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Chapter 6- That One Song About Living
"Edward," I hear Bella call me, but I ignore her and tighten my hold on the fool in my hands.
He nervously raises his shaky hands up in surrender. His widened, blue eyes try to find her, but I don't let him.
He opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water as if trying to say something. "Puh-please don't hurt meh," he says moving his hands, mispronouncing words like Bella. "I'm just thrying to thalk to my fiancée."
Suddenly I realize a few things.
This guy is deaf too.
And … Bella is engaged?
My blood boils and my grip on his shirt gets tighter.
Maybe I can write that angry song now.
"Edward!" Bella shouts again and tries to pull this fool out of my grasp.
His eyes keep moving between Bella and me as if hoping she decides to help him. All the moving and pushing makes what I assume is his hearing aid, fall out of his ear.
"Edward, sthap. Let Mike go," Bella says firmly.
I really don't know why I keep pulling on this guy's shirt, so I throw her a glare and shove Mike a little too hard, making him stumble back.
He heaves, and without taking his eyes off me, moves to stand behind Bella's couch as if trying to hide.
"Sorry," I finally say. After all, it's not his fault his fiancée has been lying to me. I throw another glare her way. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion at my sudden anger, but she doesn't deserve an explanation, so I storm off back to my apartment.
I'm an idiot for thinking I had met such an amazing girl! And we were so close to having sex last night. I enjoyed the 'almost' sex with her a lot, and now she had to go and ruin everything.
"Edward!" She shouts again as I make it back into my apartment. She's fast on her feet and doesn't give me a chance to shut the door. "What's wrong?" She asks and signs at the same time.
I turn to let her know exactly what is wrong, but there, standing behind her is a cowardly looking Mike. He gasps when my eyes catch him.
"Why didn't you tell me you're engaged?" I say.
Bella stares at my lips and continues to look confused.
"I said, why didn't you tell me you were engaged?" I say pointing at her and Mike. It takes her a moment, but suddenly, realization lightens up her face.
"I really liked you," I say pathetically.
She shakes her head and before I can ask her to leave, she points at her left hand.
"No ring!" She shouts, but when she realizes I'm not understanding, she huffs and turns back to Mike. "Leave!" She yells at him, shoves him out of my apartment and slams the door shut.
"Edward, Mike is a liar," she says and signs. "I, uh..."
"Is he your ex-boyfriend?"
She nods. "He, uh, I broke him up."
I chuckle. "You mean you broke up with him?"
She nods again. "I, uh, um - "she shoves her hands in her hair.
I sigh and hand her my journal and a pen.
"I haven't spoken to him in months. Please don't be mad at me. I don't know how he found me. He just can't get the clue."
"Were you engaged with him?"
"No. He asked me to marry him and when I said no, he wouldn't drop the subject so I ended it. We weren't on the same page."
I don't respond and instead go into the kitchen for a glass of water. I'm suddenly parched. It's strange to know she had a serious relationship before me. I mean, I know I'm sounding unreasonable and possessive, but it really felt like she and I had something that nobody else in the world has ever experienced.
The subtle touches and stares. The passionate kissing and the immediate comfort we felt in each other's presence has never been felt by anybody during the existence of this world.
Okay, okay, I am delusional. This is all really my fault.
I can see her from the corner of my eye as she nervously bounces from one foot to the other waiting for me to decide whether I'm mad or not. She jumps when I hand her a glass of her own. I smirk at her and head back to the couch.
She begins to sign and says, "Are you mad?"
I grab my journal and write my response.
"I'm just surprised. Why would I be mad?"
"The vein in your forehead is intense."
I roll my eyes, even though I know it's true. I inherited that angry vein from my father.
"I just can't believe you're a heartbreaker."
"It's not my fault I'm dreamy."
She giggles when I glare at her.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Mike. I just didn't think it was the moment."
"No, you don't have to apologize. It's too early to talk about past love interests, unless you want to talk about it and get it out of the way."
"About Mike? I met him back home when he moved there during senior year. We had the same speech teacher and started hanging out. He asked, I said no, and then that's it."
We don't talk after I ask her if she wants something to eat before I head over to Jake's place. She sits at the kitchen counter and stares as I make us some pasta. She smiles at me and starts to doodle in our journal.
This is nice. Though I would like someone to talk to about what's going on in my mind, it's nice to have her presence. I've dated girls that didn't shut up, so this is a nice change. She slides the journal over to me after I place a plate of food in front of her.
I chuckle at her drawing of an angry me and an exaggerated vein on my forehead. I lightly pinch her cheek making her squeal.
I eat faster than her, and soon I'm staring at her as she sucks her spaghetti noodles into her mouth. Now, I know that there isn't a way to elegantly eat spaghetti, but Bella sure does make it look quite …'interesting.' I shake my head to get rid of the image of her puckered lips out of my mind, since I'm feeling that all, too familiar, twitch in my pants.
She sucks one more noodle and pushes her plate away, before looking up and giving me a huge grin. She lifts her hand and wipes at the sauce that must still be on my face.
"Why don't you have a hearing aid?" I ask it twice and then she understands me.
"They gave me headaches and didn't work that well for me," she says slowly. It's probably the longest sentence I've ever heard her say.
"Aren't you curious to hear the world? Aren't you curious to hear music? My voice? Your voice?"
She smiles and shakes her head. "I used to be curious, but I don't mind anymore. I'm okay."
Somehow, I really love this about her. She's accepted who she is and lives with it. Perhaps having a hearing aid would make her life easier, but she's learned to live without one.
We clean up the kitchen, and she goes back to her place to get dressed. Then we head over to Jake's place to hear what the band has made so far Well, I'll hear and Bella is going to hang out with Alice and me. Apparently, Alice met Jasper as she exited our store the day she threatened to hurt me if I did anything to Bella.
The boys have made a mess of Jake's living room. Not that it was clean to begin with since he lives by himself and he's a damn pig, but the place is now full of cords, guitars, amps, and more cords.
Bella sits next to me, leaning into my side. We've somehow managed to get over the whole Mike ordeal and I hope the guy never dares to show up again. I didn't ask about him after our discussion during dinner, and I don't think she minds. As I listen to the band practice, I stare at Bella and feel pity for Mike. She isn't wearing any makeup and her messy brown hair frames her pale face just right. I can't blame him for not being able to let her go.
She has her hand over her chest, trying to feel the vibrations of the music, making my lips curl up in a deep smile. I'm sure if Bella would have been born with hearing, she and I would share love for music.
The band plays one song and Jake does a little singing. He can't seem to finish writing the lyrics, but they have a song now. He mumbles through the parts he has no lyrics for.
Alice claps as if it's the best thing ever when they're done and gives Jasper a hug. I know that he likes her, because he looks like an idiot smiling that way, and I wonder if that's the way I look around Bella.
"Edward, dude, you study this shit. How did we do?" Jake asks.
"It's good for a first song, but where is your drummer?"
"You remember Garret?"
"Oh, yeah, the idiot that broke his nose at the bar."
"Yeah, him, he's gonna be the drummer."
"Where is he now?"
Jake laughs. "He broke his nose again in another bar fight."
"He sounds promising," I mutter.
"He sounds like a typical, rock star. He's perfect," Jasper jokes.
I chuckle. "Jasper, you should try a different chord during the opening." I get up and show my friend what I'm talking about and then suddenly I'm helping Jake finish the lyrics to the song. They play it a few times and I have to keep stopping them, because they're getting the melody wrong and playing and singing out of sync. Three more tries and they sound perfect.
I sit back down with Bella who is currently smiling suspiciously at me.
"What?" I ask her.
"You really like teaching," she says.
"Music? Yeah, I guess so. It is what I love, and I know a lot about it."
"Maybe, you should be a music teacher."
I laugh and shake my head at the silly idea. "Me, a teacher? I don't think so."
She shrugs and takes the beer out of my hand and drinks from it. She rests her head against my shoulder and finishes the beer. Softly, she runs her fingers over my arm and down to my hands that rest in my lap. Lightly she rubs her thumb over my skin and before I know it, I'm resting my head against hers and ignoring the band while I squeeze her tiny hand.
Jake and Jasper have invited over a few friends to party.
Alice gives me a wink before she runs off with Jasper. I don't want to know what they're up to and I'm not bothering to find out. But it seems that I am finally in her good graces. Not once has that small pixie glared at me tonight.
Jake decided to play typical party music which means I hate it. Everyone is dancing in the living room and laughing while they get drunk.
Bella and I are sitting at the top of the stairs, watching, after we danced to a few songs. For the first time since I met Bella, I catch her with no expression on her face. She isn't staring at the lively crowd of people in front of us, instead, her eyes are staring at an imaginary world ahead of her. I gently tap her shoulder to get her attention.
"You okay?" I ask.
She gives me an honest smile and nods. She points at herself and moves a few fingers in a circular motion to the side of her head. I'm assuming she's calling herself crazy.
I shake my head and pull out our journal.
"Is it Mike?"
She giggles. "No! I really liked him, but it was never serious. It's what he reminded me of that has me this way."
"What is it?"
"Home. My home in Forks. It's a little town, and also, my dad."
"How long has it been since you've seen him or been there."
"I haven't been in Forks in two years and I haven't seen him in months. I can't really call him as you might have already guessed and he's terrible with computers. I guess I'm missing him and that awful town."
"You should email or send him a good, old fashion letter. I have proof that you're good at writing."
She smiles. "I know I can do those things. But I selfishly don't want him to find me. Not yet."
"Your dad doesn't know where you are?"
"He kind of does, but I've asked him to give me some time."
"Why? Is he like my dad?"
"No, not at all. He is overprotective, though. I do love him very much, but I just need to live a little before it's time."
"Before it's time for what?"
"Before it's time that I prove to him that I am not like my mom. That I'm not going to leave us alone like she did. I'm not going to let his heart break again," she writes and turns back to the dancing crowd as she places a hand over her chest and starts to sway side to side with the music.
As we head home, Bella is back to her cheery and quirky self, but I wonder if she hurts in any way for her dad or… for her mom. I know she has a great heart so I don't doubt she does live in pain, and I admire her ability to not let it show.
She makes goofy faces at the little girl sitting next to us who giggles until she falls back into her mother's lap on the bus.
When the little girl and her mother leave, Bella turns to me with a grin. She digs into the pocket of my jacket and pulls out the journal and pen.
"I know this is a weird question. It's just a random thought. Do you ever think about the type of parent you'll be?"
"It is quite strange, Ms. Swan, but no. I don't think I have. I'd like to think that I would be a supportive dad. Oh, and cool. I would be a cool dad."
She smiles. "Me too. I guess we want to be what we didn't have."
"I'm sure you're referring to your mother."
"Where did she go?"
"I don't know. She left my dad and me when I was five. She couldn't deal with taking care of me and didn't like the idea of having a kid with 'special' needs. She sends me holiday cards and sends me one on my birthday on the wrong day. How considerate of her."
"Do you read them?"
"I read every single word. She's lost her touch over the years. Her cards and letters have less words each time. I guess she doesn't have much to say anymore. I don't respond."
I feel sadness for her in my chest and she immediately sees it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bum us out. I don't know why I'm thinking of my mother. Why don't you invite me over and we can watch a movie or something?"
I chuckle and pull her close to me.
I don't remember what movie we're watching. I don't even know how we ended up on my couch with me on top of sweet Bella and our mouths glued together.
It's 2 AM?
When did that happen?
I have to work tomorrow … I think … holy … she feels good.
I let go of her soft and warm lips. She's out of breath and enjoying herself. I can tell by the way her eyes are still closed, by her blushing cheeks and by the way she hums as I attack her neck with my lips. She slides her small hands under my shirt and caresses my skin.
"You want me to take it off?" I ask, but then I cringe remembering she can't hear me. I sit up and the movement makes her open those brown eyes.
She grins and licks her lips, letting me know she is in a mischievous mood. She moves her hands over my chest as I throw my t-shirt somewhere out in the darkness of my apartment.
"You're beautiful," she says, grinning.
"Hush," I say, but her face lets me know she doesn't understand that. I don't bother to stop and explain and instead return my lips to hers, grinding my hips into her.
She gasps and digs her fingers into my skin.
She pulls away from my mouth and finds her way into my neck, licking at the skin there, up to my ear.
"Oh …" I seem to have forgotten how to speak and instead sound like a caveman.
Shit, I'm not a caveman though, and as I feel her hands unzipping my jeans, I wonder if I have condoms. I haven't had any girls over in ages and…fuck, she's now sucking on my Adam's apple.
"Hold on, baby," I mutter and somehow I'm glad she didn't hear me because I really don't want her to stop.
What? You're an asshole, Cullen.
But I'm also fucking hard as a rock.
She hums into my mouth when she finds it and soon enough we're once again grinding into each other. She pushes me off and I wonder what has caused her to suddenly stop and I don't want to cry like a little …but then I realize she's only taking off her blouse and bra. She smirks as I stare at her boobs … tits … boobs… breasts? Ummm…
I am certain that there is no blood in my brain and I am a caveman.
I don't even ask as I cup her small mounds. They're not big in any way, but as I've mentioned before, everything is perfect when it comes to her.
She moans and returns her mouth to my neck.
I haven't even asked her to be my girlfriend. I'm such a dick.
Where are we?
Fuck off inner voice!
I slip my hands into her shorts and before I can get to the promise land, Led Zeppelin's Kashmir starts to play.
What the hell?
It's my cellphone.
Of course Bella can't hear it and continues as if nothing is going on.
I can ignore it.
The ringing stops and I return my hand down her panties, but then the phone starts going off again.
Speaking of getting off, it seems neither of us will get that tonight.
I mutter a few, curse words and lift up. She glares at me.
I feel the same way!
"What?" she asks.
I run over to my phone and show it to her before I answer. Her face relaxes and she gives me a small smile.
I turn around to talk to the annoying person calling in the middle of the night…morning…I can't stare at Bella's tits unless I want to sound like an idiot.
"Is this Edward Cullen?"
She explains why she is calling and I wish she would have never called.
I hang up and look at Bella who now looks worried.
"You okay?" She asks.
"That was the hospital. My dad is there…he had a heart attack."
Her eyes widen and before I know it, we're on our way to the hospital. She holds me close during the ride and gives me comforting, soft kisses.
I'm glad she's with me. I told her she could go to her apartment and sleep, but she refused and insisted on coming with me. "It's gonna be okay," she whispers against my cheek and even the way she mispronounces her words makes me wanna hold her closer and believe.
When we get to the hospital, hand in hand, we run to the floor where my dad is being attended. The doctor explains that it was a minor attack and he'll be fine. He'll have to visit a cardiologist and eat and exercise better. After I explain it to Bella, we head over to see my old man.
"I don't know why they have me here. I'm a goddamn doctor. I know what the protocol is," Carlisle says. He looks strange and weak in his hospital gown and out of his shiny shoes. I'm not used to seeing him like this.
"The doctor said it was stress," I say.
He huffs and stares at Bella for a moment and then at me.
"You're still with her? I guess I was wrong about you and her."
I roll my eyes.
"Stress? Ha! Of course it is. I worry about you too damn much, Edward."
"I think you should just rest," I say sternly.
"If you would just listen to me and leave this silly, music dream behind, this wouldn't happen."
"No, this happens because you're a dick!" I say.
He gasps and his eyes widen.
A moment later he clears his throat. "I can't believe you just called me a dick, son."
"You know you are."
"I'm glad she can't hear you."
I smirk and make sure Bella isn't looking at me to read my lips. "She's my girlfriend, she already knows you're a dick. Remember this morning?"
He rolls his eyes. "Are you going to leave?"
"Are you kicking us out?"
"No, I'm just wondering, since I know you're probably tired and I can get the nurse to bring you some pillows."
My father… is showing some humanity.
"Bella needs to get home, but I'll come get you in the morning."
"In what car?"
"In my damn spaceship."
He side eyes me as Bella helps him get comfortable.
She's so lovely.
"You should learn something from your girlfriend and be nice to your old man."
I glance at Bella hoping she didn't read Carlisle's lips. Luckily she's too busy fixing his pillow.
"You haven't asked her yet?" He asks.
I sigh. "Let's go, Bella."
"What the hell are you waiting for? You know, I asked your mother to be my lady the same day I met her. Don't be a pussy."
I cringe. "Please don't use the word 'pussy.' It's disturbing. You're my dad."
I smile at Bella when she looks at me and nod towards the door.
She goes to grab her jacket from one of the chairs in the room.
"I like her," Dad says. "She makes you brave. You've never spoken to me like that before."
I roll my eyes. "In my dreams I have."
"Maybe she'll also make you see how you're wasting your time with music."
"Have a goodnight, Dad," I mutter and take Bella's hand as we walk out the door.
"Leaving already?" A nurse asks.
"Having a dad like him makes this the longest visit ever," I tell the nosey lady.
Bella leans into my side as we ride the elevator down, and without hesitation I take her hand in mine.
The waiting room is empty tonight as we quietly walk towards the exit.
"So, girlfriend?" Bella suddenly asks, making me stop.
"Um, I was just…"
She smirks at me as she stands up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck, placing a sweet kiss on my lips.
"You gonna ask?"
I smile and give her a kiss of my own. "We're standing in the middle of a germ, infested room."
She giggles and shrugs. "Romantic," she teases, but I can see the warmth in her eyes.
What am I waiting for?
She raises an eyebrow, waiting.
"You wanna be my girlfriend?"
"What?" She asks.
"You want to be my girlfriend?"
"What?" she asks loudly.
"Do you want…wait…"
She laughs and I'm pretty sure we look like assholes laughing in the middle of a hospital waiting room. I think the sick looking man sitting in the corner is glaring at us.
I take out my journal and pen.
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?! You see how I added so many explanation marks? I'm shouting at you. This is it. Answer!"
She giggles again.
I sure do hope the sick man is too sick to tell us to shut up.
She writes and takes a while to return the journal to me. She laughs when I try to swipe it out of her hands and finally hands it over after a nurse tells us to hush it.
"Yes! I'm shouting back. You like it?"
I take her smiley face into my hands and press my lips against hers to show her how much I do like it. She so soft and warm and beautiful and…
I look up to see who is calling her name.
A young looking guy in a white, lab coat is staring at us with his mouth hanging open.
Bella of course hasn't heard him and tries to kiss me again, but I stop her and point towards the doctor calling her name.
She slowly turns and sees him. I can feel as she tenses her body.
"Shit," she mutters.
"Bella, it's really you!" The guy says. He's clearly happy and even moved closer to see her.
Is he about to cry?
"Hello, Peter," she says awkwardly.
"Peter? You never called me by my name, my love. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in months. I miss you."
Before I lose my cool…yet again, Bella grabs onto my shirt.
"Let me explain," she says, pleading to me with her eyes.
What the hell is going on?
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