A/N: This was inspired by me opening a bottle of my husband's cologne to smell it, then finding myself unable to get the smell off my fingers.
It was quiet in Stormcage. Then again, it was always quiet in Stormcage unless River was up to something, and she had spent a good portion of the day sleeping in, and the rest of it writing in her diary. It had been a rather adventurous night, and when her beloved had dropped her off, he'd promised her that the next night, they were going to have a nice, normal date without any aliens or interruptions. So River had, of course, rested up well; the Doctor didn't exactly have a good track record with anything "nice and normal". It was better to be prepared for an adventure whether they wanted one or not.
The familiar noise of the TARDIS handbrake alerted her to his arrival, and she grinned, bookmarking her place in the diary before rising to her feet. The door opened for her, as it always did, and she grinned even wider as the Doctor, her Doctor, looking resplendent in his white tailcoat, spun on his heel to face her.
She moved forward towards his outstretched arms, but stopped abruptly a short distance away, just as he was reaching to embrace her. His hands slid uselessly down her arms, a puzzled look on his face.
"Sweetie, what is that smell?" she asked, nose and forehead wrinkling as if the fumes were given her a headache. She glanced to his face for an answer, and the forehead wrinkle vanished as her eyebrows rose; the man was blushing.
"Er, sorry, what?" he asked, turning quickly away and bumbling towards the console. She sniffed the air again, stepping slowly after him as he started fiddling with levers and buttons; the scent was definitely coming from him.
"Sweetie..." she began, almost warily, although the beginnings of a smile were beginning to twinkle in her eyes, "...are you wearing cologne?"
The Doctor shot her a look and gave a very indignant sniff. The action would have been more effective if the sniff hadn't caused a quick influx of the scent, causing him to cough. "Don't know what you're talking about, River, I-"
"Are you wearing Rory's cologne?" she asked suddenly, eyes widening in shock and mirth. She was trying desperately not to laugh at him, she really was. The fact that he had put on cologne for her was probably on the sweeter side of things he'd done to impress her.
He opened his mouth to make a retort, caught her eyes, then closed his mouth again dumbly. After a few moments, his gaze dropped to the console and he sulkily punched at a button. "Yes," he muttered, annoyed and pouty.
Both of River's hands flew to her mouth as she tried to cover up the smile that was forming; she wanted to laugh out loud, wanted to cackle at how beautifully adorable he was like this, but she really, really didn't want to hurt his feelings right now. She lowered her hands once she had a straight face. "How...how much did you use?" she asked, laughter escaping her lips involuntarily midway through the question.
"I don't know!" he exclaimed, waving his hands about with a frown. "I...well, it didn't have any instructions, now did it? So I just...River, it's rather hard to explain myself when you won't stop laughing at me!"
Her hands were over her mouth again, although they were useless; her shoulders were shaking, and there were tears of mirth beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. Shaking her head fondly, she tried to step up behind him, but he sidestepped her, reaching up to busy himself with the scanner. Not willing to accept defeat, she leapt forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him tightly as he flailed, her face pressed against his shoulder blade. The flailing only lasted for a moment; he was like a child sometimes, and the only trick to calming him down was to hold him firmly enough until he realized that in her arms was where he actually wanted to be.
"Thank you," she said into his back, laughter finally subsiding enough for her to speak. She could just picture his frown.
"For the thought." She stood on her tiptoes so that her chin could rest on his shoulder, and he craned his head to look at her, allowing her to drop a kiss on his cheek. However, it wasn't long before the cologne overpowered her again, and she had to bury her face against his back to stifle her giggles. "But...for future reference, my love, when you're trying to impress a woman, dousing yourself in her father's cologne probably isn't quite the way to go."
"I...I suppose I ought to change shirts," he remarked after taking an experimental sniff of himself. She loosened her hold on him, allowing him to turn in her arms just in time to see her raise her eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, I'm quite certain I can help you with that," she purred, fingers already working on his buttons. His eyes widened and he grabbed both her hands in his.
"River! We're in the control room!" he exclaimed, then dropped his voice to a scandalized hiss, "And your parents are on board!"
"Well then," she whispered back, eyes glinting wickedly as she quickly undid his bowtie, "perhaps we should go somewhere a little more private." Grabbing the loose ends of the tie in one hand, she began pulling him up the stairs.
"River Song, you are a bad, bad girl," he murmured as they disappeared around the corner.
Standing in the opposite hallway, Rory stood with a half-empty bottle of cologne in his hand, having found it lying rather haphazardly in his and Amy's bathroom sink. He had been just in time to hear the very last sentence of conversation, and that one sentence was one too many for him. With a groan, he rubbed his hands over his eyes and turned around to trod back to bed.