Sapere : Thank you! I was reading another Tarsus fic when an realized that not many people explored the possibilities of the famine/genocide giving Kirk food issues, and a friend of mine convinced me to write this. I feel like I kind of portrayed Bones wrong because he wasn't really trying to figure it all out, but hopefully I fixed that in this chapter. Honestly, I figured the doctor would be more concerned about trying to get him to eat something at first, so he wouldn't really think about why strait away.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Thanks to everybody who read, favorited, reviewed, and followed! I really hope this chapter doesn't suck, I tried to write it in a taxi. I'm sorry for it being so short. Enjoy!
"I.. I tried not to... I..." He whispered. "It's... Not like I wanted to do it... I didn't mean to..." Slowly, McCoy moved to rub Jim's back. "It..." He whispered as he slowly slid down to the floor. "It hurts... So much."
"Then why?" He quietly asked. "Why? I need to know. I don't understand why you do it. How can you hurt yourself like this?"
"I don't... I feel..." He stuttered weakly as he moved a bit closer to the toilet. "Guilt. I just feel... Guilty... And it hurts... And then... This just... Sort of happens... Or the gym."
"What's there to be guilty for?" He asked slowly. "There's no reason to be guilty for eatin, darlin."
"Not for you." He whispered.
"Not for you, either. Defiantly not for you." He moved to rub Jim's back. "Your a hero, darlin. There's difinantly not a dammed reason for you ta be guilty for eating. There's not a reason for anyone to feel like that." He pulled Jim into a tight hug.
"No... No. Your... Your wrong... I'm not a hero. I never will be, no matter how hard I try."
"Don't be a fool darlin. Do you hear yourself? Your captain James T. Kirk, who pretty much single handedly saved the entire federation and earth! You jumped from 25,000 ft, towards certain death, without a second thought to save Sulu! You've saved millions of people, Jimmy. Millions! If that's not heroic, then I dono what is."
"What about the others? What about the ones I didn't get to in time? What about the Vulcans? What about the Tragodians? Or Kevin's sister? I'm a monster Bones, a monster who lets people die." He practically screamed.
"No, darlin. Your not a monster, really. You save people all the time. Wait... Who's Kevin? What happened to his sister?"
"I don't..." He said holding his stomach. "Move." He said before reaching once again.
McCoy simply sat rubbing his lovers back. It could wait.
Slowly, he sat Jim down on their bed. He pulled off his lovers boots and socks, and covered him up. "I'm gona go get you an IV, okay? It's just nutrients, don't worry."
"Can... Can you wait till I'm asleep? I don't... I don't want you to leave... And I don't really... Wana see the needle..." He whispered.
"Yeah, it can wait a little bit. It's not like your gonna instantly get scurvy or somthin."
He laid down, and put his arms around his captain.
"You cold?" He asked after a long while.
"Mhm." The sleepy reply came. Slowly, the doctor got up, and walked over to their closet.
"Is two more blankets gonna be enough?" He called through the dark.
"Ok." He said pulling the long fluffy blankets out of the closet. Quickly, he added them, and laid back in his own spot.
Almost immediately, the other occupant of the bed fell asleep.
"Chapel?" He said as he came in.
"Yes doctor?" She almost whispered.
"Can you get a nutritional IV started and bring it down to Jim and I's room? I gotta grab some things."
"Of course sir."
"Thanks." He said while slipping into his office. He tiredly picked up his padd and looked around the room. He looked at his schedule for tomorrow, and sighed.
A knock came from the door.
"I took it down, but he was still asleep so I didn't put it in."
"Alright, thanks. You can go on to your own room now, and you don't have to come in until 0900 tomorrow."
He quickly plunged the needle in. His lover didn't even flinch. He set the drip, and put on his pajamas. He made sure Jim was asleep before he got into bed. Finally, he got situated and put his arms around his lover.
He started crying silently.
"What are we gona do?" He whispered softly. "How in the hell did all this happen?"
In the dark room, a figure suddenly awoke. He wasn't happy with it at all. His cheeks are wet, his hands are balled into fists, and he has a strong urge to scream. He realizes that a pair of hazel eyes are looking at him, and takes a moment to calm down.
"Just.. Just an old memory..."
"Wana talk bout it?"
"Err... I... "
"Please darlin? It'll make ya feel better."
"Okay... Yeah... I was... Was looking out my window... A long time ago... Everyone was in the town square... It all... It was all gone..."
"What was, dear?"
"Their... Their food... No one out there had any... They... A man and a little kid were fighting over some bread..."
"The soldiers... We're guarding the store... A friend of mine watched while a man down there stabbed another... He saw one man kill another... For food Bones... They... They started eating each other... When it got really bad." McCoy slowly moved to rub his lovers back. "Oh god." He whispered as he started crying again. "Bucket." He all but demanded before bringing up a yellow tinged bile into the trash can by their bed.
"Shhh... Shhh... It's alright. It's okay darlin."
"No it's not Bones. What he did will never be okay. Never."
"What who did?"
"I... I was there when everything went to shit, you know? Your the first... And prolly only person I will ever talk about this with."
"Oh god... That's why there's a huge gap in your record isn't it?"
"Yeah." He whispered.
"Are... Are you gonna be alright?" He asked gesturing to the bucket.
"No... Soon maybe..."
"Do you want somthin for it? I've got new anti-nausea hypos... If you need one?"
"No. Don't leave." He said curling himself around the doctor. "You make it less horrible."