I own nothing, The Hunger Games and all of its awesomeness still belongs to Suzanne Collin and will always belong to her.
The very first snow this year, falls outside the thick glass of the bathroom's window. I'm all alone. The floor is cold under me but I do not move; I can't move. My limbs are numb, I'm paralyzed.
I can't even blink my eyes, I have been staring at the same spot under the sink for a very long time, an hour, two, five; I have no idea. I'm not sure about a lot of things at the moment, let alone time.
My breath is heavy and shallow, I'm gasping for air. I just forget how to breathe, I just forget about a lot of things.
I just find out that I'm pregnant and I am afraid.
I told Peeta that I'm ready, that I want it as much as he always wants it. But when it actually happens, I'm terrified. The only real thing I can think of right now is 'What If I mess it up beyond repair…'
I need to absorb it slowly, I don't want Peeta to see me in this kind of state over me being pregnant. Being pregnant with his baby.
He will be sad and anxious. Thinking that he made mistakes by not persuade me to think over it over and over again, even though he already gave me fifteen years to think. Even though he wants this baby so badly, he practically begs for it.
I know Peeta very well, he'll blame himself over everything that happens to me and I hate it so much. I hate it when he blames himself, when he belittles himself & when he thinks about other things above himself, especially me. He deserves better.
But again, he is Peeta. The nicest person that ever exists. I don't even need Haymitch to remind me every single time that I don't deserve him. But then again Peeta chooses me and who am I to ever ward him off, again. I learned my lesson.
I look down to the pregnancy test, a little stick on my fingers. The sign is positive, a plus. So… I'm suppose to be really pregnant, aren't I? My period is late for the first time and the pregnancy test I did, saying it out loud.
That at this very moment, a tiny human being is growing inside of me. Inside my belly, my womb.
A tiny human being that has a little part of me and a little part of Peeta is growing inside my very womb, at this very moment. A little Katniss or a little Peeta. Yes, a little Peeta. My little Peeta. My sweet little Peeta, with adorable blue eyes and blonde curls.
Suddenly, I feel warm. I hug my abdomen over my baby. Over Peeta's baby. Over our baby. Another Mellark is on the way. I smile. Another nicest person is on the way. I wonder who'll be the nicest then, when there are two nicest people alive.
It's alive! There is something alive inside me! What if I make a huge and irreparable mistake and it dying. Like the others. Dead because of me, because of my stupidity. My selfishness.
Tears streaming down my face. I'm sobbing, hard. My body is shaking.
I can't be responsible for its death. Peeta will hate me, despises me. I will hate myself, despise myself. I can't handle anymore losing. Another lost and I'll die. I'll have nothing left. I can't survive it.
I can't lose it. I can't lose this baby. My baby. Peeta's baby. Our baby. Our child. Our first child. It's ours. I want it. I need it. I love it. I want and need this baby because I love it.
I smile, my tears lessen.
I love it! I love it already! I love it so much already. As much as I love its father. Peeta.
Maybe I was not very clever at that department before, since it takes me so long to finally understand and accept fully that I love Peeta all along. Since that awful hollow day maybe. Since I saw the red weal on his cheekbone, since he threw me the loaves, since he took the beating from his mother for saving me. Saving my mother and… Prim.
Peeta gave and did so much for me, but I never repay my debt. He wanted this baby and who am I to deny him.
I'm better now. Clever. I'm sure that I love the baby. So much already.
I will mess up for sure, but I'll have Peeta with me. Everything always fine when I have Peeta with me. That hollow day, hunger games, quarter quells, the rebellion, after the rebellion up till now. Everything is fine. He is the dandelion in the spring after all. If only he was with me when Prim…
I love this baby. That is why I want it, need it. So I'll have it. I'll take care of it. I'll protect it. Together with Peeta. My husband. The baby's father.
I stand up. The snow have already subsided. I walk into our bedroom and see the clock. It's eleven past forty. Peeta won't be home until four.
I wipe my tears away and put the pregnancy test back into it's box in the bathroom sink. I turn the warm shower on and step in. I wash my hair, my face and my body entirely.
After I finished. I braid my hair loosely and put on a blue long sleeve shirt, a black pants and a snow suit over it.
I walk down to the kitchen downstairs carefully; I have another person to take care of now. I will mess up but I won't do it consciously. I prepare a chamomile tea inside a flask and put two pair of thermal gloves inside my pocket, and then head to the bakery in the town square.