It's the night before Thanksgiving break officially begins and Kendall turns the knob to his room, expecting find Logan packing up a bag or reading or maybe playing a video game.
What he does not expect to find is Logan on his knees. Logan on his hands and knees with another guy behind him, gripping his waist roughly and growling incoherent words as the dark haired boy beneath him pants heavily with his eyes clenched shut.
Kendall's throat goes dry and he backs out of the room, not having been noticed by his rather busy roommate.
It's the night of Thanksgiving and Kendall is upstairs, locked in his room after a full day of family festivities. He lies in bed and stares at the phone in his hand, willing it to buzz with a response. Finally, it does.
Happy thxgvg to you too! See you on Sunday night.
Kendall smiles to himself, feeling a bit pathetic, but really, what else was he expecting? There wasn't much else Logan could say to a text that only said "Happy Thanksgiving! Have a good break."
He's wondering what it means that Logan hasn't even told him he's gay. Because it wasn't like Kendall was hiding it. Would it have killed Logan to be like, oh, hey, me too?
But Kendall keeps his mouth shut and tries to forget about it. It's none of his business if Logan isn't ready to come out, right? Right.
It's midterms week, spring semester of freshman year and Logan has basically been living in the library. Kendall's barely seen him in days, but then again, Logan does have a much more demanding academic schedule than he does. However, he needs to pull an all-nighter if he wants any hope of finishing his English Comp portfolio by the deadline of noon the next day. Armed with a six pack of Red Bull and enough candy to feed a small army (or at least, one sugar-starved teenage boy), Kendall makes his way to the third floor of the library, the silent floor, and begins typing away.
The floor stays pretty full with students typing papers and reading and taking notes, all the way through dinner and until around midnight. Gradually, the crowd starts thinning out until only a few people remain. Sometime between three and four AM, Kendall finishes his last word and sends his assignment to the printer, looking up and craning his neck to find that he is the only person left on the floor, save for a librarian who periodically walks around to check on things.
After he gathers his stack of paper from the printer, Kendall glances toward the elevator but decides that he's been sitting entirely too long. So he opens the door to the stairwell, thinking that he'll stretch his legs and work off some the caffeine and sugar that still has him too jittery to think about going to sleep yet.
The stairwell is pretty dimly lit and Kendall wonders how often anyone actually uses the stairs in this building, given that it's so dark and creepy. He's made it down half a flight when he hears the voices. He's too far away still to make out what they're saying, but by time he's on the second floor landing, he can hear it clearly.
"Yeah, fuck, right there!"
Oh, shit, Kendall thinks. He knows he should wrench open the door and just take the elevator down to bypass this whole thing, but something clicks in his brain and he freezes and he pokes his head around the corner and yes, sure enough, it's Logan pressed up against the wall with his pants around his ankles and a guy—a different guy than last time—pounding into him hard, pulling his hair as he thrusts.
Kendall opens the door to the second floor, where a few stragglers are still studying, oblivious to the show being put on by Logan and Mystery Boy number 2.
His heart and mind race all the way back to the dorm, and Kendall gets in bed, knowing that he'll never be able to get to sleep with these images combined with the ones from a few months ago swimming around in his head. Kendall closes his eyes, trying and failing not to see Logan in his mind's eye-the smart, shy boy who didn't even drink or smoke, who wore sweater vests and khakis, who was taking six classes and was in the biology honor society—that Logan, getting thoroughly fucked by not one, but two random guys.
Kendall groans just picturing it, unable to control his hormones and the feelings he'd been trying to ignore ever since he first met Logan on the day they moved into their dorm. His hand trails down to his dick, growing harder the longer he thinks about Logan and what he was currently getting up to. Kendall bites his lip, feeling a bit guilty that he's getting off on this, but there was something way too sexy about catching Logan in these situations for him to resist. As he jerks himself he imagines that he's the one with Logan in the library stairwell, that it's Logan's hand wrapped around his cock, pumping fast and making him come with a violent shudder and a grunt that he muffles with his fist.
It's sophomore year now and the fraternity houses are all having parties to "welcome the new members" which everyone knows is code for hazing the fuck out of the freshmen dumb enough to join. Kendall and Logan get talked into attending one of said parties with a couple of girls who live in their building, and then they all get separated almost instantly.
So the third time it happens is a total fluke.
The guy's name is Chris and he has dirty blond hair just like Kendall's and he's a senior. He's in the fraternity hosting the party, and Kendall knows he's flirting, so he figures what the hell, Logan's probably off somewhere doing the same, so why shouldn't he have a little fun too? He lets Chris get him drinks, a few more than he'd actually planned on having that night, but whatever. But then Chris is holding his hand and leading him up the stairs into a bedroom and shit, what am I doing?
The bedroom is huge, way bigger than Kendall would have thought, and there's only one bed which means it's a single.
"We're not really supposed to be in here," Chris tells him. "It's our president's room. I'd probably get kicked out of the frat if anyone caught us in here."
Kendall barely has time to wonder why the hell Chris would risk bringing him in here, then, but then Chris is kissing him, one hand resting on his waist, and the other locked behind Kendall's neck. Kendall's surprised at first, but it's not altogether unpleasant, so he relaxes and allows Chris to slide his hands underneath his shirt, shivering and tingling as they run over his chest and torso.
A thump outside the door causes Chris to jolt away from Kendall, and he pushes the blond into the open closet and slides the door shut just as someone enters.
"The fuck are you doing in my room, Chris?" Asks a tall guy with light brown hair and broad, muscular shoulders.
Chris tries to stutter an excuse, glancing at the door behind which Kendall hides silently, wondering how he's going to get out of this situation. The tall guy rolls his eyes and drags Chris out of the room, who can do nothing to protest, and shuts the door in his face before sitting down on the bed.
Kendall thinks he'll just wait for the guy to pass out, then sneak out and try to find the girls or Logan or all three so they can head home.
But then someone knocks on the door softly and the tall guy jumps up and crosses the room to answer it.
"Did anyone see you?"
"There was some blond guy at the bottom of the stairs, but I think he just thought I was going to the bathroom."
Kendall's jaw drops and the tall guy moves out of the way and through the slats in the closet door, Kendall can make out Logan's form and spiky hair in the dim light. He puts his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from gasping.
The tall guy speaks again. "Look… no one can know about this, alright?"
"Chill, Ryan," Logan says, shrugging off his jacket and beginning to unbutton his shirt. "This'll be our little secret."
You have to be fucking kidding me, Kendall thinks.
Kendall watches, unable to tear his eyes away as the boys undress each other and move to the bed, their hands roaming and their breath growing heavier.
"Do it now," he hears Logan say, and the guy named Ryan pushes himself inside, kneeling behind Logan as the boy lies on his side.
Ryan seems tentative, unsure of his movements, but at Logan's insistence, he moves faster, gripping Logan by the neck hard enough to make Kendall sure that his roommate must be suffocating. But, no, Logan is perfectly fine. If anything, he gets louder, keeping up a steady stream of talk that Kendall would never have thought was a part of the genius boy's vocabulary.
"Yeah, right there, God yes. So close, so fucking close, gonna fucking come soon, are you ready? Fuck me harder so we can come together. Come on, yeah, just like that—fuck—yes—yes, God!—"
Kendall struggles hard not to come in his pants as he watches Logan's orgasm shoot through him, his body relaxing as Ryan finishes and pulls out of him before tossing a condom into a nearby trashcan. Logan grabs a tissue from the box on the nightstand and wipes himself off, sitting up and smirking down at Ryan, who now lies on his back, his eyes heavy-lidded and breathing deeply. Ryan reaches for Logan's hand, but Logan pretends not to notice it, instead turning to find his clothes.
"Not bad for your first time, right?" Logan asks.
"Right... hey, you don't have to go right now, do you?"
"Yeah," he replies. "This was fun. I'll see you around."
Kendall watches as Logan leaves, knowing from the tone in his voice that he has no intention of ever seeing Ryan around.
It's their last night in the dorm before Christmas break and both boys are ignoring their empty suitcases in favor of playing a video game and sharing a six-pack that one of Logan's older "acquaintances" had scored for them.
They'll be separated for a whole month and Kendall tries not to think about how much he'll miss Logan, who not only is he basically in love with, but who he also considers to be his best friend.
"So, the guy like, shoves his tongue down my throat and practically chokes me with it, right? And he's just poking it around my mouth, no finesse at all. Terrible." Logan shakes his head, finishing his story, and Kendall tunes back in. Kendall glances over at Logan, waiting for him to continue. "So… yeah. The thing is… I mean, you know I'm gay, right?"
Duh, Kendall thinks. He swallows and nods. "Yeah. I know."
Logan smiles. "I hope you're not mad that I didn't tell you sooner. Especially because you were so open about it from the beginning. It was just… It's this whole thing with my parents. It's hard for me to be myself around them, you know? So that just kind of translated to here."
"So why are you telling me now?"
"I'm just… ready to be honest with them. And everyone. I'm tired of sneaking around and hiding and constantly being scared what would happen if they ever found out. I'm gonna tell them, and whatever happens, happens."
It's the first day back and Kendall hasn't heard from Logan in over a week, so he's excited to see him and ask how everything went.
It's the first day back and when Logan enters the room, dragging his suitcase behind him, Kendall jumps up to help him, then stops short.
"Logan! What happened to you?"
The shorter boy looks down, shame and guilt and distress written all over his face, which sports a blackened eye and a cut lip. Kendall crosses the room and grabs Logan into a hug, stepping back when Logan inhales sharply and clutches his side.
"My dad wasn't too happy with the news," is all he offers by way of explanation, and Kendall embraces him again, softer this time, feeling the way Logan shakes in his arms. Kendall strokes his hair, having no words of comfort to offer Logan, instead just letting Logan hold on to him for dear life.
It's Friday night and the bruises have started to fade, though they aren't completely gone.
Kendall and Logan meet up with some friends at a bar that doesn't card minors as long as you tip nicely, and while Kendall would have preferred to just stay in, he didn't want Logan to go out alone. He'd been a mess all week, jumping every time his phone rang, hoping against hope that it would be his parents calling to make things right.
He doesn't take a single drink that night, instead watching as Logan flirts his way to the front of the line at the bar, accepting drinks from random older guys and acting as if nothing in the world is wrong. Kendall does a double take when Logan pops a pill given to him by a dark-skinned guy who's not wearing a shirt. The guy pulls Logan into a kiss before disappearing into the crowd. Logan watches after him and Kendall decides to drag Logan home before anything else can happen, but a group of drunk girls suddenly surrounds him and drags him onto the dance floor, shrieking and giggling as if they'd never seen a gay guy before. By the time he breaks free, Logan is gone.
Panicking slightly, Kendall pushes through people, searching for his friend, finding him nowhere. He decides to search the bathroom, just in case, and what he sees nearly makes him sick.
Logan is on his knees on the grimy tile, one hand jerking off the guy who gave him the pills while he presses wet kisses to the stranger's shaft, tonguing every part that he can reach before taking him into his mouth.
"It ain't a free show," the guy says, addressing Kendall when the blond doesn't leave.
"Logan, come on," Kendall says, stepping forward to pull Logan away.
Logan stands unsteadily, his eyes eerily unfocused, and for a second Kendall thinks Logan's going to come with him. Instead he shoves Kendall back.
"Fuck off, Kendall. Leave me alone."
"I said fuck. Off." Logan pushes him out the door and Kendall stares at it for awhile before leaving.
It's nearly Spring Break and if he's brutally honest, Kendall is surprised that Logan's still holding it together.
He'd watched for nearly three months as Logan kind of spiraled, drinking more and more and experimenting with pills and weed, all while never missing a class or an assignment or a meeting for biology honor society or a shift at his on-campus job.
The fifth time it happens is the last straw.
Kendall comes into the dorm after a late night out, thinking Logan would be spending the night out, as has become his weekend habit.
Instead, he finds Logan and some new guy wrestling on Logan's bed, beer and liquor bottles strewn about the floor and the distinct smell of weed lingering on their clothes. The guy's hand is down Logan's pants and Kendall clears his throat loudly, causing the pair to look up.
"Do you mind, Kendall?"
"I do mind," he says shortly. "I'm going to bed, so your friend needs to go."
Logan rolls his eyes and stumbles out of bed to walk the guy out. "Sorry," he mutters.
"What's your problem?" Logan asks as he closes the door.
"My problem is you!" Kendall says. "Look at yourself! Look at what you're doing! This isn't you, Logan."
"Don't you fucking tell me who I am," Logan slurs, stepping toward Kendall and poking him in the chest. His eyes are red and Kendall can smell the alcohol on his breath. "You don't know me."
Kendall puts his hand on Logan's shoulders and shakes him lightly. "I know that you're hurting because of what happened with your dad. I know that you're trying to numb it all by drinking and whatever else you're doing and by hooking up with all these random assholes. I know that no matter how much you act like it doesn't bother you, it does, because you care about your family and what they think of you. And I know that no matter how much you try to push me away, it isn't going to work."
Something breaks behind Logan's eyes and he pulls Kendall to him, burying his head in the taller boy's chest as Kendall wraps his arms around him.
"I just don't know what else to do," Logan says, his voice muffled by Kendall's shirt. "My dad won't even speak to me and my mom won't help at all. How can I ever face them again? They're ashamed of me, Kendall! My mom told me not to come home for Spring Break because my dad doesn't want to see me!"
"It's gonna be fine," Kendall tries to comfort him. "You don't have to go home if you don't want to. You can come home with me. My mom keeps telling me to invite you anyway. And my sister is great, you'll love her."
"Are you sure?"
It's their first night at Kendall's house and Logan is in a sleeping bag on the floor in Kendall's room.
Mrs. Knight had made them a nice dinner and asked Logan about school, and Katie had made them watch movies and play poker with her before she went to bed. All in all, it had been a pretty good day, even though Kendall could tell Logan was still upset.
"Your parents will come around," Kendall told him. "They love you."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. And if they don't, it'll be the biggest mistake of their lives."
"Hey, Logan? Do you want to sleep up here with me? The floor can't be comfortable. The bed's big enough for both of us."
With a sound of soft rustling, Logan climbs out of the sleeping bag and eases into bed beside Kendall.
"Thanks for inviting me here. And for… you know… Helping me realize that I was hurting myself."
"You're my best friend, Logan. I love you. And I don't want to see you like that anymore."
"Say that again."
"You're my best friend?"
Logan shakes his head. "You know what I mean."
Kendall clears his throat. "I love you." He shifts to his side and looks down at Logan, who meets his gaze.
"I can't remember the last time someone told me that," he whispers into the dark.
"I'll tell you every day, if you need me to."
"Yeah. I would."
It's the morning of their last day of Spring Break and Kendall rolls over to watch Logan sleep, his chest rising and falling evenly, undisturbed by the early morning sun that shines through Kendall's window.
When he can't resist anymore, Kendall kisses Logan's forehead and the sleeping boy's eyes flutter open.
"Morning," he says quietly, smiling up at Kendall.
Kendall kisses him on the mouth this time before replying with his own "good morning."
"What time is it?" Logan asks groggily.
"Early still," Kendall replies. "We've got some time."
"Time for what?"
"Time for this."
Kendall kisses Logan again, deepening it and running his tongue along Logan's bottom lip before sliding it inside his mouth and exploring its now-familiar terrain. Logan pulls Kendall closer until the blond is straddling Logan with their hips pushed together. As the friction between them grows, Kendall pushes his pelvis down into Logan's making them both groan quietly. Logan bends his knees and hooks one leg over Kendall's thigh to keep him there. They can both feel themselves growing hard beneath their boxers, their erections grinding against each other as Kendall moves on top of Logan.
"Kendall." Logan looks up at him with a want burning in his eyes that causes Kendall to go still.
"Are you sure?"
Logan nods and pulls Kendall down for another brief kiss. Kendall pulls away long enough to yank off his shirt and Logan's, and to reach into his bedside table for the small container of lube kept there for emergencies. He coats his fingers with some of the slippery liquid, pulling Logan's boxers down and spreading his legs so that he can slicken up his tight entrance. Logan hisses quietly as soon as Kendall enters him, the tight ring of muscle contracting around his fingers as Kendall stretches him out.
"Please," he whines, and Kendall knows he's ready.
It's slow and hot and it's the best thing that's ever happened to Kendall because it's Logan and they're together, and nothing, nothing can ever be as good as this is right now. He pushes himself in and out, whispering sweet nothings and pausing to kiss Logan every so often. When Logan starts breathing heavier and gripping Kendall's waist as he thrusts into him, Kendall picks up his pace slightly, hitting a new spot inside him that makes him want to cry out. Kendall silences his whimpers with a kiss, fucking him harder as he gets closer to his peak.
When he's ready, Kendall comes inside Logan, coating his inside with the milky fluid of his release before reaching down to stroke Logan's dick until he comes too.
Neither boy notices the door softly opening and then closing quickly as Mrs. Knight attempts to ask them what they'd like for breakfast. Mildly shocked, Mrs. Knight goes back down to the kitchen and decides to take Katie out and give the boys some privacy. If Logan was what was making Kendall happier this week than she'd ever seen him in her life, she wasn't going to stand in the way.
Kendall rolls off of Logan lies back down next to him, draping his arm over the boy's chest and pulling him close.
"Wanted this for a long time, Logan Mitchell. Love you."
"Love you, too."