A/N ~ enjoy!


14th September

Do you ever get the feeling that you're waiting for your time to begin? I feel like I invented that feeling. Cause today is all about shiny, new things. Scary, shiny new things. And instead of jumping out of bed, ready to dazzle the world with my brightest smile and my cute new hair slides, I'm huddles under my duvet, scribbling into my Emily Strange notebook.

I mean, I guess I should be rising to the challenge but, y'know, not so much. It's my first day at a further education college so, officially I'm not a schoolgirl anymore. And, OK, I might be doing A-Levels, but I'm doing 'em at a college where there are art students and drama students and everyone (apart from the savage, psycho Barbies studying hairdressing who laughed at me in the canteen on the day I had my interview) is achingly cool.

So how come I know that I'm going to feel so young and phoney compared to everyone else? Like, someone's going to tap me on the shoulder and say, "hey kid, you don't belong here, back to school." But school and my friends are miles and miles away. Why did dad have to get a new job and decides to transfer me, Mom and Pudding halfway across the country? Because he's hell-bent on ruining my life and destroying what little self esteem I have, that's why.

22nd September

I got this massive lecture from the parents at breakfast about "making more of an effort to fit in" and "we know the move was hard on you but it's been four weeks and you should have adjusted by now." I'm sure they've taken lessons in how to make me feel like a socially dysfunctional freak of nature. They don't understand though, all the people in my classes at college were at school/youth club/Brownies together and they just completely ignore me. And, besides, it's really hard to just crowbar myself into someone's conversation, like, "me too! I love The Thrills. Isn't the lead singer just the dreamiest?" insert retching noises. I just can't do stuff like that.

But I knew I wouldn't hear the end of this (my mother is the missing link between Rottweilers and rat-catchers) so I got pro-active and signed up for a Photography course that starts next week. I might not make any friends but at least I'll learn how to take arty, grainy black 'n' white shots of dead trees and stuff.

So directly after scribbling my name onto the sign-up sheet on the noticeboard, I was ambling down the corridor, nothing on my mind but whether I should have another pack of chips, when five minutes later my entire life changed! One moment it sucked and then the next, nothing was going to be the same again. No warning, no booming music. There I was in the canteen scraping a plastic stirry thing through the hot chocolate granules at the bottom of my cup and hoping no one would notice me sitting there alone, when I looked up, locked into a pair of deep green eyes and felt my spiritual self sift into orbit.

His face was all hard planes and angles, check-bones and jaw line softened only by those pillowy lips. His hair was equally confused and couldn't decide whether it was a fin or a mullet or just really messy or all the above. But it was the colour of a penny, or maybe just a copper bronze colour. He was wearing jeans that were faded on the knees and dark blue everywhere else, a striped shirt and suit jacket. All of him was in chaos and it was hard to work out whether he was beautifully odd or oddly beautiful. I never knew boys could be beautiful, but this one was.

Then he kinda looked beyond me and frowned as if he was annoyed at my audacity for daring to be in his line of vision. Boys that look like that always reckon they can get away with that kind of behaviour. He's probably and arrogant duckweed but what the hell, he's a drop-dead gorgeous, arrogant duckweed.

I saw him again, later that afternoon, striding across the college lawn like the houses of hell were snapping at his heels. It was like everything around him slowed down and then I heard someone shout "Edward!" and he turned round. His name is Edward. Of course, he's called Edward. How could he be called anything else?

25th September

This is what I've found out about Edward, or the heir to my heart, as I now think of him:

- He's on the Art Foundation course, and he's 20. He's three years older than me. Age gaps are very sexy.

- That means he's done his A-Levels already.

- He's one of the in-crown, along with his two friends Jasper (blonde, old school) and Emmett (really tall, muscle bulky and tank).

- They spend a large proportion of each day in the cafe across the road, but upstairs which apparently is far more socially acceptable than downstairs with all the housewives.

- Edward works at Rhythm Records on Wednesday afternoons and all day Saturday.

How do I know all this? Because, I was incredibly brave today and actually spoke to this girl, called Alice, who is in my course. I was sitting in our English class with an empty desk on the other side of me and an animated, "I'm just waiting for all fifty of my closest friends to suddenly materialise" expression on my face, when this girl plonked herself down next to me.

I glanced at her but she was rummaging about in her bag so I went back to doodling Edwards name all over my notebook.

"I like your nail varnish."

No one has ever spoken to me at college apart from the teachers, so it took me a moment to process the information that she was actually talking. To me. I looked at a sparkly red nail and then at her. She gave me a look like she thought I was possibly mentally challenged.

"Um, thanks. I didn't realise you were speaking to me," I muttered.

She nodded impatiently. "So, are you a local? I don't recognise you."

It was strange. Like, she wasnt actually being rude but there was something in her tone of voice that wasn't far off it.

"No, I'm from Forks," I said, and I've never been more aware of my stupid accent. "My dad got transferred here over the summer. My name's Bella."

"I'm sorry, Bello?"

"No, Bella. Its short for Isabella," I mumbled the last bit because I hate the evil joke that my parents decided to put on my birth certificate.

"I'm Alice," the girl announced. "I was named after this actress called Alice Eve."

"It's a cool name," I ventured nervously because it was, and after a moment's pause, Alice seemed to let out a breath she'd been holding and smiled at me.

"Thanks. So do you like living here?"

"It's alright," I said without much conviction. "I miss my friends though."

Alice nodded and then glanced down at my notebook which was lying on the desk with Edward's name plastered all over it.

"Oh, Edward." She grinned knowingly. "He's very snackable. When did you meet him?"

My face wasn't exactly the same shade as my nail varnish and I stuttered some nonsense about how Edward was actually the name of a guy from home but Alice wasn't buying it for a second.

"Yeah, right." She snorted. "Everyone loves Edward. It's like a rite of passage thing. You get breasts, you realise that sitting downstairs at Fritzsch's is terminally naff and you fall in love with Edward."

"Are you in love with Edward then?" Just by saying his name, it felt like I'd signed my soul over to the devil.

Alice snorted again. "No, because I'm in love with his best friend, Jasper. He's in love with me too. We're a regular love fest."

And then she went into this long and complicated story about Jasper and his ex-girlfriend that I couldn't really follow but I nodded my head a lot and then I tried to make a few discreet enquires about Edward but I might as well have had "I fancy Edward" tattooed on my forehead. Yeah, that's how subtle I am.


A/N ~ so what do you guys think so far? worth continuing?

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Thanks for reading!

~Abby