Hey guys, this is just a little one shot I started about a year back and have finished it now. But I wanna talk about some things first.
First: To any Shamy/Lenny shippers who are reading this, please stop wasting your time in flaming on some Shenny shippers. You don't really gain anything from it other than wasting your oh so precious time, and it's bullying. Instead of hating on people, why don't you just devote your time in reading/writing/supporting Shamy/Lenny stories? Fanfiction is a place where us shippers can support our favorite show/character/pairing/movie/anime/etc. not a place to bully people. I'm asking nicely and politely so if there are any flames for this, I won't go down without answering back.
Second: This is not in any way hate to Leonard, just my interpretation of the Lenny problems (not hate okay). This really isn't a romance one shot but I don't know it popped out of my mind a year back, (and the current hate circulating in fanfiction) has motivated me to write this. You can view this in any way you want to, but honestly I just thought that a certain line from one of my favorite books fits this.
Third: The guy in Barbie Girl is actually a part of the Aqua, I never knew that. LOL.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything in this one shot other than the idea of the fic. Everything else belongs to its respective owners. Also this is Un-Beta'd so mistakes and errors are mine, son. Also, I apologize if the last part makes no sense, but it does fit, unless you're a hater.
Oh and Wolfofsheep this is for you, and every other shenny shipper currently receiving hate out there. Don't stop writing just cause of hate- hate doesn't kill you, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Penny stomped up the stairs, desperate to reach her apartment as quickly as possible. She and Leonard had one of their famous 'misunderstandings' the other day, and now it had grown into a full fledged fight and semi-non-official break-up between them.
They had fought over Leonard supposedly flirting with one of the grad students at the university who had a crush on him. Sure, she understood that Leonard and the guys weren't heartthrobs when they were younger and that made people having a crush on them boost each of their own egos… well except for Sheldon. But what she didn't understand was, why did he have to flirt back when he already had a girlfriend? Even though he said that he "didn't know" that she was flirting with him, he could have just told her that he had a girlfriend, but no, he "felt bad" for her cause he knew what unrequited love was.
But that wasn't the point, she just couldn't understand what was happening. Why Leonard would always offer sex when she was mad, why sometimes he could just be so damn insensitive about her feelings. Yeah she could be a bitch sometimes, but it wasn't like he wasn't one in certain occasions. It was like there was no trust between them. Why couldn't she have that- trust in a relationship? Why couldn't Leonard just tell her that he had lunch with that girl, why couldn't he tell the girl that he had a girlfriend, and why couldn't she stop thinking about him cheating on her?
It all just didn't make sense to her, and even though she could really use a nice bottle of wine right now, she was getting sick and tired of drinking her problems away. It wasn't like wine or vodka or beer could magically fix the problems in her relationship, but if it could, it would have done it by now. Bernadette told her that "problems" were always present in a relationship and that it was what made it stronger. But she felt like it didn't make their relationship stronger, nope not at all. If it did, they might have trusted each other more.
She often questioned herself why she just couldn't be happy and contented with being with Leonard. He was smart, he wasn't that ugly, he would do everything she would tell him to do (but let's just forget the fact that it would be for sex) and he was the first boyfriend that her dad ever approved of- didn't it all sound like a perfect relationship? Because it would to a lot of people, maybe even everyone except her. If it was the perfect relationship, why did she completely reject the idea of living with him? Why did the thought of marrying him feel like it was the only choice she had? Some would say that it was cause of her commitment issues, and that it was something that normally came along with it. But it sure didn't feel like it.
There were times when being with Leonard was like the best choice she had ever made in her life. And then there were times that being with Leonard was one of the worst.
Most of the time, it felt like being with Leonard was just the safest choice she had. Like, if she didn't end up with him, she would probably end up with some muscle head (did Sheldon call them togolyte or something?) that would probably hit on every girl he sees. She would be a waitress till her death and he would, well, still be a… troglodyte, yes that was the word. But if she was to end up with Leonard, well one, her financial troubles would be over. She would be able to pursue her dream (given that she would get her big break) and could even pursue other things and finish college, since it was what Leonard practically tried to smother in her face. But it all felt wrong. She knew that somewhere down the road, she would break Leonard's heart, and he would pretend that he wasn't hurting, and she would pretend that she wasn't hurting him, and she didn't want that. She didn't want to spend her life pretending to love someone more than they loved you.
She would always want something more from Leonard, and it was mostly things that he could never give her, even if he tried (except shoes.) And there were things that she would never be able to give him no matter how many classes and lessons from Sheldon she takes. Leonard would never be the tall muscular and handsome prince charming she'd be dreaming of, and she would never be the intelligent, perfect woman that he could show off to his mother that even he couldn't please. No, she didn't want any of that, because it was wrong, it would all be a lie. A terrible, painful, and agonizing lie that they would have to live for the rest of their lives.
But don't get her wrong, she loved Leonard, just not that way he wants it to be.
She was one of the things the guys (still except Sheldon) had ever dreamed of, a hot, beautiful blonde that they could boast off to everyone that had pushed them down and insulted them throughout their life. And he, well, he certainly wasn't someone she had ever thought of dating, nor did anyone thought that she would date. But wasn't there a saying that opposites attracts? They were opposites, so maybe they were meant to be, and she just couldn't see it right now. Maybe she would learn to love him the way he loves her, maybe even more. But the question is, when?
Sheldon huffed as he turned the page of a book he was reading.
Alex had insisted that he read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. She had told him that it was a "wonderful" book that had plenty of great quotes and book recommendations listed in the book. Alex also told him that there were great music recommendations, but his mind quickly rejected the idea of listening to music from a band named after destroying a fruit barbarically, (Smashing Pumpkins), a bug (The Beatles), a verb/noun (The Ride) and a whole lot of other nonsense.
Though he had to admit, the literary references were decent, and he had read most of them at around the second grade. But it had irritated him how Doctor Who was not mentioned, at all, as it was already on air at the year that the book was set. The same goes with Star Trek and Star Wars. But it bothered him how the main character was often intoxicated and consumed cannabis and yet still maintained a high grade. Overall, he thought the book was good enough to read for a good hour and a half, plus the question of who he was writing to still made him think, but he thought that the writer chose to not reveal who it was. It was probably some irrelevant character that was mentioned in the book somewhere.
… It did made him curious on why the main character, Charlie, received so much hate about not kissing his girlfriend when dared to kiss the most aesthetically pleasing woman in the room. Were they trying to get him to lie? If he had thought that his girlfriend, Mary Elizabeth, wasn't the prettiest and thought that it was Sam, he should be allowed to do as he pleases, regardless of whether or not the two women had history of such. If he was asked to do the same, there was a 80% chance that he wouldn't kiss his girlfriend, and he was pretty sure that the others would do exactly the same thing the other characters did to Charlie.
His head shot to the door as it swung open, allowing Penny to enter and angrily slam it shut again.
She looked around before slumping on the other end of the couch. He glanced at her before returning his attention to the back of the book, "Who is it? Oh hello, Penny, its open, come in… sarcasm." Penny gave him a glare before burying the back of her head deeper into the sofa, "Where's Leonard?" Sheldon fiddled with the book, flipping the pages to pass time with the banal chit chat, "Oh, he's out with the guys. I heard you two broke up again."
Penny's mouth fell open as she turned her head to Sheldon, "What? I didn't break up with him- we just fought!" Sheldon nodded, turning to the first page to distract him from Penny wasting his time, like always, "Oh well isn't that the same? It's been five years and whenever you fight, you tend to break up. I thought that it was social protocol, I guess not." He mentally smiled at the silence before noticing the frown on the waitress' face, "I'm sorry, Penny, it has been very rude of me to not ask but, are you upset?" She placed a hand on the top of her head, groaning, "Yes. I am upset, very upset, the pinnacle of upset, actually."
The corners of his mouth twitched upward as he flipped to page 12, "Very good, Penny. I see you have been taking down notes on how to sound smart. I would give you a chocolate, but I'm afraid we've run out."
He waited for her answer, pausing from reading. He waited for another minute before realizing that she was truly upset, "I apologize, I thought that it was sarcasm." Sheldon stood up, placing the book on the coffee table before proceeding to the kitchen, "would you like some tea or hot cocoa? Social protocol." Penny removed her hand from her face, sitting up straight to look at the book he placed down, "Why can't I just be happy for once? I mean, it's not that I'm not happy, but it's like, this kind of happy isn't the one I've always wanted."
Sheldon's eye twitched as he placed the packets down, "I'm afraid that I don't have an answer to that… just like you to my question, now," he loudly placed a mug on the counter, "tea or hot cocoa?"
She picked the book up, mentally reading the title, "If I were honest to myself, Leonard is the perfect guy, he's sweet, smart, has a good job, and isn't ugly." Sheldon shifted his weight, gripping the mug, "I wouldn't call him perfect as he still screws my order up… Now, tea or cocoa, it's a pretty easy question to answer if you ask me." He watched as she shook her head, closing her eyes tightly before dropping her head down, "And I'm sure that I'd have a great future with him, but there's just stopping me from actually being contented about that thought. Like there's something wrong in our relationship… I know what it is, but I don't want to know, I don't want to hurt him."
He gripped the mug tighter as his eye twitched even more, "You are very confusing and you still have yet to answer my question. Tea or cocoa, do not ruin social protocol, Penny."
"It's like our relationship is playing safe. He gets the hot blonde and I get the financially stable genius, it works perfectly, but there's still something wrong. I'm sure that Leonard can feel it as well but chooses to ignore it…" Sheldon slammed the mug on the counter in frustration, but not hard enough to break it, "Alright, you're getting tea, do not complain as I have already given you many chances to decide. My father was right, women are pain in the asses." He dabbed the tea bag into the hot water before placing the string to the side and bringing it to the coffee table, "You're close to becoming an acquaintance, now enjoy it, woman."
"I can't understand why I just can't picture us being happy together in the next ten years," she admitted, bringing the mug up to her lips before taking a sip, "I can't even trust him completely, how the hell am I going to marry him?! I'm just hurting him either way." Sheldon's eyes widened at her sentence, "Penny, don't tell me you're planning on hurting him. I truly cannot bear to be in those Leonard days in which he whines, listens to awful music and wears black, I already go through it enough."
"But Sheldon you don't understand. Leonard, I love him, dearly, but I just don't love him the way he loves me. I hurt him by just being with him when we both know that the only reason I'm with him because it is a secure future with him. I don't want to hurt him cause it's hurting me, but I don't know what to do… I'm hurting him either way, and I can't do it anymore! This is not the happiness that I want, this is not because of my commitment issues, but it's the thought of being with the wrong person…" she took one last sip before placing it back down on the table, "it's the thought of being with someone I don't love just cause I feel like no one will ever love me the way he does… that I won't ever find someone like him and that I'll be a waitress forever and be a complete failure. I don't want that Sheldon, I don't want to lie to Leonard, but it's the only way for me to feel like I'm worth something," he turned to him, "to feel like I'm actually loved."
"We accept the love we think we deserve, Penny." Sheldon simply said, picking the book up and returning to where he left off.
Sheldon glanced at her, then flipped the page to the 27th page, showing it to her, "We accept the love we think we deserve, Penny. If you think that you don't deserve this kind of love… then don't receive it go find the love you actually think you deserve. It may be that Leonard thinks that he deserves to be loved by you, but it doesn't necessarily mean that that love is what you deserve, Penny. It is possible that you don't realize from who and specifically what kind of love you deserve, but this book states that each of us know what we deserve, and I know that you know as well."
Penny stared at him, registering what exactly Sheldon had said. It was true, she knew that she didn't deserve Leonard's love, and that was why she wasn't happy, why she was so indecisive, why she had so much questions. Did she deserve love? Yes, everybody does. But did it necessarily mean that the love she deserved was from Leonard or some Neanderthal? No. But id did mean that what she deserved was out there, and she would find it. It all made sense to her, and the answer came from mister-I-have-no-visible-emotions-and-knowledge-about-feelings.
"Sheldon, how exactly did you get that extremely un-Sheldon-like answer?" She asked, her eyes wide.
Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows, the gestured to the book, "It was taken from a long line of questions and interpretations I thought of while you engaged in banal chit chat with yourself. Plus it was the quote that Alex had told me about earlier, she asked me, 'Doctor Cooper, do you think that you deserve the love that you get?' That question made me think, and since I still had not answered her, she gave me this book. And I thought about it, and I can say that I do think that I deserve the love that I get."
The blonde stared at him in awe, "That was the deepest and most human and most surprising thing you have ever said to me, Sheldon." She blinked before smiling widely at him and reaching over to hug him, "But that was the best advice you have ever given me, Sheldon," she pulled away, giving him once last smile before standing up, "and it's time for me ask that myself."
His eyes followed her as she took another sip and grabbed the book, tucking it underneath her arm before skipping towards the door, "Thanks again, Sheldon. You're a real friend." Sheldon nodded, sighing as he thought of how he would explain to Alex why he wouldn't be able to return the book to her the following day, "Yes, well, social protocol." He glanced at her before she waved and closed the door, leaving him to wonder if he did tell her the truth.
Did he really deserve the love he got?