It is only a dream

As always, I do not own Criminal Minds….

I close my eyes for a moment right before looking into her eyes her lips claim me like they always have as I bend in submission to her will she forces her tongue deep inside as I tried to suppress the moan that wants to escape my throat, tonight is about her and I don't want to annoy my mistress.

My body hums with each touch with each nip, she ties my hands to the headboard allowing me to test the bindings they only give a slight play enabling me to hold the wooden slats. This is how she likes me tied up unable to move and god it turns me on so much, her tongue trails down my neck as she nips on my pulse point, I can't help the moan that escapes "Do I need to gag you" she asks me looking deep into my eyes causing me to whimper and shake my head. I hate that gag and she knows it. I bite the inside of my lip closing my eyes while her hand slaps against my breast, god I want to scream.

I see her smirk as my eyes go wide she knows I hate this but tonight is about her, tonight I would allow her to have full control as I see the blindfold dangling between her fingers, she watches me for a moment allowing me to overcome my wave of fear, "You're okay I promise" she smiles so sweetly at me as I just nod before whispering "Gag baby please" she smiles at me softly before moving to get the custom made gag. It is soft against my jaw and allows me to bite down against it and from the wicked glint in her eyes; I know I am going to need to. I do not want this to come to an end not tonight. It's her birthday treat.

I promised to allow her full control her to fully dominate me just for one night. She dominates me normally but tonight is special I have never given her full control. Never willingly handed over the reins and told her to do as she sees fit. I trust her she knows my body, we have a safe word and when my lips are sealed closed I click my fingers instead but I do not plan on it tonight. I want to see how far my body can be pushed and how much I can take.

She gently lifts my head placing the blindfold over my eyes, it's the one I hate the one that gives no light all I am able to see is darkness and it scares me she whispers in my ear so softly "Don't be scared baby its only me" she kisses my lips softly before ordering me to open my mouth which I comply with. I asked for this, she lovingly places the gag between my lips as I allow it to enter fully my teeth meeting with the soft texture. She asks me if I am okay before she locks it in tightly, I nod in response. I hear her shuddered breath as her lips kiss my ear I am her pet she loves and cares for me her fingers trail my skin causing goosebumps to raise on my skin the fire swirling deep in my stomach in anticipation.

Her tongue runs up the inside of my arm causing me to squirm "Stay still", she commands and I remember my place I still my movements. Taking each finger into her mouth and gently sucking her teeth gently scraping against my skin before the soft pop came once her mouth reached the tip of my finger before she repeated the same action. I bite down hard trying to supress the moan that was growing deep inside my throat, I don't want this to end, her lips attack my neck before she bites down on my pulse point causing me to flinch slightly at the roughness, she soothes it with her tongue I can hear the soothing noises she is making in her throat to remind me I am safe.

I swallow slightly as her fingers trail the outside of my body her finger gently grazing my breasts. I want so badly to run my fingers in her hair pulling her closer to me to my body, but I know she is going to take her time. I knew that the second I saw the glint in her eyes, her lips attack my already taut nipple her teeth nipping against it causing a wave of pain before the pleasure sets in, then I hear the soft chain drop onto the bed as she moves over to my other nipple causing the same mixture of pain and pleasure.

The cold metal latches onto them now I feel them getting tighter I take a breath as the pain runs against them but before the pain gets too much she soothes them. Pain and pleasure go hand in hand, and it is something I crave and she always gives me. She leaves them there and I know they will be there until I stop the play or she deems the play must come to an end and god I do not want this to ever end.

She dips her tongue against my skin as though she is counting my ribs, I keep my body in shape to please her and I always am rewarded for it every day every second the door closes she worships me and I know she does. I trust her with my life and my body; I love her with all my heart and even my soul. Oh, god she has the feather out I am now holding onto the slats above my head. I bite harshly against my gag as she runs it down my sides.

She runs it down the outside of my thigh and I can't help my legs from moving away but I regret it in an instant as her hand comes down against my body, her fingers trail down my legs as she moves and I know what is coming, I feel the soft leather against my ankles as she tightens the straps spreading my legs wider but not giving me any room to move. I am grateful because even she knows I cannot help but flinch sometimes she knows how ticklish I can be and more so when she has taken my senses away my body is more attuned than ever.

Slowly she made her way down my torso running her tongue along my stomach. Fingers trailed first down the outside of my thighs as she kisses over my hips gently sucking in places my hips bucked slightly as nails grazed the inside of my thigh towards my groin I felt the chain move along my body pulling slightly against my nipples giving me a fresh waft of pain. Her finger ran through my folds as she took my clit between her fingers "Someone is very ready tonight" she said in a hushed voice that it caused me to whimper slightly in response.

She placed the clamp against my clit tightening it against me the wave of pleasure coursed through my body as the words hit my ears "Don't you dare come yet" I swallowed hard against my gag as I bit down harder my muscles twitched causing the chain to move it was a complete mixture of pleasure and pain, increasing the fire that was stirring inside of me.

I froze slightly when I felt the dip on the bed meaning she had move away I shuddered slightly, I felt her slacken the ankle restrains and it was then I knew what she wanted, what she was asking for permission to-do. I had only just become comfortable with the new toy she had bought. I knew she would lube it up not expecting me to take it without a sound "Lift your hips baby" she asked so sweetly I flatten my feet on the bed so I could lift my hips enough and her supporting my body with her hand as the toy rested against my anus. Again, she makes soothing noises to remind me I am safe and it is her doing this. My body lowers slightly against the small plug, which in all honesty felt huge. However, between the three-way nipple clamp and the butt plug I was awash with pain, pleasure and the brink of an orgasm. I moaned against the gag as it entered me fully settling my hips back on the bed, I moved slightly to get comfortable again.

"It's not hurt is it darling" even now in the throes of this she is so loving and sweet, I shake my head to let her know I am okay. I feel her settle between my legs. My hips buck slightly as she turns the butt plug on the vibrations coursing through my body. God I need release, I want to let go. This is not the normal one she has used before with me, it was her wedding present that we added to our collection, my gift to her.

I hold back the scream as her tongue runs hard against my core she dips it in slightly as I bite harder against my gag, this was her favourite type of play and even I knew what she was going to do, my body was so relaxed and so highly attuned to her every touch. She sucked hard against my folds causing the chains to tighten and move. I whimpered slightly I was so close to exploding but she would not allow me my release yet and I knew it. She gently dipped a finger inside me moving it gently before adding another. The pace didn't have a rhythm as she added a third twisting inside me I knew she could feel my walls tightening against her as she added a fourth one.

The words whispered into my ears as the climax ripped through me, my body trembled as I felt her inside me again, my core opened as wide as it could giving her enough room to enter me with her fist, I moaned against the gag biting hard as she pumped fast and hard inside me twisting against my walls, between the vibrations and the clamps and feeling her inside I am not sure which sent me over the edge again as the wave and the intense orgasm rocketed through my body.

Years ago I never understood the expression I want to fuck you dry, but she managed it every time we made love every time she would send my into the abyss were I saw stars she knew I would climax again when she withdrew and she did it all the more slowly. I felt the wetness running down me and the heat from her core, as she pressed against my thigh rocking herself against me hard. The essence of her own climax ran over my skin sending another wave of heat to my core. She moved after a few moments as I whimpered slightly at the loss of contact "Shh, darling" she whispered as I heard her move off the bed.

My eyes fluttered till they closed against the blindfold as I felt the bed dip "I'm leaving the gag baby but I want to see your beautiful eyes" I groaned against the gag she always wants me to watch her when she fucks me and I can tell by the amusement in her voice that she wants to play rough. I nod my response as she releases the blindfold my eyes flutter shut for a moment allowing myself time to adjust to the dim light as he body hoovers above mine.

Our eyes lock as I feel the familiar toy push against my folds, this was her Christmas gift from me a double ended strap on and she loves it, she loves to make love to me with it but as our eyes lock I know she isn't going to be gentle as she thrusts herself against me hard entering me in one solid action. Our eyes stayed locked with one another as she rocks hard against me bringing us both to our climax. The tears fall from my eyes as she rests against me, she places a loving kiss against my cheek before releasing my gag allowing me to work my jaw freely before she claims my lips into a loving kiss "I love you so much" I smile looking into loving soft eyes "I love you more" and she knows it's true because I allow her to play with my body like this.

The soft cries pull me from my sleep our child is screaming for her mama again I go to her numbly seeing familiar brown eyes looking at me and it breaks my heart. I only have her in my dreams and I can only see her when I look at our child. Emily has been dead a year today and my heart breaks again as I wrap my only connection to her in my arms.