A/N: remember that time when I wrote this thing? Oh yeah. Me neither. I wanted to go back and edit this, but I no longer have the original documents. I feel like the first few chapters are so sloppy and laid out in a manner that is hard to read. Hopefully this will make up for that. Also, remember, this is totally AU and fun for the sake of fun because there's some OOC stuff is coming up in here. Also, this will likely be broken up into two chapters because, well, I didn't plan that far ahead. Just wait around another 6 months, I'll get to it I'm sure.


Callie pokes the burgers on the grill absently as she nurses a beer.

"She's not mad at you."

Callie shrugs as Maura comes up beside her; "I assure you, she will be fine. She is just sore is all."

"Uh-huh."

The door to the patio slides open and Jane pops her head out; "Do we have any ibuprofen?"

Maura gives Callie a gentle, reassuring pat on the arm before looking at Jane.

"Did you check the medicine cabinets?"

Jane rolls her eyes; "Duh, yes. Nothing."

Maura worries her bottom lip between her teeth and shakes her head; "I could run to the store."

"Nah, I'll go ask trucker hat." Jane points behind her with her thumb; "If not, I'll just drink away the pain."

Callie flips the burgers and takes a long draw from her beer. Stepping out fully on to the patio, Jane comes up beside her friend and taps Callie's beer bottle with her own.

"We're good. Just accept the fact that I am going to kick your ass in pool tonight, bum arm or not."

A smirk tugs at Callie's mouth as looks at Jane.

"Yeah, okay. You think."

Leaning around Callie, Jane gives Maura a playful pinch on the elbow and a wink.

"K. I'm gonna run next door. How are there three doctors under one roof and no medicine in the house?"

"Booze is medicine. Learned it in med school." Callie counters as Jane disappears around the houses corner.

Maura eyes narrow and Callie notices the thoughtful look.

"I didn't really." she shakes her head; "More like, I minored in it."

"You minored in alcohol?" Maura questions.

"No. I, uh.. it was more like an elective... that I did... a lot.. at my apartment."

Maura raises her head in a slow, understanding nod; "Independent study."

Callie cheers her bottle against the wine glass in Maura's hand; "Exactly."


"What about here?" Arizona nods to a building tucked off from the main street. The red neon sign flashes Vixen.

"How many gay lady pool sharks do you think are in there?" Jane questions, nudging Callie with her elbow.

"Enough for us to take their money."

Jane gives a firm nod; "Damn right."

"Are you two done taking each other's money?" Maura interrupts; "Because really all you are doing is taking turns buying rounds of drinks with the others tenure."

"And now we will use someone else's money to buy our drinks." Callie's eyes light up and she bounces on the balls of her feet.

Arizona rolls her eyes and links her arm with Maura as they follow their partners into the building. The lights are low and there a few women mingling around a pool table.

"Go put money down, I'll grab us some drinks." Jane motions towards the table; "You ladies want anything?"

"Water." Arizona says and Maura nods along with her.

"The same."

Jane scrunches her nose; "Ya'll are being lame."

Maura looks at Arizona, who shrugs; "Okay. One drink."

"Three shots of Patron coming up!" Jane claps her hands together.

"No!" both blonde women say in unison.

"No shots." Maura waves her hand; "I can already start to feel the beginning of a headache coming on. I'm still hurting from this morning."

Arizona nods; "I'm with her. Our livers can't compete with the likes of Torres and Rizzoli. Not after last night."

Jane tilts her head to one side and her face falls flat before she slipping her hand into her pocket and producing two, small white pills; "Here. I didn't take them earlier when I went next door. My arm is feeling alright. You guys take them."

Maura leans over and examines the pills in her fiance's hand; "That doesn't look like ibuprofen."

Jane rolls her eyes and takes Maura's hand and plops the pills firmly in them; "Motrin, aspirin, whatever. I'm fine. Take them and don't be lame."

Jane heads to the bar as Callie trots back up.

"We have the next game." she rubs her hands together as Jane reappears with four shots.

Maura and Arizona pop a pill as Jane passes out the glasses.

"To money!" Callie cheers.

Each woman throws the shot back and cringes.

"WOO! Okay." Jane claps her hands together; "Now watch how your ladies hustle."


"There is $200 bucks riding on that corner shot." Callie slurs as she leans over Jane's shoulder.

"PFFtt. I know."

"We've lost the last three games."

"I know."

"We've lost $300 bucks."

Jane straightens herself and takes a step back from the table and looks at her friend. She isn't sure if Callie is swaying, or she is, but she needs to focus.

"I know, and Maura and Arizona can't fin' out or we will be dead. Arizona will kill us and Maura will perform the autopsy and they will cover it up because she's that good."

Callie's expression sobers and she nods her head; "Oh my god, you're right."

"Can I shoot now?"

"Yiss. Shoot away." Callie waves her hands in a flourish and back away from the table.

Jane leans back in and lines up her shot. The eight ball disappears into the corner pocket.

"HA! Gimme mah' money, ladies." Jane throws down the pool cue and puts out her hands, fingers waving.

"YEah!" Callie flings her arm around Jane and steadies herself with a slow, hard blink; "Yes. Our monies. Les' go, flannel." she wags her finger at the tall woman across the table who looks down at her shirt and narrows her eyes at Callie.

"It's Ethel."

"It's money that I want talkin' to me." Callie slurs.

"You didn't call the shot." a short, burly woman barks from the bar.

Jane scoffs and closes one eye, squinting across the bar.

"Yes, I did. Tell em, Callie, I did."

Callie gives a reverent nod; "Oh, she did."

"She didn't." The shorter woman approaches Jane and jets a finger into her chest, causing Jane to step back.

"What is it with flannel in this plac-..? Look, I called my shot. That money is ours." Jane says firmly, walking around the table and snatching the money from the edge.

"Actually.." a rough hand comes down and stops her; "You didn't call your shot the second time you lined it up."

"Come on, Falafel." Jane whines.

"It's Ethel." the hand on Jane's tightens and she finds herself almost kneeling to escape the pressure. She lets go of the bills in her hand.

"Fuck." Jane cradles her hand against her chest; "You crack walnuts in that bear paw? Jesus."

Ethel takes a step forward and separates herself from the table. Jane watches as Callie comes around the far side and slips the bills from the corner and into her pocket and move quickly towards the bar.

"Okay, okay, Lucy, relax." Jane raises her hands in faux defense as she back towards the bar.

Ethel snarls before waving Jane off and turning, taking a seat near the pool table.

Jane backs up into the darkness of the bar and shoots off two middle fingers as she props herself up on a stool and spins towards Callie whose beer bottle is hanging mid air near her lips, her eyes wide as she stares across the bar.

"You got the mon-.. what?"

Jane looks over her shoulder to find what her friend is fixated on and her jaw drops.

"Is that happening?" Callie's tone is barely above a whisper.

"That's happening." Jane says and blinks hard at what she is seeing. Arizona and Maura are dancing close. Very close. Too close. The floor is empty and both women are moving their bodies in slow, sensual ways against each other and Jane has to shake her head because that can't be really happening.

"That's wrong."

Jane takes the beer from her friends hand and takes a hard swallow; "It is."

"Why are we not doing anything?" Callie blindly takes back her beer as she watches her wife's hands thread through her friends hair.

"Because.. it's okay.. to watch?" Jane taps the bar and holds up two fingers as she mouths 'shots' to the bartender.

"What if they kis.." Callie's voice edges concern and Jane shushes her as two shots appear in front of them.

"Then.." Jane takes her shot and Callie follows as they watch the two women's face grow closer; "we intervene, LIKE NOW."

Jane and Callie drop their shot glasses and bolt across the bar to the dance floor, pulling apart a puckering Arizona and Maura.

Arizona collapses against Callie and erupts into fit giggles.

"oH mY god I love you. u r so tall. I've always loved that about youu." Arizona's words trail off as she leans back in her wife's arms, her head falling to the side as she looks at her flushed friend.

"Maauuurraaaaa. Jane is so tall too. I wanna getall wrapped up in her."

Maura nods and nuzzles in closer against Jane's neck; "mmmMMmm, yissss."

"Let's switch." Arizona twirls out of Callie's arms and towards Jane and Maura steps back, letting the blonde woman fall completely against Jane as she takes a shaky step towards Callie.

"I bet your skin tastes like caramel." Maura says with a husk as she wraps her arms around Callie's neck.

"Nope. I... oh my god, help." Callie raises her arms high in alarm as Maura's tongue trails the side of her neck.

"NO. Nope. ABORT." Callie steps back, distancing herself from Maura as a disgusted tremor moves through her.

"HELP PLEASE." Jane's arm wave in a flourish as she attempts to move away from Arizona, who has her body pressed firmly against Jane and her teeth locked around her earlobe.

Callie moves quickly and sends her arms between her wife and friend, separating them. Slowly, Jane circles them and moves back towards Maura, her hand cradling her ear.

"OooooHhh, babe." Maura coo's; "Let the doctor make it better."

"Oh my god, no." Jane extends her arm towards Maura, who is undeterred and pushes Jane's hand out of her way. Eager hands begin roaming over Jane's torso, moving over her breasts and shoulders before wrapping around her neck.

"I don't think that was motrin." Jane says, leaning her head up and away in a feeble attempt to avert sloppy kisses.

"MmMm. Noo." Maura purs; "It was likely methylenedioxymethamphetamine."

"What?"

"MDMA."

"Oh shit."

"You feel amazing."

Jane looks over at Callie who seems to have the same realization dawning on her as well.

"I bet you feel amazing, too, huh?" Jane says, pulling Maura's arms from around her neck as she motions her head towards the door in Callie's direction.

"I doooOO."

"Oh-k. Time to get you two home." Jane wraps her arm tightly around Maura and heads towards the door, Callie following in the same fashion.

"HEY!" a gruff voice sounds behind them as Jane opens the door. Gritting her teeth she and Callie turn.

"Where's my money?" Ethel takes a step forward, and taps a pool cue against her open hand.

Arizona's eyes grow wide and she pulls free from her wife's embrace.

"I wouldn't do tha-.. ok, go ahead." Callie's hands fall by her side in defeat; "Oh god, we are going to die."

Arizona studies the taller woman and pinches the flannel fabric of her shirt between her fingers.

"I could climb you like a treee-weeeee!" Arizona trails off as Callie wraps her arms around her wife's waist and pulls her back against her.

"We gotta go." Callie tries to bargain.

"Not until I get my money." Ethel counters with a snarl.

Jane ushers Maura out the door; "Wait for me at the corner, okay? The cor-ner. Got it?"

Maura nods as Jane pushes her out the door. A firm tug on Arizona's arm from Jane sends her out the door and crashing into her friend.

"CORNER!" Jane shouts as the door shuts.

Twirling her hair, Arizona looks at the door and the back at Maura.

"Coroner? I thought you were a medical examiner?"

"Chief." Maura states proudly as she starts back towards the street.

Arizona begins swaying to the music, lost in her own one woman dance party. Maura sits down on the curb as music pulses from a near by bar. Light swirls, bends and takes on a spectrum around her. She kneads her hands against her thighs as shouts and glass shatter behind them. The pounding thumps of a bass drum drowning out the hurried calls to run.