Title: A toy with sadness

Pairings: Merlin/Arthur

Rating: M

Warnings: slash (yaoi), possessive-jealous!Arthur, explicit sexual content, smut, non-con/dub-con, (something similar to) slavery and mentions of under age sexual activities (I will warn you again in the chapters where it appears, but it isn't too explicit and the boys are around 15 or 16 years at that moment)

Summary: modern AU. Merlin has been Arthur's friend/toy since they were children, but could that be changed?

Disclaimer: All credits go to BBC Merlin and the mangaka CJ Michalski.

Word count for this chapter: around 4,800

AN: I wasn't planning on continuing this because I wanted an open ending so that everyone would be able to come up with how they wanted Arthur and Merlin's relationship to continue, but then I saw some of the reviews asking for a sequel or a second epilogue and I had this idea... And here it is, a new extra for this story! This is how I would want they relationship to develop. It contains the happy ending some people would want for this story (with some fluff and sexy times), but I warn you now if you're not into that kind of ending, just forget about this and imagine whatever you want after last chapter.

Also, I wanted to clarify some things about this story (and another of my stories called 'Perfect'). They are not simply based on mangas, they are 'adaptations' from mangas (that is, the manga in a novel format). I used most of the plot and dialogues of the real work (also called 'A Toy with Sadness' or 'Kowarekake no Omocha') with BBC Merlin's characters and adding some slight changes. My intention has never been to plagiarize those works, so I'm sorry if some people see it like that. I did this mainly for two reasons: I wanted to test my abilities as a writer before starting to write down my own ideas and, secondly, I started to read yaoi mangas because I read some fics that were adaptations from mangas (like this one) and I loved them so much that I decided to check the original works and then I couldn't stop myself from reading more and more mangas. I really love the works of CJ Michalski and if I have contributed to make more people know about them with this, I'm glad. Now it's the moment to say that if you liked this story, please, check CJ Michalski's mangas, they are awesome.

Finally, I apologize for any mistakes I may have made, but I'm still getting the hang of writing. And, as usual, thanks to everyone that has favourited, followed or reviewed this story!

Now, enjoy!


Extra.- Ten years later.

It was 12pm in the night and Merlin was standing opposite his locker in the little changing room all the doctors and nurses of that floor shared. His eight hours shift at the hospital had just ended and he was currently changing into his street clothes to go home. It had been a hard day. A new boy had arrived that evening. He had been in a dramatic car accident and doctors didn't know if he would be able to wake up from the coma he was in. Thankfully, his mother, who was with him in the moment of the accident, had survived and had but a few scratches. However, that just meant Merlin was going to see her by her son's side until the boy would open his eyes again.

Merlin sighed as he buttoned his shirt up and then he reached for his jacket. Being a nurse in the pediatric floor of one of the best hospitals in Camelot made him feel totally fulfilled. He loved children and the fact that he could take care of them was a dream come true, but it wasn't easy to see cases like the poor boy who had been hospitalized that same day. When he was at university studying his nursery degree he didn't know very well what to do with that but after starting to visit his family more often he found his true vocation: children. He adored his little brothers (well, now they weren't so little) and thanks to that he decided to specialize in pediatrics. He didn't regret it for a moment, not even after seeing such heartbreaking incidents. And what's more, at the age of 28 he was trying to adopt a child with his partner, a child they could call their own son or daughter.

Merlin picked up his keys and wallet and put them in his pocket. He tidied a little his messy locker and closed it before heading out of the room. Through the hospital corridors he smiled at several of his co-workers that had the night shift – his patients undoubtedly asleep by then. He went out of the building through the staff exit that gave onto a private car park and he walked towards his, a small dark blue sports car, nothing too conspicuous.

The drive home wasn't long. He still lived in the same big mansion in the centre of the city of Camelot. That had been his home for almost twenty years since he was hired as a playmate for the young master of the house. In all those years that house had been witness to many changes and it was an important part in Merlin's life. It kept both good and bad memories for him, but Merlin hoped with all his heart that someday that same house would only mean happiness to the child they wanted to raise there, that it would keep the happy memories neither his partner nor he had when children.

Merlin's car crossed the gates that encircled the beautiful gardens around the house and he looked at it nostalgically. So many things had happened in that house. He grew up there with his once friend and master and now lover Arthur Pendragon, the legitimate owner of the house and of one of the biggest and most successful enterprises in all Albion. With Arthur he had gone from being a toy to something entirely else. Their relationship hadn't been easy. Arthur had always been a spoiled self-centred forceful haughty prat and it had taken him quite some time and a big effort from Merlin's part to become the (almost) nice man he was now (not that he wasn't any of those things any more).

His father, Uther, hadn't been much of a help either. He always gave Arthur anything except for one thing, a true father. He even went as far as hiring Merlin to make Arthur company just like he bought him countless toys, devices or any other thing that didn't make Arthur happy in the least. When Arthur grew up and went to university it got even worse. Uther's indifference turned into pushing a great deal of expectations on him. Uther wanted Arthur to study business, to get the best marks, to learn to run a company, to behave like a perfect heir... And Arthur bore with it to the best of his ability with Merlin's support until the day Uther died a couple of years ago and left Arthur with a company, a magnificent house, many riches and Merlin as his only family. No, Merlin wasn't going to let that happen to their future child. They would be able to buy them anything, but he would make sure they would always have their parents.

Merlin parked his car inside the garage and entered the house through the service door. As it was so late all the servants had already retired for the night and the house seemed deserted. He wasn't sure if Arthur would be still up. He wasn't really a workaholic – he always found time to spend with Merlin – but Arthur worked hard. He confided to Merlin that he felt like having to prove everyone he was capable of doing the job and deserved to be the boss at such a young age and not only because of an inheritance right, so he didn't need to delegate his duties to someone else. And he did it since the company had prospered more and more since Arthur was in charge. He knew how many people depended on the company (some of them their friends) and was truthfully glad everything went so well with it, but sometimes it worried him how much pressure it put on Arthur.

Just in case Merlin decided to check Uther's old study where Arthur used to work when he was at home. And Merlin was right. He could see light coming out under the door. He opened it silently not to disturb Arthur but he seemed to know instantly when Merlin was close because he immediately lifted his head from the laptop in front of him and stared back at Merlin with a welcoming smile that took his breath away. Even exhausted Arthur looked as the most handsome man he had ever seen. Merlin smiled back and closed the door behind him.

"I thought you would have gone to bed," Merlin commented as he approached the big mahogany desk covered in folders and papers. "It's really late. You shouldn't have waited for me." Merlin had to move away some papers before he could hop and sit on the table by Arthur. "You know I don't like how much you work. It isn't good for your health."

Arthur quickly left the laptop aside and took Merlin's hands in his. "I wasn't really working. I was just distracting myself a little while waiting for you." Arthur brought Merlin's hands to his mouth and kissed his knuckles softly. "And you know how much I hate to go to bed alone. I can't sleep without my precious toy." Arthur rose an eyebrow suggestively and smirked at him.

But Merlin hoped out of the desk and bent down to wipe Arthur's smirk off his face with a sweet peck on the lips that little by little became an open-mouthed passionate kiss. Yeah, Arthur was still the same when it came to sex. During the years he had tried to restrain his possessiveness, although he sometimes had some jealousy outbursts. Nevertheless, since that time when Merlin had left and Arthur had understood he could really lose him he had made all in his hand to show Merlin how much he mattered to him.

Arthur started leaving him more space, encouraging him to visit his family and have other friends, helping him to get into one of the best universities, being gentler with him, asking for his opinion, respecting his decisions and so many small details that in the end it resulted in a completely new kind of relationship. A relationship in which Merlin wasn't just a 'toy' Arthur could play to his wish. Now, Arthur only called him that as a fond name, as well as he called him 'baby' or 'love' and all the times Arthur had proved he loved him more than exceeded his past hurtful actions. No, Merlin had never regretted going back with Arthur that day so long ago. Nor he would never forget the first time Arthur confessed his truth feelings.


It was shortly after entering university. Arthur and Merlin had different lessons in different buildings and Merlin could see that made Arthur extremely anxious. It was the first time the young Pendragon spent so many hours without Merlin by his side. At least some of their friends, Leon and Lancelot, shared lessons with Arthur and Merlin met them everyday to have lunch with them along with their other friends, Elyan and Percival. He even introduced Arthur to the new friends he met at his courses: a sweet brunette called Freya and a shy boy called Tyr and Arthur approved of them wholeheartedly. However, he always asked Merlin about how his day had been – something he still made – and waited for his answer impatiently as if not being there with him had been a great sacrifice.

Arthur had to show Merlin once more that he had changed when for an instant everything seemed to go back as it had used to be. The cause: Gwaine. The same boy they had met at high school appeared back in their lives with a flashing smile and his contagious good humour. He coincided with Arthur in some courses and his jealousy had made him kept it from Merlin until it was too late. Gwaine saw Merlin one day in the campus and invited him to have a drink at one of the near pubs to catch up. It was really unfortunate that Arthur found him with Gwaine laughing like crazy, an arm thrown around Merlin's thin shoulders. Arthur was so mad that he hit Gwaine square in the face and dragged Merlin home with a ferocious glare in his face.

Merlin tried to calm him. He claimed that it was the first time he had seen Gwaine for a long time, that they were simply chatting, that Gwaine was holding him due to his carefree nature, that it wasn't really like that and that he didn't have any reason to be jealous. But Arthur just looked at him with contained anger. And then he said it, "I love you, Merlin. And I can't bear the thought that someone else could make you happier than me."

Merlin would never forget those words. Hearing Arthur say he loved him while sleeping brought him hope, but that was something entirely different. Those were Arthur's raw feelings out in the open. Merlin didn't know what to do. In the end all he did was to assure Arthur there wasn't anyone to him as important as him and after some convincing he got Arthur to apologise to Gwaine and accept him as a friend. Fortunately, after that incident Arthur never had a motive to be jealous of Gwaine again and now they considered him a good friend too, along with Lance and the rest of the old gang who they tried to meet with as often as possible. However, it wasn't until some time later, when Merlin faced a hard blow in his life, that he finally said those three words back to Arthur.

They had overcome many things together. Both of them had supported the other when in their worst moments. Merlin was there when Arthur felt his father's coercions. He watched as bitches like Sophia and Vivian approached him for his money and Arthur rejected them in Merlin's favour. In return, Arthur accompanied him when his father Balinor died. That was the final proof. Arthur not only comforted Merlin with vain promises that everything would be alright, he made it happen.

Arthur provided for his family, helped his mother to set up a little flower shop where his father's workshop once was and assisted his brothers with their studies. He took Merlin to visit them every Sunday and stayed to have lunch with them as one more of the family and Hunith really made him feel like that since she adored him for his help and for taking care of Merlin. Even his little brothers took a liking to him. It was then when seeing Arthur so relaxed and so at home with his family that he realised how much he had done for him and that it was time to give Arthur something back, to tell him those words that would make him so happy. And they did. Merlin thought he had never seen Arthur smile so brightly than just after he told him he loved him too for the first time.


Merlin was brought back to the present when Arthur's hands sneaked under his shirt and surrounded his waist to get under his jeans and pants and squeeze the bare flesh of his arse. Merlin moaned into the kiss and gave small tugs to Arthur's t-shirt to state what he wanted. Arthur moved away enough to look him straight in the eye. Merlin bit his bottom lip and nodded. He could feel his hardened cock confined in his pants and in that moment there wasn't anything he desired more than Arthur's hands on him. Arthur seemed to understand it since he took his hands out of Merlin's pants and started to undress him while kissing and licking his neck.

"Gods, Merlin..." Arthur murmured. "I need you." Merlin's jacket and shirt were already on the floor and Arthur directed his hands to the zip of his trousers and his mouth to one of Merlin's nipples. Merlin only caressed Arthur's soft strands of blonde hair and panted with arousal. "I can't get tired of you." A lick. "Even if we made it thousands of times." A suck. "It wouldn't be enough." A trail of kisses down Merlin's belly. "I can't be more than a few hours without kissing you."

His jeans and pants ended with the rest of his clothes as a naked Merlin leaned his buttocks on the edge of the desk while Arthur, sat on his chair, looked up at him with a smug smile before he engulfed his manhood in his wet hot mouth. Arthur really loved to tease him and he proved it with his form of bringing him over the edge with his sucks and keeping him there without coming.

His torture was so sweet that Merlin made to protest as soon as Arthur's mouth left his heated flesh. He had almost come a couple of times and he didn't know if he could take it for much longer. However, his mouth was muffled by Arthur's fingers that asked quietly to be sucked. Merlin complied as Arthur took one of his hips and pushed him forwards so that Merlin would kneel on the chair leaving a comfortable Arthur sat between his thighs. Arthur's fingers went out of his mouth with a wet pop and descended on his body once more until they reached Merlin's entrance. Arthur assaulted it without mercy while his lips teased Merlin with kisses and pecks around his stomach and tights, leaving Merlin's hardened length alone.

That didn't last long since Merlin occupied his time releasing Arthur's trapped cock and giving it some tugs to return Arthur some of his teasing. That seemed to stir their desires even more and soon Merlin found himself completely seated on Arthur's manhood, riding him and holding onto Arthur's shoulders for dear life. Arthur let Merlin do as he pleased while he watched transfixed as his love bobbed up and down his length. His hands caressed Merlin's hips and torso and his teeth bit his lower lip to keep himself from groaning at the beautiful sight in front of his eyes.

He had to do something or he wouldn't last much longer. And Arthur didn't want to finish so quickly. So he decided to take matters in his own hands, quite literally. He brought his hands to Merlin's hips and stopped his movements. Merlin, who till the moment had his head thrown back, stared down at him with questioning half-lidded eyes. His loud moans quietened down a little and Arthur silenced them completely by joining their lips in a wet kiss. "Ready?" Arthur asked when their mouths broke apart. Merlin wasn't sure what he wanted but he just nodded. He was so aroused that he would go with whatever Arthur wished.

And Arthur surprised him. In a fluid movement he got up, his hands protectively supporting Merlin, who was still impaled in his shaft. Arthur moved inside him a few times which made Merlin hold to him tighter. Arthur chuckled happily and placed him softly on the table. His bodies hadn't separated during all the process, Arthur made sure of that, and he connected them even more by accompanying his trusts with kisses and more kisses.

Their orgasm built up again and this time neither of them stopped it. As Arthur came inside Merlin, he spurted his seed on his belly. Their pants filled the room while their bodies relaxed on the desk, Arthur caging Merlin in his arms trying not to crush him with his weigh. As Merlin recovered from his high he found Arthur's face barely a few centimetres away of his and he couldn't help but pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek. Being in that position didn't scare him like before. He didn't feel trapped in Arthur's arms any more. Now it was a place he loved to be. However, in that moment it proved to be quite uncomfortable since Merlin could feel papers and hard things under his back. He groaned and pushed Arthur away.

"Let me up, Arthur. Let's go to bed," Merlin suggested. After a day of hard work and a session of hot sex in the studio he needed to rest. However, Arthur seemed to have other ideas.

"Mmmm... Merlin," Arthur moaned getting up and pushing Merlin with him so that he could continue nuzzling his neck. "I thought you will never ask." And he started to lick and suck Merlin's neck and collarbone humming with pleasure.

Merlin laughed and tried to push him away feebly. Arthur was tickling him. "No... Arthur... I didn't mean it like that..." But Arthur's hands where running over his body again and he could feel his cock hardening for another round. "Arthur," Merlin complained, "at least let's do it in our bed."

This time Arthur heard him. "You're right, love. It's stupid to be losing our time here when we have a big warm comfortable bed waiting for us." Arthur gave him a quick peck on the lips and bent down swiftly to pick up Merlin's shirt from the floor. Arthur passed it on him and while Merlin put it on and tried to clean himself up a bit, Arthur took the rest of his clothes and walked towards the door. Merlin noticed it too late.

"Where are you going? Arthur?" But Arthur was already leaning on the door frame in a sexy way, Merlin's clothes in his hands and his jeans zip still open. Merlin walked towards him but Arthur was too quick.

"Your clothes and me will be waiting for you in our room." And with that he switched off the lights and ran through the corridor and stairs up.

Merlin looked out of the studio with a blush. God forbade some of the staff might found him like that – almost naked and running after Arthur in the middle of the night. Thankfully, Merlin arrived to the bedroom their shared soon enough. After all the nights they had shared, there was no point in having separated bedrooms any more and Merlin loved to sleep with a cuddling Arthur.

When he closed the door to their bedroom Arthur had already left all the clothes he took on the floor and was waiting impatiently for him sat on the bed. Merlin groaned at the mess. He still had to clean up after Arthur most of the time since he didn't like servants to put up with that and he was quite used to it due to all those years taking care of Arthur.

"So, care to join me, baby?" Arthur asked and Merlin was brought back to their actual predicament. Merlin sighed and approached the bed while taking out the last garment on his body. Well, at least now they were in their bedroom and Arthur's face told him clearly that night was far from over.


Merlin woke up slowly. He opened his eyes lazily and cursed the beams of light that made the whole room so bright. He wanted to go to sleep again, but then he noticed something. He was alone in bed. He could remember clearly that he went to bed with Arthur last night. In fact, the aches in his body were proof enough of the passionate night they had shared together in that same bed.

Merlin sat up a little and took a look around the empty room. There was no sign of Arthur, which was really strange since he wasn't a morning person either. Merlin was about to get up and go looking for his lover when he heard whispering voices outside the bedroom. They seemed to be Arthur and Gwen. Good Gwen that after all those years was still taking care of them as always along with her husband, none other than their friend Lancelot that now worked for Arthur as a kind of butler, chauffeur and handyman around the house.

Then the door was opened quietly and Arthur entered with his back to Merlin and what appeared to be a tray in his hands. Arthur was starting to turn around when he suddenly changed his mind and looked out the corridor calling silently to Gwen and saying something about flowers or... a rose at least? Arthur went out of the room barely a few seconds – Merlin could hear some rustling and Arthur came in again. This time he turned around fully to face a confused Merlin and the happy smile he was displaying flattered a little.

"You're awake!" Arthur exclaimed as if that was a problem. "This was supposed to be a surprise!"

Merlin laughed. "With all the ruckus you and Gwen were doing out there. Impossible!" Arthur pouted a bit like a spoiled child that has just been denied one of his whims and walked slowly towards their huge bed balancing the tray in his hands. "And," Merlin continued, "I would know you didn't prepare this yourself anyway."

"Why?" Arthur asked indignantly as he stopped by the bed and carefully set the tray on it by Merlin's side. Merlin admired all the delicious food there: a selection of croissants and buns, toasts, two glasses of orange juice and two cups of coffee. And of course a lovely red rose accompanying it all.

"I know pretty well you're incapable of cooking anything, not even some toasts, and the old cook would never let you near her precious kitchen, no matter if you're the master," Merlin supplied with a shudder as he remembered what a fearsome image could make the old cook with a big spatula in her hands.

Arthur snorted before joining Merlin in the bed, who was already sipping his juice. "Well, as the master I have some privileges and I don't really need to cook it myself to get breakfast done." Merlin frowned at that and Arthur added quickly, "But it was my idea."

Merlin couldn't stop the joyful laugh that escaped his lips at the sight of an Arthur so ready to please and Arthur couldn't avoid the excited feeling that overcame him at the sight of a happy Merlin. So, he leant down and pressed a sweet peck on Merlin's cheek before inhaling his scent and moving towards one of his large ears that he nibbled and licked enthusiastically.

"Mmm," Merlin moaned. "Arthur... Not now... I'm tired from last night," Merlin interjected softly.

Arthur sighed and let his head rest in the crook of Merlin's neck. "Sorry, baby," he apologised. "You know you're irresistible to me."

"Yeah," Merlin replied. "I know you're insatiable."

Arthur lifted his head and smirked at Merlin. "Well," he said, "I am when we had something to celebrate."

Merlin left down the glass of juice he had been trying to drink all along and looked confused at Arthur. "Celebrate?" he repeated.

Arthur picked up a croissant from the tray and brought it to Merlin's mouth, who bit it gladly since he was famished after all the exercise Arthur had put him through the night before. "Yeah," Arthur answered. "I have some news about the adoption process you're so interested in."

Merlin piped up at that. "And..." But Arthur didn't say anything else. "Did they admit our application. Do they have some child in mind for us to adopt... What?" Merlin asked in a rush when Arthur was simply looking at him with a big grin, teasing him as always.

"They accepted our application and there's a child... a two years old baby boy that they are contemplating to allow us to adopt... But..."

"But?" Merlin probed impatiently.

"But the administration can't go on with the process unless..."Arthur made a little pause to add some intrigue to the moment but after Merlin sent him a murderous glare, Arthur continued, "Unless we make our relationship official. Our union has to be validated and we have to be equals before the law so that both of us can be considered legal parents of the boy," Arthur let out.

"What?" questioned Merlin, who hadn't grasped the true meaning of Arthur's words. What the hell meant all that?

Arthur just cut a piece of the croissant he was feeding Merlin and offered it to him. "Here," Arthur said. "Look inside."

And Merlin did. There was... a ring?

"That means," Arthur replied at last and Merlin had to avert his muddled gaze from the ring and direct it to Arthur, "that we have to marry..."Arthur was looking back at him anxiously. "Well, not marry because it isn't still legal here but perhaps some day it will be... and we have the civil partnership option... or we could go to another country where..." Arthur started to ramble and... was he getting red? But Merlin interrupted him, he had to know.

"And then, what are we doing?" Merlin asked looking at Arthur directly in the eyes. Arthur took the simple band in Merlin's hand and pushed it smoothly in his ring finger.

"Merlin," Arthur began, "after all these years we have been together, we have been more than servant and master or even friends. You've never been a mere toy to me. You're all that I have. All that matters to me. That's..." And Arthur was really stuttering, his self-confidence forgotten. "Would you like to become my partner for life?" Arthur asked at last. Those words stirred old memories inside Merlin that made him pause for a moment. Those were the words... "As much as I would like to become yours," Arthur added with a hopeful smile and sincere eyes.

Merlin forgot all about his doubts and smiled back while looking at the ring in his finger. It symbolized that finally they were really equals to the eyes of everyone else, and most importantly, to Arthur.

"Yes," Merlin whispered joyfully.

Arthur responded with a chuckle and leaned down so that their fronts touched and their noses rubbed against each other. Their gazes locked. "Gods, Merlin, I love you. I love you so much," Arthur muttered as his hands caressed Merlin's face.

"Me too, Arthur. I love you too," Merlin confessed honestly and their smiles got lost in a kiss that neither of them was sure who initiated but that sealed their chosen future.

And Merlin lost himself in the moment. They were going to have a child. They were going to be a family. They were going to be together... for life. Now Arthur's promise had a good ring about it. Now 'for life' didn't even seem to be enough.



AN2: I hope you have enjoyed this extra. I chose to make this ten years later because I considered it was enough time for their relationship to consolidate and show a more mature stage of it where Arthur has fully accepted Merlin's role in his life and has grown into a responsible businessman while Merlin is more independent and has found his true vocation. I also included some snippets of their past till that moment so you could see how they got there and how they revealed their true feelings (and I brought Gwaine back!). I'm not sure about the 'adopting a child' idea but it seemed to me as a new opportunity for them to amend their past mistakes and bring them closer as a real family. I think that the fact that they (specially Arthur) want to 'marry' proves they're truly ready to acknowledge their relationship as equals and leave the past behind. I based that part on the British legal system (in Spain same-sex marriage has been completely legal for a while now), but then I discovered it was approved last month in the UK (correct me if I'm mistaken), so congratulations on it! As I was too lazy to make the appropriate changes, think of that as a tribute to all the homosexual couples that now are free to marry (including Arthur and Merlin ;)).

I think this answers any possible questions you have about this chapter and as usual, constructive criticism is welcome. I don't think I would write anything more for this story since I want to concentrate in new ones, but I can't completely assure you that (you know, 'never say never'). Anyway, thanks for bearing with me for this long (and sorry for the endless AN).

Thanks for reading!