^^ I´m still getting used to it and I hope I did uh, uploaded it the right way. I have been on ff site for a while but I just gained courage to upload my stories here after a friend of mine asked me, ehehe.

I wrote this story months ago after I´ve watched Sherlock series ;_;

Probably my first and last Sherlock related story but who knows ;)

Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy!

"I´m so sorry John," thought a man in a long black cape studying the former army doctor from the distance.

Mycroft has told him many times to stay away from the former army doctor but he couldn´t.

He often watched a certain flat at the Baker Street. Or better the person who lived in there.

He could see all the nightmares written on the doctor´s face. All about Sherlock´s death.

Sometimes he just wanted to run to John and tell him the truth. A truth that he is alive. That he just wanted to protect him and others. That he is sorry. That he means too much to Sherlock.

So here he is. Watching John. Again.

John who is standing over his friend´s grave with closed eyes. It has been one year already since Sherlock died before the doctor´s eyes. John visited his grave every day. It was the place where he felt closer to his best friend.

His best friend… Who was he kidding now? John´s lips formed into a sad smile. He loved the man but never had listened to anyone.

Stunningly shaking his head whenever someone pointed at them as a couple. He should have listened to his heart and now… now was it too late.

"I miss you so much Sherlock," he said almost a whisper.

Sherlock barely heard it. But stepped closer.

John suddenly opened his eyes as a vision of Sherlock´s dead body appeared before him.

He couldn´t sleep anymore. The nightmares returned and they were even worse. The first month was the worst. John often woke up yelling from his dreams.

Sometimes the ones from Afghanistan but most of them were about Sherlock. About his last call, last words and detective´s pale face covered in blood.

The first time it happened Mrs Hudson hurried into his bedroom in the middle of the night to wake him up. She had stayed there for hours and nothing seemed to calm down the doctor.

She missed Sherlock too as a mother would miss her son. It was hard for them both but they at least had each other. And that helped them.

Mrs Hudson was genuinely worried about John. He rarely spoke to anyone. Except her and Molly.

That light in the doctor´s eyes whenever he was in Sherlock´s presence was gone and she feared it would never return.

"John," a word has left Sherlock´s mouth.

John slowly turned after the voice but saw no one. Again. No one.

Sometimes he found himself wishing this all was just a cruel game of Sherlock´s to prove something. Just like the time when he drugged John for an experiment. The former army doctor was angry that time but now he would be happy to be again his subject for his crazy experiments.

A sigh escaped his mouth.

Many times he felt a gaze on his back or heard his name but whenever he tried to prove it,there was nothing. No proof. No Sherlock.

Just a cruel trick of his own mind.

"John," he heard it again. John just shook his head and slowly headed for the cemetery´s entrance to leave.

Sherlock was stealthily but quickly moving closer to John. He couldn´t wait any longer.

"John…" the same word again.

"JOHN! Wait!" a yell now.

"Wait. Please. John," Sherlock thought and…

But the doctor didn´t turn around. He kept walking. He would keep walking if someone wouldn´t stop him. Someone caught his hand.

"John," he heard it so clearly now he would bet it was HIM. Hah, right..

But John froze in his tracks anyway and slowly turned around only to see…


When John turned his head after the voice, he thought he has finally lost his sanity. Which wouldn´t be that strange, would it?
Or maybe he was just dreaming? Great. He couldn´t trust his own eyes now too. His mind was very cruel indeed.

Sherlock Holmes squeezed his hand. His left hand. John dropped his eyes to look at their connected hands.

If there wouldn´t be that touch John would think it is not real. But it is, right?

Sherlock was looking at John and waiting for his reaction.

"I… John, I am sorry. It was necessary… so I could keep you safe and…" Sherlock said after a while.

But John wasn´t listening. He was hoping this wasn´t some kind of illusion because he couldn´t stand it. But the warmth which was radiating from Sherlock´s hand was quite real.
John closed his eyes and was taking deep breaths.
All those nightmares, those days and months without Sherlock…

He has spent one year mourning over his best friend and now he just shows up and tells him that he is sorry? John´s well hidden anger was slowly boiling up.

"John, are you listening to me?" And that was it. Suddenly something snapped inside of John. He opened his eyes and looked at the taller man.

And punched him.

And Sherlock was expecting that. He didn´t try to block or dodge it. He just took it.
But even the world´s only consulting detective wasn´t expecting that strong punch which would send him to the ground.

"Damn it Sherlock Holmes! Over one year I believed you were dead! DEAD! And now you just come back and tell me that YOU are SORRY?!" John was shaking.

Sherlock stood up.

Sherlock let John shout at him. He knew how much John suffered. Also did Sherlock when he had to stay away from his doctor. To save him.

"A year, Sherlock! One fucking year!" John shouted for the last time.
"A year without you…" John whispered and was fighting the urge to break into sobbing. He looked at Sherlock´s cheek which was bleeding a bit.
Sherlock didn´t say anything. His usual confident eyes were full of sadness and John sighed. The former army doctor wanted to cry but he would save it for later. All what he wanted to do right now was to take Sherlock back at the Baker Street and never let him go. If he would let him go again, he´d…

When John calmed down enough,without a word took Sherlock´s hand and leaded both of them from the cemetery. Sherlock looked curiosly at John but obeyed.

Outside on the street John got a cab for them.
The way to the Baker Street was quiet. John didn´t look at Sherlock but he was still holding his hand. Sherlock was looking at John and remained silent.
He didn´t care what would John do to him. He could even torture him if it would make the man feel better.

~At the 221B Baker Street

Sherlock was surprised when he saw his things at the same spots. Even friend of his, Skull. John and Mrs Hudson agreed it would be too painful to throw them away and those things somehow kept them closer to Sherlock. Even just a little bit.

When Mrs Hudson saw Sherlock looking around and John taking off his coat in their living room she dropped the tea that was made for John.

She always made one for him when he got back from the cemetery.

"Sherlock. Oh Sherlock. You´re back," she started to cry. When he stepped closer to her she hugged him so tightly he was loosing his breath but Sherlock didn´t mind.
Behind them the former army doctor was looking at them and was weakly smiling.
"Sherlock. Back. Home. Alive."
After a while she glanced at John and she could see he was fighting his own tears. He caught her motherly look and just shook his head. He apologized and quickly ran into his bedroom.
Sherlock had an urge to run after him and comfort him.
Mrs Hudson let go of Sherlock and he took her hand into his.
"Sherlock, go after him, please. He suffered so much and he can´t be left alone. He might…" she trailed off and sadly shook her head" just make sure that he is safe.

"I will," he stepped back and left after John.

John leaned on the closed bedroom door and slowly slumped down on the floor.
These last hours were overwhelming for the doctor. Finding out that Sherlock is alive was more than shocking.
Before Mrs Hudson hugged Sherlock in their living room John had some suspicions that he wasn´t real.
But those suspicions were slowly fading away.

As the nightmares would, right?

John sighed heavily and his body began to tremble. A few louder sobs escaped his throat.

Speaking of Sherlock… Sherlock was standing on the other side of John´s bedroom door and was listening to quiet sobbing.
In all honesty he didn´t know how he should comfort John but he would try. Just for his doctor.

Sherlock took a deep breath and quietly knocked on the door.
"John? Can I come in, please?"
There were a few speechless minutes but for Sherlock they felt like hours. Would John accept him again in his life? If he did, would they be okay? What if not?

Had he just heard a weak yes? Sherlock carefully opened the door and he didn´t think he´d find John sitting on the floor with his back leaned to the drawer standing close. He had to move there so the door could be opened.
He was still quietly sobbing and didn´t look at Sherlock when he stepped in. He didn´t expect this moment to be so heartbreaking but when he saw John hugging his knees and sobbing. Oh, that sobbing. It was tearing detective´s soul which he wasn´t sure was good enough for John. This was his fault anyway.
He quietly closed the door.
John´s sobbing slowly quieted down and lips left out one shaky breath. He looked up at Sherlock standing before him.
Suddenly something snapped inside of Sherlock. He moved his slim body fast down to John´s and hugged him. It probably looked weird Sherlock hugging John while the doctor was hugging his knees but neither of them cared.
Firstly John stiffened but after a few moments he let himself relax against the man. Sherlock´s left hand was drawing slow circles on John´s back and that seemed to calm him down.
"I am sorry."
John deeply inhaled and whispered against Sherlock´s chest "It´s okay."
Detective tightened his hug.
"I was so alone, Sherlock." As I was too, John.
"Will you stay with me?"
"Of course."
"Won´t leave me again?"
"I won´t."
"Promise?" John asked and looked up at Sherlock´s face.
"I promise," and he kissed his forehead.

Yes, they will be okay.