496 Reasons Why Multidating is More Complicated than it Seems
Pairing 0: Prologue
I will say right now that this prologue is optional and can be skipped! This was supposed to be short but I kind of dragged it on... skip to the closing AN if you want a TL;DR version. I just thought of doing this so that all the relationships would take place in the same story (saving me having to either come up with 496 completely different settings and contexts or spamming dreambubbles, which may also qualify due to them changing settings based on memory). Just be warned that this backstory is so contrived and out-there that it makes an episode of South Park look like an episode of King of the Hill.
This takes place in an AU where the twenty four trolls and the eight humans are all bisexual so that the idea of pairing everyone with everyone would work without having to cheap out and drag in the extra quadrants. (The pairings will be flushed only, I might have said this in another point because this disclaimer wasn't here at first but I don't want to write something that honestly doesn't feel like romances as romances, especially those involving humans since the human race doesn't need quadrants. And if I did the pairings I would "moirailblock" would probably be all the popular ones while the crack, potentially abusive, incestuous, etc. ones all get flushed chapters because I'm a bored jerk like that.) I fully acknowledge that, in the canon universe, John and Jane are straight, and Dirk and Kanaya are gay, and that it is not plausable for any of them to loophole around and be attracted to those that they have been stated to be unable to. However, this doesn't take place in canon's world in the slightest.
A huge inspiration for this story's premise is from a common meme around the fandom of making fics like this, where every combination of characters is ran through a random list generator and paired accordingly. I believe that the origin of this, or at least one of my bigger inspirations, is Flushed by Stripe. Another is this fan adventure on the MSPA forums called Shipbound... or something along those lines? That one was specifially supposed to ship "Everybody at once," unfortunately I don't think it ever really picked up. This and maybe the epilogue will be the only chapters to be done in the Homestuck style of commands, script format, and second person. Do not think the entire fan fic will be like this. I don't want to read any "second-person/script format stories aren't allowed" reviews.
Say, speaking of King of the Hill...
The 14th of February, 496: The day Pope Gelasius introduced Valentine's Day (According to Wikipedia)...
Begin 496 Reasons Why Multidating is More Complicated than it Seems
Your name is MEENAH PEIXES, and you are a six sweep old troll from a planet called BEFORUS. You are attempting to ESCAPE YOUR DESTINY IN BEING THE CARETAKER OF THOSE WITH BLOOD REDDER THAN YOURS - well, redder might not be the right term, considering how your blood hue has MORE RED THAN BLUE. "Higher," you feel would be an appropriate term - by ABSCONDING as far as possible.
You have found yourself on Beforus's PINK MOON last sweep and moved your hive there via HIJACKING SUPER TROLL TECHNOLOGY. Wait, did you call it the pink moon? Seems a little unnecessary, seeing as Beforus only has that moon, aside from the smaller moon orbitting that. Anyhow, you stumble across a set of stone ruins with a frog statue sitting on top and what looks like huge holes in the walls around the entrance.
Meenah: Talk to the frog.
No. And neither you nor anyone else plans to waste any time at all. This prologue is already long without goofing off with joke commands like this. Just look at the scroll bar. Yeah, from then on out it's pretty much only plot-critical stuff. Just image how long would it be if I shoved in a useless joke command every third or so page?
Meenah: Enter temple.
You take no less than ten steps inside the temple before finding the dead bodies of you, a few guys you knew back on your planet, and copies of them wearing either purple or yellow. Around them is a bunch of rubble, and Meulin and her copy are oddly missing.
You didn't know at the time, but you will be the cause of this. Well, sort of.
Meenah: Look around for anything else.
You find the CODE to what appears to be a GAME.
As you glance around, someone appears to be trolling you. You could have sworn you blocked her, and for a really good reason. This bitch is possibly the worst troll in all existance, and that's saying a lot.
- plotDevice [PD] began trolling clampitalCondesce [CC] -
PD: Finally, you do something!
CC: of all peeps to troll me you gotta be the worst one
CC: howdya even know i was here
PD: Shut up!
PD: Do not underestimate the LORD OF HEART and her cueball!
CC: go away
PD: Hey! I am one of the most powerful players of that game you are about to discover!
CC: i said get the sail away from me
CC: whats this game and whats in it for me
PD: I don't care about you or your stupid little other eleven "regular" players, I'm just in it for Gamzee.
PD: Just get the code on those walls over there as a file and send them to Aranea.
PD: She will know who else to give them to.
CC: orca if youre so showerful why dont you just c+p those notes yourself
PD: My control button is broken.
CC: BOT)( OF T)(-EM?
PD: Also this computer is weird I can't highlight anything.
CC: G-ET THE BUTTONS FIX-ED I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR STUPID GAM-E!
PD: But I told you there would be cash...
CC: ill T)(INK about it
CC: but im not T)(AT desperate for money if it means you
PD: Oh, you kind of have to agree.
PD: You see...
PD: Today is the day that the great shatter of double-death will reach this instance of our universe.
CC: not this shit again
PD: Just do as I say and none of us will double-die.
PD: Assuming these cracks work the way I think they work...
CC: youre tellin me youre still gonna be out there kickin it?
CC: i would acuse you of spadeflirting w/ me but you "cant feel that" or "dont know how that works" or whatever
- plotDevice [PD] ceased trolling clampitalCondesce [CC] -
Meenah: Do as the jackass says.
You transfer the code over to Aranea, and soon a series of cryptic, lengthy, quirk-filled, and ship-teasing pesterlogs about the game and forming teams ensues, none of which are ultimately important for the prologue.
We'll fast foreward to when you have just entered the seventh gate in your Medium planet, Land of Dew and Militia. The rest of both your team and the Red Team still has yet to reach their first gates, a task which admittently had gotten exponentially harder after Meulin entered.
You currently stand in front of the entrance to HEMERA'S LAIR. Meulin's sprite greets you. Contrary to the rest of the trolls in your game-playing group, who have all pre-entry prototyped their lusis out of extreme uncreativity, Meulin's kernel was prototyped by Beforus's FIRST GUARDIAN, after her lusis ran off somewhere and she had just finished utilizing her entry item. The first guardian had done this in an attempt to prevent the session from becoming 'void' and preventing the Battlefield from reaching its final stage, but at the cost it made the underlings next to unkillable. Again, terrible. These players sucked to begin with.
Anyway now that that omnipocow could 'talk,' its words - if you could call them that - where loud, incomprehensible, and caused blaring green static that you were sure would give you radiation poisoning. So you tossed in a cardboard cutout of Troll Hank Hill you found lying around your hive (...it was a phrase, okay?) to try to get it to pipe down.
Needless to say, that was one of the few stupid moments in your life.
HANKSPRITE: So this is where you fight the... 'denizen.'
HANKSPRITE: Or somethin'.
HANKSPRITE: Need I say again that this whole thing is asinine and that I would never think of doing this if I was in charge of this vidya game?
MEENAH: hey lame old dude i toldya before go bug meulin not me
MEENAH: my sprite may be a tiny-ass fish but id rather talk to her than you
HANKSPRITE: You should respect your elders!
HANKSPRITE: Your mom may be a fish but still!
HANKSPRITE: At least she isn't a tentacle monster from the Furthest Ring that could kill every troll on the galaxy with a single... urgh... 'glub,' like your lusis on the other side of the scratch!
MEENAH: aw man that sounds awesome tell me more
HANKSPRITE: Well I'm not supposed to tell you, but what the hell, this entire thing is stupid.
HANKSPRITE: You have the option to activate something in Damara's planet that will reset this universe and SGRUB game into a new one.
HANKSPRITE: You will get a fulfilling life, where you will live on the planet in a regular lifespan, before your ancestors, who will switch roles with you, will play their own version of the game.
HANKSPRITE: It's a hard reset, so unless you find a way to escape you will all be wiped out of existance.
MEENAH: everyfin aboat that sounds awesome
MEENAH: how do i do it?
HANKSPRITE: Well I would show you but Damara is still stuck on that planet-
HANKSPRITE: Like everyone becides you on their planets.
HANKSPRITE: And I'm not goin' anywhere near that mess I'll tell you what.
HANKSPRITE: Now if you'll excuse me, the Reckoning is about to start.
HANKSPRITE: I'm goin' to Skaia.
Meenah: Be PD.
Your name is BORORO SIERDA, and EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS AWFUL.
Your blood is the color that is considered PURPLE according to ColoUrs and Mayhem, just like the TROLL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCRATCH YOU ARE MENTALLY DATING. Your hair is EXACTLY like Jade's. Your horns are EXACTLY like Karkat's. Your trolltag is plotDevice and you think you are really unique for not having any sort of quirk at all.
You did not normally get onto this game like the other twelve trolls did. You hid in Meulin's hive with your kernelsprite, and entered along with her. You never prototyped the kernel. You kind of think you're not supposed to: When you dream on Prospit, you find only one tower housing your dreamself and a very dark Skaia, and that's a pretty big DON'T EVEN BOTHER PROTOTYPING sign right there. Whenever you contact another player or simply look at the sky, they describe and you see Skaia as still being bright and blue.
You have a variety of INTERESTS, identical to the author's. I will now waste your, the reader's, time by focing my interests into the story in this obnoxious way that believe me is not exclusive to the Homestuck fandom: You like ALL GAMES NINTENDO, especially those from series created by TROLL SHIGERU MIYAMOTO. You have taken an interest in television series Giant Explosion Hypothesis (Obvious reference to Big Bang Theory), How I Met Your Ancestor (How I Met Your Mother, even if it goes completely against what has been established about troll society), the Amazing World of Troll Gumball (hint: one word added and that's the only change), Adventure Time, and a few select book series. You have also taken interests in skating, sports, and chess, but YOU ARE BAD AT ALL OF THEM.
You, the reader, cringe heavily upon reading the above three paragraphs and consider clicking that "back" button. Luckily, you, the reader, should be happy to know that you, Bororo, will die horribly soon and will be written out of the story within the prologue.
Bororo: Examine land.
HORUSS is still trying to fend off the underlings and build Meulin's cave-hive up to her first gate, so until that happens you and her are both pretty much stranded around the first section of LAND OF LITTLE CUBES AND LOVE.
You DISAGREE with a lot of what Meulin says about SHIPPING, because she does not agree that you would be a good fit for GAMZEE. Even though she knows jack shit about him. She knows jack shit about you, too. You're lovable, funny, and nice unless provoked, none of which are traits Meulin seems to see you as.
Bororo: Leave and start on your own journey.
Brilliant idea. This is one of those lands with nothing keeping you from walking around without entering a gate.
The land is decorated with extremely tiny SUGAR CUBES everywhere, looking like SUGARY SAND or... snow or something. The sky is a sickeningly bright pink and has whisps of gas that form HEART-SHAPPED PATTERNS on it. ROSES grow out of the ground in clusters at several points, and there are rivers and lakes of CHOCOLATE.
You come across some GICLOPSES but kill them effortlessly, and come across a hill housing a tyrian stone slab.
THIS is what you have been looking for. Once you reach the GOD TIERS, this session will be under your control and Gamzee will be yours.
Pfft who am I kidding it's not like that plan will ever go through. Before you try to go onto your futile plan, however, you really want to do something about that noisy sprite. Hopefully that cue ball of yours can give you some interesting code...
Damara: Get trolled by Meenah.
Your following conversation was very lengthy and, to be frank, moronic. The baseline is that she wants you to find the SONIC CLIFF, the music box (or rather, 'light box') on LAND OF QUARTZ AND GLOW, and unearth it, followed by SMASHING IT TO PIECES. She said she got that from some ruins and the like around her planet. She spent a good amount of the conversation complaining about how complicated it is to understand their "wierd-ass riddle speak."
You sigh and conveniently come across what you think she might have been talking about.
Damara: Consult with sprite.
That is a pretty good brand of soda. You take a NICE SWIG of it.
Your PRODUCT PLACEMENT METER increases.
Damara: Consult with Ramsprite.
DAMARA: SO. THIS IT?
RAMSPRITE: just lift it up and break up!
DAMARA: I THOUGHT YOU SCRATCH IT.
RAMSPRITE: neh... it's kind of rare to have a scratch device that needs to be scratched!
RAMSPRITE: those are for really special playthroughs!
DAMARA: GOT IT.
DAMARA: BORORO TROLLING. ANSWER?
RAMSPRITE: she always brings words of wisdom, so i say yes!
DAMARA: FINE. BUT IM NO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
- plotDevice [PD] began trolling autoeroticAsphyxiation [AA] -
PD: I see you've already reached the scratch device...
PD: Let's hope for you guys that you can break that crystal before I kill myself on my quest bed and ascend.
PD: I'm climbing up that stupididly long spiral right now.
PD: If I succeed, and I'm sure I will, I will be safe from the Scratch in my OWN session.
PD: Because that's where my dreamself is at and my dreamself will become my God Tiered self after I do this.
PD: So hurry.
PD: Oh, don't even bother trying to escape the scratch, regardless you will end up either dead or erased from reality.
PD: Heh heh heh.
PD: Also I'm going to destroy your universe so there's that too.
- plotDevice [PD] ceased trolling autoeroticAsphixiation [AA] -
Damara: Activate scratch.
With pleasure. You successfully found a pair of SPECIAL NEEDLES, and used your secondary strife card to make an extra specibus for NEEDLEKIND alongside your old WHIPKIND that you never plan on using. (Unless things get too sexual to handle, which is never.) An hour later, you lift the Sonic Cliff up and destroy it using your naturally-given psycic powers.
HANKSPRITE: God dangit, timeout everyone, timeout!
You suddenly find yourself teleported inside the FROG TEMPLE'S TIME CAPSULE LOTUS ROOM. The other eleven players are there too, as well as all of their dreamselves.
Spending more time arguing with everybody than actually playing the game, you of course have a very small idea about dreamselves and the temple.
Hanksprite is also there. As well as Bororo's unprototyped kernelsprite, and a rocket board.
HANKSPRITE: Okay, so I used my 'first guardian' or whatever powers to save y'all asses from this.
HANKSPRITE: Except that one girl who shot herself in the chest on her quest cocoon.
MEENAH: her quest what?
HANKSPRITE: You die on it and if your dreamself is still alive, the dreamself gets a 'God Tier' mode with all these fancy powers related to their class and aspect, and can't die unless it's under specific circumstances.
MEENAH: oh fuck i wanted to do that! that sounded so much cooler than the scratch!
HANKSPRITE: Welp, ya made your choice and you'll get it, I'll tell you what.
HANKSPRITE: I'm not just saying that to try to teach at least one of y'all a lession, I'm saying that because there is nothing I can do in my power to stop the scratch from happenin'.
HANKSPRITE: But I can save you.
HANKSPRITE: First, everybody grab that copy of you that's wearing either purple or yellow.
HANKSPRITE: Sorry Mituna, you'll have to do this with both of your's.
HANKSPRITE: That is a dreamself, if one of you dies then the corpse can be kissed and the dreamself will function as an extra life.
HANKSPRITE: But before that, they have all these fancy dreaming powers but I'm sure some of ya' know 'bout that.
MEENAH: hey um what if i run out really fast and stab myself on my quest bed and other me over there fuses with me or somefin and i get those powers you were talkin about
HANKSPRITE: Bororo sealed the place shut with concrete and brick on her way to God Tiering herself, after alchemizing that rocket board over there to get here. Not only that, but there's this, ugh, "magic" she added that makes it next to impossible to open from the inside, but only from the inside. Any possible exit to this room has been blocked off.
HANKSPRITE: She did this to avoid havin' to listen to her kernel's gibberish.
HANKSPRITE: She also left the rocket board in this room for some reason.
HANKSPRITE: I guess if anyone wants it, they can take it.
ARANEA: Can't you just 8reak the wall down?
HANKSPRITE: I am NOT gonna even THINK about giving that punk an exit and an oppertunity to God Tier, because there isn't any time!
HANKSPRITE: Now throw your dreamselves in there, jump in there yourselves, also throw in that board if you want it.
HANKSPRITE: I'll use my sprite powers to push this through Skaia.
HANKSPRITE: Now one really weird thing about Skaia is that it can send stuff to two different versions of its home universe: one before the scratch, and one after.
HANKSPRITE: So I'm led to believe this:
HANKSPRITE: The lotus will be a time capsule. You will be frozen until "destiny needs you" or somethin'.
HANKSPRITE: If you wake up and the doors are still sealed, you are the instance of you back in your original universe and can do whatever you want.
HANKSPRITE: You'll probably just get killed by meteors though. Or have to live your life on the moon.
HANKSPRITE: However, if you wake up and the seal is being picked apart by someone, then you are in the universe after the scratch, where you will meet your ancestors and help them play their game!
MEENAH: this sounds )(ORRIBL-E!
MEENAH: i hate my ancestor!
MEENAH: im regretting the idea to scratch more and more by the minute!
PORRIM: Wait, yo+u where the reaso+n why Hanksprite shot us here?
LATULA: 3p1c 1d34 m33n4h!
ARANEA: No! No it isn't! We don't even know if this session is supposed to 8e scratched or not!
ARANEA: You could have roped us all into a doomed timeline!
MITUNA: THIS IS JUST AWFUL!
MITUNA: MEENAH, FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!
MITUNA: I HOPE YOUR ANCESTOR IS AS RUTHLESS AND BRAINDEAD AS YOU ARE, AND SHE WILL STAB YOU WITHOUT HESITATION!
MITUNA: AND THEN THERES A POSSIBILITY OF US COUPLING SOMETIME SOON?
HORUSS: This sounds very intriguing.
HORUSS: But if I could ask, which ancestor will we see first?
RUFIOH: oh- no! she's ch1ll, 1s she?
KANKRI: Is there s9mething y9u are suggesting a69ut the Megid9 9n the 9ther side 9f the Scratch, Rufi9h?
KANKRI: I f9ll9w under the c9urse 9f path that it is never a reas9na6le train 9f th9ght t9 directly ass9ciate 9ne with their 6i9l9gical relatives, n9 matter h9w distinct their pers9nalities may seem in c9ntrast t9 what is c9nsidered in c9mparas9n t9 the cultural s9ciety widley kn9wn am9ngst the p9pular cr9wd.
DAMARA: YOU TRYING TO INSULT ME. INDIRECTLY?
DAMARA: RED BOY, I ALREADY BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
MEULIN: (.-.)~ hey damara you really need to know proper english!
MEULIN: (O.U)~ im not purrfect myself but its hard talking to you and stuff!
CRONUS: hey damz i agree vwith leijon
CRONUS: but for nowv lets all shut up and jump into that flowver
CRONUS: vwe can talk about you slipping outta that eastern accident after this
MEENAH: fine so its settled then
MEENAH: instead of me gettin to become a god i have to spend a long time trapped in a flower with you fuckasses and then have to deal with megido two point oh
MEENAH: jumping into a goddamn flower is our only option becides nothingness
MEULIN: (^u^) DIBS ON THE ROCK3333T BOARD!
[S] All: Enter lotus.
NOTICE: We're sorry, but the sound feature has not been added to this game yet. Please consult your manual containing a link to the website containing downloadable updates for enhancing your gameplay quality.
You all throw in your dreamselves and jump in yourselves, with Meulin keeping a tight grasp on the board. Bororo's sprite dives in too. The flower closes, the time is set for SIX HUNDRED AND TWELVE MILLION SWEEPS, and Hanksprite teleports outside with a sigh and fires a SPRITEBEAM at the veil rock to get it moving towards Skaia. He then stares at the ball of atmosphere with worry as a beam shoots towards it from LOQAG, starting a ball of static which engulfs it and starts spreading out through the Medium.
Meulin's LUSIS jumps on the rock at the last second before it goes through a blue SGRUB portal, before Skaia itself is effectively erased.
You are now JACK NOIR, and you and your agents hitched a ride on this temple-containing stone that just went through the gate.
The funny thing about the portal's exit route; it shot the meteor-to-be away from the home planet, and not towards. This got it sent to its moon. And you are now stuck here with this CAT-LIKE BEAST WITH TWO MOUTHS.
Agents: Enter Temple.
The entrance to the TIME CAPSULE is blocked by a bunch of gray bricks that slowly grown purple. However, the ECTOBIOLOGY LAB is still open.
The coordinates are locked towards a COW FROM THE FUTURE. The cat beast starts clawing a code on the walls.
Jack: Use ectobiology to create the first guardian cow of Beforus, using the imprint of both the cow's slime and the code that cat scratched.
The young first guardian KILLS ALL FIVE OF YOU with a bolt of green lightning.
Sweeps in the future...
The pod opens. Everyone except Meulin and her dreamself is dumped out.
You are now Meenah and you find the exit to this room to still be sealed with bricks. Magic bricks.
Welp, you guess you got dumped off to the wrong place. You uncaptchaloge a TUMOR you had recieved after using your dreamself to fly from Derse all the way to the battlefield. It turned out your session was null or something and that bomb was going to go off at some point.
Well, with no forseeable options, there's only one thing left for you guys to do.
You heaftly toss the bomb into the kernel and...
TUMORSPRITE: SESSION ANOMALY DETECTED.
TUMORSPRITE: IDENTIFIED AS "TAG-ALONG SESSION."
TUMORSPRITE: SELF-DESTRUCT WILL COMMENSE IN EXACTLY FOUR HUNDRED AND NINTEY SIX SECONDS.
PORRIM: Meenah, what the hell?
MEENAH: pfft heh heh heh
MEENAH: do YOU wanna starve to death in here?
MEENAH: these are our only two options
You do, not immediately but after eight minutes and sixteen seconds, killing everybody and blowing a huge hole in the temple.
At least the brick walls are finally down.
Hours in the Future...
ALPHA TIMELINE MEENAH hears the explosion, goes to the source of it, and discovers the game, as well as the dead bodies of everyone. She gets her shit together and gets ready to start playing SGRUB.
Just before Meenah's entry, Meulin and her sleeping dreamself fly out of the time capsule lotus on the rocket board and over to the would-be-heiress in another timeline's hive just as she enters.
Much later in the session, they escape erasure by flying over to LOQAG and stealing one of the time crystals in a location that was rather boastfully told to her by Damara earlier in the session.
Hours later, non-dream alternate Meulin goes over to Bororo's quest cocoon, kicks her off, and stabs herself on her bed with her claws. The dreamself then wakes up and flys out to the FURTHEST RING, reaching God Tier along the way.
Duplicate Meulin: Level up.
For managing to escape the scratch and unofficially declaring yourself to be a FUTURE WATCHER OF DREAMBUBBLES (not that you know how those work, yet anyway), you climb up a new level and recieve a GIFT OF GAB badge.
END OF PROLOGUE ACT ONE.
PROLOGUE ACT TWO.
Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO and you have followed something Sollux said and went over to the cave you found, and into a set of ruins. You are currently taking apart these bricks by hand. You had no idea why the bricks were glowing purple, but you decided to ignore it and remove them anyway.
You enter the room and see a lotus about to open in a little over eight minutes.
We shall spend those eight minutes discussing the GAME you are playing with eleven other trolls. That's right, eleven, not twelve. Relax. There is no Sierda on the other side of the scratch. This story could not hold more than one of those things without failing itself.
KARKAT, TEREZI, and GAMZEE have already entered, and you have everything set up. But first, you are really curious as to what is inside this flower.
Even though it would most likely take less than eight minutes for you, the reader, to read that, the flower opens anyway because the story kind of fast-forewarded itself during this time. Of course, when wasn't this prologue on fast-foreward?
A light exits the flower, which turns into a clusterfuck ball of twenty-five trolls that, for a lack of a better term, explode and scatter all over the temple floor. There's also a flashing ball, but that can be ignored too.
You help some of them up, finding that half of them look identical to eachother, with the one in yellow having two alternate selves.
Aradia: Introduce yourself.
You don't have time for that right now! You quickly rush the twelve new trolls and their dreamselves over to your hive, where you were about to finish the requirement for your entry item before the meteor strikes.
That stupid vermillion CHESS SET prevented you from being the first person between the teams from entering. The darker pieces were completely unmovable, and you had to move the lighter pieces in a game against the darker ones, with the captured pieces vanishing from the board. You only lost ONCE, which caused the pieces to reset. The AI - or whatever - on this entry item was stupididly good, which wasted a shitload of your time.
Oh wait. There you go, checkmate. Whatever you were playing against lost by playing on a more offensive strategy, carlessly leaving its king open.
You enter onto the Land of Quartz and Melody. Because your sprite has hatched, I get to make this into a spritelog:
MEENAH: so you must be ancestor numbah one huh?
MEENAH: a young damaracestor or somefin
ARADIA: which one of you guys are you talking about?
MEENAH: whatcha mean the dope smoker over there
ARANEA: Meenah! This isn't the time to start fights with our ancestors!
ARANEA: We have to help them win!
ARADIA: um according to this walkthrough from a "tentecleTherapist" the sprites are supposed to help do that
ARADIA: you still havent explained yourselves!
MEENAH: oh cod you prototyped your lusii too
MEENAH: this is one batch of uncreativity after another
MEENAH: first your entry item was just like damaras but with a full set of enemy pieces instead of just a king
MEENAH: now your land looks the same but with crystal music boxes instead of crystal "light boxes"
MEENAH: your last name is megido right?
One million sweeps in the past...
Divided by a million, that is...
- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] -
CT: D - Nepeta
CT: D - Nepeta
CT: D - Why are you so
CT: D - Unresponsive
AC: ~(=.-.) im not nepeta!
CT: D - What
AC: (^_^) my name is meulin!
AC: (^_^) and i think you wandered into the furthest ring by mistake!
Your outfit suddenly shifts from what you usually wear into a set of purple pajamas.
Spoken dialogue is allowed in dream bubbles without the Gift of Gab (not like it would matter soon, though), but for some fucking reason it appears as a continuation of the pesterlog, and you "speak" with your trolltag initials preceeding your speech instead of your first name.
CT: D - Nepeta
CT: D - Or "meulin"
CT: D - What is a furthest ring
MEULIN: (^u^) JUST TURN AROUND!
You find a girl wearing some bizarre dark fuchsia outfit with a pink heart icon at the center. Behind her is an alien girl who's skin color is OPEN TO INTERPRETATION, REPRESENTED AS BLANK WHITE, BUT IS PROBABLY NOT GRAY. This alien is wearing an orange outfit with a yellow sun icon on it. Her eyes, unlike the troll's, are blank white, and because of this combined with her ARACIAL SKIN she looks like she has no eyes from a Homestuck point of view.
MEULIN: (OTO) rose rose rose ROSE!
MEULIN: (OTO) I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE ALPHA TIMELINE DREAM EQUIUS!
ROSE: It's a challenge to tell with him being a hero of Void, but I can sense that this version of him is not just another offshoot.
ROSE: Luckily the trip back to Derse's moon is not that far from here.
ROSE: From the experience you are about to recieve, anyway.
EQUIUS: D - I do not understand
EQUIUS: D - What is this place and why are there aliens here
MEULIN: (.-.) rose you are my guide to the ring you should know
ROSE: At some point in your timeline, Feferi has gone out here and was able to convince the otherworldly monsters that dwell in this region of Paradox Space to produce bubbles for the dead.
ROSE: This also applies for those in offshoot timelines, like mine, presuming they died before the timeline was erased from existance.
ROSE: This is an unusual instance of Meulin. One that is neither offshoot nor alpha.
ROSE: She told me that her group did what is called scratching their session, and escaped the consequences by riding within the time capsule in their frog temple.
ROSE: Skaia considered this meteor from the veil to be important enough to split across the pre- and post-scratch universes; something that is usually only select.
ROSE: Normally a person is only duplicated once through both instances of a universe, one for each, where in one version they will be the guardian figure, and in another they will be the player with the other universe housing an inversion to the system.
ROSE: However, this defense portal's split created two instances of them in both universes each, something highly rare across playthroughs of the game.
ROSE: This is most commonly one of the results of a tagalong session.
Equius: A what?
EQUIUS: D - And what may that be
ROSE: There are five kinds of sessions where the series of events leading to the quotitian propagation of reality do not happen as "planned."
ROSE: Quotes because almost everything happens as part of a person or being's "plan," but the intelligence of them is not always omniscient.
ROSE: They are null, where Skaia does not produce the ability to make a new universe.
ROSE: Void, where none of or not all of the kernels are prototyped before entry.
ROSE: Dead, when only one person tries to play.
ROSE: White, where Prospit's forces, through some extreme manipulation, win the initial battle at the core of Skaia instead of Derse.
ROSE: And tagalong, where someone who is not destined to play decides to play the game, completely defying the set and determined order.
ROSE: Now, there is a difference between a tagalong session and combining playthroughs of the game.
ROSE: Combining is what your group is doing right now, with your ancestor meetup Meulin was happy to tell me about. Joining forces to help life and creation continue.
ROSE: A tagalong session, however, is when someone who is not only not supposed to play the game, but is actually repelled from it and its uses, jumps in anyway. Because a person like this even existing is rare, a session with them in it is rarer.
ROSE: Point is, Bororo is not meant to be.
EQUIUS: D - In sgrub
ROSE: At all.
MEULIN: (0n0) WOW
MEULIN: (0n0) i mean i always thought that...
MEULIN: (0n0) ...nevermind
Rose points you in a seemingly random direction, and you use your dreamself floating powers to fly over.
What where you doing while awake, again?
Oh right. You were about to enter.
Unfortunately, after returning to Derse's moon you wake up and find yourself in someplace you're unfamiliar with. It seems like Alternia; your hive is still intact, and everything as far as you can see on the ground level looks the same. Vriska's hive is still even there. Just... the sky is black, and overhead - through use of proper observation equipment - you see a large ball of dark clouds with a small golden pentagramic planet orbiting it with a smaller pentagramic satelite chained to it.
Moments in the past...
After Aradia entered, the kernel that belonged to Bororo began to emit sparks of electricity and started collapsing itself into a BLACK HOLE! This sucks up the frog temple and then drops down on the floor of the cave this took place in. The whole planet flashes white, entering a Medium it was not meant to.
You find out the hard way that OBSIDIAN - or at least, this game construct of - is one of the few things you cannot break with a simple STRONG PUNCH. You manage to smash the cube by clumsily heaping together a bunch of your robotics and controlling them to break it.
Not very long AT ALL after you enter LAND OF CAVES AND SILENCE, Horuss finds his way to your planet and comments on your knuckle injury, saying that breaking that cube of glass for him did not cause any cuts when he entered the LAND OF CAVES AND FIREWORKS.
Within the dead session you were warped to, the Meulin Duplicate flies over towards your cave-hive.
NEPETA: :33 333333!
MEULIN: (OuO) 333333333!
MEULIN: (^\m/^) HI ANCESTOR!
MEULIN: (^\m/^) IM HERE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING REALLY IMPURRTANT!
NEPETA: :33 what?
MEULIN: (=OmO=) ive seen memories of your homeworld from offshoot timelines in the dreambubbles and saw what potential you have for combat and ship speculation!
MEULIN: (=OmO=) all of your ships, no matter what doomed version of you guessed them, turned out to be true or worked really well!
NEPETA: :33 huh?
MEULIN: (=OmO=) i searched all over the layer of void that devides all sessions for a few days and saw you in the future!
MEULIN: (=OmO=) well... US!
MEULIN: (=OmO=) we were taking a long trip with these eight aliens and... well...
MEULIN: (=OmO=) i think you should in advance try to make that trip INTERESTING!
MEULIN: (=OmO=) try to get a couple to hook up!
MEULIN: (=OmO=) then if my furthest ring blind dating service shows anything THE REST WILL WORK ITSELF OUT!
NEPETA: :33 so
NEPETA: :33 im going to make a lot of ships canon?
MEULIN: (=OmO=) i think you can make EVERY SHIP CANON!
MEULIN: (=OUO=) EVERY! SINGLE! ONE! AT ONCE!
MEULIN: (UnU) furr now just work on entering your game before the lord of heart arises from this timeline and double-kills everybody
NEPETA: :33 say what is this place?
Meulin proceeds to explain to you that Bororo's sprite in the post-scratch version of the universe had full-fledged experienced the effects of a dead session and turned into a black hole, forcing your home planet into a version of the game you weren't meant to play in. She then whips out a rocket board and flys off past Derse's path of orbit. Why she would want to go out there, in the place of seemingly nothingness, is beyond you right now.
Bororo: Rise Up.
You have already done so, just as Equius entered. You have also descended into your dead Skaia, at the core where the three by three chess set that is the UNPROTOTYPED BATTLEFIELD lays. You land on the central square.
If black is associated with death, then indigo will be associated with double death-
Wait. Was that supposed to be indigo, or purple? Was indigo Gamzee's tier, or Equius's tier? And isn't purple Eridan's tier? Aren't purple and violet synonymous, or at the very least violet is purple with more blue, so the designations for Makara blood and Ampora blood should be swapped?
Eh, whatever. If black is the color of death, then 440a7f is the color of double-death.
First, before casting your SPECIAL UNIQUE SPACETIME-BREAK MAGIC that you got upon reaching God Tier somehow, these stupid kings are surprisingly noisy. They move by weakly lifting themselves in the air, and landing on the next square with a hard BOOM - or some ontomatopoeia like that. Good thing you broke off a pole back on Prospit, because now you can use it to slice those stupid things in half and not have to put up with their noise before you create your first of three cracks in Paradox Space.
The Black King's upper half flies out of the bounds of the session. This would normally save him from double death, except carapases don't get to have ghosts in the first place. Serves them right. You never gave two shits about those testiclefaces, anyway.
The White King, on the other hand, flies to Alternia, where it lands square in Nepeta's kernel, just as she finished eating that forest green, bitter marshmellow in order to enter the Incipisphere. Moments in the future, Meulin arrives at Land of Little Cubes and Tea and asks if the marshmellow to enter tasted as sweet as her's did. Nepeta responds with disgust.
Other trolls: 6x Entry Combo before Bororo destroys her session!
Tavros grudginly sews the arm on the goldenrod Vriska doll that spawned on his alchemiter. When Rufioh later told him that he had to break an Aranea doll to enter Land of Sand and Hurricanes, he gained a sudden burst of even more strength that helped the two battle their way our of an army of imps.
Vriska kept whispering to herself that being able to somehow get rid of Tavros's legs, as with the initial state of the Tavros doll she was tasked with, would have been a good option. Then again, would that result in her losing her arm, as with Tavros's doll? After entry, she tries to break the damn thing but it vanishes. Vriska will later, in a very irritated manner, confirm Aranea's theory of how her and Rufioh's entry items of breaking dolls were to oppose Tavros's entry task of fixing a Vriska doll, and by such Vriska's item would have been to fix a Tavros doll. Aranea will say some stuff about how breaking a doll of someone you know is much harder than fixing one of even someone you hate, none of which she payed much attention to. Aranea also pelted her with even the smallest signs on how the Land of Maps and Treasure was different from the Land of Maps and Bays.
Kanaya would have entered first out of the final six had it not been for the overly elaborate contraption needed so that she can place her lipstick on a slingshot, and toss it as such so that a novel will hit the button transforming it into a chainsaw mid-air, so that it can cut the large concrete effigy of what looks like some stick-figure mobster. (The effigy was too high to reach normally - it was on a large pole - and the chainsaw was too heavy to sling it.) Porrim congradulated her for comming up with that solution, especially since all it took for her to enter was throwing a rock at a straw effigy to get into Land of Milk and Frogs.
Eridan gave a heafty, heartly kick at the purple matriorb replica, leading it right into the matching soccer net. He would later rant about this to Cronus, who would respond in confusion in that his task was to simply break a wand in half to get into Land of Wrath and Demons.
By the time Feferi entered, a bright, violent series of indigo flashes came from Skaia. The effigy of Meenah spawned by the alchemiter turned out to be living - or at least, some extent of it - and took her up to the rooftop of her hive for a strife. The fight may have left her with several bruises, scratches, and more stab wounds than the previous combined, but Feferi somehow managed to win by striking when the effigy's guard was down. She would then gasp at seeing how similar Meenah looked to the effigy, and Meenah gasped at how she looked just like that "weakass failed attempt at a sparing machine" of her entry item.
Sollux stared at the chartreuse tree for a few seconds, looking between the red pill and the blue pill that hung on its vines. Finally shrugging, he yanked both off and ate them at the same time. Mituna asked if he enjoyed playing those two portable games spawning from the tree at once, as the ones he had when entering Land of Brains and Acid.
All of you find it hard believe that your ancestors still thought that their entry items are identical to yours.
All: Skip to the end.
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CAA: i would like to give a thanks for our twelve ectobiological descendants for really helping us!
CAA: well at first we tried to help them and things got chaotic resulting in literally billions of doomed timelines
CAA: but in the end it turned out they had a small fighting chance when they banded together!
CAA: it was a really sweet and fun experience...
CAA: and were not even done yet!
CAA: narrowly after we murdered the black king and laid the genesis frog a god-tiered player flew in and sliced the door that gives us the ultimate reward
CAA: one of my many doomed timeline selves propelled all of us into a transportalizer to avoid getting killed by the "lord of heart" as meenah calls her
CAA: mituna has been freaking out a lot recently and shouting a lot of stuff about this "kissing orgy" but i like everyone else dont know what he means
CAA: so im now watching as bororo flys over to skaia and prepares a mouth beam
CAA: everyone else has gone to this machine we found after getting teleported to the meteor in the veil
CAA: named the "insidiamini armaturam" and whitekingsprite says that he created it somehow
CAA: this thing has neon green signs all over it and it can apparantly take us into a new session
CAA: but this is not another version of our own
CAA: it is the one that takes place in the universe we created
CAA: the same one that is about to get destroyed by bororo
CAA: this is your universe, new players
CAA: i must sign off this message as karkat is telling me to jump into the machine and teleport
CAA: so, new eight players, let me give you all this as a conclusion
CAA: welcome to the next stage of existance
END OF PROLOGUE ACT TWO.
PROLOGUE ACT THREE.
Your name is JOHN EGBERT and WOW.
Your friend Jade had just pulled this awesome 2X LIFESAVE COMBO for both you and Rose. There was a small meteor heading towards your house, and it tore through a corner of which, which created a giant pit that turned into a churning sinkhole that nearly sucked you into it. Your SBURB EQUIPMENT is just fine, however, as well as your DAD.
Jade did this lifesaving by getting Bec to teleport her to the top of the meteor, ripping it in half, and letting the atmosphere shrink it into the size of rock that hit your house. When it stroke, she jumped over to you just before you got caught in the sinkhole and tossed the ashes of your Nanna into the kernelsprite. Then, she combined boat fuel and several tied up movie posters to fly you over to Tijuana in a makeshift hot-air-balloon, where she bought a pack of fireworks and two chairs, then blasted you both over all the way over to New York. Along the way you took a small detour South to Texas, and Jade gave Dave a high-five. You then proceeded to run through the forest and finally ended up in Rose's house, where Jade then bit the cyan apple, broke the dark green Bec she held in her hand the entire time, and smashed the bottle that was previously down the waterfall and in the below lake by tossing a pistol like a boomerang and letting it retrieve it.
You really wish you recorded that. To any outsider it would sound like a massive deus-ex-machina. You were staring in awe the entire time, and Rose was staring in curiosity.
The vast oceans of Land of Light and Rain shone brightly and colorfully, and in such a way that you would have thought these would make you consider having the makers of SBURB put on an epilepsy warning on this game had it not been for the kernels before this doing that.
All three of you suddenly get a message from someone you have never heard of before. 'apocalypseArisen.' The person gives a link to a memo archive and stops 'trolling' (according to what the header says) you.
You aren't sure what this means, as you have never encountered such trolls before. As an archive, the memo cannot have more written onto it, so none of you even bother trying to see if they will give a response. Jade tells you to wait for Dave to enter before trying to do anything-
Oh wait. I guess I should have told you this, reader. You see, the entry order and daisy chain order are both different from in canon, if Equius and Aradia entering out of order wasn't an indication before. (Which was first based on a mistake but let's keep quiet on that.) You entered first, followed by your server Jade, then her server Rose, and now you're waiting as your client Dave is preparing entry.
Okay now, Rose's SPRITE calls you all for a meeting.
MOMSPRITE: heya playas
MOMSPRITE: you guys r supposed to b going on your reaaally big quest
MOMSPRITE: so pretty soon a shitload of baddies called underlings are gonna b here
MOMSPRITE: so just like dont be afraid to beat the hell outta them and collect that fruit gusher shit they drop
MOMSPRITE: use that to build
MOMSPRITE: but john
MOMSPRITE: wait that is yur name rite?
JOHN: um... yes.
JOHN: wait, aren't you rose's mom?
MOMSPRITE: youre kinda fucked since your house is like a huge pile of rubble
MOMSPRITE: so while dave waits to enter his planet on this place he should build up to that circle thingy up there
MOMSPRITE: that is your first gate
MOMSPRITE: go there unless you wanna be stranded
MOMSPRITE proceeds to explain a bunch of things any reader of Homestuck who DECIDED TO READ IT PROPERLY AND DIDN'T SKIP ACTS should know: The gate will get them off this island, John's Dad has been kidnapped, everything about the forces of creation vs destruction war, and both NANNASPRITE and GRANDPASPRITE will guard John and Jade's houses respectively until they reach them through the gates.
A little later, you enter just before those OMINOUS INDIGO CRACKS you see up in the distant sky hit and destroy your planet. You have been doing NOTHING during this time except watching John, Jade, and Rose rack up grist and building up the latter's house accordingly. Your egg hatches just as you see the trio gathered around the first gate, and you are soon distracted by the sudden flashing around your rooftop as your part of the apartment enters.
Your BRO flashes you a thumbs up before getting on that rocket skateboard and flying off, leaving you with... your sprite.
SMUPPETSPRITE: 8=D Come on Dave, touch my plush rear!
SMUPPETSPRITE: 8=D Feel my ghost rump!
SMUPPETSPRITE: It's the kind of thing we were made for after all!
SMUPPETSPRITE: AH HAHAHA HA HA HA!
DAVE: why didnt bro just jump in thst seizure kernel like roses mom did again?
All: Skip to the end.
The session only took about three hours from there. At least, before things went abnormal. All four of you soon got back into your normal houses, grinded on enemies in order to build, solved dungeons, and overall accomplished a lot of shit. ROSE arrives at her home, her dreamself holding a giant TUMOR, and goes to a random computer lying around.
You are now Rose.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] opened up bulliten board titled "Our Victory" -
tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo on bulliten board "Our Victory."
TT: The following is to the concern of everyone.
TT: I have achieved a mass ascendancy to our overarching task to win this game.
TT: Meet me at my house.
TT: I will be serving fish.
TT: And lots of it.
A few minutes later, Dave and Jade are warped there. John follows much later after that.
NANNASPRITE, MOMSPRITE, and GRANDPASPRITE have long since ascended to Skaia for the reckoning (where the third would repeatedly try to charm the first two), however SMUPPETSPRITE has always been following Dave. Jaspers, Dad, Bro, and Bec are all there too, but the important one is Smuppetsprite, so I will have the excuse to make this a spritelog:
SMUPPETSPRITE: I'm defying the urge to go to Skaia until ANY OF YOU finally touches my butt!
JOHN: uuuuurgh dave how do you deal with that thing following you 24/7?
DAVE: its hell
DAVE: its like bro put this game on extra hard mode for me
DAVE: or should i say exxxtra hard mode
ROSE: You're late.
JOHN: woah rose, how did you get both your real self and your dreamself active?
ROSE: I studied.
ROSE: Still. You're late.
JOHN: well SOMEONE thought about building my house from the things SBURB gives you instead of copying and pasting or trying to make up your own floors and walls!
JOHN: and so my "new house" was a monster to navigate!
JOHN: i lost my jetpack unlike you guys so i had to walk around that nightmare!
JOHN: so i thought it would be better if i just went into the nearest gate but that led me to the certain SOMEONE's house!
JOHN: i got lost until i found another gate but that just sent me out into that SOMEONE's planet!
JOHN: i got even more lost in the land of frost and mounds! that place is creepy!
JOHN: i found this teleporter thingy and went into a gray room and pushed all these buttons and i made us, and they ended up on the last rocks of the veil going to skaia!
JOHN: i also made nanna, jade's grandpa, rose's mom, and dave's bro but...
JOHN: i don't know i did that all in a rush because nannasprite said it was important but i read the memo and jade we might be our grandparent's parents and i really wanted to finish and get to your house and-
JOHN: i jumped on one of the rocks and rode it until i got to the medium and jumped off of it but i was in dave's planet!
JOHN: so then i wandered through copy-pasted smuppets that were stitched by that creepy orange sprite until i found the gate and i looked around a LOT to check to SEE if it was the right gate!
JOHN: some of those smuppets looked like us, too! ick!
ROSE: I summoned you here to inform you something.
ROSE: Notice the lack of any sort of underlings here?
JADE: rose did you really kill the denizen?
JADE: that is AMAZING! :D
ROSE: I also found out that this session is null.
ROSE: From the Furthest Ring above I have noticed a glowing object colored the same as our pesterchum texts flying towards us.
ROSE: I used my dreamself to undergo scouting missions and found that it may contain a source that can help us.
ROSE: Follow me.
ROSE: We should go to the top of Jade's house, where we will be able to jump from the roof onto the object, assuming it is what I think it is.
Some GRAY TEXTED ASSHOLE suddenly 'trolls' all of you, and sends all of you a link to a memo.
? carcinoGeneticist [?CG] at ?:? opened bulletin board titled "WELCOME NEW HUMANS"
- ? carcinoGeneticist [?CG] at ?:? opened memo on bulletin board titled "WELCOME NEW HUMANS" -
?CG: IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS OF TALKING TO ALL TWENTY SEVEN OF MY COLLEGES IN ORDER TO COME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT I OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD MAKE A GOOD EMBASSADOR TO A SECOND GROUP OF NAIVE ALIENS
?CG: I WILL BEGIN BY SAYING THAT I SAW EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS
?CG: PURPLE TEXT HAS THE RIGHT IDEA.
- CURRENT ghostyTrickster [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo -
CGT: oh god.
CGT: hi 'embassador,' do you know about apocalypseArisen because i would really rather talk to him!
CGT: how did you survive the cracks?
?CG: BECAUSE I AM FROM A DIFFERENT SESSION
?CG: AND A DIFFERENT PLANET
?CG: AND A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE
?CG: I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER ANSWERING EVERYTHING ELSE YOU ASKED
?CG: YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH LEFT SO I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
?CG: NOTICE HOW YOUR AND YOUR RED-TEXT FRIEND'S LUSII LEFT?
?CG: WAIT. BY LUSII I MEAN GUARDIAN.
?CG: YOUR "DAD" AND REDDY MCCOOLSHADE'S "BRO"
CGT: yeah, they saw that thing dream rose was holding, gave it a funny look, and then dave's bro took my dad on his rocket board.
CGT: oh man, you should have seen how bro busted dad out of that purple prison place!
?CG: THEY WENT OFF TO ACTIVATE THE SCRATCH
- CURRENT tentecleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo -
CTT: The part of the game discussed with hush whispers between select constructs I encountered?
?CG: THEY KNEW THAT THE SESSION WAS NULL WHEN THEY SAW THE "TUMOR," AND THOUGHT ABOUT FIXING IT BY SCRATCHING EVERYTHING OUT OF REALITY
?CG: WELL THAT'S THE "CAUSE REASON." BECAUSE SKAIA SAID SO.
?CG: WE HAVE FOUR "EFFECT" REASONS, ALL OF THEM EAGARLY STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME
- CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo -
CTG: you a time player too?
?CG: I WOULD MAKE A HORRIBLE TIME PLAYER
?CG: I AM NEXT TO INCAPABLE OF CONVINCING MYSELF TO COMENCE IN LOOPS FOR THE SAKE OF STABILIZING A TIMELINE
?CG: SURE, I ARGUE WITH MYSELF FROM DIFFERENT POINTS IN TIME, ME GETTING TOLD BY A FUTURE SELF, "HEY PAST ME, GO AROUND AND STAB THIS UNDERLING FROM THE BACK WHILE I HANDLE THE FRONT?"
?CG: I *DON'T* DO SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT. MUCH LESS MORE NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED, MIGRANE INDUCING LOOPS. THAT IS NOT THE JOB SUITED FOR ME, THAT IS NOT GIVEN TO ME, AND I AM NOT COMPLAINING
?CG: I REVEL IN THE FACT THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO TALK WITH MYSELF TO KEEP MY TEAM ALIVE.
?CG: MY TEAM IS A SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE. RED GUY, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU SURVIVE HANDLING JUST THREE.
CTG: ok how do you know about cause and effect reasons of time traveling
?CG: SOME THINGS I ASK OTHER TIME PLAYERS, AND OTHER THINGS I FIND OUT MYSELF
?CG: WHAT. A PERSON CAN'T LOOK AROUND OTHER ASPECTS?
?CG: WE HAVE BEEN WORKING TOWARDS DOING SHIT THAT AT FIRST ONLY THE PRINCE OF HEART CAN DO
?CG: SO HAS "TT." YOUR TT.
CTT: "Heart" is an aspect that translates as that to a "soul," or "self."
CTT: Heroes of Heart tend to be natural experts with their dreamselves.
CTT: So you must be talking about my ability control both of my selves at once.
?CG: YOUR SESSION IS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE WE KNOW OF THAT DOESN'T HAVE A HERO OF HEART, AND YET YOU UNDERSTAND THE ASPECT MORE THAN MOST OF US SITTING ON THIS ROCK
?CG: AND WE KNOW FIVE SESSIONS, ONE OF THEM WITH A SINGLE PLAYER. THAT'S SAYING A LOT
?CG: I WILL GIVE YOU A NOBEL PRIZE FOR MAKING THAT DISCOVERY ALL ON YOUR OWN, JUST AFTER YOU WALK UP TO THE GREEN TEXT'S ROOF AND JUMP ON OUR METEOR
CGT: oh god. is that a threat or an order?
CGT: i really, really can't tell anymore.
?CG: THE MOST IMPORTANT ORDER OF YOUR LIFE.
?CG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR "GUARDIANS," THEY SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE SAFE FROM THE SCRATCH
?CG: THE CREEPY ORANGE SPRITE TOLD THEM
- CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo -
CGG: why do they both have to go?
CGG: from what rose told me the scratch will wipe them away?
?CG: CALL THOSE FREAK LUSII BADASS ALL YOU WANT, THEY CANT HANDLE THE SPECIAL UNDERLINGS MADE JUST TO STOP THE SCRATCH ALONE
?CG: ALSO, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE.
?CG: THEY REALLY WANT TO LIVE OUT THEIR FINAL MOMENTS *TOGETHER*
CGT: wait, are you saying...
CTG: wow for bro thats not surprising at all but for your dad
CTG: well they HAVE been chatting more often recently so that sounds like more of a given
CTT: How did their relationship go?
?CG: THEY FUCKED AT SOME POINT
?CG: PURPLE TEXT. YOUR DECENDANT SAW IT
?CG: SHE WAS MESSING AROUND WITH THE COMPUTER CONTROLLERS, BORED AS HELL OF THIS THREE HOUR TRIP, WHEN SHE CAME ACROSS THEM LYING NAKED IN A BATTLEFIELD CASTLE BED
?CG: SHE SAID THAT FOR SOME REASON SHE BLED FROM HER NOSE ALL OVER THE TERMINAL
?CG: WE'RE STILL TRYING TO CLEAN THAT SHIT UP.
CTT: My descendant?
?CG: WE THINK.
?CG: WE HAVE FOUR MORE OF YOUR KIND STUCK WITH US. BASED ON WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE SCRATCH IN MY GAMES, THEY ARE YOUR ECTOBIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.
CGT: are you sure they're OUR kids and not the other way around?
?CG: ARE YOU SURE?
CGT: i... did an ecto thing but i never payed attention.
?CG: RIGHT, THAT LEAVES ME AS THE GUY WITH ALL THE KNOWLEDGE.
?CG: LISTEN TO THE GUY WITH ALL THE KNOWLEDGE.
?CG: THIS GAME IS FULL OF CRYPTIC PATTERNS AND ECTO PARENTS BEING THE ONES TO DO THE ECTOBIOLOGY MIGHT BE ONE OF THEM.
- ? gutsyGumshoe [?GG] at ?:? responded to memo -
?GG: Poppop? Is that really you?
CGT: so are you my daughter?
?GG: I might be!
?GG: The only part I know is that an older you raised me, and perhaps an older me raised you!
CGT: nanna? is that really you?
CGT: if it is, i need to talk to you!
CGT: about what your other self did and is doing with jade's grandpa and maybe rose's mom!
?GG: Oh no...
?CG: WE CAN HAVE A FAMILY REUNION WHEN WE ARE NOT BEING CHASED BY A GIRL IN SUSPENDERS.
?CG: FOURSOME, GET OVER HERE, TAKE YOUR DREAMSELVES, AND THAT TUMOR.
?CG: LEAVE THE SPRITES BEHIND. AND THAT RADIOACTIVE LUSUS THAT LIVED WITH GREEN TEXT.
CGG: bec? why?
?CG: WE THINK THAT SLOWING MS. SUSPENDERS DOWN IS THE ONLY CERTAIN WAY TO GET READY TO KILL HER.
?CG: SHE'S BEEN GETTING CLOSER.
- ?CG ceased responding to memo -
- ? apocalypseArisen [?AA] at ?:? responded to memo -
?AA: i am very much a woman
- ?AA closed memo -
All: Do as CG says.
John, Dave, and Jade fall asleep. Dave and Jade fly over to John's DREAM TOWER and pick his still sleeping dreamself up, then lift it and both fly over towards the roof of Jade's house, whereat everyone is.
A large rock looking like it came from the veil, bordered by magics that were indeed the same colors as the texts of the four heroes of this ill-fated session, flies through the Incipisphere. You team of four humans all take a large leap, dreamselves in hand (as well as Jaspers), and-
The prologue act ends right here because that rock is considered soil of the B2 session, and each act only covers content from one specific session and universe instance. As soon as all playable characters are within grounds of another session/universe instance or otherwise outside of soil of their own not counting the Furthest Ring, the act ends. Sorry! That's how this game works!
END OF PROLOGUE ACT THREE.
PROLOGUE ACT FOUR.
Your name is JANE EGBERT, and you are the heiress to NOTHING.
What do you expect in a multiverse where LORD ENGLISH DOES NOT EXIST? If he was never here, then he could not have been the one who might have given Condesce the power to enter other universes, and thus could not have taken over the world. She would not have been the one to raise Poppop and Grandma, and Grandma would have never tried to rebel by styling after English, because, once again, HE DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS MULTIVERSE. And thus, Jake would not bear the red-herringlishious last name English.
Anyway A METEOR IS HEADING TOWARDS YOUR HOUSE! Luckily, a flash of bright light appears as fifty gray-skinned... humanoids (over half looking identical to at least another one) with candy-corn horns teleport into your universe. The only one with a gray symbol on its shirt pushes you off the balcony while also making a jump to take itself off as well, just as the rock destroys that portion of the house. Specifically the corner near the roof.
The ALCHEMITER flies off too and lands in a street in front. The TREE HOLDING A ROCK is still there. But before you could possibly try to figure out what to do in order to enter, there is a flash of dark redish-orange light and yet another one of those gray skinned, horned aliens appears, this one wearing a fuchsia outfit with some heart symbol on it. She uncaptchaloges a pair of corpses - again, of those same aliens, and again, looking identical to some of them you've seen before. In this case, the one in maroon and the one in black and ochre. She then prototypes their blown and scattered body parts, creating some weird looking hybrid abomination.
The rock drops from the entry item tree shortly after. The ALIENS that are not staring at the kernelsprite are staring at you as you throw the rock, just as the one in the heart outfit uses a pair of music-box like objects to warp someplace else.
You enter the Land of Wind and Tropics, a vast jungle with strong currents of wind and rain flowing through it. Sadly, you start off on a tall cliff that makes reaching the main land suicidal in the 'normal way,' meaning that you are forced to stay here and wrack up grist. The kernelsprite hatches upon your entry.
DAMUNASPRITE: THIS... IS... NO!
DAMUNASPRITE: I CAN'T... DON'T KNOW HOW...
DAMUNASPRITE: I WANT TO FUCK ALL OF YOU!
DAMUNASPRITE: except cronus
CRONUS: vwell i knowv i vwouldnt vwant to date a FREAK like you too!
CRONUS: that isnt to say theres no longer anything betwven us damara
DAMUNASPRITE: CRONUS! I WANT YOU TO DIE IN A FIRE THAT WILL STRIP AWAY YOUR FLESH SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!
DAMUNASPRITE: YOUR MUSCLES WILL THEN SLOWLY BECOME INACTIVE AS- AS-
DAMUNASPRITE: I AM TOO HORRIFIED TO COME UP WITH A DISTURBING INSULT.
VRISKA: What the hell just happened?
Someone: Tell Vriska what the hell just happened.
You are now Aradia.
You tell Vriska that the Insidiamini Armaturam was pre-set to the post-scratch session of this group, and that it is set to send someone to the point right when the first player's kernel is prototyped. I would normally do this as a spritelog, but then we would hear Damunasprite, plus all the background bickering going on with all these trolls and their duplicates. And trust me, it's all a bunch of pointless shit.
Equius also throws in the stuff about the alternate Meulin, and that this is all possibly the biproduct of a tagalong session.
Jane: Enter house. Reunite with father.
You can't! Your SERVER, Jake, put the cruxtrader right in front of your door, apparantly thinking that its place in the house was a simple indent in the wall and not an actual exit point! Hasn't this guy ever played a top-down game with houses in it before?
The meteor also hit the house at such an angle as to not make any holes in the wall. So that leaves you sitting out here, unable to alchemize, unable to contact anyone with any feasable computer (the troll's computers are all in a weird alien language, and in fact the only reason why you are able to hear their speech is because of a translator Sollux made at some point in the post-scratch troll session, and there is no way you are telling them what you want to say, lest they know of your private conversations and/or risking them of sending the wrong message), and unable to overall accomplish anything other than killing the imps that climb up the extremly tall cliff.
Your DAD eventually defies the Homestuck theme of NOT BEING ABLE TO REUNITE WITH YOUR GUARDIAN UNTIL THEY DIE AFTER ENTERING THE MEDIUM UNLESS THEY ARE SPRITES (of course, this was already defied before with his pre-scratch version and Bro) and climbs out the window to see you. He hands you his PDA, with Pesterchum already installed during a rather embarrassing incident that you would rather not like to flash back on. (Now, anyway.) He says one of your friends was trying to reach you.
- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering gologothasTerror [GT] -
GG: You have seen me this entire time.
GT: Why yes! Ive been pacing around this ol cubicle room trying to wait until further contact from you to ask...
GT: Which way do you think placing the stairs would be more practical?
GG: The stairs?
GT: You have accumulated one thousand grist, more than enough to move that doohickey in front of your door.
GG: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR THEN?
GG: GET IT OUT OF THE WAY!
GT: But it isnt the economical sollution!
GT: It would take much less grist for me to put a flight of stairs in your house, unthinkably moreso if it was a thin set!
GG: That sounds dangerous and asinine!
GT: Yes but sburb is a game about building up and well get nowhere fast if all we do is move your household around!
GT: Do you want the stairs in the front or the back?
GT: Do you like a set thats thick and long?
GG: Move the alchamiter to another portion of the house.
GG: NO. STAIRS.
GG: And stop sputtering statements like that!
GT: Like what?
GG: Like if you want to put something in the front or back of my house!
GG: All three Mitunas are reading this over my shoulder and they won't stop laughing!
GG: I tell them to shut up and they laugh harder!
GG: I just-
GG: I just-
GT: Come on jane what lady doesnt like a nice set of stairs to go inside and out of her household?
GT: Oh my.
GT: Okay now i understand what youre talking about.
Jane: Do something stupid.
You toss the PDA over the cliff.
Jane: Now that you have an open window, climb through it and get back to your room computer!
You climb through, that part of the command is followed perfectly.
Then you shut the window, sneer at all of the trolls (except Nepeta. She's pretty cool), and start kicking furiously as the cruxtrader to try to get your point in.
Jake: Examine client's condition.
You think it over for a minute, shrug, and decide to move the cruxtruder away to the road.
Welp, no time for that! Roxy has already sent you through the process of getting ready to enter, and all you have left is to shoot a model of a water droplet hanging from a tree. You're not sure what this means, but comparing that to Jane's entry item you are sure that THE CLASSICAL ELEMENTS has something to do with it. You also feel worried for Roxy, but since her item likely involves Dirk's element and his involves Jane's, you think it's nothing.
You enter the Land of Hills and Frogs without much trouble. It is full of extreme rises and depressions, with dense fog obscuring most of the immediate view. You are also capable of exploring the land on your own, although you would have to cross a small gap with thick fog in it that surrounds your house.
Jake: Examine sprite.
Before you entered, you DID happen to catch a glimpse of tyrian near by, then seeing gray body parts with indigo, violet, and fuchsia blood getting tossed into your kernel. This three-way hybrid... thing... called itself HOONAHSPRITE beofre the following log:
HOONAHSPRITE: This is easily the vworst thing that has -EV-ER happened to me in my vwhole f*cking life.
HOONAHSPRITE: I am literally a disgusting f*cking beast that seceretly vwont limit itself to dating on the same parts of the hemospectrum.
HOONAHSPRITE: Oh jake, didnt evwen notice your *ss.
JAKE: Salutations mr hoonah!
JAKE: I assume you will do as what ms tentacleTherapist foretold in the "cross-universe" gameFAQS article and tell us how to run our way through the medium?
HOONAHSPRITE: Lemme tell you wvhat to do.
HOONAHSPRITE: F*ck me.
JAKE: Arent we a wee bit too young for that?
JAKE: Wait is this one of those weird japanese fetish games where youre supposed to have scatological sex with your sister that dirk has made REDUNDANT use of teasing me with inviting to a converse?
HOONAHSPRITE: I hawve no possible f*cking clue
HOONAHSPRITE: But the ovwerall purpose of this sh*t is not to do something so lewd.
HOONAHSPRITE: Unless you count fertafryzing the vwomb that is the core of skaia with the seed that is the makeup of the genesis frog in order to make the fetus that is a newv uniwverse.
JAKE: Whats fertifryzing?
HOONAHSPRITE: Its a clevwer sh*tty pun
HOONAHSPRITE: You see vwhen samon are born they are called "fry-"
JAKE: Okay i understand now what?
You continue the building process, while Roxy enters and - as usual - Alternate Meulin prototypes her kernel with a group of corpses. You very swiftly build up to Jane's first gate, but she refuses to enter after conversing with the trolls. After building up to her second gate, she jumps through and lands on the roof of your room-
Oh dear. This can't be anything good.
Over 400 years in the future...
The universe had been destroyed, and the only thing that remains of it is a series of purple cracks in spacetime that will soon be healed once a certain device will detonate, mixing all of the empty space together in a massive sun.
Luckily for Roxy and Dirk fans, they started playing 2009 just like everybody else had.
That's right, 2009.
Roxy: Examine land.
You get bored as Dirk builds past your first gate, seeing as Jane and Jake have been having a LENGTHY AND PERSONAL discussion, all the while both of them were trying to avoid Hoonahsprite by hiding in one of the many rooms of the house that were PREVIOUSLY INACCESABLE THANKS TO VINE GROWTH THAT WASN'T THERE AFTER IT ENTERED THE MEDIUM.
You aimlessly wander around the LAND OF LIGHT AND EMPTYNESS, a vast, bright desert containing water-filled ravines.
Roxy: Consult with sprite.
Urgh. You'd rather not, but you kind of have to.
Even though sprites cannot enter gates, KARRLASPRITE still managed to locate you by flying around and finding you eventually. Kinda like Smuppetsprite does with your ectoson. But you don't know that. You also won't know that he's your ectoson until long after you've swapped spit.
ROXY: have you finished that list of wors that offend you yet?
KARRLASPRITE: 1n du3 t1m3, my 9+9+f th3 r3v9+lut19+n4ry h9+9+k tr1gg3r l1st sh4ll 63 comp1l3d.
KARRLASPRITE: H9+w3v3r, why d9+n't w3 sp34k th1s 9+ut 6y pl41ng s9+me ch9+1c3 g4m3s.
KARRLASPRITE: 1 m4y h4v3 s9+und3d 4 l1ttl3 1mm4tur3 64ck 4t y9+ur h9+us3, 6ut 4ft3r t4k1ng y9+ur 1d34 th1s m1ght 63 4 fly w4y f9+r us t9 c9+mmunic4t3.
KARRLASPRITE: Fuck, 1 f33l s9+ g9+dd4mn PR9+UD 631ng 4 619+l9+g1c4l tr9+ll 9+f thr33 s3p3r4t3 6l9+9+d c4st3s 4nd st1ll 631ng 46l3 t9+ d1scuss g3nd3r pr1v3l3g3s.
KARRLASPRITE: Sh4ll w3 t4k3 4 6r34k fr9+m y9+ur qu3st1ng dut13s 4s th3 R9+gu3 9+f V9+1d 4nd l3t m3 t3ll y9+u wh4t 1 w4nt f9+r th3 n3w un1v3rs3?
ROXY: i thought sprites were supposed to be all shh about the fact that this game leads to making new universes
KARRLASPRITE: 1... th9+ught th4t 9+v3r 4t gr34t l3ngth 63f9+r3 sc9+ut1ng y9+u.
KARRLASPRITE: GR43T l3ngth.
KARRLASPRITE: My c9+nclus19+n w4s 4s such:
KARRLASPRITE: Fuck 1t.
You have some trouble at first, and just as the pre-scratch person filling in your place you enter last and considerably far after everyone else. Even though everything except spawning the entry item is set, a meteor knocked out a corner of (why do meteors always go after the corners?) your apartment and sent you flying down, and you were suddenly saved by a flying alien in red-purple. She flies you down on the rooftop - where Jane had set everything - and proceeds to waste a good chunk of your time with the following conversation:
DIRK: So you must be that "flash of pink" Jake and Roxy saw.
MEULIN: (*W*) HIIIIIIII!
MEULIN: (*W*) i wont go away like i did in the other cutieses houses!
MEULIN: (*W*) this time im going to enter so that i dont doubledie in the cracks!
DIRK: What cracks?
MEULIN: (ono) the purple thing in the sky thats quickly growing!
MEULIN: (ono) there is this RUDE, FUN-POLICING BITCH named bororo that ruined my original session and she made them!
DIRK: Hey yeah aren't there supposed to be only two of you?
MEULIN: (ouo) im different!
MEULIN: (ouo) im from the same timeline and copy of the universe as this started but im a clone!
MEULIN: (ono) normally this would be prevented but skaian duplicates are SUP33R and SP33CIAL and everything and its a really lucky thing for me because i get to ascend to the god tiers!
MEULIN: (ouo) now befurr you ascend you need to prototype something
DIRK: I had been flipping around between a number of things, really.
DIRK: My new buddy Auto Responder being one of them.
MEULIN: (ouo) ILL DECIDE FOR YOU!
MEULIN: (ouo) first i went to janes house and did this with my old furrends damara and mituna
MEULIN: (ouo) then i time traveled to jakes house before i went into the medium so that i could time travel around the earth and not the incipisphere and prototyped his kernelsprite with horuss cronus and meenah
MEULIN: (ouo) then i threw away the extra kankri porrim and latula corpses with roxys sprite
MEULIN: (ouo) im ALMOST done with getting rid of these extras AND giving you all shiptastic guides AND keeping this session from becomming void!
MEULIN: (ouo) now i just have three more!
She sets down a pile of gray body parts, with cobalt, umber, and purple blood dripping from them and mixing together. She lifts and throws the body parts into the flashing red sphere as you finally get ready to enter your session. You, her, and the sprite all make it in with no further problems into the LAND OF HEAT AND LIFELESSES.
Woah, this place is pretty fucked up. It is filled with lava, the only safe spots being extremely tiny platforms of molten rock and several ominous castles floating in the air. The sky is full of black clouds, and these odd creatures - of which you can only make out their tattered, long brown robes - fly around.
It's like Skaia put this game on extra hard mode for you.
Dirk: Alright, let's see what Meulin gave you.
RUANOZSPRITE: 1'm already thinking A LOT A8OUT EVERYTHING and 1 really don't th1nk 1 need to... 1NTRODUCE MYSELF.
RUANOZSPRITE: 1 th1nk the Meul1n from our end of the Ska1an copy1ng cha1n HAS SOME HELPFUL... ADV1CE TO TELL YOU.
DIRK: Tone down the screaming.
MEULIN: (ouo) OMGMG I N33AARRLLY FORGOT!
MEULIN: (ouo) I THINK THE SPRITE WAS TRYING TO REMIND ME ABOUT THIS CODE I GOT FROM BEING AROUND IN THE FURTHEST RING!
MEULIN: (ouo) 496SHIPS
DIRK: That's a pretty impressive armada.
MEULIN: (ouo) nononono thats the code!
MEULIN: (ouo) alchemize that and prototype it in one of the sprites!
MEULIN: (ouo) now i n33d to LEAVE and fight against the OTHER other hero of heart!
All: Skip to the end and exposit what's between... yet again.
You are Karkat Vantas and you cannot believe that nobody has died or even recieved a permanent injury from all this.
Even though the code was known as soon as Dirk entered, getting the grist to alchemize it was an insane, tedious task. You had been using Gristtorrent to combine all the leftovers you had in your sessions, which was still around the MILLIONS, but it WASN'T ENOUGH BY A LONG SHOT. A million is not a septillion, afterall. It's not even close, despite the misleading names.
It took around three days. On the first, you, Dirk, and Gamzee were in LOHAL when Gamzee completely lost his shit and began spouting death threats. You were about to summon the courage to act as a moirail for him, before Dirk jumped in the scene and calmed him down himself. You wonder if snapping a deranged clown out of a rampage really was that easy, or if another party was involved...
Once the session reaches what would be midnight at Alternia, you take a piece of green chalk and put a tally mark on Jane's bedroom wall.
It was bad enough that "Economic savings" as Jake annoyingly put it were the cause of being a few beds too short and having to rely on piles of random junk as beds until the "thing" Duplicate Meulin told Dirk about could be alchemized, but you had to get the shortest stick in the draw and ended up sleeping in the smuppet pile. Once you woke up, Terezi accidentally and playfully threw one of her scalemates in your direction while showing Jake some bizarre roleplaying session. You start to ponder at this point if this item is really worth not finishing the session already and simply risking the fear of Sierda entering the new universe and continuing the cycle.
On the second day you once stormed over to Jake's house, but instead of finding him you found his grandma in the shower. Your "manly scream" in response to that resulted in Meenah coming over because she thought she heard Hanksprite somehow making it to B2. Going to Skaia right after to find SOMEWAY to clear your mind from that resulted in you crossing paths with Vriska, Tavros, Feferi, Nepeta, and Equius, discussing some plan to escape to the void outside of this session and find information on how to defeat the Lord of Heart, based on what Equius had seen while he was within said darkness. You spend the rest of the day doing, for a lack of a better word, babysitting to ensure that that doesn't happen. Despite that, Feferi managed to escape your grasp and had convinced the horrorterrors to set up a series of Dreambubbles to act as an afterlife for dead players. And on that night, you opted NOT to use green chalk but instead marked the end of the day with blue.
You had considered day three to be a miracle. Roxy pestered you with a message to pool all of your grist with everyone else's, and you did so, killing a random imp as well to try to make this a bigger impact. You and your dreamself were the first to arrive at Dirk's roof, becides Dirk himself and his own dreamself. The others all gathered around, one by one, each with varrying levels of excitement and curiosity but none rivaling yours (at least that's what you think.) Dirk, now with a fully upgraded alchemiter, had simply imputed the code into a card and got... AND GOT...
A cue ball. Shrugging, he tossed it into Damunasprite without even trying to work it.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Your journey has yet to truly begin, all of you.
CUEBALLSPRITE: You see, the main purpose of Sburb and Sgrub, not within this reality but in a higher plane, is to tell a story.
CUEBALLSPRITE: One of aging and growing old, and of overcoming and finding true friendship.
CUEBALLSPRITE: In this multiverse, that story in this quartet of sessions specifically is one of love.
CUEBALLSPRITE: You will all be sent on a journey through the void of the Furthest Ring-
CUEBALLSPRITE: -For three hours.
KARKAT: IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
CUEBALLSPRITE: Within these three hours, I want you to contact the players of the fourth session.
KANAYA: What Fourth Session
KARKAT: YES, WHAT
KARKAT: WHAT MORE DO WE HAVE TO DO?
CUEBALLSPRITE: The pre-scratch human session.
KARKAT: OH. REALLY NOW?
KARKAT: AND WHAT PER SAY DO YOU MEAN, THIS IS A STORY OF LOVE?
KARKAT: I CAN ALREADY TELL THAT I WILL HAVE TO BE THE ONE MAKING ROMANTIC DECISIONS FOR EVERYBODY, SINCE IT'S PAINFULLY WELL KNOWN THAT THE LEIJONS CAN'T
KARKAT: SOMEBODY HAND ME A FUCKING PENCIL. IT'S DIAGRAM TIME.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Yes, you would think that since the certain agents from the pre-scratch troll session had switched the Insidiamini Armaturam to lead to the post-scratch human session, that the one before the scratch occured would be irrelevant to your story, no?
KARKAT: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?
CUEBALLSPRITE: Not really, even though I know what you are saying. And had said. And will say.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Contrary to what you may think, those that await after the three hour trip are not completely worthless to your progress.
CUEBALLSPRITE: In fact, given your current state you will need an item from that session to stop the Lord of Heart permanently.
CUEBALLSPRITE: You may not know this, but this is the most practical sollution.
CUEBALLSPRITE: God-Tiering would take too long, as by the time any of you reach the quest beds Bororo would be already here.
CUEBALLSPRITE: You must instead first get over to the veil, with your dreamselves intact.
MEENAH: hey sphere with horns i wanna weigh in
MEENAH: i jumped through all these colorful hoops to get from planet to planet and that was a failure so we all had to go out in the rocks and into some machine that takes us someplace else
MEENAH: we have to do this shit again?
CUEBALLSPRITE: This will be the final trip you will have to take to cross into another game.
CUEBALLSPRITE: After arriving at the veil, I and the other sprites will push you off in a specific direction.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Again, you will get to the pre-scratch human session in three hours.
CUEBALLSPRITE: But you will not drop off there and help them with their game. Their play was null, and the item meant to go off and destroy it is the only thing within the two realms that can kill Bororo.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Set up an intersession chatline with the new players - ghostyTrickster, tentecleTherapist, turntechGodhead, and gardenGnostic - and ask them for the tumor.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Invite them on your meteor, which Bororo would be stalking for the three hour trip, and throw the tumor at her.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Sadly she would not spare the Incipisphere itself.
CUEBALLSPRITE: She will not fire a doube-death beam, breaking space as she did at the start of her own session, then in the one preceeding the troll universe (found by using her powers to locate a trace the souls and those of creation), then finding the post-scratch troll session via using the same soul-scouting abilities to obliterate the human universe, but she will destroy a great number before the scratch could take it out.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Now, after your three-hour trip and uniting with the new humans, the meteor will continue in another trip in the same direction, but with the spatial and temporal warping of the Furthest Ring this will actually send you back here if my calculations are precise.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Which they are.
CUEBALLSPRITE: This is by long and by far the bulk of your adventure prior to creating your own new universe.
CUEBALLSPRITE: The 32 of you and the 34 dreamselves will spend around six years before they reach this point.
KARKAT: SIX... YEARS... i cant even...
KARKAT: i'm speechless.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Two thousand, one hundred and fourty-five days to be exact.
CUEBALLSPRITE: Oh, and one last thing.
CUEBALLSPRITE: FUCK YOU CRONUS. FUCK YOU TO HELL.
CRONUS: fuck you too
All: Get on.
You quickly find transportalizers and reach a random, COLOSSAL(A) rock in the veil. Cueballsprite floats over there, with the other sprites joining after.
Bororo levitates up to you, behind all of you. She is using her BULLSHIT PSYCIC POWERS to make the dead bodies of Jane's Dad and Poppop, Roxy's Mom, Dirk's Bro, and Jake's Grandma float becides her.
The sprites soon each hold a hand in front of themselves and emit flashes of light their corresponding colors for it. A white flash engulfs the fated-to-be meteor, and it is soon propelled far into the outter void of horror where the creatures from beyond and their colorful bubbles of rest lay.
Bororo, with having RIFLEKIND as her strife specibus, shoots Cueballsprite, Hoonahsprite, and Karrlasprite, and they all explode shortly after. Ruanozsprite looks on, worried, before emitting a VAST HONK that sounds and echoes throughout the whole incipisphere. A red wave ripples throughout and spreads to every planet, giving it all a red tinge. Bororo's head is thrown back, and she herself is flung several feet away from the source. She looks back at the sprite with a large grin.
BORORO: You may be Gamzee's son and not the man himself, but that reminded me exactly of why I love him!
BORORO: That sense of danger, that ominous quality, that secretly hidden evil!
BORORO: ...Only for him to somehow contact me during his session, thanks to that stupid first guardian helping him, and telling me that we shouldn't be together.
BORORO: I kept telling myself, he was stoned, was that why he told me he didn't like threats to the existance of spacetime?
BORORO: But then his lines at the end...
BORORO: His comments about how he had planned on serving as a highblood make me think that both his sober AND stoned selves were speaking.
BORORO: He "sobered up" mid-conversation! Like... if he was doing that just to break up with me!
RUANOZSPRITE: 1 don't think that's poss18le, or very l1kely.
BORORO: Red sprite guy, I think you're one third-Gamzee's ectobiological son, you help me sort this out!
BORORO: I'm still gonna spare you, again being one-third of one-third of Gamzee, and since I'm the kind of person who'se nice UNLESS YOU MAKE ME MAD, but I'm still going to break this portion of Paradox Space too.
BORORO: You can watch me, the master, at this, if you're interested.
RUANOZSPRITE: why don't you... stalk the players 1nstead?
RUANOZSPRITE: they are, l1ke, w1nn1ng the game, and they are the ones you hate, not the un1verses.
RUANOZSPRITE: and, 1f you k1ll them, you can take the game as yours and set up a un1verse completely 1n your own 1mage.
RUANOZSPRITE: dead sess1ons may 8e una8le to 8e f1xed 8y outs1de help... 8ut a person w1th1n can s1mply move 1nto another one and w1n 1t themselves, prov1ded they know the c1rcumstances for such and can do it.
RUANOZSPRITE: and you REALLY seem to f1t that prof1le!
Bororo then looks over at the fading quadcolor flashes and trail of light, and blasts off in that direction. Ruanozsprite looks at her becoming the smaller trail after it, then grimances at Skaia, made red by their vast honk.
After cremating the dead guardians via lazer beams, the last sprite in the post-scratch human session aimlessly drifts around the four planets, red from a curse they created until a familiar, other hero of heart descends into the plain at LOWAT, using the duplicate dreamselves as some kind of spiritual marionettes.
MEULIN: (\OnO/) where did she go?
RUANOZSPRITE: That way.
MEULIN: (WuW) okay THANKS!
MEULIN: (WuW) dont worry about the red stuff I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT MYSELF!
Epilogue of the Prologue.
Sensing their purpose in Paradox Space is finished, Ruanozsprite explodes. Bororo meanwhile has a mostly sucessful pursuit, slowly but certainly getting closer to the players in the three-hour portion of the trip. Within the trip in question, Sollux sets up the ports so that Aradia can link to the memo archive and Karkat can open a memo of his own to tell the human kids to get there.
Just as the meteor passes through the B1 session and the players of that jump on, Bec teleports on top of it only to jump off and bite the Lord of Heart on the shoulder. After shrugging him off and shooting him in half, Bororo attempts to dash towards those kids again - only for three (Smuppetsprite being the exception) of the pre-scratch sprites fire beams at her, yet she responds with a simple sprite shooting again, which was not unseen by any means by the players. And the third time she was about to get ready to pursuit, Duplicate Meulin shows up and begins attacking her with several dead-duplicate-dreamself-puppet moves. They fight across the landscape of LOFAM, which ends with Bororo superkicking Meulin a few feet away.
Noticing that the scratch is nearly finished ingulfing the area, Bororo took off into the small speck in the sky indicating her arch-enemies...
While Rose stands on the roof, tumor in hands, and tosses it in Bororo's general direction. The black and white yin-yang halves split and fade to reveal a set of two pillars full of red and blue materials, which promptly explodes upon coming into contact with the enemy troll. The Green Sun is thus created, very shortly following the erasure of the session that both parties have left from, with parts of the star taking in its place. This explosion has also done some spatial-temporal healing as well, completely ridding the cracks left from Bororo's initial destruction of the two universes who fueled it. As for the third crack in space Bororo made, the one from her original, dead session, that will not be healed for a much longer time.
You are now Karkat.
You are deep inside one of the meteor's rooms.
You glance at the box of chalk that you stupididly decided to take with you for some reason. After staring at it, you throw it on the ground and bang your fist against a wall.
A: About the same size as the one that was falling on Jade's house in canon. If not maybe bigger.
ACT ONE: Bororo Sierda, a dumb bitch from the pre-scratch troll session, uses Meulin's quest cocoon to God Tier. Meanwhile, Meenah convinces Damara to scratch that session because she liked the idea, but Meulin's sprite, prototyped with Hank Hill and a first guardian, saves them by exploiting Skaia's ability to send important items between the pre- and post-scratch version of a universe. The "duplicate" copies that still landed in A1 are all killed off, with the exception of Meulin, who God Tiers.
ACT TWO: The two troll teams meet and win their session. Then Bororo comes in just when the trolls are about to finish their game and destroys everything, including the human universe with a Lord English-esque mouth-beam. A4 implies she does the same with the troll universe. Meanwhile, Duplicate Meulin convinces Nepeta to start making ships become 'canon.' The trolls themselves escape into the B2 session.
ACT THREE: B1 session goes relatively normal, then everyone gets a call from Karkat to hop on the meteor comming towards them. Also Bro and Dad start the scratch upon noticing that the session is null.
ACT FOUR: Duplicate Meulin tells everyone to grind for grist, and everything otherwise goes fine until Bororo comes in yet again. Eventually the protagonist group gets the sprites to fly them through the Furthest Ring and to the B1 session, where they cross paths and such, and then Bororo dies when Rose tosses the tumor at her.
In conclusion, the humans, trolls, all of their dreamselves, and Jaspers are on a ~six-year trip across the Furthest Ring until they reach the B2 session so they can continue it and win the game.
According to my computer, this is the longest chapter document I have written so far. This was supposed to be short and I kind of went a little into too much detail, and indeed I might shorten this down considerably later on in this fan fic's path.
This contains a lot of speculation. For one, Kankri and Sufferer were able to get memories from eachother (at first this was just an excuse to keep Kankri and Karrlasprite's quirks unaltered after I had written them with the 6/9 substitution, and so that Karrlasprite would continue to be incomprehensible, but then I remembered the sillouette shot of all the pre-scratch trolls and how Kankri was the only one who seemed to have eyebags; plus there's how the scratch merely sends the portals do different locations and doesn't actually reincarnate them). Then, based pre-incident Mituna soley off of Aranea's description of him, how he told about prophecies only to get ignored. I'm just figuring that pre-incident he was similar to himself now, only unintelligible. Also a little more like that "THE END IS NEAR" crowd. Either way, though, this 'assumption' was kind of to try to keep him like he is in canon, since altering the character's personalities in a fan fic like this without gradual character development or something similar would be really bad writing.
Constructive critisism will be accepted! Just don't complain about preferences like leaving the A1 trolls alive and part of the group, you know the kind of things that aren't criticisms so much as just bashing the plot.
Also, yes I know this backstory is dumb and yes, I know the cast pretty much had everything spoonfed to them throughout this chapter, but in a way it was kind of the point (the game did jack shit to make them stronger; that's what the six year trip is supposed to do), plus trying to think up of a good reason to get everything down was nigh-impossible with the regular universe. Making a SBURBless AU where everyone lives together was out of the question because of how the troll's worlds built their characters, but after thinking about it I'm doing something like that with a different story, OT32 Shenanigans.
Bororo is not intended to resemble any specific fantroll, though if she resembles your's in certain ways then you should consider redesigning them. Yes, including the quirk. (Or lack therof.) And especially the name, since it's a corrupted version of "bull shit" in Spanish.
Notes about previous plans: Before I thought up the idea to have the B2 sprites be prototyped by the duplicates, Jane's kernel was also supposed to be prototyped by a Hank Hill image, and... well, that's it. I also briefly considered having all four sessions meet up simultaniously, but had no idea how to pull that off without using God Tiers. It would have been a lot less repetitive that way.
Anyway, first up: Jane/Roxy.