Okay! So this is my second attempt at Faberry. Totally different from the first try, and I think I like this one a whole lot better. It is VERY short, but it is everything I wanted to say. Though I wouldn't mind adding more to this at a later date. I really hope everyone enjoys this.
And of course I don't own anything, that right unfortunately goes to Ryan Murphey.
The argument wasn't supposed to go this far. It wasn't supposed to cross all the lines and boundaries you have ever built. It wasn't supposed to be vicious and heartbreaking. But when you think about it, it makes sense. Your whole relationship has been painful; from the part where you love her more than you need to breathe. Because air is just stale and toxic if it isn't filled with her laughter or song.
There is also the part where you tortured her for the better part of high school, caused her to have doubts that she still harbors to this day. You know that this relationship has always been a balance of work and love. Nothing between you has ever come easy, except for the fact that the sun rises and sets in her eyes.
Right now, though, her eyes are throwing all sorts of accusations. They are begging you to tell her something, anything, to make this all just a little less hard. Less real. She wants you to answer her, but your throat is constricted with all the love sonnets you have ever read. You want to tell her that when you lie awake and listen to her breathe at night it is because if that sound ever stopped then you would too. You would cease to exist without her, you want to scream. You can't dislodge that horrible lump and she takes your silence in the worst way possible.
"Did you ever love me?"
You want to look down to see if the stab to the heart was real or if it was just your heart breaking. You always read about it but flipped past the words because you never thought it would be happening to you. She would never hurt you like that. She knew you were meant to be; just like her name was meant to be in lights.
"Have you ever loved anyone?"
Your eyes burn and you think of Beth immediately. You remember the way she smelt so pink and soft and that you would do anything to make sure she always stayed like that. You can remember throwing up in the middle of the night, because you would wake from dreams where she was crying for you. You would feel your stomach so smooth and empty without her. You know what love is and you know how much it hurts.
"I mean, look at Finn. Puck? Have you ever really loved anyone?"
The unfairness of that question makes her eyes shift to the floor in front of you. The silence is deafening and she is still waiting for some sort of answer. You don't understand how she doesn't see why you have never loved those before her. You never loved Finn because he didn't fit you, he dwarfed you and made you feel like there wasn't anything outside of Ohio. Puck was just someone who told you how skinny and beautiful you were. He was just the one drunken mistake that made the best possible outcome.
You want to tell her that they didn't work out because she was always supposed to end up here, in New York, with her. How can she not know that their dry declarations of love could never even compare to the way she smiles at you in the morning.
"I have always loved you, Rachel."
It comes out choked and more like an accusation than a love story. Her head is shaking though and you want to reach out to her. Touch her soft curls and hold her while she cries it out. You start to do this, but she backs away from your touch. She flinches from you like you are going to hurt her, but you imagine that this wouldn't be happening if you had kept yourself from doing just that.
"I love you, Quinn. I just don't think you know what that really means."
You wonder if there is a pit in her stomach like the one in yours. Then you wonder if the sigh of frustration on your name was the beginning of the end, or if it is just the end. Something you never wondered in your life was what would happen if she left you. It never once crossed your mind that she might get tired of you self doubting, and second guessing everything she feels. You don't do it because of a lack of love, but more because she is like a limb. She is part of you and you just couldn't imagine living a life without her in it. The part where the doubts seep in and cause cracks in your beautiful world is that you can't conceive of the fact that she could feel the same way about you.
How could she?
How could she look past everything you have ever said and done to her? How could she be willing to start a life and family with someone who degraded her and tried to break her?
How could she ever love someone who tried to steal her star light?
She deserves better and that is what this fight will always be about. She doesn't understand that you aren't fighting her or her love. Your struggling with accepting something so pure and beautiful because you don't deserve any of it. You don't deserve to wake up to the smell of coconut shampoo. You don't deserve to feel her small, tiny, hand search for you in the middle of the night.
But that doesn't keep you from wanting to keep every piece of her to yourself. You want to drown in her morning songs, you want to lie in the shine of her smile, you want to die with the feel of her on your lips. You imagine that if you walked out right now, and left this all behind, that your lungs would stop functioning. You imagine that your heart would just stop trying without Rachel to pump life and happiness into it.
You whisper this to her, and her eyes flood with all the love that you yourself feel. You know deep down though that her love knows some boundaries, while yours knows none.
You keep your eyes focused on her fingers that are nervously picking at one your old t-shirts that she can't resist wearing. She is telling you to never doubt her again, she is telling you that she doesn't want to live without you. She wants you to stay, forever.
You nod, cry, and let her embrace you.
But you know this isn't the end of this argument. You know this because she said she doesn't want to live without you, whereas you couldn't live without her. The hole in your chest would end up eating at all your other organs like acid. You know that you have never known a love like you have for Rachel Berry.
But you also know that she has known love before. She has known Finn and Jesse and maybe even Puck a little bit. She has loved before and could again.
You sigh when she kisses you and you let go.
You let go for now.