Merlin: Arthur.

Arthur: Merlin.

Merlin: I have a question.

Arthur: I don't have an answer. Go back to cleaning my shoes.

Merlin: Since we have these things now, does that mean we can solve all of our problems wirelessly? Start texting each other instead of actually talking? Start watching videos and playing apps rather than spending our free time with friends or training or reading?

Arthur: Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. There's no society that would be that utterly stupid. That's complete and total rubbish.

Merlin: Arthr, I hav majk nd I cn c da futr

Arthur: What? Merlin, speak in English. What even is that?

Merlin: Oh, nothing. Just a little language I invented of my own. I call it text talk.

Arthur: That's rubbish. It'll never catch on.


Merlin: Morgana. I need your help. Arthur is onion with me and he turfed on the auto crowfoot on my photo

Morgana: Excuse me? Merlin, are you all right?

Merlin: Help me, Morpheme, it's awful. I can't torn it off.

Morgana: Oh. The autocorrect feature? I'm sorry, Merlin. I can't help you with that. You might try asking around with some of the knights; one of them probably told Arthur about it. I'd doubt he's smart enough to figure it out on his own.

Arthur: MORGANA!

Merlin: I think this is my glance to fun

Merlin: *dance *pun

Merlin: **CHANCE **RUN

Merlin: Hey, Morbid?

Merlin: **Morse

Merlin: **MORGANA

Merlin: DOUNUT IT, ARTHUR


Gwaine: b4 u ask, merlin, I didn't do it

Merlin: ha! My txt speak has caught on! He said I was mad! MAD I TELL YOU

Gwaine: sure

Merlin: Didn't do what exactly?

Gwaine: ... Never mind.

Gwaine: how's autocorrect going?

Merlin: oh, I've fixed it. I dropped the phone a few times. Works like a dream now.

Gwaine: heh. Great.

Merlin: What? Why the sarcastic tone there, Gwaine?

Gwaine: I was going to send arthur flowers for making my day if it was still working.

Merlin: I'm sure it'll happen again. As a matter of fact, something tells me that the next person to get it will be Morgana...

Gwaine: Really? y?

Merlin: call it a hunch

Gwaine: as long as we're on the subject...what's her number?

Merlin: I think it would be in my best interests if I didn't tell you.


Arthur: So, Merlin.

Merlin: So, Arthur...(?)

Arthur: Why haven't you been answering my messages?

Merlin: Honestly...I've been busy.

Arthur: Busy?! Busy doing what?!

Merlin: Don't hate me for this...but...teaching your father how to text.

Arthur: MERLIN!

Merlin: It's okay! He hasn't learned very much yet!

Uther: :)

Arthur: Father? Are you okay?

Uther: :D

Arthur: merlin, what's wrong with him?

Merlin: He seems to hav a particular partiality towards emoticons

Arthur: You broke him, you useless clotpole.

Merlin: o, so auto correct is okay with that, but not Morgana?!

Arthur: Don't you mean Morbid?

Merlin: D:

Uther: ;)

Arthur: Father?

Uther: ;)

Merlin: :)

Uther: ;)

Arthur: That's as scary as hell.


Merlin: Arthur, I swear it wasn't my fault

Arthur: Oh god

Merlin: Uther just somehow got the wrong potion from Gaius' stores, and now he's...well...I can't really try to explain without...

Arthur: Without what?

Merlin: risking killing myself with laughter

Arthur: Try, or else you'll be risking getting killed by being impaled upon my sword. Now what's happened?

Merlin: well, for one thing, he's green.

Arthur: id like to think you're joking

Merlin: ...

Arthur: but you're serious, aren't you

Merlin: 'fraid so.

Arthur: damn it, merlin, can't you do anything right!

Merlin: hold that thought...


Merlin: Gwaine, you sick, twisted bastard

Gwaine: Hello 2 u 2, merlin

Merlin: you switched that potion.

Gwaine: id like to say I have no idea what you're talking about, but that would be a lie 2 big for even me

Merlin: just see if you can find an antidote. Or run.

Gwaine: im in no danger from arthur, merlin. Im a knight. Surely, he's not that mad.

Merlin: he's using improper grammar.

Gwaine: where do I hide

Merlin: just go see if there's an antidote. Ask gaius if you need to

Gwaine: I'm on it. Don't tell him it was me until I can fix it. Or, better yet, don't tell him it was me at all.

Merlin: depends on how fast you are

Gwaine: merlin, you're a great friend.

Merlin: tick tock

Gwaine: im gone!


Arthur: MERLIN!

Merlin: I'm back, I'm back! Where are you?

Arthur: with my father. Did you find your antidote?

Merlin: I think so...

Arthur: fine, then. I have training to get to. I'll leave this task to you.

Merlin: will do, chief.

Merlin: arthur, I swear it wasn't my fault

Arthur: merlin, I swear, if you've managed anything conceivably worse than last time, I will personally hire a sorcerer to burn you alive

Merlin: you're not using correct grammar. This is...very not good.

Arthur: merlin...

Merlin: he's pink.

Arthur: Excuse me?

Merlin: hes pink, but im going to fix it.

Arthur: so help me, merlin, the next time I see you, I'm ripping off those overly-large ears of yours and using them to make an antidote. FIX IT, DAMN IT.

Merlin: yes sire

Merlin: ...

Merlin: are you sure you don't want to see this first

Arthur: MERLIN


Merlin: you won't believe this

Gwen: try me

Merlin: uther is pink.

Gwen: oh...my

Merlin: and I may or may not have the whole thing on video.

Uther: D:

Merlin: I swear, he's got a sense. "merlin's up to something. I must interfere."

Uther: D:

Merlin: that's creepier than any monster I've had to face.

Gwen: send me those videos.

Merlin: no, wait. I'll send you the full collection later, after the knights are done turning him different colors. The pink was Gwaine's idea, but percival is really set on seeing him lilac...

Gwen: very well. but I expect those videos, merlin.


Morgana: Gwen?

Gwen: yes, my lady

Morgana: Can you kelt me whit you know about auto bereft...?

Gwen: my...my lady?

Morgana: I thine Arthritis did thirtyfold to my photo.

Gwen: morgana? are you quite all right?

Morgana: Whelp! Hoe do I turban it offerings?

Gwen: I'm going to get merlin.


Gwen: you won't believe it...

Merlin: try me

Gwen: I don't really know how 2 explain.

Merlin: explain what?

Gwen: hoe do I turban it offerings. Morgana.

Merlin: on it.


Gwaine: sooooo...Morgana...

Morgana: Exculpate me?

Gwaine: ...

Morgana: *exculpate

Morgana: *EXCUSE

Gwaine: o.O

Morgana: Now is nothosaur a goodnight time to be tapping.

Gwaine: sry...what?

Morgana: Arthropod turtled on my auto corrida.

Gwaine: give me a minute

Morgana: Whales? Why?

Gwaine: im laughing 2 hard 2 breathe

Morgana: I'm dumb talking to you mattress

Morgana: *racist

Morgana: *ABOUT THIS

Morgana: Gwaine...?

Gwaine: you're killing mE

Morgana: I herpes you

Gwaine: TELL ME THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN

Morgana: FUDGE!


Gaius: I am enjoying this device very much, Merlin.

Merlin: fabulous. Do you know where you keep the antidote to that potion Gwaine took earlier?

Gaius: Antidote? That potion doesn't have an antidote, Merlin! What fool would drink that without one?

Merlin: certainly not Uther. Bc that would be crazy

Gaius: Merlin. I want you to listen to me very carefully.

Merlin: yes, Gaius...?

Gaius: Drop everything you own and run like hell.

Merlin: excuse me?!

Gaius: You must hide from the prince before he murders you alive!

Merlin: I hear footsteps outside the door.

Merlin: Gaius.

Merlin: I hear footsteps outside the door.

Gaius: Fly, you fool!

Merlin: GAIIIIUUUSSS!

Arthur: :)


End of chapter one! Hope you enjoyed. I'm kinda stressed with school right now, so the humor's not really coming as easily as it would otherwise. I hope I made you laugh at least once though! If I did, please comment! So far, Morgana's auto correct is acting up, Gwaine and the other knights are having fun turning Uther different colors, and Merlin needs to distract Arthur, quick! More soon; I hope to bring in more characters. If there's someone you didn't see in this chapter that you wanted to, let me know and I'll see if I can add them. ;)