I was discussing plot ideas with my brother and he suggested writing about the moment when Madge hands over the pin but from her point of view. He then challenged me to write 7,500 words (well actually 75,000 but that'll never happen) cos I never finish my stories. I obviously combined the two ideas cos I'm that cool. So, here goes.

You're welcome.
Furface xx
PS. It contains references to my other parody. It's a kinda sequel. But not. It's more of a companion. Think of them as friends. But inanimate.


Magdelenaberry's (phonetically: Mad-duh-lane-ah-berry) arm length was approximately 75.000000001cm (for the purposes of this story, this will be rounded
to 75cm) long, well at least, her left arm was (her right arm was 3m long). She had had it measured by her father when she was 4, as he had been gifted with a metre ruler the day before (one of the perks of being mayor was the truly luxurious gifts). Magdelenaberry had strutted with pride around school for months after he received it, proudly announcing her arm's length.

Never, though, had this length been as important to her as it was now, as she reached out to hand the mockingjay pin to Katpiss, the scum girl from the poorer part of Cowshit.

As Magdelenaberry's hand moved across the first 5cm between her and Katpiss, she had a sudden and well-placed (in terms of the plot of this story) flashback.

Like the pleb that she was, Katpiss (or as Magdelenaberry privately called her: Cat-piss, which she thought was very punny of her indeed) had knocked on the door and offered them rabbit droppings which she had 'caught,' without even washing her hands before touching the polished wood.

I mean, who does she think she is?! Magdelenaberry thought as she put on a gas mask. She made sure it was put on firmly before opening the door, then sprayed a strong antiseptic over the mahogany and Cat-piss (Magdelenaberry snorted to herself as she thought of the name again- goodness she was hilarious).

Once the peasant was disinfected, she removed the gas mask and tried to hide her disgust at the pungent smells which were entering her nostrils. The worst of the smells was, of course, emanating from Katpiss, who always seemed to smell of...Cat piss, surprisingly enough. Perhaps that was because her sister's cat peed on her out of spite. Margarine-glass (but more on this name later) was a very angry old cat indeed.

Anyhow, the main point of this story was that the mayor's daughter was given a free sample of the droppings to try and though they tasted likeā€¦ shit (crazy, right?), she was scammed into buying a whole kilo of them because of the great sales pitch which went a little like this: "These are rabbit droppings."

The words had touched Magdelenaberry so profoundly that she hadn't been able to stop herself from buying them. She had never felt such a strong connection between herself and a peasant before Katpiss had given that heartfelt speech, and this emotion compelled her to spend all of her father's savings on the droppings. She had been tempted to sell the house in order to buy another kilo, but considering her father was already dragging her back inside and chaining her hands together to stop her from doing anything that stupid ever again, she had decided against it. Also the chains made it rather hard for her to move at all, let alone lift her weak arms which had never had to carry more than a feather for her feather-arranging competitions.