A Sad Kind Of Bliss
A/N: Pitch Perfect is so awesome. And the fanfics? Amazing, but I really wish there were more slash stories. And also I don't see many stories with Benji who I love, so I wrote this. Although this ended up being one-sided, and a little angsty. Normally when I write slash, it's mostly fluff. So this was quite a change. Although you might look at it and think what is this girl talking about, I don't see any angst here! I don't know...I guess that's for you to decide but for me it is a little angsty. Also, I'm really thinking about writing a BenjixBumper story, but a more positive one I suppose, since Bumper will like Benji too. Or perhaps I could attempt a BecaxChloe. Well, I hope you enjoy reading this story :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pitch Perfect, just a fan with love for the movie.
There is a sequel to this story now, and it's called A Slow Revelation.
Benji was sitting on his bed, reading one of his many beloved comic books. It was worn, and there was a tear in the spine, because he had read it so many times in the past. It was one of his favorite comic books, even though he had not kept it in mint condition, and he did not enjoy the story line that much. No, the reason Benji rated the comic so highly was because it had been a gift from his best friend. Benji had never met anyone like Jesse before. Someone who understood him, and did not mind his little quirks. A lot of people just thought Benji was weird. Even his own parents thought there was something wrong with him. They had never approved of his desire to learn magic, or the fact that he loved to sing, or his many obsessions. In fact, the only time they seemed to be proud of him was when they saw his high grades. Benji refused to let it faze him. It did hurt him sometimes, though. No one cared enough to look past his crazy, but Jesse did and that made him happy. It also troubled him. The problem was that he liked Jesse too much. Benji had always assumed he was straight - before Jesse. Not that he had ever had much interest in girls before, but that was because he was busy with his hobbies. It had to be that. Besides, no girls were interested in him anyway. Maybe if there was, then he would not have developed a crush on his best friend. Whatever the reasons, he liked Jesse, was attracted to Jesse and his feelings for Jesse were getting stronger as time went on. Maybe it was time to find a girlfriend. Or should he be looking for a boyfriend? Benji was so confused.
He just knew he had to find a resolution to his problem before he did something stupid like kiss Jesse. Benji was terrified of Jesse finding out that he liked him. It was not that he thought Jesse would be angry – although there was always a possibility. No, it would be because Benji was sure he would get rejected. And that would burn, it would cut, deep down inside. It would be like the time he had not been chosen to join the Treblemakers, except a million times worse. When he finished reading the comic, Benji put it on the stack of comics on the floor by his bed. He had been inside practicing his magic tricks and reading comics the whole day, apart from a break to go and get food. He was caught up with all his assignments, he did not have Treblemaker practice today, and it was a Saturday so he had decided to use the free time to just relax. Jesse was out with some of his other friends, but when he came back they would watch a movie together. Benji really enjoyed what Jesse liked to call 'moviecation' nights. He got to sit really close to Jesse; in the dark. It was great. Although some of the time, Benji would end up missing half the movie because he was too busy looking at Jesse. He did not even have to be too sneaky about it, since Jesse could get so engrossed in a movie that he would not pay attention to his surroundings. Still, Benji felt bad for doing it, but then again it was not like he was a creeper. More of an admirer. Either way, it was still depressing.
The sound of the Doctor Who theme music blaring from his cell phone alerted him to the fact he was getting a call. He looked around, and then jumped off the bed. Where had he last put his cell? He listened for a few moments, and then headed over to the area where the ringtone seemed to be getting louder. He glanced at his desk, and then to the jacket he had left on the chair by the desk. He picked up the jacket and searched the pockets, finally coming up with his phone. Benji saw Jesse's face lighting up the surface of his cell phone. He slid two fingers down on the touch screen to answer the call.
"Hey, what's up?"
"What, right now? I can be there in, uh...ten minutes. Yeah. I just...Are you –"
The familiar sound of an ended call made Benji stop halfway through what he had been asking. Although it was a stupid question he had been going to ask. Of course Jesse was not alright. He would never hang up on Benji without at least a bye or a see you later. And his tone of voice had been off. Something was wrong. Benji quickly put on his jacket and shoved his cell into an inner pocket. He hurried over to the door and yanked it open, walking down the hallway before realizing he just had socks on his feet. He rushed back to his room and slipped on his old blue Converses, not bothering to tie the laces which he just tucked inside his socks. He made his way down the three flights of stairs to the exit of his dorm building and headed to a grassy area close to the building where the main library was situated. It was halfway across campus and Benji was out of breath by the time he reached the bench by the oak tree. It was the place where Jesse had asked to meet him. Benji leant forward, resting his hands on his legs to support his weight as he took in some deep breaths. He had a stitch in his side from running so much but at least he had not tripped over his laces. That was good enough for Benji. Still, where was Jesse? Benji straightened up and took a good look around. There were a few other students walking around but he could not see Jesse.
Then he felt a heavy hand drop onto his shoulder, and it made him jump. He turned around with a smile.
"Jesse, you scared me" Benji laughed, but his smile soon faded when he saw the hard expression that had formed on Jesse's face. His jaw was set, his lips pressed together so tightly it was nothing but a thin line. The worst part was his eyes. They were dark, cold and intense. Usually Jesse's eyes were warm, bright, or filled with amusement. It was rare to see him get really get upset or lose his temper but it seemed like Jesse was headed there now.
"Did you know?" Jesse asked quietly, a forced calmness in his voice. He was not on talking terms with Beca right now – having stormed off halfway through a fierce argument with her – where they had both said nasty things that neither really meant. Jesse had taken a walk, hoping to clear his mind and cool off, but it had not worked. He could not help thinking about it. So many thoughts had run through his mind. And the more he thought about it, the madder he got. Drinking a few shots at the bar where he sometimes performed with the Treblemakers had not been a wise decision either. This was when he had called Benji up.
"Know what?" Benji replied. He had no idea what Jesse was talking about, and the way Jesse was staring at him made him a little nervous.
"About them. About Beca and Chloe being together!" Jesse snapped, almost unaware that his hands were clenching into fists. He felt too hot, like his blood was boiling inside. Yes, he was angry. He was furious. He felt an odd sense of betrayal, even though a part of him had seen their break up coming. He and Beca had been drifting apart for months. He knew the end of their relationship was close. So today, when Beca had texted him saying they needed to talk, he knew what she wanted to tell him. When they met up, they had talked for a long time before they made a mutual decision to break up. Jesse had been sad, but now at least he and Beca could move on. It was awkward, but they would just go back to being friends. Then Beca had dropped a bombshell that Jesse had most definitely not seen coming. Beca had told him she was in love with Chloe, and the two Barden Bellas were going to start dating. It did not make sense to Jesse. He knew the girls were close, but he had always assumed it was like him and Benji – that they were just good friends. Jesse was straight, and he had assumed Beca was too, but apparently he had got it wrong. So what was she? Bi?He had asked Beca, thinking it was a reasonable question but she had not thought so. Instead she had started shouting at him, saying she refused to be labelled which was when they had started to argue.
Benji shook his head frantically. "No, no. I didn't know anything. I swear..." He bit his lip, finding it hard to maintain eye contact with Jesse. There was something he did know, but it had seemed so trivial at the time, he had not brought it up with Jesse. No, the truth was that it was not trivial but Benji had not wanted to hurt Jesse by telling him. He had hoped he could just keep it hidden from Jesse.
Jesse took a few steps closer, even as Benji took a step back. "You're lying. Tell me. Tell me now" Jesse practically growled, grabbing Benji tightly and pulling him closer.
Benji closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "I saw them kiss once. But I thought it was nothing, just a dare. Hey, it went by so quickly, I wasn't even sure if I had seen them kiss or if I'd just...imagined it"
"And you didn't think to tell me?" Jesse's voice was louder now, as he started to shake Benji and he realized he should care but at that moment he did not care at all.
"Jesse, just calm down!" Benji had raised his voice too, starting to get annoyed even though he was also worried about Jesse and the way he was acting .It was just not like him at all. Benji could smell the alcohol on Jesse's breath. He was not drunk, but there was an edge to him with the drink in his system that Benji did not like. Benji managed to shove Jesse away. "I'm sorry, I really am. What else do you want me to say, huh?"
Jesse saw red, and before he fully knew what was happening his fist was making solid contact with Benji's face. Not once, but twice. Jesse had not pulled his punches either, he hit hard enough that his knuckles were stinging with the force he had used. Not that Jesse noticed. Somehow everything seemed clearer now, and the reality of what he done set in. He had never hit Benji before, unless play fights were counted .A feeling of guilt washed over him as he saw blood started to trickle from Benji's nose. "Benji...I...I didn't mean it"
Benji was frozen there, for a few moments, in shock. His nose ached, and his cheek throbbed with pain but that was minor compared to the hurt he felt inside because Jesse had been the one to do it. Jesse looked so dejected; Benji forced a smile even though he did not feel like smiling at all. "I know. It's ok..." Benji could understand why Jesse had done it. He was still upset with Jesse but he could not be mad at him. Jesse had made a mistake, he had apologized and that was it. Benji had already forgiven him. He could blame that on his kind nature, but it was more due to the fact that it was Jesse. He was the closest person to being perfect in Benji's eyes.
Jesse came up to Benji and slung an arm around his shoulders. "No, it's not. I messed up, but I'm gonna make it up to you"
"Don't worry about it" Benji replied as they started to walk back to their dorm building. Side by side. Benji was really savouring the feel of Jesse's arm around him. It just felt like he belonged. He was no closer to finding a solution to his problem, but he was still thankful for what he had. At least Jesse was in his life. It was better to have Jesse as a best friend than to be a stranger to Jesse. Benji did not feel like he had any other options but to keep his secret. Jesse could never know. Benji would help Jesse get over Beca, and eventually Jesse's next girlfriend would come along. Benji could deal with his problem in time. Everything would work out fine in the end – It was something Benji often told himself – Even though he knew it was a lie.
Okay so thank you for reading and if you could spare a few moments to review, I would be aca-static hehe (: I know I mentioned it already, but I'll say it one more time. There is a sequel, which carries straight on from the end of this story. It's called A Slow Revelation.