The light coming in through the window was in the wrong place. The blankets felt all wrong. And there was a familiar sweet comforting smell of artificial raspberry in the air.
Raspberry hair gel.
Panic rising, Kurt cracked an eye open and took in the messy black curls and the muscular shoulder near him. He felt warm skin and heard peaceful even breathing.
He had slept with Blaine last night.
He quietly slipped out of bed. Don't panic, he thought. You don't know for sure that you got so wasted at the wedding last night that you had sex with Blaine.
The condom he saw in the trash can told him differently.
Kurt surveyed the room. A hotel room.
Two matching black tuxedos tossed in pieces on the floor. A bottle of champagne in an ice bucket. Empty. How had they managed that when they were both underage, he wondered. No idea.
And no idea what he was going to tell Adam.
Sweet, comforting, goofy, beautiful Adam.
Kurt sighed and decided to head in to the shower and try to pull himself together. The hot spray pounding on his poor hungover scalp made him yelp. Serves me right, he thought, shampooing his hair.
Slipping out of the bathroom, he dressed in comfortable clothes. Jeans and an Adam's Apples hoodie. He bit back a sob when he saw Adam's name on the shirt. No. No time for that now. He and Rachel had an early flight to catch back to New York and there was no way in hell he was missing it.
On the bed, Blaine began to stir. "Kurt" he mumbled softly.
"Blaine, I have to go. We have a plane to catch." He resisted the urge to run his hand through those black curls. It wasn't right.
"Love you," mumbled Blaine. "Call me when you get back to school."
Quickly tossing his crumpled suit and his cosmetic bag into his overnight bag, Kurt left the room, carefully and quietly closing the door.
He hadn't said he loved him back.
The flight back to New York was torture. Rachel kept giving him knowing looks and he refused to talk about it. Exhausted, he kept his eyes closed to shut her out, drank a lot of water, and thought again that he deserved every minute of this hangover.
After dropping off his bag at home and heading out on the subway, he arrived at Adam's dorm. He sent him a text.
I'm outside your building. Can we talk?
Heart pounding, Kurt waited for the response.
Sure handsome, come on up.
The intercom buzzer sounded to let Kurt into the building.
When he got upstairs, Adam opened the door in sweats and a t shirt, hair adorably rumpled, ear buds hanging from his shoulders, rubbing his sleepy eyes.
He was gorgeous.
"Adam, can we talk?"
Adam nodded sleepily, sitting down on his bad as Kurt stood.
"This is hard for me."
"I made a huge mistake last night."
A hurt expression passed over Adam's face, which he quickly tried to hide.
"I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I got drunk and had sex with my ex boyfriend."
"Wow," said Adam. "After the wedding?"
"Please don't hate me."
"I am so sorry."
"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted kick me out of the Apples and set fire to all my clothes and unfriend me and never speak to me again and I AM SO….."
Kurt stopped talking.
"I'm listening." said Adam. "I don't own you. We had one date and one kiss. Please, just stop apologizing!"
Adam had tears in his eyes.
"Kurt, we had one date. One kiss. You didn't cheat on me."
Adam was clearly trying to be brave. The feelings that showed on his face were contradicting his words.
Kurt didn't deserve his kindness.
"Kurt, please go on. I want to hear this." (Even if it hurts, he thought to himself.)
"I just…." Kurt gulped. "I wanted to be honest with you. Whether we are together or not…and you're right, we never really did define what we are but….you are so important to me and you were the first person I thought of the MINUTE I woke up and, oh God….."
After seeing Adam's tears, Kurt felt a tear slip down his own cheek.
"So that's it. I'm a cheater. I'm as bad as Blaine, who I've complained about for so long, and I'm no better. God, I suck."
"No, wait. Let me get this out. You are so important to me Adam. You make living in this city bearable, you make this school bearable, and you're always there for me, and I know that being lied to hurts more than actually being cheated on sometimes,
and I just couldn't do that. I couldn't lie to you and pretend this didn't happen. I can't do that to you. You are so much more important to me than that."
Adam took a deep breath.
"My turn?" he asked, reaching for Kurt's hand and taking it in his. Kurt nodded.
"Kurt, I can't say I'm not hurt. But I'd be a hippocrite if I judged you for this. First of all, we never said we were exclusive. "
Trying not to get lost in those enormous blue eyes holding his gaze, Adam gently wiped away a tear from Kurt's face with his fingers and continued.
"And I've been in your shoes. About a year ago I got drunk and slept with my roommate. I mean, he was my roommate then. I wasn't in a relationship, so there was no question of whether I was cheating or not…"
"…but still, I woke up in a panic the next morning because I was in the wrong bed, and because it was not something I intended to do."
He saw relief wash over Kurt's face.
"Yes, Kurt, really."
Suddenly Adam found himself on his back on his bed with the air knocked out of his lungs.
Kurt had tackle-hugged him.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry," Kurt said, sitting up quickly. "I'm just so relieved. You have no idea."
"You don't hate me?"
"No I don't hate you Kurt. But I do think you need a little time to deal with the fallout from this weekend. I can't say it doesn't hurt a little. But it's okay. You're not getting rid of me that easily."
Kurt was stunned.
"It's much too early for us to be talking about being exclusive in my opinion. But eventually…..when you've sorted out your feelings and decide what you want… when you're ready to talk about it, it's something I would be very interested in. Being in an exclusive relationship with you.
If that's what you want. When you're ready. When I'm ready. But I'm not ready to talk about that yet, and I don't think you are either."
"I've never cheated on anybody before, I swear."
"Kurt. I know that. And you did not cheat on me!"
"God Adam. Thank you. You have no idea….God, you're perfect."
"Oh believe me, I am so far from perfect. "
Adam got up off the bed.
"And now Mr. Hummel, I believe I owe you brunch. You paid last time."
"Really? After what I did you still want to hang out with me?"
"Yes, really," said Adam, giving Kurt a quick rub on the back as he stood up and headed for his closet. "Now get out, gorgeous, I need to get dressed."
"I…I..I'll meet you in the lobby." Kurt replied, blushing.
"Sounds like a plan. Nice hoodie by the way."
Kurt grinned down at Adam's name on his chest and headed out the door.
As he headed back down the stairs to the lobby of Adam's dorm, Kurt's phone rang. A call from Blaine.
He let it go to voicemail.
At the bottom of the stairs, he bumped into someone. "Nice hoodie," the other guy sneered. One of Rachel's groupies. Great.
"Thanks," Kurt sniffed.
Picking up his phone, he texted Blaine.
Leaving to eat now. Will call you tonight.
OK. Love you.
Kurt didn't answer.