I've now officially discovered that the fastest word I can type is 'Merlin.' Wonder how that happened? :P Also, sorry, but the animal that I promised you will happen NEXT TIME. (maybe.)
ANYWHO DO I EVEN STILL HAVE AN AUDIENCE HERE ANYMORE? Uh-oh, better update fast! HereitisI'msosorryI'vebeenasuckywriterrecentlyIjustrealized it'sbeenfiftydayssinceIupdatedandholyshitIfeltawfulsoherehaveaChristmasspecial! Ta-da! I'M GOING HERE I GO THIS BETTER NOT SUCK.
Merlin: Arthur, we have an issue.
Arthur: Apart from the usual?
Merlin: Apart from the usual.
Merlin: I gave Gwaine a car from the future for Christmas...
Arthur: How did you afford that?
Merlin: MOVING ON
Merlin: ...and within approximately thirteen seconds, he managed to drive it through the wall of the throne room.
Arthur: YOU WHAT
Merlin: DON'T HURT ME!
Merlin: The other three walls are fine.
Merlin: But the fourth wall...
Merlin: It's broken.
Arthur: You broke the fourth wall?
Merlin: Yes. There's an enormous, gaping hole through it.
Kat: AUGH, YOU GUYS, STOP GOING OFF THE SCRIPT DAMMIT.
Kat: Wow, my messages never used to get through to the story. That's weird.
Kat: I'm gonna go patch up that wall now. 8yeeeeeeee.
Merlin: Where did she come from?
Arthur: Beats me. Maybe she came in through the fourth wall.
Merlin: That was odd.
Arthur: If this has become the norm, I've made an executive decision to stay in my room the rest of my life.
Merlin: OVERRULED! TOO MUCH TO DO.
Merlin: The knights suggested we have a holiday prank-off. What do ya say, buddy?
Arthur: No. All of no I can muster.
Merlin: It'll be fun! We can use my magic to turn off gravity in the armory for a day-
Arthur: Why...why can we never say normal things to one another? "Hello." "How are you." "What are you doing." Anything.
Merlin: oh shit no I accidentally cast anti gravity on the great dragon
Merlin: But okay. Hello. What are you doing?
Merlin: As fun as it was replacing gravitational pull on a moving target this afternoon
Merlin: I'm honestly glad I can sit down for a minute.
Arthur: Decision overruled.
Arthur: Too much to do.
Merlin: Like you can talk.
Arthur: I have everything I have to do under control! And I run a KINGDOM!
Merlin: so what'd you get gwen for christmas
Arthur: I'll be right back.
Merlin: GUYS I MADE SANTA'S REINDEER APPEAR
Gwaine: oh hells of no
Merlin: I THINK YOU MEAN BELLS
Merlin: LIKE SLEIGH BELLS
Merlin: BECAUSE TONIGHT, I AM SANTA!
Gwen: it very clearly says at the top of my phone that you are merlin.
Gwen: not santa.
Merlin: WAIT, WAIT
Santa: shit, wait
Gwen: did you really just...
Lancelot: I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I really shouldn't have.
Arthur: All kinds of no.
Santa: THIS WILL BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS CAMELOT HAS EVER HAD.
Santa: Wait, what am I saying? I can't be Santa!
Arthur: That's got to be the first sane thing you've said all...
Arthur: Well, all of your life about covers it.
Merlin: You're absolutely right. No more Santa for me.
Merlin: Obviously my hair is the wrong color! It's got to be more white-ish.
Merlin: Is there anyone here with light-colored hair?
Merlin: Blonde, perhaps?
Arthur: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
Santa: No no no no no
Santa: DYAUGHHHH, MERLIN, I WILL TRAMPLE YOU WITH A REINDEER.
Merlin: Yet there's still time for perfect grammar
Merlin: And you're doin it wrong. It's "ho ho ho ho ho."
Santa: I hate you with a passion you can't even begin to imagine.
Gwaine: uh guys
Gwaine: I hate to spoil this...lovely moment
Gwaine: but the reindeer are gone.
Santa: There is a god.
Merlin: No, don't worry, Arthur! I have a plan!
Gwen: It's a shame you can't come up with ideas this quickly any other time.
Merlin: SHUT UP GWEN, WE'RE HAVING CHRISTMAS.
Merlin: I'M SO -EXCIT-ED!
Merlin: If you don't get it, you don't get it. -.-
Merlin: but wait while I put my ridiculous genius into action
Santa: The only word of that I picked up on was ridiculous.
Gwen: That's okay, I only get about one in every ten words when you talk to me, too.
Arthur: Thank you for changing my name back, Merlin.
Arthur: but the question remains of what in the name of sanity are you wearing on your head?
Merlin: Reindeer antlers.
Arthur: I thought I should've been afraid to ask. But why?
Merlin: Because it's Christmas?
Merlin: PUT ON THE HAT, SANTA.
Merlin: Nah, it's okay. You can take it off now.
Merlin: I think that was long enough for tumblr to get their gifs.
Arthur: This is a texting conversation!
Merlin: Yeah...but since when to the laws of logic mean anything here?
Merlin: We're texting one another from two feet away.
Arthur: That's because after what you've done, you don't deserve to speak to me.
Merlin: if this is a punishment, I should screw things up more often.
Merlin: Anyway, here's my surprise!
Arthur: Is that...
Merlin: IT'S MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO MYSELF.
Merlin: IT'S A TARDIS!
Arthur: I quit Camelot.
Merlin: I don't think it's physically possible to quit an intangible concept?
Arthur: Don't you call my kingdom an intangible concept!
Merlin: keep arguing with me and you're back to being santa.
Arthur: What, the hat wasn't enough?
Merlin: You forgot the gifs.
Merlin: . /e4d0d4180d232a2fa40b47763942b84a/tumblr_meolvt8sP71qhr5x2o1_
Arthur: Oh my god.
Merlin: Well, that was fun!
Arthur: Remind me to get you a dictionary for christmas.
Arthur: Because you need to look up fun. I'm not sure you know what it means.
Merlin: XP Cheer up. Ever since you abdicated last night, I'm one step closer to being king! That's the best Christmas present anyone could ever get me!
Arthur: I wish you weren't always so damn cheerful. It's depressing.
Merlin: Augh, you're never happy! I even let you be Santa for a night. What more could you possibly want?
Arthur: A chiropractor, for one, since I spent so much time carrying shit around today.
Arthur: And did you even realize that about 90% of people in Camelot don't have chimneys?
Arthur: You know what else is magic?
Arthur: How quickly I can make this room silent.
Merlin: Arthur what do you-
Merlin: HEY YOU LOCKED ME OUT OF MY TARDIS.
Merlin: LET ME IN
Arthur: I'm thinking no.
Gwaine: GUYS I ACCIDENTALLY SET THE ARMORY ON FIRE.
Merlin: I GUESS I'LL JUST GO GET THAT TAKEN CARE OF THEN, YOUR MAJESTY?
Merlin: NEVER MIND SCREW THIS I HATE THIS HOLIDAY
Merlin: MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU
Arthur: ...and to all a good night.
-throws confetti- (*le Castiel appears* CONFETTI! IT'S A PARADE!)
I started writing this on Christmas Eve, and it's been four days, so I guess that makes my Christmas-in-Camelot a little late. Oops. My bad. I've been...uh...doing important things? Question mark? Heh...heh...important Homestuck and Supernatural things. Plus the Doctor Who Christmas Special (*loud sobbing from the fandom*). I'm so sad my Doctor is gone! Regeneration Day was the worst Christmas present I've ever gotten. -.-
That aside, how were everyone else's holidays? Sorry this chapter is so centered around Christmas and not Hanukah or Kwanza (which is today, right?) or New Years or anything. I just figured that since this was 15th century England, they'd be celebrating Christmas.
Happy Almost-New Year, everyone!
- K. A. Carlyle