This is my first Razaya story so please bare with me. There are some twists but it will eventually get there. I t will be ompleted on a chapter by chapter basis. I would love to get any imput about my writing style and what you felt. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything at this point in the story.
It was simple Aya's change, evolution whatever it was, had put Razer in total shock. He knew it was because of him. He knew her retaliation and abandonment was his fault. For her last words to them, to him were:
"I reject you…"
Her message was clear: since he had in effect rejected her love she was returning the favour. So she shut off all of her emotions, did what she thought was necessary and got back at him as best she could. Left them for dead. No power and drifting through space.
As they waited for the main battery to recharge, Hal, Kilowog and himself had plenty of time to analyze the situation. What was it that Hal had said? There was an Earth saying he mentioned.
Oh yes. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. Well hell had nothing on an AI scorn.
The guilt that he was now feeling was his own personal hell and his anger was growing, not towards his companions, but rather at himself.
"Why did I deny what I feel for her? Why had I said that I could never love her? I do love her," he thought to himself.
He knew that she loved him. Looking back he knew that she had purposely asked Hal that he assist her to repair the ship so that they could be alone together. This way she could assert what she knew he had confessed his love and then she would confess hers as well. It all made sense now. When the Manhunter had attack her back on Odym. It was because she was able to feel emotion…to feel love.
"And I destroyed it. Just like I do with everything I touch! Urgh! Curse these feelings. Curse this life!"
She had a heart and he knew that he had broken it. And because she was new to love and the matters of the heart, he knew that she didn't know how to handle it. He forgot that even though she had the body of a woman…she was still childlike when it came to human experience.
He was her first emotional attachment…the first real relationship that she had ever had and all of a sudden he decided to break that bond. In effect he had destroyed everything that she ever new.
"Why does this always happen to me? Why?! Why?! Why?!"
And then it hit him like one of Kilowog's hammer constructs. This was his "aha moment". Like an epiphany Razer suddenly knew what he must do. He had to conquer his rage completely in order to be able to love completely. He had to end the slavery of it all. If he ever wanted to be with Aya he had to overcome his Red Lantern Ring.
However, he knew that no amount of meditation or calming techniques would work alone. He had tried these techniques with the Blue Lanterns, but had little success. And why? Because they knew not of the burning anger that he had inside him. Hell, Saint Walker had probably been born at peace for all that he knew. No, he had to find someone who knew what he was going through. He had to find someone who had once had his rage, embraced it and then renounced it. He needed to find someone that had accepted and then rejected the Red Lantern ring. But who? Who could be privy to such information?
The prime Magistrate Zilius Zocks would know. He had been Atrocitus' right-hand man. He had helped hand pick his victims.
"Hal Jordan we need to go back now!"
"Tell us something we don't know kid. Don't worry just give the ship 5 more hours and we'll be ready to shove off."
"Negative. I can't wait that long. We have to go now!"
"Whoa! Chill little red man. Listen, we can't just wish the battery back to full. We just gotta wait. You do know how to do that don't ya?"
"Of course I do, but time is of the essence. I…we have to save Aya and I know now what I…we must do! And it can't wait for your inferior lantern and you're more inferior brain to comprehend my plan!"
Razer rose and began pacing the ship. This caused Kilowog to scratch his head in bewilderment and Hal to approach him gingerly. In as soft a tone as he could muster, Hal invited Razer to talk in private.
"Razer come with me and we'll see if we can't speed up that process okay?"
Razer gave him a doubtful look, shrugged his shoulders and then followed him out from the bridge.
Once they were out of earshot from Kilowog, Hal spoke up.
"Look I'm not going to beat around the bush okay…"
"What does a bush have to do with anything at this moment?" Razer interrupted.
"Huh? Oh nothing…it's just an Earth saying. Anyway, what I meant to say was I know that you told Aya that you loved her," he raised his finger to stop Razer from interrupting again and continued, "aaaannnd I know that you later denied it. Basically you just messed with her head and she's really, really, and pardon the expression: royally pissed off at you! What were you thinking kid?"
"Well, obviously I wasn't thinking. I know that now, but then I was just…confused. However, I know what I must do now and it can't wait!"
Hal stopped walking, turned and placed his hands on Razer's shoulders, "Listen kid whatever you're thinking of doing is not going to work. This is Aya we're talking 's… no ordinary woman. Heck I don't even think we could say that…"
"Don't! Don't even say that she's not even human. Because I know the contrary. I know that she can feel and I now know that she can…that she can…love!"
Razer turned around and lowered his head in shame. Somehow saying out loud made it all finally ring true and the truth hit him hard right in the gut.
"Look Razer I…I wasn't going to say that she wasn't able to feel, cause I saw how she was afterward. She even told me that she was in pain and she didn't know how to handle it. But you have to realize that it's not gonna be easy. Hell if this was Carol and I was in the doghouse," Razer gave him another confused look but didn't interrupt this time. Hal continued,
"Never mind that, just know that a broken heart is not easily fixed. Even it's a heart made of computer chips and wiring. What I'm trying to say is: just don't get your hopes up."
"I appreciate your advice in the matter and will take it under consideration. I am a realist and I have calculated my chances of success and regardless of the low probability of a positive outcome I just know that I have to at least try. I can't explain why I must or why against all logic my will forces me to. I just know in my heart…in my soul, if I still have one, that I have to do this. Therefore I have to disclose my plan to you both. So just listen to me please!"
So that's chapter 1. Feedback is welcome and stay tuned.