Was It Wrong To Go Along With Insanity?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and many of the places mentioned in this story. The plot is the only thing created by me.
I'm not going to go on about everything that's happened in the past few months to stop me from writing but I really am sorry. Hope you can all still enjoy the chapter.
Part 5:- Make Up Your Mind
Waking up was a slightly different experience for Severus that morning and it wasn't until he'd turned over to face the other person in the bed that he realised why. Not only was he sleeping in someone else's bed, he happened to be with Harry Potter after another night of passion. The only difference being that this time, he hadn't left him alone. The faintest smile crossed his lips as he allowed himself to recall the events from the previous night. His thoughts were very soon interrupted by Harry stirring and murmuring slightly before turning to lay flat on his back with his mouth slightly open. Severus couldn't help but stare at the man, whose sleeping face was extremely endearing; he looked at peace and comfortable, both of which feelings that Severus himself wasn't used to.
Unable to deny the body next to him, Severus stroked the skin on the younger torso, enjoying the slight shiver that didn't manage to disrupt the other wizard's deep sleep. Testing him further, Severus placed a kiss on his shoulder, feeling amused when the other figure didn't even stir to the touch. Thinking it could be interesting to experiment with just how much of a heavy sleeper Harry Potter was, he caressed the man's penis with one of his fingers. The sleeping wizard moaned and moved very partially in his sleep before returning to his previous still state, letting out a gentle snort. Trademark smirk in place, Severus took full advantage of the situation by slowly pulling back the covers to reveal the rest of Harry's nakedness, who took a few seconds to adjust to the lack of warmth before stilling once more.
Severus tried not to make too much noise in his movements but the ping of the bedsprings made it slightly more difficult than he had anticipated. Nonetheless, eventually he found himself at waist height with his lover, eyeing his manhood as though it were something tasty. With that in mind, he advanced on it cautiously; licking the underside, keeping his watch on the man's slightly changing face as he did so. He experimented with his new toy, blowing on it, touching it and even grazing it with his teeth, until it grew harder under his ministrations. Quiet moans filled his ears with each new thing that he tried and it amazed him that this man could sleep through all of this teasing. If he had been awake, he would have been begging for more attention by now. Wanting to give Harry exactly what he would want if he were conscious enough to ask for it, Severus took the half-erect cock into his mouth, sucking gently on the tip to ease him into full hardness. The man whimpered in his sleep and moved around slightly more than before, seemingly feeling the pleasure, despite not being awake.
Realising that this could probably go on for a while if he wanted it to, Severus decided that enough was enough; engulfing Harry's erection, giving it his full attention and effort. It didn't take long for sleepy eyes to dart open and focus on a blurry head of hair working on his length. His groan escaped his mouth before he could make it stop. Severus could feel the muscles in the submissive man's legs tensing, as though he was trying to restrict his movements. Not even reacting to Harry's new-found consciousness, the older wizard continued to suck faster and harder, getting himself into a rhythm much sooner than he would have done in regular circumstances.
"Fuck, Severus! I won't last long."
Severus would have definitely smirked if his mouth hadn't been completely full at that moment in time, but instead he proceeded with his movements, finding Harry's balls with his right hand and cupping them. He fondled them whilst he continued to use his mouth for Harry's pleasure, listening intently to the erotic sounds being produced by his vocal chords. He'd come to the realisation that nothing was as enticing as being able to spend some alone time with Harry and he hoped he'd done and said enough to convince him to forget his life of lies and start a new one; one that would make them both a lot happier.
"Please don't stop!" the man at his mercy begged, through his raspy panting, "I'm so close".
The words were certainly enough to encourage Severus to quicken his pace as well as ensure that he was giving the maximum pleasure possible and he was positive that he was succeeding. Eventually, Harry unloaded himself into Severus' mouth with a cry in a much higher pitch than he voiced ordinarily. The older wizard particularly enjoyed the repetition of his own name as Harry began to lose energy, coming down from his high. Swallowing the last few drops of Harry's cum, Severus re-joined him lying back on the bed and closed his eyes in amazement. It hadn't been all that long ago that he had been pining for the man that was now naked in bed beside him and he thanked Merlin for the chance he'd been given.
"Is there any reason for your decision to attack me in my sleep?" Harry asked, breathlessly.
"Not particularly. I wasn't aware that I needed one. Would you prefer if I chose never to do it again?" he asked sarcastically, knowing exactly what his response would be.
"Definitely not. I'd happily throw my alarm away and pay you to do that every morning."
"Unless it has escaped your attention, I am not a common whore. Are you insinuating that I would accept payment for a sexual act?"
"No I suppose you wouldn't but how about a sexual act in return for another sexual act? Would that be more appropriate?" Harry teased, kissing Severus' shoulder.
"I believe that would be acceptable."
If he hadn't already disliked the thing from the few times that he'd seen and heard it, Severus' hatred for Harry's phone increased somewhat when it once again began to make irritatingly loud sounds for something so near. The owner of the mobile shot up in shock before pressing a few buttons and putting it back down again.
"That's my alarm" he explained, "I have to start getting ready now."
"What have you got going on today?" Severus asked, watching Harry struggle to get up from the bed and search through his wardrobe for new clothes, after having walked over his ones from the previous day.
"A few appointments. We're working with the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts department to interview suspects that were trying to contain dark magic in household objects to harm muggles. It's quite a long and drawn-out case, unfortunately. When I took it, I imagined it wouldn't take as long as this but I've spent a lot of time on it already. The person responsible knows how to cover their magical traces."
While Harry had been talking, Severus had taken a look around the room, finding it very strange how plain it was in comparison to most other bedrooms that he'd been in. It somehow made the room look bigger with a lack of anything particularly decorative. It looked as though it was normally kept very tidy but of course they had both messed it up the night before on their way to the bed.
"So you believe that you are likely to have a particularly long day?"
"I suppose it depends on how the interviews go but the case seems to be taking up a lot of my time at the moment. I hope we find out a bit more today."
Severus watched the young man dress. As he spoke, he pulled on some plain clothing with a new-looking smart robe to go over the top. He couldn't help but think that Harry looked particularly attractive in his work clothing and it took all of his willpower not to drag him back to bed. The man's dark hair looked even messier than Severus had ever seen it, which was saying something. It appeared that even Harry Potter's hair could get messier after sex and Severus took pride looking at it and knowing that it had been he who had caused it.
"I hope it all goes well for you. May I ask a rather blunt question? I'm not inclined to dance around the subject."
"If you didn't ask blunt questions then I'd be wondering who it was in my bed" Harry joked but turned to face Severus in seriousness all the same.
"What do you intend to happen now?" He felt strange and somewhat insecure about having this conversation with the man that he loved, considering he was perhaps more likely to write it off than establish a relationship.
"What do you mean?" Harry's face seemed to hold some confusion but Severus thought that the question was more for confirmation than anything else.
"What do you intend to happen with me? With your fiancé? In fact; with your entire life?"
"I don't really have the time to get into this discussion right now or I'll be late. I'm sorry."
Severus looked away from the man, not wanting to reveal anything that he was feeling: not the disappointment, the sadness or the heartbreak. He knew a shake-off when he saw one and this was certainly a great example. In fact, he was certain that he had used something fairly similar on a previous encounter some years ago.
"I understand" he told him sharply.
"Can we meet later for a drink or something? So we can talk when I don't have somewhere to be? I think you deserve more time to talk about this than I can give you right now." Harry seemed to be genuine but Severus was still cagey about everything; he was still fairly certain that he was going to end up the one hurt in all of this.
"What time do you think you'll be available?"
"I can't say for sure so let's meet at nine so I know I won't be late. Will you be free then?"
"Well I intend to go to a late-night club at ten so as long as we're finished by then, I'm sure I can attend" he responded, with more sarcasm than intended.
"Are you joking?"
"No, Harry. I'm being 100% serious. As a forty-year-old, I love to spend my time in the company of drunken teenagers."
"Alright I get the picture. I'll be at the Three Broomsticks at nine."
"Why there, might I ask?"
"Butterbeer from anywhere else doesn't taste the same."
Severus laughed affectionately before making himself (and Harry's bedroom) look presentable before leaving. He first went to his house to shower and change, ready to start back at work. The shop would already be open but he was certain that Nathaniel would understand his tardiness. Once he was ready to go, he apparated straight into the basement floor of his shop; not wanting to scare any customers with his random appearance on the shop floor. He made his way up the stairs and out into the main part of his place of work, spotting Nathaniel serving someone. He stood behind him and waited for the exchange to finish before announcing himself and apologising for being late.
"I don't mind you being late as long as you've got something good to show for it" he joked.
"That is currently undecided but I assure you that you will be one of the first to know if that changes."
"So please tell me that you actually told him this time."
"Yes I did."
"And he didn't believe me."
"Severus, stop this nonsense and tell me the full story."
"Nice to know you've grown a backbone lately, Nathaniel. I'm not sure if he genuinely believes how I feel but I tried my best to convince him."
"You're going to need to tell me more about this. I think we should shut the shop for an hour later to grab some lunch."
Severus agreed and began counting his stock in the shop. He'd tried to brew as much as possible lately after destroying many of his potions himself in his anger towards Harry's possible engagement. It seemed that he'd more than compensated for the destruction during the time that he had refused to leave his lab. He needed to look into brewing some more of the time-consuming potions though, as he would have some difficulty catering to demand should he sell out. He made a note on his parchment of how many of each he required before taking it back down to his lab to file for the next few days- he didn't think that anything he brewed today would be fit to sell with everything but potions on his mind.
The rest of the morning seemed to pass quite quickly and before he knew it, Nathaniel had approached him suggesting that they close for lunch. Despite thinking about Harry ever since he'd left him, the prospect of having to discuss the situation with an outsider was tortuous; especially considering he wasn't yet used to his private life being the topic of conversation. Severus was certain that Nathaniel would be clinging onto every detail as he had done in their previous talks.
Once Severus had sat down at a table in a nearby café, Nathaniel immediately began asking questions.
"So you said that he didn't believe you?"
"No he didn't."
"Start from the beginning then."
"Nathaniel, I'm starting to get irritated by your need-to-know attitude."
"I'm afraid you're going to have to get used to it Severus. When you have friends, they often want to hear about your life. Now talk to me."
"When I arrived at his house he was, of course, surprised to see me but let me in nonetheless. I told him that I needed to speak with him about something and then noticed that he had used some of the potion that I gave him. He didn't seem to understand why that would upset me. Stupid man. When I remembered why I was there, I asked him why he had been avoiding me, to which he responded that he was embarrassed. The conversation continued until I eventually told him that I was hurt by his actions, the reason being the way that I felt about him."
"Did you say the words?"
"Yes but he thought I was joking. I kissed him to shut him up and repeated myself but he insisted that I was drunk. I'm not sure whether he ended up believing me or not but this morning we said that we'd meet up tonight to discuss everything and see where we can go from here. I am less than hopeful about the outcome."
"You said that this morning? So you spent the night with him then?"
"Yes but that's the most detail I'm willing to give!"
"I wasn't going to ask for more" Nathaniel chuckled, "I just wanted to make sure I knew what happened. So after all that, why aren't you hopeful?"
"I don't believe that he'd be willing to change his entire lifestyle to accommodate me, and I wouldn't expect him to either. Real life doesn't ordinarily have a happy ending and I'm a realist."
"Pessimist more like! Severus, you can't continue like this, thinking that nothing good can happen for you- because it can. If you really were a realist and not a pessimist, you would see that Harry is gay and he is in a relationship with a woman. You are a man offering him what he wants and for some reason you think he will refuse you?"
"Why wouldn't he refuse me? What part of being with me would make someone happy?" Severus' doubts were really starting to come to light and expressing them aloud just made him believe them even more. Why couldn't he go back to having no friends and no one to pester this information out of him?
"I'm going to levitate that particular large vase over your head and accidentally get a shaky wand arm if you talk like this any longer! You're going to meet Harry tonight and offer yourself on a plate and be completely honest with him about how you feel and what you want. If he happens to refuse you then he's a fucking idiot and doesn't deserve your love in the first place."
"Remind me to ensure that I give good feedback to your professors for when you start university." Nathaniel just laughed in response and continued eating his sandwich, sighing in relief that Severus wasn't genuinely angry with his minor outburst.
The rest of their lunch break went by rather quickly, with Severus barely touching his food due to the sudden breakout of nerves that took over him thinking about what might happen that evening. He felt as though the past few months of his life had revolved around his feelings for Harry and he wondered whether anything else could matter more ever again. At least after tonight he would know what, if anything, was going to happen between them, which would give him the opportunity to either get over it or indulge in it. He sincerely hoped that the latter would be an option but he wasn't too hopeful; he couldn't bring himself to be the 'other man' and held onto the idea that he would be enough to make Harry happy so that he would leave his fiancé. The thought sickened him to the stomach as he questioned himself about where his sudden burst of romantic energy had come from. He hoped that he wouldn't turn into one of those over-emotional types that thought with their heart and not their head.
Working in the Potions Shop was fairly difficult when Severus had other things on his mind; he'd realised that a lot recently but fortunately for him, Nathaniel was very good at taking charge when necessary. The afternoon was fairly quiet for them both, meaning that they eventually chose to shut up early and count out the takings for the day. Considering the shorter length of the working day, they both still left with decent enough earnings for the day and parted to their own houses, leaving Severus alone and thoughtful.
His routine after-work shower took much longer than it usually did, as he was sure to obsessively clean every nook of his body with scented scrub as well as wash his hair twice. Severus was a clean and hygienic enough person as it was and he knew that his actions were entirely unnecessary but he wanted to ensure that he was giving himself all the chances that he could for his meeting with his would-be lover. Once satisfied that he was as clean as he possibly could be, he wrapped himself in a towel and sat on the edge of the bed, taking his time to allow himself to dry naturally. He would ordinarily have cast a spell but he permitted himself to become lost in his thoughts and hopes for that very evening.
Almost half an hour later, Severus felt the chill of the air on his now-dry skin and roused himself, dressing into casual clothes for around the house but picking out some of his more suitable clothing to change into later on. He wove his wand rapidly through the contents of his wardrobe, casting the majority of it aside, deeming it inappropriate for what was supposed to be an informal meeting. He eventually opted for some black dress robes with a sea-blue trim that he was positive Harry would never have seen him in before. They were simple enough to appear effortless, yet the expensive material was likely to make him look almost decent. He selected a blue shirt to match the trim and hung them up ready to change into later on; Severus stepped back to observe his choice before leaving the room to go to his personal library. If there was anything that he could concentrate on now, it could only possibly be something fictional to distract him from reality.
Time passed quickly enough once he'd found the right book and he soon became lost, absorbing himself into the fantasy world created by the story. It was one of the very few books that he owned with animations inside. He watched the characters interact on each page for a while before turning to the next part. Severus knew that people thought him to live a sad and lonely life but truth be told, he was perfectly happy to have his books keep him company and be his only means for entertainment; he would still have them for comfort if Harry rejected him. The reading continued through dinner, with the wizard still unable to feel any sort of appetite; he was only able to snap himself out of his fictional world when it came close to time for him to leave.
Sighing to himself as he got up, Severus made his way back to his bedroom, changing into his chosen outfit once he got there. Once he was ready, he turned to look into his mirror, something that he didn't do often in comparison to most other people. With so many insecurities, it bothered him seeing his reflection but he thought he should tonight as he wanted to make sure he looked okay; or as close to okay as someone as ugly as him could look. He brushed through his thick, dark hair slowly; happy that it had dried well into slight waves. That was something, he supposed. His eyes then fell onto the reflection of his other features and he scowled at himself. His crooked, oversized nose seemed to take up the majority of his face; yes it was an exaggeration but there was no point denying the obvious disproportion. He didn't want to judge himself further and lower his confidence, so he tore himself away from the foul sight before him and set off for the Three Broomsticks; one of the places that he and Harry were both extremely likely to be recognised. Why would he choose to go there?
Once he arrived at the pub, he scouted around for Harry and when certain that the wizard wasn't already there, he got himself a drink and sat on a barstool; not wanting to select a table until the man arrived. He drank the firewhiskey in almost one gulp, mentally preparing himself for the honesty that he promised to speak that evening. His glass was taken back from him mere seconds before Harry walked in, spotting Severus immediately and joining him at the bar. Severus felt his stomach churn the minute he saw the other man enter the building and couldn't take his eyes from him as he approached the bar. Looking him up and down, he couldn't believe that this beautiful man was there to meet him and not someone else. He wore fitted slate-coloured jeans with a checked shirt; the top two buttons were undone, showing a couple of his black chest hairs. Despite being at work all day, he didn't look remotely stressed and smiled at Severus once he came closer to where he was seated.
"Sorry I'm late. I know I promised I wouldn't be."
"It is of no matter. It is only five past."
"I know but I promised. I just didn't want to come to the pub without eating and I finished work late."
Severus then stood from the stool and ordered them a butterbeer each. He allowed Harry to select the table, which thankfully had comfortable seating and was in the corner furthest from the door but not too far from the bar. They sat down opposite from each other and Severus forced himself to look directly into Harry's face, ensuring that he wasn't showing any signs of weakness.
"You look great" Harry told him simply but genuinely; it was possibly the most meaningful compliment that he'd ever received and he didn't quite know what to say to it. He would have liked to have told Harry that he thought he looked perfect or words to that effect but he felt his throat close up around the words and instead nodded his appreciation to the comment.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked him, looking slightly concerned.
"Are you sure? You're very quiet."
"You've only just arrived, how could you possibly tell that? How was work?"
"Wasn't too bad I suppose. Got further than we expected so shouldn't be working late for much longer. How was your day?"
"Average apart from my morning, which was exceptional" he braved himself to say and enjoyed the colour on Harry's face when he blushed at the comment.
"It can't have been better than mine. I had the best wake-up call of my life. I wish I could have stayed longer and shown my appreciation." Severus felt himself relax at the slightly flirtatious tone that had now been introduced; it was much easier to talk like this than about feelings.
"I believe I would have taken full advantage of your offer had you not left."
"Some other time then."
"Will there be another time?"
Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. Hopefully I can get myself sorted soon and write more.