A/N: Never wrote a Valentine themed fic before, but there's a first for everything.

Secret Valentine:

Snippy had never been fond of Valentine's day, mostly since he never had a special someone to share it with. Not that the limited credits he was getting from working in the G-Directorate would be sufficient enough for proper gifts. In the last few years preceding the Apocalypse, the importance of Valentine's day had dwindled away, especially since the common citizen couldn't afford something as expensive as love. Nevertheless, the Good Directorate had made up several other "Traditional Holidays", so they could pocket from all the extra spending related. Snippy had never heard of these so called holidays such as "All Sales day", "Online day" or "Easter", it was awfully suspicious, but he found his protests unheard in that world, before it all ended. That's why he never thought he'd have to deal with another Valentine's day again, but he was wrong.

Charles woke up one morning, finding himself wrapped in tattered red lace. Small red hearts were painted on his jacket, and shreds of red and white paper thrown around the room. Unsettling as that was, it was nothing out of the ordinary for him. In fact, it was one of the less infuriating pranks Captain had pulled on him. He'd seen far worse, in fact, it was just the other day he'd woken up in his own funeral. He found himself sleeping in a large wooden box, papier-mâché flowers filling it. While Captain stood to the side giving his eulogy. When he had angrily awoke into this situation, Captain shouted some sort of halleluiah, while Pilot seemed more disappointed. Engie had never laughed so hard.

Nevertheless, he'd find the Captain and give him a piece of his mind, the man must not forget that messing with him was unacceptable. He got off the pile of clothing and cushions he had been sleeping on, marching past the fallen displays and skeletons in the clothing section of a department store. The group had spent the night in the somewhat intact building, in the shopping district Captain had led them to, during his "shopping spree". All the glass had been shattered, the entire west wing had been burnt to a crisp, and the food section raided, but it was still better than a lot of their recent bases. Still busy untangling himself of the lace, he searched for Captain, finally finding the man sitting cross legged in the cafeteria section, gesturing at a headless skeleton sitting across the small round table from him.

The sniper saw the Engineer from the corner of his eye, he was in the kitchen section of the skeleton infested cafeteria. Apparently, Engie was busy fiddling with an electronic oven in the back. He didn't bother to greet him, as he knew that he would probably receive no reply. Instead, Snippy marched over to the Captain's table, slamming his lace holding hand down on the middle of it. "What the hell is this?!" he asked crossly.

The Captain ignored the question directed at him, "Ah good morning Mr. Snippy." he said calmly, sipping his tea, "Miss Cleo, this is Mr. Snippy, my sniper. Snippy, this is Cleo, she's a model."

Snippy sighed, lowering his head for a moment. "Well? Aren't you going to greet her?" Captain said impatiently.

The sniper lifted his head, shifting his gaze between the Captain who was staring at him expectantly, and the skeleton frozen into the metal chair. Before the situation could worsen, Pilot appeared, running down the no longer functioning escalator. Usually Pilot's interference meant that things were going to get worse, but at least at the moment, he spared the sniper a pointless argument about the futility of greeting lifeless skeletons. The green eyed air-craft navigator was carrying a large burlap sack over his shoulder, as he energetically approached them. He pushed past the sniper, making sure the man knew that he was deliberately being ignored, before emptying the sack on the small round table. A large pile of papers varying in color, size, and condition, began building up, and spilling onto the ground. "A delivery for Captain!" he announced happily.

Snippy picked up a brown envelope, it had a multi-colored heart drawn on the front with crayon, "What's this?" he questioned, looking at Pilot.

Pilot snatched the paper out of the man's hand, "These letters are for Captain only!" he shouted in his face.

Snippy turned to Captain, "What's this about, Captain?" he repeated, for no other reason than to spite Pilot.

Captain sipped his tea slowly, "It is the day of Valentine, my oblivious Snipster." He explained, "The day minions declare their undying love and loyalty to their Captain!" he added loudly.

Snippy was about to explain that that wasn't what Valentine's day was about, or the obvious fact that the day probably wasn't February 14th, but more like the end of May. He wisely decided otherwise, and instead, watched without comment as Pilot took one sad looking envelope out of his jacket pocket, hurrying over to Engie in the kitchen. He jumped over the counter separating the kitchen from the rest of the Café, flinging the envelope in the engineer's face shouting a short, "Here!"

The engineer seemed characteristically uninterested, tossing the card aside, and turning back to his work. As the Pilot practically shoved it down the man's throat, Snippy dared to pick up a few letters off of Captain's pile, inspecting them shortly. "Hey!" he said, skimming through the childish scribbling, "These are all written by you…. and Pilot."

"No they're not." Captain answered in a flat tone.

Snippy pointed to the signature on one of them, "Yes, they are. That's your handwriting, and your signature right there!" he turned his face to his Captain, a brow raising mockingly, "You sent yourself valentines?"

Before Captain could answer, Pilot was marching back towards them, leaving a shaken Engineer in the kitchen, "Engie liked his card." He announced grimly. He then turned to Snippy who stared at him blankly, "There's none for you Snippy. Guess no one likes you." He sneered.

Snippy shrugged, "Like I'd give a damn." He huffed, "Now excuse me, I have to get this crap off my jacket."

He pushed past the still satisfied looking Pilot, rubbing his jacket sleeve. He trudged out of cafeteria located at the front of the mall, then out the entire building, forgetting that he hadn't yet ate his breakfast. Grumbling under his breath, he climbed up a barren hill overlooking the mall, looking for a safe secluded spot to get his jacket cleaned. He honestly didn't care that Pilot hadn't given him anything, the man had more than effectively displayed his loathing towards his person. The only person Captain ever cared about, was Captain. And Engie most certainly, believed himself above the sentimental nonsense. Still, he couldn't help being reminded by this situation, of all the distancing and shunning he received prior to the Apocalypse. It was all quite annoying.

After successfully channeling his anger into roughly scrubbing his jacket clean, Snippy was ready to go back and rejoin the group. Perhaps even have a little coffee, and yell at Pilot about something inane, to clear the air a bit. Just as he got up from the low boulder he had been sitting on, he noticed an elegant looking envelope leaning against his shoe, as if the wind had blown it there. He picked it up questioningly, could the wind had blown it all the way there? Maybe it was caught in his pant or shoe as he came up here in the first place. He was about to toss out the envelope -that was in an admirable good condition, when his eyes automatically read the title.

"To Snippy"

His hand froze mid air, and he brought the envelope closer to his face, rereading the title. Indeed, there was no mistake about it, the letter was addressed to him. Adjusting the strap of his rifle over his shoulder, he flipped the envelope in his hand, studying it. There was no postal address –of course- no stamp, or anything else on the outside, besides the name written on the front in neat handwriting. He knotted his brows, ripping the top with his finger, the glove causing it to shred unevenly, but it didn't bother him much. He took out the delicate, and surprisingly white, piece of paper folded inside, before flinging the exterior to the side. He tried to unfold the paper with one finger, his glove causing him to fail miserably, and having to struggle for a few moment with the paper.

Finally prying the paper open, he looked at the short message inside, beautifully handwritten with black ink:

"I hope your Valentine day is fun and dandy, filled with love and non radioactive Candy.. May all your wishes today come true, mine is that Captain doesn't kill you..

XOXOXOXOY,

Your Secret Admirer"

Snippy read the short inscription a couple times, "Y?" he said, not sure himself if he meant it as a question, or just pointing out the anomaly in the letter.

Puzzled, he stood still, the cold air blowing the paper around slightly. This all must be an elaborate joke from Captain, or Pilot.. or both.. he tried to convince himself. However, Captain's handwriting was never good. And Pilot's, while slightly better than the former, was still too bad. Gromov perhaps? He wondered, then shook his head. There's no way the man would stoop to such a level. On the other hand, what if Captain made him?

Determined to solve this ridiculous riddle, Snippy hurried back down the hill, clutching the letter tightly in his closed fist as he made his way back into the mall. He marched back through the glassless revolving doors in the front, looking as angry as he did when he stormed out. Next to the kitchen door, Captain was standing near a coughing Engie, inspecting a medium sized black box, with a red stripe running along the side. There was black smoke emerging from where Engie had been working, along with some white foam. Snippy glanced over, seeing Pilot busy extinguishing a sparking oven. He opened his mouth to ask the Captain about the note, however the man was quick to interrupt him.

"Look Snippy!" he shouted over Alexander's coughing, waving the box and a suspicious looking letter in the addressed man's face, "A gift, from my Stalky Stalker." He explained happily.

The sniper glanced carelessly at the box, and love-letter, thing, paper, "Sure it is." He hummed, before remembering what he had come there for. He unscrunched the paper he received, holding it up in front of the Captain's face, "Did you give me this?" he asked, his voice sounding rather unimpressed.

The Captain tilted his head, "Of course not Mr. Snippy," he said in his matter-of-fact tone, "Captains do not give their minions Love Captain Day letters, it's the other way around."

"I'm serious!" Snippy groaned with annoyance, he didn't need this nonsense right now, he needed answers.

The Captain placed a hand on Snippy's shoulders, "My snippity sniper is feeling slow this morning." He said in a sing-song voice, "Would you like me to explain it again to you?"

Snippy sighed, "No." he said, making sure his voice sounded offended, as he brushed off the Captain's hand.

Snippy waited until the Captain wandered off to open his gift, before turning to Alexander who was struggling to gain his breath. "Did you write this?" he asked the man, handing him the paper.

Gromov read the short lines in a quick glance, "Of course not Charles!" he snorted, "What do you take me for?"

Snippy hastily took the paper back, feeling a blush forming on his face. Luckily, unlike his companion, his expression was hidden behind the mask, "I didn't mean it like that!" he hissed, scrunching the paper in his hand again, "I was just asking if Captain ordered you to write it.. or something.."

"He didn't." Engie answered briefly, fixing his mask back over his face, "Are you sure you didn't just feel lonely and write it to yourself?" he scoffed.

Charles snarled at the smug engineer, then realized that it wouldn't be seen. "At least my ex-cyber-girlfriend isn't trying to hug me to death." He found himself childishly saying, his tone cold.

Engie's shoulders sank, and his pose noticeably shrunk. He then departed the Sniper, mumbling something about a lucky seven. At that moment Pilot came bouncing out of the kitchen, covered in white foam as if he had been swimming in it. He glanced shortly at the engineer, before turning to Snippy, "Snippy!" he shouted, as if the man wasn't standing a mere two feet away, "Where's Captain?!"

The blue eyed man sighed, gesturing in the direction he had last seen Captain heading. He then lifted the note before the aviator could run off, "Hey, did you give me this?" he asked.

The Pilot stared at the paper for a few moments confusedly, before letting out a horrified noise. "Someone sent you a Valentine?!" he asked, pulling the paper out of the marksman's hand, "Who would do such a thing?!"

"Guess that answers my question." Snippy muttered, as Pilot's lamenting continued.

"Minions!" Captain's voice suddenly called.

The two turned to see him coming over with broad steps, his parcel no longer in hand. Suddenly, they heard Engie shrieking fearfully in the background, as he frantically batted something off of his coat. Pilot quickly saluted his Captain, standing in attention. While Snippy groaned, "What?"

Captain stopped between the two, "It has come to my attention that the city isn't properly decorated for this glorious occasion." He declared with displeasure, "So, DECORATE IT!" he ordered, dismissing the two with a wave of the hand.

Snippy and Pilot were sent into the city, carrying loads of red string, ribbons and heart cut-outs. Engie stayed behind with Captain, to continue sorting out his fan mail. The unwelcoming city echoed the two's footsteps, the only other noise being the wind whistling as it blew through the bodies of buildings, and the odd crackle or thud from the weak structures' decay. Snippy's mind was too preoccupied thinking about the mysterious card, to bother being annoyed or bored with his mission.

A few hours later, the sniper decided to take a moment to himself, leaning against a flipped car. They hadn't strayed too far from the shopping district, instead, they were in the neighboring block, that once served as some sort of tourist attraction. Pilot was displaying impressive acrobatic skills, to get a red sash wrapped around a tall building top. Snippy took the paper out of his pocket, examining it for the millionth time. It boggled his mind, how did the envelope come to him, and who sent it?

He thought it over with a blank expression, coming to the exact same conclusion as always. The writing was just too nice, it would have to be Gromov. But, Snippy reminded himself, the man seemed genuinely surprised by the note. Snippy let out a frustrated sigh, one would think that with only 3 suspects in the world, it would be easier to figure out who did something. His train of thought was interrupted when Pilot marched past him, moving on into the next block.

Snippy stared at him quizzically, Pilot had been lacking the usual excitement and enthusiasm he displayed during his missions. He'd been marching around grumpily, muttering to himself the whole time. Besides being utterly thorough with the execution of the mission, he was almost reminding the sniper of himself.

They soon ran out of decorations, and headed back for lunch through the dark alleys leading to the mall. Even then, Pilot's mood did not become better. It was quite frankly starting to get on the sniper's nerves, he wasn't used to the usually upbeat Pilot acting so pessimistic. Two cynical characters were more than enough in their small group, thank you.

Sure that he'd regret it later, he decided to ask. "Pilot.." he hesitantly called out to the man walking ahead of him, "What's.. the matter?" he asked.

The man shot him an angry glare over the shoulder. Even through the military gasmask, Snippy could tell that the aviator was glaring at him. Pilot then turned away, continuing to march away angrily. That bothered the sniper further, he was trying to be nice, to Pilot of all people, he would've expected some sort of... Well, he wasn't sure what he expected, but it certainly not that reaction. Now, he too was in a bad mood. The two stormed back into the mall, instantly marching off in opposite directions. Snippy joined Engie in the kitchen, the man was now trying to fix a coffee machine. Snippy crossed his arms leaning against the counter, letting out an angry huff. It wasn't unusual for Snippy to be in that mood, nevertheless, the engineer glanced at the sniper's crossed goggled expression.

"So?" Engie asked, not lifting his head from where it was buried in the back of the machine, "What is it this time?"

Snippy cringed at the almost mocking tone Alexander used, but instead of exploding in his face, he decided that ranting would be more satisfying. "It's Pilot!" he said with exasperation.

Engie hummed for him to elaborate, the answer wasn't exactly surprising. "He's acting so weird!" Snippy added, causing the engineer to glance at him meaningfully, "I mean not so-Pilot weird."

Alexander didn't answer, as he leaned back, eyeing the piece of machinery for a few moments, as if expecting something to happen. Finally, he turned to the sniper, as if he just noticed he was still there. "Oh, sorry.. I was thinking.." he said, lifting his visor to rub his eyes, "So what you're saying is, Pilot is acting weirder than usual.. and that surprises you?" his tone was tired and somewhat sarcastic.

Snippy frowned, hopping up to sit on the counter, "Not exactly weirder.." he slowly said, scratching the back of his neck, "It's just.. It's like he's upset.. like legitimately upset.. and he's acting like it's my fault.."

Engie gestured for Snippy to hand him a small screwdriver at the other end of the counter, after taking it from the man's hand, he began unscrewing a side panel, "Well, it usually is.. your fault, that is." he said simply, carefully removing the panel and pushing aside a heap of wires that popped out.

"You're not helping." Snippy mumbled, his frown growing.

The man didn't respond at first, working with the interior of the machine. Snippy patiently waited as Alexander pushed the wires back into place, screwing the side plate back on. He pressed a few buttons on the front, staring expectantly at the many colored diodes. After a short flicker, they turned on. Engie smiled, letting out a relieved sigh, "Well," he finally said, pouring coffee beans into their department, "You can have a strong cup of coffee for the upcoming headache, and just ask him what the matter is. I think he's sitting in the children's department."

The two grew silent, watching as battery powered machine processed the coffee with a low hum. Engie, clearly proud of his handy work, put a cracked white ceramic mug under the spout. Suddenly, the machine let out a loud spluttering noise, and black goop poured out of it into the mug. The two men remained silent for a few long minutes, staring awkwardly at what was supposed to be a cup of coffee.

Snippy was first to speak, "Are you sure you're an engineer?" he calmly asked.

Ignoring the glare the engineer shot in his direction, Snippy hopped off the counter with a sigh, heading out of the kitchen to search for the Pilot. He was quick to locate the man in the back of the first floor, sitting alone, in a dark corner of the toy department, across from a caved in part of the roof. The sight was quite depressing, what little sunlight made its way into the mall, seemed unable to reach that small corner where the man sat. The paint on the walls was faded, gray, and pealing. The toys had been burnt and deformed, scattered across the cracked ground, like dead remains after some gruesome massacre. Then there was Pilot, huddled in a corner sitting on a low step, his head leaning against the ash stained wall, cooing to himself. Snippy cautiously approached from behind, stopping a few feet away. He fidgeted uncomfortably, watching the full grown man rock himself gently, muttering.

"Uhh Pilot?"

Pilot sniffled audibly, his head jerking up and he glanced over his shoulder at the approaching man. Another sniffle later, "What do you want?" he questioned venomously, in a voice that struggled to maintain its steadiness.

Great! now he's crying.. Snippy thought feeling anguish, why? Why me?!

He stood awkwardly next to the Pilot who shifted away slightly. "W-what's the matter?" Snippy finally forced out.

Pilot remained silent for some time, "You want to know?" he asked.

That's kind of the point of asking! Snippy thought, "Yeah." He chose to answer quietly instead.

It seemed as if the pilot wasn't going to say another word, however, his voice then rose, "Well.. you know how this is my first Va-.. umm.. va….va…" Pilot kept repeating that syllable over and over, like a broken record.

"Valentine."

"Yeah. My first Valentiny day." Pilot finally finished, "I wanted it to be the bestest day, and I worked very hard on all those letters for Captain." He explained, Snippy silently wondering where the man was going with it all.

"I made sure to make the most perfect letters of them all, so Captain would know how much I love him. Because he's the most awesome Captain of all time, and most glorious, and most epic, and most magically powerful time wizard that ever existed in the fading fabric of twisting time of the whole universe of universes and the-"

Pilot's pitch had been raising with his excitement, the sniper patiently waiting for him to run out of breath before his voice reached a deafening pitch. At that point, it didn't seem it was going to happen, "Pilot." He calmly interrupted, hoping that he'd remember what he was originally talking about.

Pilot abruptly stopped and stared at Snippy for a moment, "Superiorly powerful king of kings.." he added in a quieter tone, before apparently remembering what he intended to say, "And I gave one to Engie, for not being you, Captain said I could."

Snippy was neither surprised nor offended, but the long prelude was really getting tiresome, couldn't being companionate be any easier? He sat next to the green eyed man, who continued, "But then, you got a card too!" Pilot said, his tone suddenly bitter.

He turned to jab an accusing finger at Snippy's chest, "Why would you get a card?! Who would give a lazy unfaithful minion like you, a Valentiny card?"

Charles leaned away, rubbing his chest. It was hardly his fault that he received a card, it wasn't like he asked, or even expected one. What the hell was this deranged man's problem?! Was it not enough that he tormented the sniper every day? Could he simply not withstand the thought that Snippy could get something small, after all his suffering?! Snippy stood up, towering angrily over the Pilot. He had had enough of this nonsense, he was trying to be nice, and how is he thanked? By being physically assaulted? He took a breath, lifting a hand, and opening his mouth to tell the man off, "You-"

"So why didn't I get one too?!" Pilot suddenly wailed.

Snippy froze, his anger vanishing in seconds. He stared down at the sobbing man, surprised. So that's what it was about? He was upset he didn't get a card too? Snippy felt something akin to sympathy welling in his chest, Pilot was like a little child, that felt forgotten. "I try really hard to be the most excellent minion to the almighty Captain, and obey all his orders fastly and perfectly." Pilot lamented, "But you, you're disobedient, and lazy, and not respectful.. and you still get a card!"

Snippy remained silent, looking around uncomfortably. What was he supposed to say? he had never been the best with sentiments, comforting certainly wasn't his best area.. Not to mention that the person he's trying to comfort holds him responsible for his pain in the first place. "I.. umm.." he racked his brain, trying to think of something to say, but failed to come up with anything.

Pilot suddenly stood up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Well actually, he was wiping his goggle lenses, but he didn't seem to notice. He then stared at Snippy silently, his stance stern, before turning away sharply and leaving. The sniper, now alone in the toy department, remained still for some time. Wow, that was awkward. He thought, fixing his gaze on a rocking horse to his right. Finally, he headed back to rejoin the rest of the group.

After that, he mostly avoided Pilot for the rest of the day. The latter spent that time sulking around, being sure to make everyone know just how miserable he was. Even after nightfall, as the group gathered around the fire they lit in the middle of the furniture department, there was nothing more than awkward silence. No arguing or complaining, no Pilot telling stories of Captain's grandness with excitement. It was soon decided, that after a few more incidents in the electronic section, it would be best to move to a less hazardous base, first thing in the morning. Snippy had completely forgotten to think about his card, and had instead been thinking about Pilot's predicament for the past few hours. Engie was first to leave, growing tired of the awkward silence, he went off to sleep on one of the more intact couches. Pilot was soon to follow, trudging off, muttering something as he disappeared into the dark of the mall. Only Snippy and Captain were left gazing at the fire.

The others had left quite some time ago, when Snippy stood up, stretching and yawning. "Good night Captain, I'll…"

"Mr. Snippy." The Captain interrupted, his tone was not commanding, it was as if he just wanted to talk, "What is zee matter with mein minions tonight? Is there something wrong?"

Snippy stared at the Captain questioningly, the man was standing across the fire from him, staring the sniper waiting for his answer. Was he actually.. Concerned? Snippy wondered. "It's nothing much, Pilot's just upset he didn't get a Valentine's day card." He said, studying the Captain.

"Hmm, that will not do." The Captain hummed, stroking his chin with his index finger. "I need my minions always to be in tip top emotional state, how can they serve me properly when they have weights on their hearts, and rainy clouds on their brainses?" Zee Captain then added, moving around the fire towards Snippy.

Almost.

The tall man then patted the sniper on the shoulder, before walking away, "Good night Mr. Snippy." He called back, "Whatever it is that is bothering my minions, I want it resolved by tomorrow."

Snippy let out a sigh from deep within, grabbing a bucket filled with sand, pouring it over the flickering fire. "It will Captain." He muttered into the darkness, "..I hope.."


"Charles.. Hey Chalres.." a voice called from afar, "Charles wake up!"

Snippy's eyes fluttered, and he groaned. he had had a long previous night, whatever it was the engineer wanted, it would have to wait. He was simply too tired to…

His mind froze suddenly, as cold water splashed the side of his head."Holy sh- What the hell?! Gromov!" he gasped.

It was then that he realized he had fallen asleep sitting on a chair, slumped over a cashier counter. However, that realization came a second too late. He had already thrashed back, causing the chair to lean dangerously, before crashing to the ground. Aching, he got off the floor, wiping his head with his sleeve and shooting the engineer a murderous glare.

Alexander merely shrugged, "What? I've been trying to wake you up for nearly ten minutes." He said, before jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, "Captain and Pilot are already leaving."

The sniper groaned, locating his rifle on the ground and slinging it over his shoulder. This certainly wasn't the best way to wake up in the morning. The engineer handed him a stale strawberry filled muffin, opening a plain one for himself. Snippy took a bite, just to discover that the jelly inside went bad. "Tough luck." Engie shrugged, stuffing his into his mouth.

The two men left the gift shop, making their way through the remnants of the lounging area towards the back of the building. Captain and Pilot were waiting for them in the back entrance, overlooking a small town area. The Captain turned to the two, then lifted both his arms, waving them wildly, as if flagging down a plane. "Good morning Mr. Snippy!" he shouted at the top of his voice.

Before the group could leave, the Captain disappeared, muttering something about a pineapple under the sea. "Did you ever figure out who sent you that card?" Gromov asked, leaning against a pillar.

Snippy turned to him, staring at him blankly, before smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand, "The card!" he said.

"That's what I said." Engie said calmly, dusting his shoulder from the pieces of paint that got stuck on it.

Snippy ignored him, fumbling through his pockets before taking out an old looking paper. He then hesitantly inched towards Pilot, greeting him lowly. The aviator frowned at him and didn't answer, his face failing to look properly angry as hi cheeks were puffed as he stuffed his entire breakfast pickle into his mouth. Snippy shoved a piece of paper in his face, "Here, Captain told me to give it to you." He said, his tone sounding bored.

The man couldn't have snatched the paper faster. In a few seconds he had already ripped the envelope open and pulled the paper out, staring at it cheerfully. He read the messy interior quickly, before bringing the note to his chest, hugging it happily. He then waved the paper in front of Snippy's goggles, "Hahaha Captain loves me more!" he chimed, before bouncing away, giggling and singing.

The man ran into the wide parking lot, littered with remnants of cars and other pieces of trash. He ran around, singing and shouting random stuff. As annoying as it was that Pilot was back to normal, Snippy couldn't help but let out a small smile of relief.

"You wrote that note, not Captain." Gromov said calmly, coming up behind the sniper.

Snippy carelessly shrugged, and seemed as if he wasn't going to answer. "Writing like a deranged man, with the writing skills of a five your old, is harder than it seems." He said a few minutes later.

Engie watched Pilot trying to show his letter to Photoshop, then struggling to free his arm that she decided to swallow. "You'll get in a lot of trouble from Captain if he ever finds out that you forged a letter from him." He pointed out, turning to face the sniper, "You're okay with that?"

Snippy glanced at the engineer, before turning his eyes back to watch Pilot, "He won't find out." He said, "Part of the note said that you're not supposed to talk about Valentine's day after it's finished."

"You do realize you're doing something nice, for Pilot?" Alexander said mockingly.

"I'm not!" Snippy quickly protested, turning to the engineer, "The better mood he's in, and the more he thinks Captain likes him, the less likely I'm going to die in an arranged accident."

"Whatever you say, Charles." Engie said mockingly, shrugging.

Snippy glanced at the man once more, then took a deep breath, staring at Pilot who found the Captain and was excitedly jumping around him. The man patted the aviator on the head, before signaling for the sniper and the engineer to join him.

"Because Love-Captain-Day was such a success," Captain announced, as the two came up next to him, "I have decided that every other Tuesday will be Love-Captain-Day.. and all minions must bring me lovely gifts, and offerings of candy and sweets!"

Snippy sighed, "Do we have to?" he asked in a suffering tone.

"Yes!" Captain said, before walking away, "Now, to find the Easter bunny!"

Pilot cheered, running ahead of the group to find said bunny before the rest, the Captain stoically following after. The two remaining shared a moment of silence, before finally resigning to having to go after a mystical creature. And then most likely, running into a mutated version of it somewhere in the wasteland.

"You never answered my question, Charles." Engie said after a few minutes of silence, the sniper turned to him questioningly, "Did you ever figure out who sent you that card?" he explained.

Snippy seemed to just have remembered. He removed the paper from his pocket, staring at it silently. Enige peered over the man's shoulder, "What a ridiculous rhyme." He hummed, "It seems like some adolescent teenager wrote it. I'd put my money on Captain."

Snippy crumbled up the paper into a ball, throwing it over his shoulder, "It doesn't really matter." He said absentmindedly. "The important thing is that we don't have to deal with Valentines, secret ones or otherwise, again."

"Until next Tuesday."

A/N: Not quite as pleased with this one as I was with Mutant, possibly 'cause this one was more rushed. Somehow, it seems I'm virtually unable to write a shorter one-shot.. It's possible that I'll write a sequel/second chapter, but nothing's decided for sure.