I own nothing, The Hunger Games and all of its awesomeness still belongs to Suzanne Collin and will always belong to her.
I'm pregnant. Exactly twenty weeks in the row and I felt my very first kicked experience. I'm terrified.
It was noon, one past thirty three to be exact. I was in the bakery for 'The 108 days of my now being discovered pregnancy by Peeta Mellark'. That's how I used to call it; because ever since he found out that I was two weeks pregnant he never let me out of his sight. Woods was forbidden automatically.
He wanted me to stay safe and undisturbed, so the only option I have been home, meadow, bakery or his gallery – his home in victor village where he painted. I would prefer hob if it was on the list option, but hob never been rebuilt. Instead a new clean, safe and normal market was built on its spot.
Haymitch's was another option now, since Gristella – his kind middle aged maid- made his house livable. But Haymitch had no ability to keep the conversation with me on the normal mood or tone and I didn't want any shout or glare ruin my day.
I was all alone. Lay down on the mattress in Peeta's private room above the bakery. This room was a combination of bedroom, study and bakery kitchen. This is the only room of four that has a private toilet inside, so I didn't have to run toward the end of the alley every time my bladder was about to explode.
The other three rooms belonged to Kian, Rhys and Ollie - Peeta's worker. The female worker, Freya and Lexy, only worked during the day, they have no private room. They used the staff room beside the proofer room downstairs during their recess.
Lexy was the only worker who ever stepped into this room, not that this room forbidden or something. Peeta wasn't that kind of man.
It was because they respected him so much, they treated this room as a holy place, a sanctuary where Peeta did the bookkeeping, created a new recipe or cake design, rested, spent time with me and any other things he wanted to do here.
I thought Peeta was joking when he told me about how excessive his worker were over this room but when I saw Mya reaction when I asked her to accompany me during her recess, I never doubted it again.
"I bring some fresh cheese buns," Peeta's voice greeted me. "But if you prefer others, I wi-."
I cut his words midway with my kiss. I felt his lips curled up in a smile, which only intense my kiss. I loved every time he kisses me before, but ever since I got pregnant; my needs of his were increasing rapidly. I wanted every bit of him so bad; I was practically craving of him.
"I prefer you, Mr. Mellark," I said when we finally break apart. "I want every bit of you."
"Unfortunately Mrs. Mellark, I'm not on the menu," He grinned mischievously.
"I don't care about the menu," I said, traced his lower lip with my thumb.
"What will you give me? If I let you pick outside the menu?"
"What do you want? I can give you almost everything."
"I don't know. What do you think I should ask?"
"You?" Peeta pressed me tightly to his body.
"Yes, me. I can make you feel so good, you won't believe it."
With that word he snorted.
"What?" I asked, confused.
Laughter was the only answer I got.
I pouted, my arms crossed.
"I'm sorry," Peeta tried to hug me after his laughter subside.
I pushed him away, my deadly glare was on.
"Katniss… I'm really sorry. I just can't take it when you said you can make me feel good," He pleaded. "You can never make me feel good. You always made me feel better. You always made me feel awesome."
Perfect. I fell for his words. Just great.
He took my hands. "You really still have no idea, the effect you can have, do you?"
I looked his blue eyes. "You don't have any idea about your effect to me too, do you?"
"Well… I know one," He touched my belly.
And then it's happened. The baby kicked.
Peeta and I were gasping. My body was limp. I stumbled backward slightly. Peeta held and lead me toward the mattress. My mind was blank.
I couldn't think and my breath was shallow. What was that? What was just happened? Something just kicked me. Something inside me just kicked me!
Peeta kneeled in front of me, cupped my face in his broad and gentle hands; his adorable eyes were on mine. I could say that he talks to me, but I couldn't hear a word. He must be frustrated because suddenly he walked away toward his desk. He clutched the back of the chair. He got an attack.
I wanted to walk toward him, hugged him from behind like I always did, but I couldn't move. Tears flooded my eyes. I feel helpless. I have to comfort him. I wanted to hold him. I need to keep him close to me. But I couldn't.
After what seem like forever, Peeta's grip loosened. He slouched over the desk, normalized his breath. His body trembled. I tried to find my voice, I needed to know whether he alright.
"Peeta…?" My voice sounded like a squeak.
He turned around. What I saw makes me shuddered. Tears streaked his face. Pain, fear, grief, weariness and frailness were visible in his blue eyes. He looked fragile. I bent myself and sobbed so hard. Heavy tears ran down my cheeks.
In an instant, Peeta held me on his lap. He embraced me tightly. I clutched my arms around his neck and buried my face under his chin, refused to ever let go. We said nothing to each other for a very long time. When my tears finally dried and my sobs stopped, the sky outside the window was dark and the snow stopped already.
I released his neck from my grip and looked right into his eyes, red because of tears. He offered me a weak smile.
"Katniss… I'm sorr-" he started.
"I love you!" I shouted.
His words stopped midway. Uncertainty flickered in his eyes and before he could say or do something, I leaned over and kiss him softly. I let my lips lingered over his warm and soft lips. I caressed his right cheek with my thumb. My right palm laid flat on his chest, right over his heart, felt his fast and steady heartbeat. Amazed by every single beat.
I broke the kiss and looked down, stared the very spot where I lay my right palm.
"I love you so much, Peeta. Do you know that?"
"I love you so much, I became so weak. If you ever leave me again, I'm not going to be numb like my mother; I'm not going to be dysfunctional like the last time I lost you. I'm not going to be muted like when I lost Prim," I said quietly. "Next time… I'll die."
"No! Stop it! I don't want to hear it," Peeta said furiously.
"I want this baby, Peeta. I love you and the baby so bad. I can't handle it," I clenched a bit of his maroon colored apron. "What if something bad happened to you or the baby? I'll be left behind, broken like Annie. Couldn't live but couldn't die, stuck forever. I don't want to choose between the two of you!"
"Katniss, please… " Peeta face covered with misery. "I'm really sorry that I have done this to you. Impregnated you. But I will fix it."
"What… what do you mean?"
"I knew that we not suppose to have child, we have so broken. But, ever since I heard you singing that day, I always envisioned that someday I will marry you and you will bear my children," Tears ran down Peeta's face once again. "I'm so selfish! I'm so sorry…"
"We will abort it tomorrow, first thing in the morning."
"Nooooo!" I hugged my body tightly, protected my abdomen. "Don't you hear me?! I want this baby! I love it!"
"I want the baby too, Katniss! I want it so bad, I love it so bad! But I can't see you suffer."
"I'm not suffering, Peeta. I'm terrified."
"I will never abort this baby!" My eyes hard on him. "This is your baby, your child. I want it because it's yours. I want another pair of those beautiful blue eyes. I want another golden head. I want my little Peeta…"
"Then… what should I do, Katniss? What should I do?" Peeta pleaded.
"Please, just… don't ever leave me," I pleaded. "Please help me protect this little baby. Our baby. Our child. Please… stay with us."
"I can promise you this much," Peeta wiped his tears away and smiled slightly. "Always."