If just Paris had just had a little more sense, the war would have never happened. Sure, he would probably be dead, but thousands of other people wouldn't be.

Alas, every man is ruled by his penis.

In Greek Myth, anyway.

Hera, Aphrodite, Athena.

They had told him to choose who was the most beautiful.

Because of an apple.

Thrown by the Goddess of Discord, Eris.

This should have been the first clue.

Another clue to just try to back out of it or compromise would have been when they tried to bribe him.

Or when he was told that the most beautiful woman in the world was royalty.

And the daughter of Zeus.

And that he was royalty too.

There were a lot of clues.

If just one man had been ruled by logic, instead of emotion, things would have turned out completely differently.

Then again, if we simply replaced Paris, we would have a completely different storyline…

Wouldn't we?

o.o.o.o.o

Jashin groaned in annoyance. "C'mon Kami, this is ridiculous!"

"You don't have permission to talk."

The blue-haired god gnashed his teeth at his compatriot. "So they called you a copy-cat. Big whoop. It's not that big of a deal."

The blond goddess spun to face him. "Of course it is! I could easily best any one of them in a fight, and they don't even show me an ounce of respect!"

"That isn't the prob… is that a phone number?"

"Yes."

"Whose?" Jashin asked the question slowly, almost afraid of the answer.

"Eris'." Kami ignored the face that the man next to her made.

"What? Why would you—?"

"We'll be doing a little inter-dimensional transplantation on people and time-travel soon." Kami turned and put some odd contraption in Jashin's arms. "You're helping."

He gaped open-mouthed at her.

"Oh, come on!"

o.o.o.o.o

A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot where I made Paris logical. I'll probably still write the one-shot… but halfway through, I started to imagine replacing him with Shino… or Neji… or Kiba… and then I couldn't stop myself. What is wrong with me?

This is also the first time I've written the word penis. It feels weird to write it. I feel like I really need to go wash my hands now.

Ja ne,

Phoenix.