~Dark Come Soon~
Chapter Seven ~ Tears
So I already wrote most of this chapter when I wrote the last one. Then after taking a break it was hard to continue, so sorry if it suddenly seems lacking lol. Though taking a break did make it easier to make the chapter longer.
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of the characters from the show.
"Everything is done," I announce out loud to myself. I've been doing chores nonstop since I got home from Tori's. It's all I'm good for as far as my Mom is concerned. She'll go away on business and leave me a note telling me what she expects done before she returns and leave some money for food. That's it. No "I love you" or "Be safe" or "Call if you need anything." And she never call me to see how things are, even though she will be gone for days.
I've done the dishes. I've done the laundry, both hers and my own. I vacuumed and dusted in the living room. I got all the trash and recycling ready for Monday. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things that she expects to have when she's home. Fresh bagels, milk, and these weird protein drinks she likes. And of course Coffee. We both share an addiction for coffee, so it goes fast around here.
I go to my bedroom and lay on my bed for a while. I like to allow myself a little time every day just to be sad. Every time there's a day I don't get the chance to feel sorry for myself, I get heavily irritated at everything and anything.
While I look at our family picture on my nightstand, I think of my Dad first, always. About how much I miss him and how I know things wouldn't quite be the same if he were still here. I'm not saying everything would be perfect but I wouldn't be as depressed. My mom wouldn't be the way she is. She wasn't like this before. We were a perfect little happy family. There were never any family problems whatsoever. Granted, I was a bit younger not quite at my Teenaged Angst age yet, but I highly doubt it would cause too much trouble. When I look at Tori's family, and see how perfect they always are, even with Trina, I know that my family would be similar to that. I may seem like a selfish bitch that doesn't care about that kind of thing, but I do care. I care so much. Family is really important to me, something that I'd give anything to have. Right now, I don't really have a family. Just a Mother who wants nothing to do with her only child. If I ever have a kid, I will love them with everything in me, and make sure they feel the way my Dad made me feel. Loved.
Now is normally when I'd start thinking about Beck. For some reason though, I just don't feel too upset about him today. I still wish we didn't break up, but I don't feel like sitting and thinking about him. I wonder if Tori talked to him like she said she would? He hadn't texted me yesterday or today, so maybe she did.
Just then my phone alerts me that I have a new text message from Beck. Spoke too soon.
What ya up to today? Thinkin about u.
I know from experience that if I just ignore him, he'll keep texting me and then eventually start to call. It's better to just text him and say that I don't want to talk to him. Even though I refuse to engage him in a conversation, I secretly love it that he texts me so much still and says things like thinking about you. I must still be on his mind a lot then.
Sounds interesting… im just watchin some old horror flicks and they make me think of u.
Real mature but ok i get the point. See u around.
So now I'm not sure if Tori either hadn't talked to him yet or he just didn't listen to her opinion. I hoped it was that she didn't talk to him yet and when she did, he would take her advice to leave me alone.
I worked on my play, the one I'm writing, for about an hour. I didn't get too much done with it, still having writers block. Then I looked over my lines and practiced them yet again, sans Tori and her man voice. I heard my mom come in the house a little while later and I waited to see if she would come in and say anything to me. Maybe a hello, how's your weekend going or something. But nope, nothing.
I decided to go downstairs to see if she had anything negative to say about the chores because she always finds something. I walk into the kitchen to find her sat at the table eating some fruit and typing on her laptop.
"Hey," I announced my arrival. She looks up at me and gives me a smile to let me know she's acknowledged my greeting and goes back to typing. God, I just wish she'd talk to me. You're my own Mother for Christ sake. SPEAK TO ME!
"You know, I saw they had a new flavor of your protein drinks. I got a couple in that flavor for you to try," I began. She said absolutely nothing. "Kiwi Mango… I thought they sounded good anyway."
"You should let me know how they are, if you want more next time…" I offered.
"Jesus, Jade. Can't you see I'm busy?!" She shouts back at me while giving me a fierce look that says she wants to slap my face off.
"You're always busy!" I argued.
"Because I have a job to do. Do you want me to quit my job and spend all my time talking to you about protein drinks?" The way she says you makes it sound like I'm the last person she would want to talk to about anything. "Then we can go live in a card board box in an alleyway but at least we'll know what the best flavor of protein drink is," she adds. Her bitter sarcasm cuts right though me.
I don't say another word. I grab my keys and run to my car, driving off towards my secret spot. It's this hill in the park near an old elementary school building that isn't used anymore. There's a tree right on the top of the hill that I like to sit under and look out at the view. I can see a lot of Hollywood from this spot and I enjoy watching people down on the streets walking by all of the shops. The second I get to my tree, I drop my bag, sit, and cry.
She's so mean. Can't she see that all I want is for her to give me just a tiny bit of attention? I'm her daughter! Doesn't that mean anything to her? I understand that she has to work, and that she's a single parent, and I'm sure she has her own issues with depression stemming from my Father's death. But I'm still here. I still need her. In fact, I need her now more than I did before.
I want to go back to Tori's. I want her to distract me with her annoying cheeriness about everything. I want her to make me more delicious food. I want her to confess more of her secrets to me through truth or dare that I can tease her with. I want to just be around her. She makes me feel better.
I send her a text message and ask her to meet me tomorrow morning at my house. I want to show her pictures of my dad and then we can hang out.
I stay at my secret spot for a long while. Crying here and there, but mostly just watching the commotion down in the town until I feel better. I finally make it home and go straight up to my room where I shower and go to bed. I fall asleep almost immediately, exhausted from all the crying.
I wake up around 10 AM. I have an hour before Tori should be here. I get dressed in one of my usual black outfits with boots and brush my hair and teeth. Looking out the window, I see my Mom's car is gone already. I kneel in front of the cabinet underneath the TV and get out the old photo albums. Since Tori is the only person I really talked to about my grievance with him, I wanted to really open up to her fully about it. And that meant showing her pictures of him and our family.
The doorbell rang at about 11:05 AM.
"Come in!" I yelled, hopefully loud enough for her to hear. I hear her open the door slowly and peak just her head in.
"Jade?" She calls out for me.
"Right here Tori," I wave my hand back and forth motioning her over towards me. "Come look at these pictures."
"Aww, I get to see what you look like as a baby?"
Running over excitedly and kneeling down beside me, Tori immediately spots my baby picture from the day I was born. Of course that's what she wants to look at. I snatch it out of her hand and throw it back down on the pile.
"Tori, I want to show you pictures of my Dad, not pictures of me as a wrinkly little cry baby." Nodding her head, she whispers a quiet apology and I shrug it off, handing her a picture of me and my dad standing next to the elephant exhibit at the zoo. "It's my favorite picture. I have another copy of it in a picture frame in my bedroom."
"It's such a nice picture, how old were you?"
"I was 7. At the time, my dad was at a point in his job where he was away a lot on business. He would come home every single time with a new stuffed elephant for me. I'm not sure why he picked elephants but, they became my favorite animal. Then we went on a trip to the zoo this day and I was so excited to see the elephants."
"That's so sweet. I would never picture you as an elephant kind of girl but I love your reason for it."
Next I handed her my Mom and Dad's wedding pictures. Even though I wasn't alive at the time, I love to look at the pictures because you can just see how in love they were. They both look so happy and I just know if he weren't gone, they'd be happily married still. Everything would be different. My mom would still be the loving and caring parent she used to be instead of this bitter and selfish stranger that she is now.
After Tori looked at the wedding pictures I showed her the album of our family pictures. We had them done twice a year, where the three of us would dress up nicely in the fall and go have our pictures taken at a studio, and then dress up casually and have a photographer come take our picture in the Spring while outdoors, right after the trees got all of their leaves back. We have them starting from the year I was born right until the year my dad died. You can see in the last year how sick he was and maybe even the year before. They are the hardest to look at. I started to get upset then and Tori could tell.
"Jade, do you need a hug?" She offered.
Normally I'd tell her to get her head checked if she actually thought I might give her a hug, but I could really use one right now. I want the hug to be from my father, but I know that I'll never have that ever again and so I settle for a hug from the girl I am starting to consider a friend. I already know if I let her, Tori would be a true friend, my best friend; but I'm not quite ready to give her the chance. She crawls over to me and wraps her arms around me. She's kind of hugging me from the side so I can really only hug her arm back, but it's enough to comfort me. After our hug we clean up the pictures and put them away neatly back into the cabinet.
"Want to go get something to eat?" I suggest, seeing as I haven't ate at all yet today.
"Sure, though I don't have too much cash on me today. Do you think we could just go to a diner?"
I could have offered to pay for her but diner food actually sounded appetizing at the moment. I like how you can order breakfast at any time. I could really go for some pancakes which I've been craving ever since eating them at Tori's yesterday.
We went to the diner down the street from Hollywood Arts. It had a pink theme going on which I hated. Pink seats, pink tables, pink walls. Luckily, the food was amazing. I ordered pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream on top. So delicious. Tori decided to go with breakfast too, getting an omelet with green peppers, sausage and cheese. Most of our time at the diner was spent in silence. It was a little awkward at first, after we ordered. Neither of us seemed to know what to talk about. Then after our food came, we basically just talked about how good it tasted.
After lunch, we went to the movie theatre. We saw the new James Bond movie Skyfall. Tori offered to let me pick the movie, even noting that she didn't mind if it were a horror film. I decided to be nice and pick an action film, so we could meet in the middle somehow. I actually really enjoy the film and so did she, so I was happy with my choice.
After the movie, it was only almost 5 PM. I didn't want to go home quite yet.
"Want to go to the mall and walk around?" I asked hopefully.
"Sure, I've got no money left but I'll tell you what looks nice!" Tori exclaimed.
"I doubt what you think looks good is the same as what I think looks good," I snorted.
"Do you want me to come or not?"
"Alright, Alright. Sorry."
We spent most of the time just walking through the mall, not actually going into any stores. We eventually went into dELiA*s, a store that I don't particularly like, but noticed Tori desperately wanted to go into the two times that we passed it. I was able to find a nice black and red shirt with music notes on it that made the shape of a heart. It would be okay for me to wear if I had one of my black jackets on over it. Tori found a blue dress that she really wanted. She tried it on just for the hell of it and looked really great in it, so I offered her the money to buy it. At first she declined but I insisted. Who would have thought, Jade West buying Tori Vega a present. She thanked me only a hundred times.
After looking around a couple more stores, we headed back out. The drive back to Tori's to drop her off was actually fun. We sang along with all the songs on the radio. I did a lot of ridiculous voices mostly because I hated almost every song. She giggled away as I changed the lyrics to make them sound evil.
"If you hate the song, then why do you know all the words? HMM?" She challenged.
"Because they are over played everywhere."
Eventually I pulled into her driveway. We sat in silence for a minute before I spoke.
"Thank you for hanging out with me. It helps me get my mind off things."
"No need to thank me. I had a great day. I'll do this anytime."
"Okay, well… thanks." It became awkward, yet again. I wanted her to leave now. Not in a mean way, but just that I didn't know what else to say.
"I'll see you tomorrow in school. And thank you so much for the dress, I'll get you something next time I have money!"
"You don't have to do that. Consider it a thank you gift for helping me out."
"It's not like I am doing anything worth a reward. I'm hanging out with you because I enjoy it, helping you is just a plus."
"Okay, well… thanks." How many times am I going to have to say this? Just go now please.
I can't fall asleep. It's 2 AM. I have to be up in 4 and a half hour. My mind is just running, like always. But now it's about something else. Tori promised to help me with my depression, and so far, it seems like she really is trying to. I'll even go as far as admitting that I do feel a little bit better, not having spent the weekend alone and crying. But now I can feel myself getting attached to her, and I don't want that. If I'm going to get that close to someone, it just can't be her. I'm not sure why. It just can't be Tori. Could it?
So I did my best to finish the chapter up as best as I could. Sorry if I didn't really go too much into detail with how they spent their day. I really wanted to get this chapter out to you guys and I didn't know if I would be able to work on it more any other time. I've been very busy with finishing up the year. Next week is my last week before summer break. Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think. :)