawn to a corner of the large room. A pair of deep red eyes blinked out of the darkness at me, and my mouth suddenly curved in a saucy smile. "I found him," I sang to the girls.

They spun around with a "Huh?" to see who I was watching. "Oh my, Lu-chan!" Levy said, her tone astounded.

Cana's face matched mine as she intoned, "Now that should be interesting Lucy!"

They each raised a hand to me. I smacked both with my own hands, before stepping out of our dance circle. I caught his eye and began dancing again, running my hands up my sides. I rolled my hips until I was almost to the floor before swirling my way back up. I made sure his eyes were still on me, and I turned sideways and did it again, this time running my hands up my legs and pushing my ass out on the way up.

As I stood back up, Levy giggled, saying, "Oh, he won't be able to resist you now, Lu-chan!"

Cana whispered in my ear as I passed, "Go get that screaming orgasm!"

I smirked as I slowly walked in step with the beat towards his corner. I kept eye contact with him, watching his face settle into an empty mask. Did he think that would scare me away? I was too determined to back out now. I made my way to where he sat and placed both hands on the table in front of him.

Gajeel leaned back in his chair and lifted an eyebrow at me, asking, "What's up Bunny Girl?"

I licked my lips a bit, waiting to see if his eyes would follow the movement. He didn't disappoint, and I smiled, before answering, "Maybe I just wanted to see you."

He snorted "You feeling okay?"

I leaned down to put my elbows on the table, bending my back and forcing my ass out. His eyes flickered over my posture before coming back to my face, as I hummed, "Oh I feel good. I just had the most amazing Screaming Orgasm. Care to give me another?"

I winked as his face went slack, his mouth dropping open. It took a moment before he sputtered, "W-what?"

I arched an eyebrow at his confusion and stood, making my way to where he was seated. I slipped my body up onto the table right beside him, and said softly, "I'm sorry, that was a bit unclear. What I was trying to say..." I shifted one leg over his body "...is that I would really..." I slipped off the table and onto his lap "...really love..." I pushed my hands up his chest as his eyes went wider, and leaned forward till my breasts made contact. I touched my mouth to his ear, and breathed, "...to fuck you."

I pulled back in time to see a shocked look on his face, so I leaned in once more to tug at his bottom lip with my teeth. His breath hissed out at that, and I looked into his eyes and said, "Come find me when you decide Gajeel." I winked at him, then slid my body up his as I stood to my feet and climbed off. I turned and walked away, feeling his eyes on my backside. Oh yes, this was going to be fun...


A/N: Disclaimer alert: The very few song lyrics I used were from the song "Get Mine, Get Yours" by Christina Aguilera. Anyway, let me know what you think of my super sassy Lucy! :)