Graphic descriptions of narcissistic personality disorder in reference to how Alexander Lowen had characterised NPD. I must remind you that since Kurt is a psychology teacher/psychiatric, mental disorder is a huge thing here and there are graphic descriptions and some mentions of serious mental illnesses. Different diseases and disorders comorbid with others. It's very possible for someone to have BDD and OCD at the same time and even more psychiatric disorders. One may influence the other. Some disorders generate mild cases of other psychiatric disorders. A person that is a sociopath is very likely to also be a psychopath and so on. Just be very aware that this may be trigger-y.
With that, read on, lovelies. If I offend someone, then I did not mean to. If I trigger someone, yet again, I didn't mean to :( and please stop reading if that's the case. :)
Title: In the Dark
Rated: +18 – language, sexual references, sex, disorder
Summary: written for lovingkurtbastianforever on tumblr. AU. Kurt Hummel is a medical student specialising in psychiatry that has a job as a psychology teacher in McKinley. He finds himself being sexually provoked by Sebastian Smythe, a student whom had quite a sexual reputation and narcissistic personality disorder. Graphic descriptions of mental illnesses and disorders. Kurtbastian.
Kurt Hummel was seventeen when he graduated from his school. His happiness was accompanied with an acceptance letter to a medical school in New York. New York was vast, full of opinions and dreamers. He lived across the street from his friend, Rachel, he remembered. They used to sometimes get coffee together. Are you going to tell me something about how lethal whipped cream is, Doctor? She'd tease him, with her Caribou Coffee turtle mocha, coated with Snickers, caramel syrup, chocolate syrup and an abnormal amount of whip. Kurt was simple. All he wanted was a non-fat mocha. His order stuck with him nearly always, unless he was swooned into trying some of the merry berry concoctions in seasonal holidays. Sometimes, he gave into special festive coffees, just because they only came around that time of the year. His favourite was the localised pumpkin latte around Halloween, and the cinnamon peppermint cappuccino in the winter.
Sometimes, he told himself that he didn't really miss New York – just small memories like those. He missed being able to go to Rachel's when he was lost and didn't know what to do, laugh and just stare into each other until one of them offered movies and pizza. Or cake. Cake, the only cure to loneliness, Kurt had recalled him saying a handful of times. Five years in medical school had worn him out, and he had an internship back in Lima, that fresh graduate that had it easier than most. Others had troubles getting internships. His internship had only lasted two years, and now, he was currently specialising in his field. He'd learned a long time ago that tuition fees and momentary needs led him to get a handful of jobs over the years. Who knew that the boy that worked in the Lima Bean also was studying medicine, or the boy that folded jeans regularly at Aeropostale knew every anatomical structure of the body?
His specialisation was psychiatry. He had applied as a psychology professor back in his high-school and with his specialised field and proper education; he was finally looped back into his old high school. He swore that he wouldn't have gotten that position if it wasn't for Mr Schue's words and some input from his teachers. He also swore that the halls still smelled the same. He can barely feel the fact that he had been once bullied through these hallways. It all boiled down to insignificance right now. All that was significant to Kurt was that he was past everything. He was respected. He walked down the hallway, black blazer over a tucked in white pinstriped shirt. His pants were held by a leather belt, and his trousers were completely formal. He looked far too formal to some, but in his opinion, if he projected an image of sternness, he was most likely to be respected regardless of his sexuality.
Twenty-five years old, he only had a year to complete his psychiatric degree and then he can truly open up his own private clinic. Everything would be perfect. Eight years of blood, sweat, and tears would all come down to this beautiful medical licence. He conversed with Mr Schue about everything he can possibly think of. Rachel's dreams, Finn in the army, Quinn's successes, Mercedes' fame and Santana's happiness and then it came to drift off from people to simple topics. He mentioned that he missed the coffee in New York. Nothing was ever quite the same. He thought he just missed coffee, but he honestly missed her too. Rachel. He missed how she made everything seem familiar. The world seemed so different after five years of living with Rachel. He almost always expected to be able to walk across the street and get into her apartment sometimes when in fact, if he walked down the street from his apartment, he was sure to get hit because he was walking straight into the highway.
His first class was at eight am, and he walked in the classroom at seven am. He had sharpened his pencils, erased the board, set up his space, checked his email and had even placed a stereotypical apple just because he could. He hummed to Lady Gaga and fifteen minutes before the class, he analysed every person walking in very briefly. A blonde with too big glasses whom he'd realise was named Chandler Kiehl, a curly-haired boy whom was apparently Blaine Anderson, a black-haired boy and his bleach blonde companion – Nick Duval and Jeff Sterling, respectively…he watched student after student walk in. Just as he began his class, about eight minutes in, he was interrupted by a boy walking inside.
Kurt stared at him. Well over six feet tall, agile, thin, brown hair, pale skin, light eyes, and he seemed to have a scarf around his neck. His scarf was a light colour and contrasted with the rest of his dark-coloured clothing. His hair stuck out. Kurt hadn't realised he'd stopped the entire class for a minute and a half at least just to stare at the boy, mouth wide-open and his eyes just trying to take in all of…that beauty in at once. It was the word beauty itself had created a physical representation of what it actually was.
As he did roll call, he realised his name was Sebastian Smythe, a well-known boy with a well-known family. Kurt tried to not look at Sebastian as he taught but he kept on glancing at the teen, whom wasn't paying attention. Over the class, Kurt had noticed that Sebastian had a habit of fixing his scarf and Kurt had sworn it was made just so that he can go insane. It was the most exhausting thing to do, was not to stare at the peak of pale skin as Sebastian fixed his scarf. It was an indirect tease. Another thing Kurt had noticed throughout the class was that Kurt had seen that Sebastian was glancing at one of the jocks, licking his lower lip. It took a while for Kurt to realise that Sebastian was deliberately seducing a tall blonde jock, with tongue motions and near sexual moans that Kurt can hear from where he stood. At some point, nearing the end of the class, a fed-up Kurt had slammed his ruler down Sebastian's desk, causing the teenager to look up at him with wide green eyes. Kurt can definitely read his expression. What the fuck do you think you're doing, old man?
"Being sexually promiscuous are we?" Kurt's voice dripped with austerity.
Sebastian seemed to only smirk at this, as he shook his head. Kurt can already tell that with great beauty will come great frustration. "That suggests that sex is immoral. You do it too. I bet you do it all the time." It was the way that Sebastian said it that got onto Kurt's nerves as well as made him feel nearly turned on. Kurt glared at him as hard as possible. He dwelled on his frustration and annoyance of Sebastian's far too direct bluntness.
"Oh?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "And who are you to analyse my sex life when you know nothing about me?"
Sebastian chuckled. "Who said I didn't know anything about you?" he looked far too self-righteous and egotistical for his own good. "All I really need to know about you is that you're a damned hypocrite because you're pointing it how sexually promiscuous I am because you want to bang the shit out of me. Damn, you want to do it all night with me."
Kurt's eyes hardened significantly, until they burned into a cold blue colour. "Detention, Smythe."
Sebastian's smirk was still on his face, almost as if it was surgically glued. "Funny thing, professor…you never corrected me. Why is that?"
Kurt turned to look down at his book. "Is it worth correcting a person that believes that the earth is flat?" he murmured. It was just a question to derive Sebastian from the actual subject. He was giving a horrid example, as his eyes were in fact on Sebastian's body. He can nearly feel every curve of flesh on that body, nearly feel how warm he was…until those far too many layers. He had turned back to tediously talking about social learning theory, trying not to look back at Sebastian whom had gone back to flirting with the jock whom didn't seem to respond much to him.
It was only after class that Sebastian stood up, with one hand over his book, his shoulder bag strapped to his shoulder as he moved towards Kurt. In a near whisper, Sebastian had said, "Don't worry, professor." Kurt couldn't believe it – Sebastian was calling Kurt professor on purpose, because he found it kinky for some reason. Kurt can finally understand from how suggestive those eyes were right now, liquid green sex really. "I won't tell anyone," he said.
Kurt looked down at his schedule to see that he had a scheduled class soon after lunch. "There isn't quite anything to tell about and who said I was even gay? I might be straight."
"Oh, please," Sebastian murmured darkly. "Like a guy like you is actually straight. By the way, I saw your picture in that shitty Glee club the school hosts. I liked it. I can just jerk off to it all night."
Kurt's cheeks flushed into a deep crimson. However, this was normal. When people made comments like that, he felt completely and utterly helpless in the sexual department to the point where he'd go pink.
Sebastian seemed satisfied with Kurt's blush, because he said. "Don't worry, professor. I want to be completely fucked by you too."
He turned to leave and Kurt's blush only deepened because before he knew it, he double-checked Sebastian's ass. He felt completely and utterly horrible for even thinking about Sebastian in that way, but for Sebastian, to right off the bat; recognise it and use it to his advantage was far too much for Kurt to handle. All Kurt can be happy for was the fact that he was sitting down, well into his desk, therefore hiding his erection that had developed from Sebastian just talking the way he did. In that moment, Kurt Hummel knew that he despised Sebastian Smythe, but that didn't mean that he didn't want to fuck him too.
Kurt had gone through the rest of the day noticing that Sebastian's locker was positioned close to the teacher's lounge. Kurt shook his head, seeing the brunette take a few books from his locker and walk past him. Kurt can still smell Sebastian's cologne. It was strong and musky but the cologne Kurt wore was far more woody and sensual. He blushed when he realised that these two particular scents complemented each other. He had to leave for his lecture at that point.
Even during the long lecture, all Kurt can think about was Sebastian – mostly his body now, just his body. He felt himself blush because he did not want to think about the brunette's body. He thought of running his mouth against that pale neck, touching certain aspects of his body but that process was halted. He wondered if Sebastian had any scars, any blemishes, imperfections. He wondered if it killed Sebastian if he did have anything that marred what seemed like perfect skin. His overtly sexual thoughts turned into inquiry.
He wondered if Sebastian was ever pressured into having sex. He wondered why Sebastian was very sexual. He wondered all of those things in spans of minutes when he was supposed to be writing notes. He had his laptop open and was staring at a lecture he'd gotten from the college website. He can retain nothing. He was just happy he recorded these lectures – otherwise, he'd be in horrid trouble.
After two hours of tediously staring at a presenter whom had a horrendously thick accent that Kurt couldn't understand a word from, he had left and was back to McKinley mid-lunch period. Unfortunately, he had gone by a certain route just to see if he'd see Sebastian at his lockers again. To his surprise – or thereby lack of, that blonde jock that Sebastian was seducing was pushing Sebastian against the lockers, and they were quite hastily making out. Kurt's first reaction was to make sure nobody else patronised them, remembering the homophobia but then again, nobody had passed them by. Nobody knew they were there. They seemed so aggressive. Kurt's first reaction was jealousy but that slowly melted into fury. The blonde pretended as if Sebastian hadn't existed in that class but was now, making out with him as if Sebastian was the reason he existed. Kurt's eyes hardened significantly, as he smirked.
He smoothly passed by them. He was overly confident and tried to keep a wider smile from reaching his face. "No PDA," causing the blonde to pull away quickly, staring at Sebastian for the total of five to seven seconds before he left. Just as Kurt thought – Sebastian was nothing more than the boy's rebound, something he was there with just so he can make out with and maybe even sleep with. Kurt's eyes were staring at Sebastian's lips as his lips were practically left swollen red. It was chaotically hot and it made Kurt suppress the urge of wanting to speedily kiss the boy before him as well.
Sebastian seemed frustrated but then found himself smirking. Apparently, the boy had a comeback as well as a bite. "Jealous, professor?"
"For abiding by school law?" Kurt arched an eyebrow in defence. His voice was smooth. He was nearly proud of his own response. "Remember, at least it was me catching you, not Figgins because he would surely not dare miss the fact that you were getting far too handy and was going to give the blonde boy a handjob."
Sebastian shook his head, and replied with a snarky remark. "Blowjob," he smirked.
Kurt shot him a glare before walking away. He would not give Sebastian even more reason to think that all Kurt wanted to do was bang him. It was in fact true beforehand but it wasn't far too truthful now. Now, the idea of Sebastian just allured. He wanted to know about that brunette that threw himself around the school, the reason his eyes were so innocent. He looked back at Sebastian one last time, seeing him talking to someone over the phone. Kurt shook his head at the thoughts in his mind. He didn't even bother taking the boy's phone. He pretended he hadn't seen him. The last thing Kurt cared about was school law. He was indeed jealous of some punk blonde getting Sebastian, but he also did not want to abuse his authority. He knew it with his heart if he had told Sebastian to have sex with him, Sebastian would only suggest where. However, he did not want to fuel Sebastian's mind and fantasies. He did not want to make him think that excessive sex with a no strings attached policy was okay, or any variant of just fine and dandy. Sebastian was abusing the privileges he had for his body, pushing it to horrendous sexual limits and throwing himself from male to male as if he didn't quite matter. With a blush, he remembered that talk with his father. Kurt huffed out in frustration. Until now, he simply had to act completely professional around Sebastian.
It took him a few moments of realising things about Sebastian, things that can land him a psychiatric diagnosis. It was a horrible rumour that involved Sebastian having have slept with most of the teachers to land his grades. Kurt didn't know how accurate that was since he had only given them their first assignment a week ago and it was due in on Monday. He would see then. Kurt had realised that Sebastian often over exaggerated conquests and achievements. It didn't help that people believed him with little proof really. Sebastian obviously had unhealthy, unstable relationships. Kurt cared enough about the boy to try and get a hold of his parents repeatedly over the course of the next few days. By the time that Sebastian had given him that assignment, all Kurt can see was the fact that the boy had actually done well. It was Sebastian's wording that threw him off completely. He'd know if it was actually Sebastian writing or not by the time they did their test.
It took Kurt three tests and four assignments' time before Sebastian's parents even thought of contacting Kurt back. By then, Kurt had a good evaluation of Sebastian's work – he was smart. Not just any smart. He was passionate about what he talked about. He knew his facts, his dates, and whilst he smarmily replied to questions in class, the general concept he had was completely correct. Sebastian's mind was far more complex than Kurt can ever imagine. He had blushed when he realised this. He'd always thought that Sebastian would be the type to fail courses, but he wasn't. His papers were nearly drafted to perfection. It was hard for Kurt to find mistakes in the papers and often, those were little bits of wording that were wrong. Sebastian hadn't gotten anything below a ninety ever since he stepped into that classroom. There was no way that he was sleeping with teachers to land his grades. He might be sleeping with teachers but there was no way he was doing it for his grades.
After three and a half months of constantly trying to contact Sebastian's parents, they finally responded a week or so before the December break. Kurt had skipped one of his most important clinical trials with a note that said that he had a horrible outbreak of chickenpox (thank you Father for lying to them), and obviously, Kurt was not allowed to do his clinical trials. If he was caught by anyone from his college, he would have risked so much and Kurt would have to repeat the whole semester because he'd have failed the semester. Kurt nearly didn't care about how risky it was because he knew that Sebastian's parents would probably only agree to meet with him once. Besides, he had a hot and fashionable disguise for when he left school grounds.
When Kurt patiently waited, he looked back at the copy of Sebastian's grades from his other classes that he nearly bribed the teachers to get into. The school system was still the same. Money was power. He had to look down once more and felt his stomach drop again. He'd got copies of tests too. Sebastian was so intelligent that Kurt had honestly read over his psychology essays from every single year he'd been here. He recognised the fact that people whom had mental disorders previously or were struggling with one were more likely to get such high grades in psychology than most other people. Kurt himself had gotten into psychology after a near suicide attempt. He had looked up clinical depression, signs and so on. He had stemmed from that. He had gotten into psychology. It was the fact that people that were alive that had it harder than him that kept him going so far. That and great doses of anti-depressants. Kurt had never, ever carelessly forgot to mention his own struggle with depression with some of his clinical patients that knew he was a student and especially those whom were struggling with depression themselves. It helped some cases but not in all. Kurt treated depression the best he'd say.
Kurt looked for signs. Sebastian still seemed to eat the same thing in lunch, didn't lose or gain weight, and seemed to sleep properly because he'd never once had Sebastian coming in sluggish. Yes, he came in late nearly always but that was a different story. Sebastian seemed to still get joy from things. Hell, even if Kurt nearly always sat behind a desk when he was teaching the junior classes because Sebastian had always managed to give him a boner, Kurt had come to love the fact that when he stood up to give them their papers and assignments back – Sebastian's face always lit up when he'd seen his mark. His eyes shining and sparkling. He looked so happy that Kurt wanted nothing more than to emulate that happiness. It was in those instances that Kurt was completely breathless by how innocent Sebastian would look like, because a child's face would light up in the same way for the same reason – a good mark.
Now, he watched as Nathalie and Jean Smythe walked inside. They seemed prim-and-proper. Nathalie's mass of blonde curls spilling towards her shoulders, and a great deal of red lipstick making he look like something from a gorgeous catalogue. She looked like the definition of elegant. Jean was also blonde, with hard brown eyes. Kurt seemed to stare at them for so long that Nathalie seemed to break the ice by saying, "Oh, if you're wondering how Sebastian has brown hair, I'm originally a brunette."
"Yes…of course…" Kurt cleared his throat. No, he was wondering how their flawlessness might distort Sebastian's ideals of perfection.
"Quickly now," Jean darkly stared at him. "I want to be able to go back to work. This better be astoundingly relevant."
"It is," Kurt thought he should just get to it, thinking that unnecessary introductions might make a man like Jean Smythe close to killing Kurt. "Sebastian has certain tendencies that are alarming. I'm talking about the fact that Sebastian has trouble keeping healthy relationships. He seems to want constant attention and when he talks in class, he just seems to want to say the snarkiest, most inappropriate response to be seen as a certain way. I've also noticed, Sebastian loves being complimented. He likes people encouraging things that shouldn't be encouraged. When I mean when I say that Sebastian has trouble keeping healthy relationships is that he is…sexually inappropriate in ways that are alarming."
"He fucks everything. Yeah, we know," Jean seemed to be completely unconcerned.
"I told you Jean it's not that okay to sleep all the time," Nathalie seemed to be the complete opposite of Jean. She smiled brightly and then shook her head. "Oh, finally, someone that actually notices these things. All of his other teachers seem to be interested into him so sexually that it's annoying. He did sleep with most of his teachers. Jean seems to think that this is normal."
"He's a hormonal teenager." Jean reminded him, shooting her a look. "You can't call out on his bullshit unless you're a Doctor anyway, Mr Big Shot Psychology Teacher."
Kurt was about to open his mouth but Nathalie seemed to look back at Kurt with her face completely transfixed. Kurt tried not to smile. "I'm in my last year of studying psychiatry. I am abnormally lucky to get this position but they know my reputation and they trust me enough to run this class, especially since I nearly have my license to open up a clinic but I am a general practitioner that has completed my internship. I may be a student psychiatrist, but I know enough to say that Sebastian's sexual assertiveness is worrying to me."
"That's not the only thing," Nathalie began, apparently excited that she finally had someone that shared her same views for her son. "He is so easily jealous—"
"He's human," Jean interrupted.
"Abnormally jealous," Nathalie said, shaking her head. "Once Jean complimented this billionaire's model daughter and he won't sleep or eat for weeks because of it. He is so easily triggered by things, Doctor. He is so abnormally jealous that you can't compliment someone without him reacting to it. He is also so sensitive to comments. He gets so easily humiliated as well it's frustrating and heart-breaking. He will never ever tell you but I'm his Mother, you see. You cannot tell the boy anything for fear he will react to it. He takes everything to heart. Everything. Every little thing."
Kurt slowly nodded in, understanding everything that Nathalie was saying. "I'm imagining Sebastian has ideals, unrealistic ones in fact."
Nathalie sighed, shaking her head. "He wants to be a lawyer I know this much and he wants to be the most known one in fact. This isn't that exaggerated of a goal. His ideals for his grades right now are upsetting. He will tear up papers that have him at anything under ninety-five percent. He wants to be omnipotent and have unlimited power over everything. He refuses to go to the Doctor and God forbid he ever develops a fatal illness because he will rather die than take any form of medication. He thinks that his body is as perfect as it is, won't let anything artificial or unhealthy down his throat. He will snap and scream and he can get violent if you argue with him. He is overly dramatic about things like that."
"Overly dramatic," Kurt tasted the words on his tongue. "How is he like to other people? I'm guessing he simply doesn't care about anyone."
"He doesn't," Nathalie nodded her head, shaking it.
"So you're gonna give him some mental problem and a shiny name for it?" Jean rolled his eyes, sighing. "Nathalie, come on. I want to go back to—"
"Shhh," Nathalie shot him a dark glare, causing her husband to groan. "He simply wants the best everything to an extreme that people don't quite often have. To him, it's very real to why he does the things he does I think. He does care about people but he's more likely to…um…take advantage of what they can give him. Sebastian can be self-centred—"
"Can be?" Jean arched an eyebrow. "The boy needs a capital for his ego. Hell, I need a capital for my ego but at least I say it out loud."
Kurt cleared his throat and then pulled out the DSM-IV, which was huge and heavy but Kurt had made a habit of carrying that huge volume of shit around. He showed it to Jean and Nathalie. "Narcissistic personality disorder," was all that Kurt said. "They have subtypes and Sebastian, unfortunately, would probably fit mostly into a histrionic subtype considering he can be sexually assertive. I'm quite certain of the diagnosis. I've been suspecting Sebastian of NPD for weeks now but I didn't want to say anything just in case you hadn't have backed me up on it."
"I didn't," Jean stoically said.
"Jean," Nathalie said and then gave Kurt a million-dollar smile. "Can he be treated?"
"NPD is very difficult to treat and mostly, it doesn't work." Kurt murmured. "It is a personality disorder. It's nearly me trying to strip him of what he has become. It's difficult."
"Can you at least talk to him?" Nathalie's eyes were soft.
"He's my student, not my patient," Kurt's mind suddenly flashed to McKinley. He remembered that time where Mr Schue and Holly had 'cleverly' snuck in a sexual education lesson in song. How that happened he didn't know. He can sneak in a therapy session through basically tutoring Sebastian as well. Sebastian didn't need to know about Kurt's intentions. Kurt's mind was suddenly thinking about how bad it would be, but another part of him just wanted to help Sebastian as well. He felt guilty for always thinking about having sex with the boy and wanted to right the guilt by helping the brunette. Besides, this was his passion. This was what he wanted to do in life. He had to sometimes do things that he didn't want to do. That was the way the world worked after all.
Kurt had slowly nodded his head. "Alright," he finally agreed and then looked at his planner to see when he can tutor Sebastian.
When Kurt had offered tutoring, Sebastian had practically leaped at the chance for it. Kurt had realised it was mostly because Sebastian knew that he didn't need the help when Sebastian was practically at the top of the class. He ruled the class. Kurt had felt horrible right now for his ulterior motive. He didn't know what to do as NPD was difficult to treat. Hell, Sebastian would never in his life admit that he even had a problem if it came to that. Kurt knew that this would do nothing, having Sebastian talk to him. At six pm every Friday, Saturday and Sunday, all he had was Sebastian as his occupant for the next few hours.
The minute that Sebastian walked in, Kurt had told him to go to his room. Kurt must have realised how stupid of a move that was because he came upstairs only to find Sebastian lying far too suggestively on that bedside, and had taken Kurt by his belt. Sebastian smirked up at him. Kurt had laid a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. He tried to think of the least possible attractive thing and came up with pictures of women naked, Sebastian breathlessly stated, "I know you want me. Just give it in. Fuck me."
"No," Kurt adamantly stated. He felt stronger now that he'd rejected the boy. "No, Sebastian. I will not fuck you. You will sit up right now."
Sebastian burst into laughter. "You're hard, professor. Let me help." His hand went to unbuckling Kurt's belt. Kurt would have been so willing but the thought of feeding Sebastian's overtly sexual habits were far too much for Kurt to handle, as Kurt had pushed Sebastian back. Sebastian's cheeks coloured in humiliation. He looked so close to crying that Kurt would've slept for him just to see anything but that horrible sadness and shame that was in those green eyes. Kurt had sat down beside him after buckling back his belt, laying a hand on Sebastian's cheek and brushing it as gently as possible. Sebastian had seemed to snap emotions in a second. Kurt recognised it as a histrionic feature. It did not mean that Sebastian's emotions were shallow. Sebastian may have appeared emotionless a handful of times, but the emotional, dramatic histrionic part of his personality was definitely contrasting and showing.
"No," Kurt stated once more, his voice softer than usual.
"You didn't honestly call me here to tutor me. I'm the best student in the sea of those idiots." Sebastian huffed darkly. "There is no fucking way."
Kurt had not even prepared notes or anything just in case it came to that. He would have crushed Sebastian if he'd said yes. Kurt had shaken his head. "I made these sessions so you can talk to me," Kurt quickly answered, unable to lie to the brunette. "I wanted to tutor you to sneak in this talk, but I can't. You are intelligent – too intelligent."
Kurt chuckled humourlessly and then glanced up at Sebastian. "Sebastian, you are the textbook definition of narcissistic personality disorder."
Sebastian's eyes hardened. It was hard to think that just a few seconds ago, he looked close to tears. Kurt had stared at him for the longest of time as Sebastian had laid on his bedside. Now, Sebastian looked like he was thinking. Kurt had laid down beside him now. They were in bed, but at least they were clothed. Sebastian had curled up towards Kurt and Kurt had responded to the small gesture, placing a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "I'm not supposed to be this touchy with you."
"I like the attention," Sebastian murmured.
"I know," Kurt said, placing his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "I'm your teacher, Sebastian. I can't sleep with you. I'm also studying psychiatry. I want to be a Doctor. If people ever find out that I slept with a student, my life would be over before it even began."
"Nobody has to know," Sebastian growled darkly. "You want to fuck me. I can tell."
Kurt wanted to deny it, but he didn't want to agree on it too. He had sighed, staring at Sebastian for the longest of time. "Sebastian, I'm holding you only to comfort you. I told you – you are intelligent. You know it yourself you fit the criteria for it."
"What do you want me to do exactly? Hate myself?" Sebastian snarled darkly.
"People with narcissistic personality disorders have this thing called splitting. You split what you really are into two parts, the 'actual' you and a fantasy, Sebastian. You believe you are another person. You're in love with that person. You hate your actual self."
"Fuck you." Sebastian snapped back, sitting upwards. He stood up from the bed, and was moving towards the doorway. "I'm done with this. What the fuck is wrong with you? I love myself if you haven't realised—"
Kurt sat up now, with his eyes hardening. He was losing patience. "Why do you throw yourself around then if you love yourself so—?"
"I don't fucking know!" Sebastian finally snapped back and then his eyes widened. It was almost like he hadn't expected himself to say that. Kurt was pale as a sheet for the first few moments, even though he had expected Sebastian to have over exaggerated and made up things; he hadn't quite expected that. Sebastian outlined conquests all the time, but every one of them was a lie. Kurt had that figured out. He can see the panic reaching those eyes. It seemed like nothing to most people, but for Sebastian, it was breaking into his perfect self. It was disrupting something inside of himself. They were silent for the first few moments as Kurt stood up and walked towards him. All Kurt can see was fear in those eyes, fear for something that Kurt would probably never understand.
Kurt didn't even realise what was going on then, but Sebastian looked so innocent, and it was so much beauty to take in at once. Kurt had moved towards him, and leaned upwards to kiss Sebastian. Sebastian responded, slowly at first, but then kicked a nearby chair towards him, sitting on it so that Kurt would have better access to those lips. Kurt had moved away slightly, just to stare into those soft, delicate green eyes again. "Professor—"Sebastian was cut off by Kurt's kisses, more aggressive by the moment.
Throughout the kisses, Kurt hoped that Sebastian would be distracted enough. "Do you have," a kiss, 'ideals for romance too?"
Sebastian snorted as they shared a multitude of short kisses. "I want someone to love me completely. In my head, I want people to do things for me without me having to bother to do shit for them. I hate doing stuff for people but I love it when they do things for me."
Kurt had pulled Sebastian's chin up. "I thought so."
"Just fucking stop asking me all these shitty questions. Just fuck me. You know you want to. Don't pretend to care," Sebastian called out, pulling Kurt's hand towards his pants. Kurt had shoved Sebastian backwards on his bedside, but not for sexual purpose. He took a deep breath and shook his head.
"No," Kurt finally said. "You're right. I'm treating you like everyone else, like I don't care, but I do. Fuck it, Sebastian. I do care about you, even if you are a horrendous pain in the ass, you are intelligent and people do care about you. I question your Father's care about you, but your Mother does."
Sebastian seemed struck with these words, his chest rising. "You talked to my parents?" he breathed out in disbelief.
"Of course, I did! You were worrying me!" Kurt exclaimed, frantically throwing his arms out as if to emphasise on that point again. He had never seen such shock pass through those green eyes, as if the last thing he thought he'd hear from anyone was the fact that someone was concerned for him. "Sebastian, you are late to class. You have this horrible reputation. You supposedly sleep with your teachers to earn your grades, but all I see is the fact that you actually have more brains than the whole class combined. The way you throw yourself around is not okay and it'll just end up with you getting hurt. I am not okay with this. I don't care if other people are—I'm not. This is just a desperate cry for help."
Sebastian looked down at his lap. After Kurt's confession, he just shook his head.
"I'm sorry, for…for kissing you. Leading you on. You didn't need that," Kurt had finally stated, but Sebastian hadn't looked up, as if he was pondering on every word Kurt was actually saying. Kurt had cleared his throat, trying to understand the intense emotion behind those green eyes. They were darker than usual and they reflected a great deal of despair and anguish. Sebastian looked up again at him, eyes shining slightly in dim light. His skin was far too pale in this light. Kurt had taken a deep breath and swallowed.
"I…" Kurt bit down his lower lip. "If you're not going to leave, I'll make some dinner."
Sebastian slowly nodded his head. It was a timid nod, Kurt had realised, but he'd said nothing to it. He can see the fear pooling in Sebastian's eyes – he wasn't supposed to admit anything. He wasn't supposed to be rejected by Kurt. Kurt had helped his student up by his shoulder and Sebastian slowly moved along, still very alert of his surroundings. His eyes slowly hardened and his lips were pressed tightly against each other. Kurt had never thought Jean looked anything like Sebastian until he had emulated one of Jean's facial expressions. The tension between them was horrendous. Never had Kurt thought he'd feel so bad about hurting anyone human being's emotions. He allowed Sebastian to sit on his table, gave him his laptop – which quite frankly Kurt wouldn't give anyone because he feared it being broken – and told him the password to his internet connection. He knew it would busy him for a while. When Kurt came back, he saw that Sebastian was browsing various tabs. He kept on asking him about what he wanted preferred in the meal and if things were 'okay' as they were.
In the past hour and a half, Kurt learned that Sebastian preferred shrimp over chicken, carrots over cucumbers, spaghetti instead of penne and oregano instead of basil. Kurt was shocked that Sebastian had trusted him with his food as well, but perhaps, this could be a sign of something good. Sebastian had peered in every few minutes just to look at the ingredients of what he was to eat, but never said anything. Kurt wondered if this was because he was still upset about the bedroom encounter or if he simply had nothing to complain about. Kurt got his answer to the question when he was just about to put salt in the meal, and Sebastian had snapped. "Do you want to kill me with high blood pressure?"
Kurt had blinked and then explained. "It is fifty percent less sodium than real salt," he explained, but Sebastian yet again shook his head, grabbing the low-sodium salt castor from Kurt's hand and putting it back in its position, as if it was a personal offender. Kurt found himself slowly smiling. "I suppose high blood pressure runs in your family."
"Does it have to? I'm not going to put that fucking crap in my body," Sebastian muttered darkly. He wondered how Sebastian faired in restaurants where the sodium content was high, and the ingredients were unknown. He bet that Jean had to bribe and threaten a few restaurants before ever going out due to Sebastian's excessively controlled diet. Kurt had looked back at his ingredients – fresh shrimp he'd gotten from the market today, organic whole-wheat spaghetti, homemade tomato sauce, organic carrots cut and fresh oregano out for garnish. Kurt definitely realised that the reason Sebastian couldn't complain about the composition was because there was nothing to complain about. It was perfectly clean, nutritious food. Sebastian went back to the dining table, and Kurt served them two quite generous helpings. He sat adjacent him to him instead of on his opposite. Sebastian had gone back to his stoic expression, as he read through a webpage. Kurt couldn't guess the contents of what he was reading.
They ate, drank small amounts of tea, and looked at each other every few minutes. Kurt was never more aware of anything else in the universe – just trying to read Sebastian's facial expression. The meal that Kurt normally would've been ecstatic over barely tasted like anything in his mouth because he was so focused on Sebastian's movements. He took a forkful of spaghetti, read a sentence or two, and took another. His movements were mechanical. He was fixated on whatever he was reading. Kurt didn't mean to intervene, and speaking when he was eating was never good table manners but to hell with that. "Sebastian, what are you reading?"
"Psychological links to magic," Sebastian muttered as Kurt raised an eyebrow. "There's physical misdirection, where you distract a person from actually noticing you're implementing a trick. An example of physical misdirection is false solution, where you do a trick where people think they know how it's done. When you think you know how something is done, you kinda look for the clues that only back up your theory, and you probably won't notice how it's actually done. When the magician does the trick, and you realise you're wrong, that's when you get astounded. Of course, he didn't actually do magic, but you were too busy in your own ego to notice the real solution and shit. You know, when people only think of one solution, it's pretty hard to think of alternatives."
Kurt slowly nodded his head and placed a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Sebastian, look at me."
Sebastian had looked downwards to look into Kurt's eyes. Kurt placed a gentle, loving hand on Sebastian's forearm, and gave him a smile. "I've said this many times but I'll say it again: you're clever. You're passionate. You're attractive," he emphasised one very quality. "You shouldn't be wasting that just to sleep with anyone."
Sebastian stared back at him. His plate was halfway done and so was his glass. "I'm going home," he simply murmured.
Kurt slowly nodded his head. He watched Sebastian stand up, and just as he was about to leave, he turned to look at Kurt. "What if I want you?" it was a simple question that rolled off Sebastian's tongue, his eyes filled with lust, as he bit his lower lip.
Kurt shut his eyes. He knew he should decline that offer immediately, but he also wanted to show Sebastian how a real relationship was like, not just sexually based, but an actual relationship. He doubted that anyone would be patient enough with Sebastian through baby-steps, especially if all Sebastian did was pester them into bed. Kurt took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.
"I'll take you out on a date," he cared too much about the brunette to watch him abuse his body any longer. He wanted to do this, but at the same time, an envelopment of fear had taken him over, reminding him that Sebastian was seventeen. There was an eight year difference between them. This could risk his career before he even began, but somehow, when those green eyes were right there in front of him, Kurt just couldn't. "Is Friday alright with you? Seven pm? I'll take you to dinner?"
Sebastian nodded his head, and his lips formed a beautiful smile that made it all worth it somehow. Kurt watched as he left, opening the door and shutting it from behind him. Kurt had taken the plates, after finishing Sebastian's since nobody else would. He washed them and wondered what this meant for the future, for Sebastian, but mostly, for his career. He just can't help but feel an irrevocable anxiety dwell in his body, reminding him over and over again, that being with Sebastian may be far from worth it. You did this because you wanted to help people – are you going to risk your career for one person? Somewhere, at the back of his mind, he knew he would, because Sebastian's life meant that much to him. He didn't need to save everyone's life anymore. All he needed to do was save Sebastian's.
Kurt Hummel spent the next few days observing Sebastian's behaviour in class, which hadn't changed by much. He still had his scarf around his neck, mostly to cover hickeys now. He still flirted during class with any jock that would look at him, making suggestions with his fingers that Kurt didn't even want to try to decipher. He'd come accustomed to teaching from behind a desk because of the erections he'd get. He sometimes found himself trailing off or stumbling on sentences, staring at Sebastian's inviting, fluid body language. It was hell getting through school days, and then again, it was even worse when he'd go into his college, because all he can think about was what Sebastian was doing in his lectures. His grades hadn't suffered, as Kurt would eventually force himself to study and there was the fact that he had always taped his lectures. Thank Prada, as he did not need all of this stress.
Rachel flew over for Christmas, and they shared a good one, with peppermint hot chocolate and exchanges. Kurt hadn't mentioned Sebastian for fear of being judged by her, as Rachel was one of his dearest friends yet she was also very judgmental. He also had met up with Mercedes on the same day and they exchanged little bits of their lives with each other quite a bit. Kurt had told her about Sebastian, about his age, about his feelings for him and about Sebastian's disorders. She didn't say much, but warned him and reminded him that he can be throwing away everything if he did sleep with Sebastian. He'd throw away his career for one and secondly, he'd ensure Sebastian that every relationship was sex-based. Kurt realised how much pressure was on his plate, as what he did know can decide Sebastian's future relationships. Even if he threw himself around after Kurt would risk so much to show him that he was worth a proper relationship, at least Sebastian would remember that one man risked everything he'd ever wanted just to be show him how special he was.
The newest paper that Kurt had to grade from Sebastian though had landed him a below ninety percentage. It was riddled with errors and little referencing, but he had graded him with an eighty-five. The minute Sebastian saw his mark, his skin paled significantly and he looked close to throwing up. He stood up from the table and asked to be excused. Kurt had excused himself in the middle of his class to go after him, and found him against a staircase, head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably.
Kurt's heart gave away as he sat down beside him, placing a hand on Sebastian's shoulder, and softly rubbing it. "Shh, Bas, please, don't…"
"Stupid, disgusting, putrid, fat little bitch that can't do anything right," Sebastian snapped at himself angrily, pulling his hands away from his face. The fury and despair in those eyes were destroying Kurt horrifically. He couldn't believe that anyone in the universe can hate themselves as much as Sebastian hated himself at that very moment. His face hardened and he looked like all he wanted to do was tear off his skin. All for an eighty-five percent, all for that alone.
Kurt's lips pressed into a tight line before his face softened in an attempt to comfort and cajole him. "Firstly, you are not stupid. Secondly, you are nowhere near disgusting. Thirdly, if you were putrid, do you think I'd be sitting here next to you, abandoning my class just to make sure you're fine? Fourthly, dear Chanel, Sebastian, if you tried, you wouldn't be fat. Do not belittle yourself. You are not a bitch, and just because you got a less than perfect grade on a test doesn't make any of that disappear."
"Just fuck off," Kurt was expecting this harsher treatment from Sebastian.
"You should go to the nurse, complain about a headache or something – I'll be inclined to lie to her, and we can get someone to pick you up…" Kurt tried to say, knowing that Sebastian was in a pretty dark place right now, especially from the way his eyes were darkening by the minute. It seemed as time passed, Sebastian became more and more invested in the delusion that he wasn't good enough.
"I thought I was a narcissist," Sebastian murmured.
"Well, you do have quite a few histrionic features," Kurt added on. "Histrionics often shift emotions very quickly. Narcissists do have horrible goals, and unrealistic expectations—which is what you have, Sebastian. You cannot expect to have a less than perfect grade on every single test or assignment you'd ever do."
"I've never gotten less than a ninety ever in my life," Sebastian spat out, rendering Kurt into shock at the knowledge. Sebastian was practically a representation of perfection, and yet, he still thought of himself as so much less, somewhere, carved in the back of his mind was the delusions of a child that believed he can do and become everything he'd ever wanted. Tomorrow, that child will be fine, happy, quipping about everything like he owned the world. That was what Sebastian was like to Kurt right now, a child in a teenage boy's body, a child that threw himself around like he was worth nothing at all, that projected an image of pure and utter success when deep inside, he believed he was nothing at all. It was just part of Sebastian's histrionic features, that he was so shallow in emotion, that he shifted it, but showed little genuine belief that he was imperfect. Sebastian did love himself, but he loved a certain projection of himself. He was in love with what he could be.
"To the nurse's office we go then," Kurt had taken him to then nurse and lied about a fake illness. He'd left Sebastian to rest, and then went back to his class, which wasn't very much of it left anyway. He spent the last ten minutes yelling at the students that were very uncooperative and just wanted to know what happened. The blonde named Jeff and the dark-haired boy named Nick walked towards his desk after the class with determined looks on the faces. The raven-haired boy named Blaine was standing by the doorway. They were asking him on how Sebastian was. Kurt had answered their questions, and watched them leave. At least now Kurt was sure Sebastian had some caring friends. However, none of Sebastian's conquests gave a rat's ass about how he was feeling.
Kurt's anxiety levels rose up the next three days when Sebastian was absent in his classes, and at Friday, he hoped that Sebastian was still up for the date. Nonetheless, he still had gone to his house at seven pm, dressed sharply, and had knocked on the door. The door had eventually opened up after far too many minutes of waiting. He was met with a mess of Sebastian, in old pyjamas, looking like he had just been woken up from sleep. His hair was messy, his skin was splotchy and he looked like he hadn't taken care of himself in days.
"Sebastian?" Kurt called out, voice full of concern. He inched forward and placed a hand on Sebastian's cheek only to realise how feverish his skin was. It was probably from some sort of sickness.
"Professor?" he asked, and then a small smirk fell on his lips, causing Kurt to exasperate with relief. At least it wasn't about his grade. "Aren't we dressed up?"
"I was going to take you out—for a date, but I suppose that can wait. I'll just take care of you now. What are your symptoms?" Kurt blushed at his choice of wording, as he sounded like he wasn't really caring about Sebastian, just diagnosing him.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Lethargy, loss of appetite, and I'm always asleep. Fucking Hell."
Kurt was pretty sure it was just a normal fever then. His eyes were on Sebastian's body. Even if he was only out for three days, he can see visible weight loss, which honestly scared him considering that Sebastian had only been sick for three days yet he looked like he'd lost at least three or four pounds on him. Sebastian did look as tired as he claimed. They just sat down on his bedside that night, with Kurt ordering thin-crusted Hawaiian pizza. He had made Sebastian some hot chocolate, and they laid down together, sipping and watching various Tim Burton movies. Sebastian looked weary and his hands were slightly shaky all of the time.
"About the psychology of magic," Kurt began, seeing Sebastian look up at him. "I think I understand it better now. When you described the physical misdirection, and I finally understood that right now, about how when you have a certain idea in your mind, you won't find any alternatives. I thought you were still very fixed on your grades when you were out for the next three days. I was honestly panicking, even though I knew that from your histrionic part that you should snap back to normal."
"Gee, you read me like a psychological textbook," Sebastian smirked.
Kurt looked down at his feet. "Does it bother you?" he murmured. "That I read you like a textbook?"
Sebastian nodded his head, as Kurt slipped his hand across Sebastian's feverish cheek. "You're so warm," Kurt mumbled, as Sebastian just rolled his eyes.
"Well, I tend to be sick," Sebastian coyly responded. This response caused Kurt to roll his eyes. "Did you know that it takes about a tenth of a second from information going into your brain to its actually be able to see or read or whatever that piece of shit information you're trying to proceed? We're living ten seconds in the past, but we seem to get around that really weird interval by predicting the present. Even before you process what's around you, your environment and crap, you try to work out what's going to happen in the 'future', which is really the present. You automatically predict the 'future' and it's how magicians use to trick you. That's called a cognitive illusion, so they're practically manipulating your attention. These motherfucking magicians pretty much just direct your attention somewhere else and you fail to notice the obvious reason to why it's a trick.
"There's mental forcing," Kurt murmured. "Exposing someone to something for long enough that you mentally influence them subconsciously. It's how magicians can play their tricks so well, the card ones at least…making you pick a card from a deck and they'd probably guess it correctly because they mentally forced you into taking that card by influencing you through brain chemistry. You might not be aware but he definitely is."
"Does it turn you on?" Kurt's cheeks coloured at Sebastian's action.
"It does," Sebastian realised, hooking his leg towards Kurt's thigh. "To hear me talk about psychology…it gets you hot."
"Shh…" Sebastian finally linked his lips to Kurt's lips. They kissed, as Kurt's hands went to Sebastian's hips. Kurt's lips trailed down to Sebastian's neck before he realised what he was doing. He pushed himself away from Sebastian, cheeks colouring completely. The feeling of failing was pulling him down and making him feel sick. Kurt looked back at Sebastian, shaking his head.
Kurt felt hot tears fill his eyes. "You're sick, and you're young. How could I have…?"
"Give me everything that you want to fucking give me," Sebastian had moved towards Kurt's back, placing his hands onto Kurt's shoulders. He leaned down and kissed Kurt's cheek, leaning down to his neck. Kurt can feel Sebastian's hot breath touch his neck.
Kurt's shoulders twitched, as he shook. "Sebastian," he tried to find some logic through his senses that only wanted this, nothing more. "Sebastian, please."
Sebastian unbuttoned the first button of his shirt, but Kurt had grabbed his wrist. "Don't," Kurt finally found his logic. He took a deep breath, taking Sebastian's chin. "You're better than this. Now, I came to take care of you."
"Then do it," Sebastian ran his hands through Kurt's hipbones, pressing his head against Kurt's arm. Kurt was sure Sebastian was aware of his throbbing erection. He was actually enjoying the view. "I bet you have a huge cock. I can ride it if you want—"
"Sebastian," Kurt cut him off. "That's enough. You aren't a sex toy. You're human."
Sebastian was silent after a moment, as he felt Kurt bring him close. He looked down at Sebastian's face. "Do you care about the fact that I'm going to lose everything if I sleep with you?"
Sebastian snorted. "No fucking way," he finally explained. Kurt was aware of this. To Sebastian, the most important person's emotions and moods were of course, himself. Nobody else mattered. Kurt looked down at the boy that was fascinating with his two sides, a part of him that just hated himself, and the other part of him that loved himself. Kurt didn't know if he loved Sebastian, or if he loved Sebastian's mind.
He leaned down and kissed Sebastian's forehead. Sebastian leaned upwards so that he was kissing Kurt. This time, Kurt allowed the excess but only to a certain extent. Sebastian's pants were pressing against Kurt's own, two erections pressing tightly against denim and Kurt just wanted to…
Kurt wanted nothing more than to just have Sebastian, right there, right now, and that was when he knew was that he didn't love Sebastian's mind. If he did, he would have slept with hm. He wouldn't care about the brunette's psych, but he did.
He cared, a little too much. He'd ruin everything for him.
"I just wonder how you think that getting me to sleep with you is going to help you—"Kurt was cut off by another heated kiss.
"I want to take off your clothes," Sebastian's hands were around Kurt's buttons. Kurt had pushed him off, shaking his head. "Fine." The green-eyed brunette looked away, agitated.
Kurt had stayed though, shutting his eyes, and sleeping beside him. It was three am when Kurt woke up again to shift, only to see that Sebastian had pressed his head against Kurt's chest. He was curled up into a ball. Kurt had left the room, bringing him a wet cloth, placing it on his head and then kissing Sebastian's feverish cheek. He had placed a bottle of water. He realised that they were going to be alone in the house for long periods of time due to the flights Nathalie and Jean regularly booked.
Kurt came back upstairs to find Sebastian having have woken up. "I feel like I was run over by a train," the brunette moaned.
"See?" Kurt began, with a small smile. "It's very good that we didn't have sex, else you'd be run over by a train twice."
Sebastian had taken the cup of coffee from Kurt, almost as if expecting Kurt to treat him like a prince. Kurt rolled his eyes. Of course, the histrionic part of the disease manifested in the smallest things, such as Sebastian simply expecting the jocks he flirted with to be interested, and they were. Sebastian's highly seductive behaviour was histrionic as well. The class of diseases were something interesting to Kurt, to see how two personality disorders that seemed so different clashed together. The more Kurt spent time with him, the more he thought Sebastian was a histrionic that had narcissistic features. It was possible, but a part of him just didn't care anymore. He didn't want to give a label to Sebastian any longer.
He saw Sebastian as he was, human, flesh, bone and blood. Even if his mind was warped, he can see parts of pure beauty escape his dominating characteristics, and it stunned him. It was that innocence that was neither histrionic nor narcissistic, the innocence that was showed up in his eyes like a small glint, a light.
That was why when Kurt saw Sebastian the next time; he gave him a candle, because that was what his innocence was. The small light at the top of a candle. And to be honest, he didn't care about the shape of the candle as long as it produced light. It was the light that made Sebastian more than two personality disorders mashed together in one person. it was something that was so pure it left Kurt speechless, and something Kurt had no doubt would die away if he'd slept with Sebastian.
"Pretty sure I shine brighter than this," Sebastian muttered. "Maybe like a fucking sun or a moon—"
"The moon doesn't actually have light, but they—"
"I know," Sebastian cut him off with a dark glare. He looked down at the candle, displeased though. "I hate it," yet he still placed it in is bag. He tightened his scarf, and Kurt can see that there was another hickey on the upper left side of his neck, which rendered him nearly insane. He winked towards Kurt, which made him sigh. "You so want me. I was completely right."
"Take you seat, Sebastian," Kurt muttered under his breath.
Sebastian shook his ass slightly, just to tempt the blue-eyed brunette. "This isn't over," was his only comment, as he finally took his seat.
Kurt came by Sebastian's house every day. Sometimes, Sebastian paid attention to him, and sometimes, he just was doing work. That was when Kurt was mostly attracted to him, seeing him completely invested in his studies. Sebastian had looked over Kurt when Kurt was doing his lectures, and had made a few comments about it. Kurt was astounded by how quickly Sebastian caught on – and to be honest, he was losing his ability to contain himself. His newest thing was jerking off in Sebastian's shower. He tried to be as silent as possible, but he was nearly sure the brunette was aware of his antics.
Then one day, it just was too much for Kurt to bear.
He'd strode down towards the kitchen. He knew he was going to regret it. His cock was throbbing as hard as possible, and Sebastian was standing over his desk. "Hey, listen to this—"
Kurt grabbed him by his shoulder, throwing him against the bedside. He ravished him with kisses. Sebastian kissed back just as aggressively. Sebastian felt Kurt's teeth against his skin. Kurt's hands roamed around Sebastian's shirt, where he practically tore off the fabric. He can see the buttons flying, before he'd attacked Sebastian's nipple. He watched the brunette arch. His moans were soft and drastic.
Sebastian was beautiful. His body was gorgeous. Kurt loved every inch of flesh on him. He'd sucked on the pink nub, watching Sebastian support himself with his trembling arms. Sebastian threw back his head, arching upwards so that Kurt can taste Sebastian's salty skin. Kurt's tongue had ran across the skin. The taste was unfamiliar to him, but it was something that he can get used to – very, very quickly. Kurt's hands went to unbuckle Sebastian's belt, when Sebastian gripped tightly onto Kurt's wrist.
Then, it came – Sebastian's confession that reminded Kurt of why he shouldn't do this.
"I'm a virgin."
Kurt looked at Sebastian, confused, as Sebastian looked away from Kurt's face in sheer humiliation. "It's okay. Fuck me, professor, I'll just—"
Kurt pulled Sebastian's chin up. "I'm sorry," Kurt's hand was trembling. "I have to leave you. I'm not good for you, Sebastian."
"Kurt, just, please, don't—"Sebastian called out, his eyes drastically wide.
It was just then, that genuine emotion of fear that Kurt thought that his whole idea of Sebastian having personality disorders shifted. Kurt looked back down at Sebastian.
"Just this one, and then I'm leaving. For good," Kurt finally said.
Sebastian nodded his head. Kurt didn't know if this was a ploy, part of a manipulating plot, but he didn't care. Kurt unzipped Sebastian's pants, throwing it off him. Suddenly, it was all he'd ever wanted right in front of him – he can fuck him, and leave. Flee. He didn't have to be attached to anything. He didn't have to feel bad, but he knew he will. Kurt looked down at Sebastian's face.
Kurt's hand was on Sebastian's cheek. "No, I can't," he couldn't even if he tried. "I can't sleep with you, Sebastian."
"Why the fuck not?" he snapped. The brunette's eyes suddenly filled with tears. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"Don't do this, Sebastian." Kurt finally said, shaking his head. "Don't make me feel bad."
"Don't make me fucking say it," he snapped.
But he did. He said it. "…I'm in love with you," Sebastian spat out. "I'm so fucking in love with you and I…I love you, Kurt," and Kurt was shocked at those words. He knew Sebastian was smart, but he also knew that part of histrionic personality disorder meant that Sebastian viewed relationships more intimate than they actually were.
"Sebastian, you're not."
"You said I was fucking smart," Sebastian finally snapped, and Kurt's heart thudded loudly upon hearing those words, because Sebastian was smart. He was too smart for his own good. "Kurt…"
Kurt gave in, leaning down towards Sebastian's lips. He kissed him, as Sebastian's lower lip trembled. Kurt would stay. Kurt would stay forever – Sebastian would make sure, because after all, Sebastian was smart. He was smart enough to figure out that Kurt loved mentally unstable people. He was smart enough to manipulate a mental disease, to pretend that he had narcissistic personality disorder. To make Kurt believe that he had a mental problem.
Sebastian knew this was the only way that anyone would ever love him, was to pretend to be something he wasn't, because there was nothing flawed in him. He was perfect. He was too fucking perfect. He felt himself smirk, just as Kurt's arms were around his waist.
All of Kurt's career – gone, everything, when they'd figure them out, but Sebastian didn't care. Sebastian would never care. "Shh…" Kurt kissed Sebastian's cheek. "I promise. I won't leave you."
"Say it again."
"I won't leave you."
Sebastian pressed his head against Kurt's neck. Kurt wrapped his arms around him. "Say it again," Sebastian whispered, trying to supress a smirk that was trying to make its way to his lips.
"I won't leave you. I care about you too much." Kurt's arms tightened. Sebastian would bind him to his word when he threatened to leave. "I promise. I promise with all of my heart, with the burning light of the candle I'd gotten for you…that I will never, ever leave you."
Conclusion/explanation: what Sebastian did was that he pretended to have NPD with histrionic features. The ironic part here is that Sebastian actually DOES have the disease, as in he thought he was too flawless to have a mental disease which is a narcissistic feature. My implications was that Sebastian wrote his assignment wrong on purpose, that he made himself sick on purpose, that he kept on lying to Kurt on purpose just because he wanted to manipulate him into staying with him instead of leaving him – also, to throw away his career and sleep with him. This is also a narcissistic feature in which he doesn't care about other people's emotions (aka Kurt's), he basically plays with him like a puppet. He is aware of what level of control he has over him. His grandiosity scale is actually even worse than portrayed here. He basically thought he can sleep with Kurt, fuck up his career, and get him to stay with him still because he knows to Kurt he's that poor boy with two contrasting mental illnesses (it's implied that Sebastian only has the NPD part – what is also implied is that he may have OCD, as in his repeated mechanical patterns when he was eating, as well as his continuous repetitive play with the scarf in Kurt's class. He does obsess over his grades, enough to lead to a studying compulsion aka 'I will study until I'm not anxious about this anymore' sort of way. It's very implied). What I'm trying to portray here is how in denial Sebastian is of his own condition.
To be diagnosed with NPD, you have to have 5 of the characters. In this fanfic, you see Sebastian disregarding Kurt's emotions (completely not caring that if he slept with Kurt, he'd ruin his whole career), which is one trait. The second one is taking advantage of others to reach his own goals (aka yet again, him sleeping with Kurt just because he can). Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence or romance (you can see Sebastian's strive for getting a grade that isn't below a 90% as an unrealistic fantasy, but I want to highlight is Sebastian's unrealistic fantasy of romance – that he thinks he can manipulate someone into falling in love with him and expect them to do everything his way, to praise him, to love him unconditionally no matter how many flaws Sebastian has), requiring constant attention and positive reinforcement from others (this is frequently showed – especially at the end when Sebastian just tells him to say the same words over and over again so Sebastian can gain satisfaction at the fact that he'd 'won'), pursing mainly selfish goals and being obsessed with self (this is self-explanatory and very obvious in this fanfic), trouble keeping healthy relationships (his parents, those jocks, his friends, Kurt), appearing unemotional (which is one of Sebastian's biggest traits) and also wanting the "best" of everything – which you see with his near borderline OCD eating and thinking patterns. He may not be physically dominant towards Kurt, but he obviously dominates the relationship. He is arrogant. He shows superiority over everyone else. He wants that power and idea that he controlled Kurt.
Another ironic thing I want to point out is that Kurt keeps on excessively admiring and reminding Sebastian of how good he is, which is what Sebastian wants – the constant attention that he gets from people, especially Kurt. It's hilarious that in some way, Kurt was a huge enabler for Sebastian.
I'm done! :P with this huge rant.
Xo Peanut Butter/Sam