Hehe, I wrote this when I was really bored and reruns of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire came on the TV. So this came out of it...now for the legal stuff. The show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is owned by...ABC, I think, or whoever created it. I didn't make it up. Star Wars characters belong to Lucas. No copyright infringement is intended; no moolah made off of this. Okay, legal stuff aside, here we go...
(and yes, I'm aware that the characters are just *slightly* hyper)
Want to be a Millionaire – Star Wars Style!
Master Yoda: Hello and welcome to Who Wants to be A Millionaire, with your host Master Yoda!
Anakin: Wow, he's talking normally now.
Master Yoda: Silent, you will be! Or win, you shall not...
Anakin: Well, I do want to be rich and powerful...*decides to shut up*
Master Yoda: As I was saying...we have eight contestants tonight! Mace Windu! Obi-Wan Kenobi! Qui-Gon Jinn! Anakin Skywalker! Darth Maul! Darth Sidious! Luke Skywalker! And lastly, Jango Fett.
*room explodes in noise and shouts of, "HEY, YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!" and "MASTER!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!"*
Master Yoda: *thump cane on floor* All of you SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!
Anakin: *whispering* I still can't believe he's talking normally!
Master Yoda: Skywalker, I'm warning you. Tonight will begin with the fastest finger question.
Jango Fett: Damn, I'm only one without those Jedi reflexes...*looks at Luke* No wait. I do have a chance.
Master Yoda: Arrange these Sith Lords in order of when they reigned.
Sidious: Oh man, this is going to be so easy.
Obi-Wan: That's so unfair! How are we supposed to know? The Sith have been extinct for a millennia!
Anakin: Technically, Master, they weren't extinct, just hiding in the shadows.
Master Yoda: Time up!
Anakin: *blinking* WHAT??? *whirls on Obi-Wan* YOU DISTRACTED ME!
Obi-Wan: *glumly* Hey, I didn't get a chance to enter anything either. And I came with my patented series of codes too.
Qui-Gon: Now, now, Anakin, breathe out your anger. Obi-Wan, you will tell me your patented codes...*waves hand through air*
Obi-Wan: Right...like I'm going to fall for that again.
Master Yoda: And the winner is...Darth Maul!
Sidious: WHAT? *glares at Maul* You will suffer for this...
Maul: *considering* On second thought, I would like to pass up my position and offer it to my Master, Darth Sidious.
Sidious: *cracks knuckles* Wise choice, Maul.
Maul: Thank you, Master. *leaves table*
Master Yoda: Okay, Darth Sidious, please take the hot seat. Now for the first question, worth 100 credits –
Sidious: *waves hand through air* It is worth 1,000,000 credits.
Master Yoda: *humphs* Nice try, buster.
Sidious: It was, wasn't it?
Master Yoda: *clears throat* So anyways...first question, "Name the first chancellor. A: Mhods. B. Quiope. C. Quakly D. Cjdels."
Sidious: Eck, why would a Sith Lord care?
Master Yoda: If you get this right, you get credits, remember?
Sidious: Well then, I wish to poll the audience. *turns toward audience* If you get this wrong, I will kill you all! *smiles pleasantly* Please proceed.
Audience polls majority on "A".
Sidious: I will go with the audience, you old green troll. *look of pain crosses his face as Yoda gives him a good thwack with the gimer stick*
Yoda: Final answer?
Yoda: I'm sorry, A is incorrect...
Sidious: *waves hand through air* A is correct...
Yoda: A is correct.
Sidious: See, it's always worth it to try.
Qui-Gon: What? You cheater!
Mace: I think from now on, no Jedi mind tricks are allowed in this game.
Sidious: *smirking* Okay. By the way, Maul, do you mind finishing off the audience for me? A good shot with the Death Star once I win my million will suffice.
Luke: Hey, I destroyed that thing!
Sidious: Quiet, my young apprentice. Maul, hop to!
Maul: Yes, Master.
Yoda: Second question, worth 200 credits. When was I born? A. 2891 B. 5923 C. 2921, D. 4239.
Sidious: D. Final answer. Move it!
Yoda: *whacks Sidious* Impatience is the path to the dark side!
I thought you said fear was the path -
Yoda: Quiet you will be! *mutters to self* Like father, like son...D is correct for 200 credits. Next question worth 500 credits. Who killed Darth Maul?
Sidious: What a pathetically easy question! Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Obi-Wan: Damn right I did. And don't you forget it!
Yoda: Final answer?
Yoda: Obi-Wan Kenobi is incorrect. Answer choice B, is correct.
Anakin: Hah! You missed the easy one! You idiot!
Anakin, what have I told you about mocking Sith Lords?
Anakin: Sorry, Master.
Sidious: Deeply sorry, Obi-Wan, but I'll have to choke him for that.
Obi-Wan: It's really no problem. I would do it myself, but Jedi are supposed to keep a good image on public television.
Sidious: *choking Anakin until he faints. Crowd cheers*
Obi-Wan: Thank you.
Sidious: My pleasure.
Yoda: Sidious, you're still out. We need to begin the next fastest finger question.
Sidious: *speaking into comlink* Maul, wait five minutes, and then fire.
Maul: I'm sorry, Master, but I can't quite find the Death Star. Where did you park it?
Luke: *smugly* Told you I destroyed it.
Sidious: Luke, get over here. You're coming with me to rebuild it.
Luke: But I was going to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!
*glares* Fine. I'll just tell a certain
Mara Jade -
Luke: *blushes* I'm coming, already! *springs out of seat and leaves with Sidious*
So now we have four candidates left!
Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jango Fett, and Mace Windu. Our next fastest finger -
Mace: *interrupting* Master Yoda, before we begin, I would like to remind you I still have those pictures from the Senate meeting...
Yoda: *swallows hard* And the winner of the fastest finger is Master Mace Windu!
Mace: *swaggers to hot seat*
Qui-Gon: *mutters* Cheater.
Yoda: First question, worth 100 credits. Who is the greatest Jedi Master? A. Plo Koon. B. Master Yoda. C. Qui-Gon Jinn. D. Mace Windu.
Mace: *considering* I would say B, although it really should be D.
Yoda: Final answer?
Yoda: Correct! Although I'm taking 50 credits off for that little comment.
Mace: Yoda...the pictures?
Yoda: On second thought, I'll be adding 1000 credits to your total score.
Qui-Gon: Objection! Manipulation of the host!
Mace: Qui, I hate to pull rank on you, but overruled.
Obi-Wan: Masters, this isn't a court of law.
Jango: You're all crazy...how you survive, I'll never know.
Obi-Wan: Come on, Jango! You and me, one on one, right now!
Jango: I kicked your butt last time!
Mace: Yes, but I beheaded you in the end.
Jango: *cracks knuckles* Yes, we do have a score to settle, don't we?
Yoda: Hello??? We're in the middle of a round here.
Mace: Right. So, I'm ready for the next question. I'm the big bad Mace fighting machine.
Mace: I heard that, Qui...
Obi-Wan: Master, if Mace jumps you, do I have to defend you from him?
Qui-Gon: Why you --! *pulls a Homer Simpson and starts strangling Obi-Wan*
Jango: *starts helping*
Mace: Stop this right now!
Jango: Party pooper...
Yoda: So anyways...Question number two: Who were -
Obi-Wan: Sith, no! I didn't get a chance to do my patented fastest finger! *dives on a still-reviving Anakin* Padawan, I'll have your head for this!
Qui-Gon: *slicing buzzer in pieces with his lightsaber*
Mace: Haha, you suckers...
Yoda: Growing too old for this, I am...The End