Heya guys! This used to be a songfic but I rewrote it so it no longer contains the lyrics. If you want to know what this story is loosely based off of, Love the Way You Lie. Hope you enjoy! Please Review. I don't own the song, or Star Wars. Judt the story.
When I had first met Anakin, I had been so proud to be his Padawan. We won all our battles, and there was nothing more I loved than the times he would flash me one of his trademark smiles, or put his hand on my shoulder. I was his Snips, and he was my SkyGuy. He was more than my Master, he was my friend. Everything had been so great. We were inseparable, unstoppable, and I loved him more than anything.
Now he's just an empty husk of who he once was. I miss him, I miss us. I often wonder what had happened, what changed. Though, that's not completely true. I know the answer. The war had happened. It had gotten worse and worse, consuming all peace left in the galaxy; Destroying us along with it. I'd like to make myself believe it was something I did, something I could fix within myself to cross the rift between us. But I know the truth. Some wounds are too deep to simply, "fix".
Even before his decline, Anakin had always had lingering dark phases. But now, it's almost completely controlling him. He snaps at every little thing, blowing up at me when I make small mistakes. He'll be furious one moment, then in a horrible depression the next.
Regardless of all he's done, all he is now, he'll always be my hero. My master. The great Anakin Skywalker. The best Jedi I've ever known. I know he's not that person anymore, but to me, he'll always be. And as long as I live, I'll never stop trying to get that person back.
Explosions went off around us. I could feel the heat of the fire on my back, but still I ran on; forcing my way through the crumbling building. Suddenly droids swarmed the hallway. One of them raised its gun. I tried to grab my lightsaber. It was too late. Searing pain ripped through my thigh. A blood curdling scream escaped my lips. I fell to the ground.
Anakin used the force to push all the droids back into the front wall. It collapsed on them, giving out under the pressure. His blue eyes turned back to me. For one moment, they held his old fire. You ok?
I gritted my teeth and forced myself to my feet.
"I'm fine." I said, trying and failing to keep my voice even.
But I wasn't fine, and I knew it, and he knew it. He nodded his face hardening. Reverting back to his usual hollow expression.
The whole way back to Coruscant, he didn't speak to me anymore, or even acknowledge my presence, but it didn't matter. Because for once, in those two words, we had been a team again. He had cared again. And in those two words he brought back all my feelings of loss for what we used to have. That sense of loss was a relief from the usual emptiness inside.
That night I woke up screaming, and since we didn't have a mission today, I just stayed in bed and cried; letting my emotions swirl around me in the force, dark blues and vivid reds, until they slowly began to ebb away, and I didn't feel anything but numb. I heard the door gently creak open. It was Anakin. He came in and sat on the chair next to my bed; not looking at me, or saying anything for a while.
"I heard you crying." He said blandly, without a hint of emotion in his voice. He still didn't look at me. I didn't really want him to. I didn't want to see how thin he'd become, and how he had dark circles around his eyes.
"It'll be alright."
He was lying. At least he was here and talking to me. It was a start. Even if he still avoided my eyes, it was something. I felt a greater resolve to get him back, the old Anakin. I could not, would not, sit and watch him destroy himself.
"Yeah, it will."
Three whole days. Three whole days no one had seen or heard from him. I decided to look for him. I knocked on his door softly when I arrived at his quarters. Somewhere in there, I heard him groan miserably. There was a loud thump, and shuffling footsteps. The door, swung open.
He'd been drinking; I could smell it on his breath.
"I've been worried about you." I replied hesitantly. I knew all too well what he could be like when he drank.
"Leave" He said coolly, and started to shut the door. I shoved it open again. He wouldn't get away from me, not this time.
"Wait, I need to talk to you."
He ignored me; simply walking further into the room. I followed him. He sat down in a chair in the corner; his head in his hands.
"Master, you're better than this. Please don't do this to yourself."
"I said leave!" He shrieked at me, wheeling around to hurl the nearest object at me- An alcohol bottle. It shattered harmlessly against the wall, but it still shook me up. I sprinted out of the room, and down the hall all the way back to my quarters. I slammed the door shut, and slumped to the ground; sobbing into my knees miserably until my voice was hoarse, and my eyes stinging.
He was my Master. I knew I couldn't help him until he wanted to be helped. But I also knew I couldn't give up on him. Not now, not ever.
"I'll stay sober this time, I promise Snips."
Snips. He hadn't used my nickname in awhile. I wanted to believe him. With all my heart, I wanted to. But I knew he was just saying that so he could go and get drunk again; Ignore reality.
"You said that last time, and the time before that."
He spun on me, anger burning in his eyes.
"Well how is it any right of yours to stop me?! Who do you think you are, telling your superior what to do?!"
He had a point, but I was determined.
"Your Padawan! That's who I am. And I won't let you rip yourself apart!" I yelled right back.
"Well I wish you WEREN'T! I never even wanted you! You were supposed to be Obi Wan's Padawan! As far as I'm concerned, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN BORN!" His eyes flashed threateningly.
He stormed out of the hall leaving me behind, shocked. His words stung.
"He didn't mean it." I muttered to myself, tears burning my eyes.
It had been two weeks of me making excuses for him, as to why he couldn't take the missions the council assigned to him. He was ill, or had broken his leg in sparring. Finally I just told them the truth, when I got sick of hiding him from them. The council recognized that Anakin was in no state to be going on missions. They gave him three months leave, and encouraged me to influence him into going to a healer. I agreed to try, but I knew he would never willingly admit he had a problem. That would mean he would have to admit he's not invincible.
He would probably wind up on probation for the rest of his life. (The Jedi order couldn't dismiss him, one for his own good, and two so he doesn't turn to the alternative to being a Jedi.) It made me scared to think about it. I knew I couldn't let that happen, but how was I supposed to have him go to a healer when the only time he ever talked to me now was to argue. I guess I would just have to figure out a way. Maybe I could try to speak to him before he leaves to go to the Core, and buy his daily five shots of moonrise. I doubt it though. It seemed to me we were always in a horrible, one sided, fight nowadays. It's sad to say I actually look forward to our rows. You could even say I need them. I want more than anything for him to have his old spark back. That fiery passion I had first noticed about my master when I met him. I still see tiny traces of that spark, in his anger. Even if it's tiny, it's still a hope. It's the last thing I have to hold on to. I'm not about to let go. I refuse.
He stared at me blankly as I explained how the council wanted him to go visit a healer. I was starting to get frustrated, tears formed in my eyes. I blinked furiously forcing them back. I had to be strong, for Anakin. I couldn't help but feel abandoned though. Anakin should be the one supporting me. I shouldn't have to bear this burden all alone. He promised he would always be there for me. I guess that was a lie too. In a way, all the lies and struggles, and fighting is what keeps me going. It strengthens my will to get back what we once had. He always said I loved a good challenge.
His raspy voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"I won't go. Nothing is wrong with me."
I sighed. I had expected him to say that, but I was prepared. Faster than thought, I brought my hand from behind my back and sunk the needle into his exposed arm. His eyes grew wide, realizing what I had done.
"How could you do this to me!" he shrieked, struggling to stand up.
He swayed on his feet, and I quickly grabbed him, laying him down on his bed.
"I'm sorry Master, you have to rest." "The healer needs to see you, I couldn't think of any other way."
"I...HATE…YOU!" He said, his voice becoming quieter, his eyelids closing. His breathing slowed down.
"You don't, I know you don't. You'll thank me"
I exited the room, in search of the medical droid.
I woke up that morning happier than I've felt for a long time. Anakin had been released from the hall after three weeks bed rest. He's in therapy now. I've heard he's doing much better. After a few minutes of watching the sun rise, I had this strange feeling to go to the balcony, like something was pulling me there. I got up and walked out to the edge, enjoying the peacefulness of the morning. The cool air gently caressed my skin. Someone walked up behind me. Anakin. He came to stand beside me. His sky blue eyes studied my face.
"I'm sorry" I said to him.
He looked confused. "For what"
"For drugging you" I whispered.
"Oh" he whispered. He shook his head. "No, don't be. You helped me. I was lost, and you found me. Thank you"
He took my hand in his, and gave it a squeeze.
"I'm sorry. I left you all alone. I should have realized…" His voice trailed off.
"Don't blame yourself" I told him.
"No, I should have been there for you. I should have known pushing you away would only make it worse."
He stayed silent for awhile, and then sighed.
"You don't know how much I really needed you."
"You didn't act like it" I said with a tinge of bitterness in my voice. He flinched at my tone.
"I pushed you away because I need you. I looked around me and saw all these deaths, all that the war had done, all the lives we'd lost. I was afraid"
"Of WHAT!?" I said, my voice rising. Letting out all my frustration, and sorrow of the past few months.
He looked down. "Of losing you too. I care about you; I wouldn't be able to stand it if you got hurt because of me. I didn't mean for things to get out of hand, but I just… I lost myself, trying to prevent just that."
"I'm sorry" he repeated again. Then I did something that surprised both of us. I threw myself into his arms, nearly knocking him off his feet. He hesitantly hugged me back.
"You'll never lose me, master. But don't you ever do that again, I can't lose you either." I punched him in the arm. He smiled at me.
"I won't" he assured me.
"Promise?" I said, looking into his eyes.