LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was annoyingly deleted by the FanFiction Admin because the phrase 'Shits and grins' was included in the summary. So I lost the whole story, reviews, faves and all progress. I am re-uploading it now, with a changed Summary. No actual story content will be changed. Sorry for the inconvenience. I am as annoyed as you are. Other than this, all the original ANs will remain the same. Uploads should be daily.
Wazap everyone, this is my first entry into the famous Star Wars category. Which is odd because I have always been such a fan of the franchise and it has made so much more of an impact on my life than the other films I've written fanfics about. To the point where my Dog is named Chewie (No shit) So I'm a fan of this, and its about time I gave it a shot.
I thought I'd start us off with a comedy/parody. This is set in a strange universe...to say the least. As we all know Lucasfilm was recently bought out by Disney, to a lot of hardcore fanboys dismay. And that means that the rights to the characters go them as well. Now I will show you what happens when Star Wars and Disney stars coexist together.
CHAPTER 1: A NEW HOME
(Star Wars Opening Theme)
Sale! In November 2012, the evil cash hungry George Lucas has sold his company, and creator of the legendary Star Wars franchise 'Lucasfilm' to the mega-corporation Disney for a reported 4 billion dollars. Greed is everywhere.
Meanwhile, shortly after defeating the Galactic Empire, the heroes of the beloved original series, are signed onto Disney and must now travel to their new home in Orlando, along with their reborn villains, courtesy of old George. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, his sister Leia, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Darth Sidious and the droids have reluctantly agreed to the whole scheme and travel to Disney World in hope that they will not be turned into children friendly characters...
Han Solo and Chewbacca guided their famous ship 'The Millennium Falcon' through the vast expanse of space. The long, tiring trip past countless star systems and through hyperspace had been a quiet and solemn one. Not only was everyone on board the tough old freighter worried, but they were quite miserable and depressed as well. The joy of their so-called 'victory' over the Empire had lasted only a few days, before they received the news. The Empire's remnants had received the news as well, and the reaction from them was no different. Except for the fact that its two leaders Darths Vader and Sidious had magically been brought back to life. Why? Lucas said so. This whole mess was George Lucas' fault.
The anxious feeling of constantly having an armed Imperial Shuttle behind them had faded, as Captain Solo neared their destination unenthusiastically. It was a rather small rocky planet with one sun, and went by the name of 'Terra' or 'Earth'. The giant sphere of blue and green almost seemed to taunt Han as they neared. It was his new hell. I'd rather be stuck in the carbonite than on this rock. He didn't even bother alerting the others as he began his entry into the atmosphere. They wouldn't want to hear it.
The pulled out his scrunched up copy of the contract from his pocket to look over it one more time before he disposed of it in some unconventional way, like burning it, or even better destroying it with Luke's saber. He had been sold in the name of money, they all had. Damn Lucasfilm. But then again, Han would probably sell his services for $4 billion dollars US as well.
Apparently the planet was quite a nice one, and had great scenery and culture. But that wouldn't count for anything when they arrive at their new home. Han cringed every time he thought about where on the planet he was going; and what he was probably going to have to do.
Disney. They had been sold to Disney, of all the mega-corporations on the planet. Damn you Lucas.
The Falcon started to slow as they entered the sapphire skies of Earth, and glided through the clouds gracefully. Han heard a yawn behind him and swiveled around on his chair to see Leia, wearing her casual white dress and her hair in her distinctive 'cinnamon bun' style. She was dressed as requested by Disney. Han on the other hand, defied them and messily threw on a black jacket over his usual white shirt. It would be a cold day in hell before he complied with anything Disney asked of him.
As far as he was concerned, he still worked for himself.
"Morning, Princess." Han said with a grin and Leia gave him a friendly tap on the back of the head.
"We here already?" Leia yawned.
"I got a bad feeling about this." Another male voice added from the back of the cockpit. Luke was awake now too.
"When was the last time you felt good about anything? Since before Lucasfilm was bought out?"
"Yeah, that sounds right." Luke nodded and took a seat.
"Oh come on guys. It can't be that bad." Leia said and Han shrugged.
"Whatever you think sweetheart. Two weeks from now, you're going to be on every little girl's pink lunchbox. Tell me 'it's not that bad' then."
"I doubt that Han. I heard that Disney have great facilities and the benefits are outstanding..."
"Like what benefits?" Han raised an eyebrow.
"Oh you know, good food, staff...money." Leia said, and as expected, Han turned around at the mention of money.
She rolled her eyes and playfully tapped him upside the head again.
"I knew that would get you, you cheap old pirate. And I heard that they have quite a few Princesses as well..." Leia's voice trailed off, and Han let Chewie pilot while he turned around to face her.
"And why would I care about them?" Han smiled and planted a big wet kiss on Leia's cheek. Luke glared at him, like a lion watching its kill.
A voice then crackled out on the speakers.
"Unidentified aircraft, this is the United States Air Force. You are now entering American airspace, please proceed East and out of the area, over."
"I'm Captain Solo of the Millennium Falcon and we ain't here to stir trouble pal. Just here for work." Han said into his microphone.
"If you do not comply with our demands, we are authorized to use deadly force." This comment made Han scowl, as he was having a bad fews days as it was, and could kill any primitive jet aircraft with ease.
"Try it pal. I dare you." Han snarled.
"Han! You're going to attack them!" Leia cried out in disbelief at her fiancé's stubbornness.
"No, I won't. But they should be worried about these guys." Han said and motioned towards the Falcon's rear camera.
Palpatine and Vader's Imperial Shuttle tailed them, heading towards the same place. If they were to be attacked, then they would react much more aggressively. He zoomed in and saw The Emperor and Vader's grumpy expressions in the pilot's seats.
They all sat there nervously for a few moments, until as expected, a group of fighter planes buzzed into view. They were F/A-22 Raptors, and swooped for the kills. Fools. Han thought and banked right, making them Vader and the Emperor's problem. He heard the echoes of their primitive jet engines as they blasted past, and he also heard the combined sound of the Shuttle's canons combined with the Raptor's machine guns.
He looked in the rear cam to see the Shuttle blasting all its canons at an American fighter in front of it; blowing it up.
"Well, not quite the warm reception." Han said with a grin and continued descending.
They flew across the vast American coastline, not bothered by the USAF planes any more. Finally, he navigated his way to Orlando; and started sweeping across the state at a lightening pace, searching for their destination. Luke didn't seem too fussed about Han's stunt, which was a pleasant surprise. Normally when anyone mouthed off about Darth Vader (His father and savior) he got defensive. It was if he expected Han to do that sort of thing, and for Vader to easily defeat the American fighter planes.
Han and Chewie descended lower, and got a view of the Orlando metro area. They saw the long roads, filled with cars and other vehicles, and the comparatively small skyscrapers. Gee...They're old school around here. Luke thought and twiddled his thumbs nervously; looking at the floor. Han's voice disturbed him and he looked up and out the window.
"Oh no...please no! I knew that Disney was a kids company, but this I can't deal with." Han whined and put a hand on his forehead.
Luke looked out the cockpit window, and saw the expanse of Walt Disney world. At the gate, stood a huge, childish castle, as if taken right out of a fairytale book. What was with Han and his pride? It wasn't that embarrassing.
"You wouldn't know if it was some pre-Republic gate or an overgrown medieval play set." Leia joked.
Han sighed, and drew his contract. He ripped it up right in front of him and started the ship to the left, away from the park.
"You know what? Screw Disney, screw Lucas and screw this whole franchise. This is a bit more than I've bargained for..." Han complained and continued steering.
A hand suddenly clamped down on his arm. He turned in his seat slowly to see an angry Luke Skywalker glaring at him.
"Han...stop. This is our new home. As much as we all agree this isn't a good idea, it's what's next. That castle was built years ago, way before Disney acquired Lucasfilm and all they made real animated movies. Things will be different...you'll see." Luke calmed him down, and gestured for Han to get back on course.
"Luke I don't think..."
Han exhaled and nodded reluctantly, before getting back on course to Disney World. Chewie moaned his disapproval, but kept on anyway. They circled over the park's parking lot, and Han turned around to face Luke again.
"You just better be ready to be in the Mickey Mouse Club."
Luke just rolled his eyes.
Han circled around the general area of the park, looking for a clearing large enough to set down in, but got frustrated and just glided back over to the parking lot. He found a large enough vacant section and stopped the ship over it, before kicking it into VTOL mode to lower it slowly.
"Han this area is for civilian small vehicle parking only!" Leia protested.
"So? What're they going to do? They need me more than I need them." Han snapped and continued to land.
"Some first impression." Luke thought aloud as the Falcon touched down.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen we're here. Grab your bags and lets get this over with." Han said and got up out of his chair.
Everyone made their way out of the cockpit, and grabbed their luggage/possessions. Han threw an old, dirty duffel bag over his shoulder and headed towards the boarding ramp, before looking around to see his companions. Luke rolled his suitcase with one hand, and carried his briefcase with another. As usual the lightsaber was stored on his belt, and was probably not going to be used for a while. To Han's surprise, Luke slipped on a Fedora hat.
"What's with the hat?"
"Local custom." Luke said casually.
"Yeah, you should've bought something before we left." Leia said and slipped on a pair of Aviator sunglasses. Han chuckled.
"You guys embarrass me more than this place." Han saidas Luke tossed him a hat as well.
Carrying their entire luggage, Han, Chewie, Luke, Leia, C3P0 and R2/D2 all made their way down the ramp and into the hot, humid air of Orlando.
Han stopped in his tracks when he saw who was waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp. Disney CEO Bob Iger was there, dressed in his usual suit, as well as two iconic Disney Characters; Mickey and Minney. Han was so embarrassed he tried to turn back into the Falcon, but Luke stopped him, and motioned towards their new CEO.
"Hiya everyone! Welcome to Disney!" Mickey said proudly and Han cringed at the overly happy tone.
"Yes...welcome to the company. May I ask where the others are at?" Iger asked.
As if one cue, a loud BANG broke out as the Imperial Shuttle crash landed into the Disney parking lot, triggering a host of car alarms.
"That sounds like them." Leia said quietly, and another explosion rang out, this one of a crashed US Air Force plane.
Leia glared at Han, who shrugged. Iger, Mickey and Minney flinched. Luke sensed his father's frustration from back there.
"Sorry 'bout that...my fault." Han confessed and Iger sighed angrily.
Not a good start.
How was that to start us off? Stupid? It was supposed to be.
By the way, I really don't hate George Lucas, Disney, the decision to sell Lucasfilm or whatever. This is for parody purposes only. Even though we haven't seen much yet, I'd like to see some criticism. Tell me what I'm doing right and wrong. Star Wars is a much more prestigious franchise then The Lion King or Aliens for that matter. And fans get pissed when something goes wrong, so I want to know I'm doing it right.
AN:There you are people. Chapter 1 returned. Please DO leave us a review or fave/sub so I can restore this story's former glory. It was shaping up to be the most successful of my works before the incident.
This has been JJZ-109, and as always...Have a nice day.