I've now officially discovered that the fastest word I can type is 'Merlin.' Wonder how that happened? :P Also, sorry, but the animal that I promised you will happen NEXT TIME. (maybe.)

ANYWHO DO I EVEN STILL HAVE AN AUDIENCE HERE ANYMORE? Uh-oh, better update fast! HereitisI'msosorryI'vebeenasuckywriterrecentlyIjustrealized it'sbeenfiftydayssinceIupdatedandholyshitIfeltawfulsoherehaveaChristmasspecial! Ta-da! I'M GOING HERE I GO THIS BETTER NOT SUCK.

Enjoy!


Merlin: Arthur, we have an issue.

Arthur: Apart from the usual?

Merlin: Apart from the usual.

Merlin: I gave Gwaine a car from the future for Christmas...

Arthur: How did you afford that?

Merlin: MOVING ON

Merlin: ...and within approximately thirteen seconds, he managed to drive it through the wall of the throne room.

Arthur: YOU WHAT

Merlin: DON'T HURT ME!

Merlin: The other three walls are fine.

Merlin: But the fourth wall...

Merlin: It's broken.

Arthur: You broke the fourth wall?

Merlin: Yes. There's an enormous, gaping hole through it.

Kat: AUGH, YOU GUYS, STOP GOING OFF THE SCRIPT DAMMIT.

Kat: Wow, my messages never used to get through to the story. That's weird.

Kat: I'm gonna go patch up that wall now. 8yeeeeeeee.

Merlin: Where did she come from?

Arthur: Beats me. Maybe she came in through the fourth wall.

Merlin: That was odd.

Arthur: If this has become the norm, I've made an executive decision to stay in my room the rest of my life.

Merlin: OVERRULED! TOO MUCH TO DO.

Merlin: The knights suggested we have a holiday prank-off. What do ya say, buddy?

Arthur: No. All of no I can muster.

Merlin: It'll be fun! We can use my magic to turn off gravity in the armory for a day-

Arthur: Why...why can we never say normal things to one another? "Hello." "How are you." "What are you doing." Anything.

Merlin: oh shit no I accidentally cast anti gravity on the great dragon

Merlin: crap

Merlin: But okay. Hello. What are you doing?

Arthur: Crying.


Merlin: As fun as it was replacing gravitational pull on a moving target this afternoon

Merlin: I'm honestly glad I can sit down for a minute.

Arthur: Decision overruled.

Arthur: Too much to do.

Merlin: Like you can talk.

Arthur: I have everything I have to do under control! And I run a KINGDOM!

Merlin: so what'd you get gwen for christmas

Arthur: ...

Arthur: I'll be right back.


Gwaine: WHAT.

Gwaine: IS.

Gwaine: THAT.

Gwaine: BANGING.

Gwaine: ON.

Gwaine: THE.

Gwaine: ROOF.

Merlin: GUYS I MADE SANTA'S REINDEER APPEAR

Gwaine: oh hells of no

Merlin: I THINK YOU MEAN BELLS

Merlin: LIKE SLEIGH BELLS

Merlin: BECAUSE TONIGHT, I AM SANTA!

Gwen: it very clearly says at the top of my phone that you are merlin.

Gwen: not santa.

Merlin: WAIT, WAIT

Santa: HAHAHAHAHA

Santa: shit, wait

Santa: HOHOHOHOHO

Gwen: did you really just...

Lancelot: I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I really shouldn't have.

Morgana: No.

Arthur: All kinds of no.

Uther: :-?

Santa: THIS WILL BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS CAMELOT HAS EVER HAD.

Santa: Wait, what am I saying? I can't be Santa!

Arthur: That's got to be the first sane thing you've said all...

Arthur: Well, all of your life about covers it.

Merlin: You're absolutely right. No more Santa for me.

Merlin: Obviously my hair is the wrong color! It's got to be more white-ish.

Merlin: Is there anyone here with light-colored hair?

Merlin: Blonde, perhaps?

Arthur: No.

Arthur: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Santa: No no no no no

Santa: DYAUGHHHH, MERLIN, I WILL TRAMPLE YOU WITH A REINDEER.

Merlin: Yet there's still time for perfect grammar

Merlin: And you're doin it wrong. It's "ho ho ho ho ho."

Santa: I hate you with a passion you can't even begin to imagine.

Gwaine: uh guys

Gwaine: I hate to spoil this...lovely moment

Gwaine: but the reindeer are gone.

Merlin: WHAT

Santa: There is a god.

Merlin: No, don't worry, Arthur! I have a plan!

Gwen: It's a shame you can't come up with ideas this quickly any other time.

Merlin: SHUT UP GWEN, WE'RE HAVING CHRISTMAS.

Merlin: I'M SO -EXCIT-ED!

Gwen: ?

Merlin: If you don't get it, you don't get it. -.-

Merlin: but wait while I put my ridiculous genius into action

Santa: The only word of that I picked up on was ridiculous.

Gwen: That's okay, I only get about one in every ten words when you talk to me, too.


Arthur: Thank you for changing my name back, Merlin.

Arthur: but the question remains of what in the name of sanity are you wearing on your head?

Merlin: Reindeer antlers.

Arthur: I thought I should've been afraid to ask. But why?

Merlin: Because it's Christmas?

Merlin: Waitwaitwaitwait

Merlin: PUT ON THE HAT, SANTA.

Arthur: Hmph.

Merlin: Nah, it's okay. You can take it off now.

Merlin: I think that was long enough for tumblr to get their gifs.

Arthur: This is a texting conversation!

Merlin: Yeah...but since when to the laws of logic mean anything here?

Merlin: We're texting one another from two feet away.

Arthur: That's because after what you've done, you don't deserve to speak to me.

Merlin: if this is a punishment, I should screw things up more often.

Merlin: Anyway, here's my surprise!

Arthur: Is that...

Merlin: IT'S MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO MYSELF.

Merlin: IT'S A TARDIS!

Arthur: I quit Camelot.

Merlin: I don't think it's physically possible to quit an intangible concept?

Arthur: Don't you call my kingdom an intangible concept!

Merlin: keep arguing with me and you're back to being santa.

Arthur: What, the hat wasn't enough?

Merlin: You forgot the gifs.

Merlin: . /e4d0d4180d232a2fa40b47763942b84a/tumblr_meolvt8sP71qhr5x2o1_

Arthur: Oh my god.


Merlin: Well, that was fun!

Arthur: Remind me to get you a dictionary for christmas.

Merlin: Why?

Arthur: Because you need to look up fun. I'm not sure you know what it means.

Merlin: XP Cheer up. Ever since you abdicated last night, I'm one step closer to being king! That's the best Christmas present anyone could ever get me!

Arthur: I wish you weren't always so damn cheerful. It's depressing.

Merlin: Augh, you're never happy! I even let you be Santa for a night. What more could you possibly want?

Arthur: A chiropractor, for one, since I spent so much time carrying shit around today.

Arthur: And did you even realize that about 90% of people in Camelot don't have chimneys?

Merlin: Magic.

Arthur: You know what else is magic?

Merlin: What?

Arthur: How quickly I can make this room silent.

Merlin: Arthur what do you-

Merlin: HEY YOU LOCKED ME OUT OF MY TARDIS.

Merlin: LET ME IN

Arthur: I'm thinking no.

Merlin: Jerk.

Arthur: Bitch.

Gwaine: GUYS I ACCIDENTALLY SET THE ARMORY ON FIRE.

Merlin: AUGHHHH

Merlin: I GUESS I'LL JUST GO GET THAT TAKEN CARE OF THEN, YOUR MAJESTY?

Merlin: NEVER MIND SCREW THIS I HATE THIS HOLIDAY

Merlin: MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU

Arthur: ...and to all a good night.

Arthur: Hohohohoho.


-throws confetti- (*le Castiel appears* CONFETTI! IT'S A PARADE!)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I started writing this on Christmas Eve, and it's been four days, so I guess that makes my Christmas-in-Camelot a little late. Oops. My bad. I've been...uh...doing important things? Question mark? Heh...heh...important Homestuck and Supernatural things. Plus the Doctor Who Christmas Special (*loud sobbing from the fandom*). I'm so sad my Doctor is gone! Regeneration Day was the worst Christmas present I've ever gotten. -.-

That aside, how were everyone else's holidays? Sorry this chapter is so centered around Christmas and not Hanukah or Kwanza (which is today, right?) or New Years or anything. I just figured that since this was 15th century England, they'd be celebrating Christmas.

Happy Almost-New Year, everyone!

- K. A. Carlyle