Exo Pack: Better Sape than Sorry

Exo Pack: Better Sape than Sorry!

By Zero

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Author's Notes: A message to my fans, all three of you…this is not typical Jennifer Ever fare. It is nonsense, it is a script, it is random, it is vulgar and disgusting, and has all kinds of gratuitous bad stuff. I write these as a treat to myself, and I hope you've got the guts to read it, even if it is pure bull.

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Scene 1: Mama Brood's Cosmic Love Shack II

(Phaeton and Livia are walking through the love shack, which is decorated like any hip bachelor pad, complete with the Budweiser mirror and shady pictures)

Phaeton: This DNA was taken from a Terran, recovered from a crash site. Externally, she is a perfect human clone.

Livia: If she looks Terran, is she truly a Neo sapien?

Phaeton (pimpslaps Livia): Bitch! If I say she's a sape, then she's a sape!

Livia (rubs her face): Ok, ok…Jesus…how'd you get the DNA anyway?

Phaeton: Please, call me Phaeton. And getting a female terran's DNA is relatively easy if you've got the right equipment.

Livia: Dude! Sick! (pause) How is one measly trooper going to get to the Admiral?

Phaeton: She's J.T. Deadmarsh's bitch. Sooner or later, she'll be in the Admiral's presence. We'll put her on a prison ship that the resistance wants to stop today.

Livia: And how do you know so much about the resistance's plans?

(Evil Hanley enters, wearing a French maid costume)

Evil: Phaeton, honey, breakfast is ready!

Livia: (looks stupid) Oh. Well what if it doesn't work?

Phaeton: Then it's time for plan B. (Calls offscreen) Bring out the side dish!! (Two guards lead a clone of Colleen O'Reilly out to the main room)

Livia: Eeeeeeeeek!!!

(The force from Livia's scream knocks down a birthing tank on the ceiling, which falls on O'Reilly and kills her.)

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Scene 2: Somewhere on Earth, probably in America

(A prison ship flies over a frozen pond where people are playing hockey. For some reason, Colleen O'Reilly is playing—and getting her ass kicked by Adam Foote, Sandis Ozolinsh, and Peter Forsberg. Seeing the ship, Peter Tanaka busts through the ice and "accidentally" kills O'Reilly. He then brings the ship down and frees the prisoners.)

Prisoners: Eeeek! Aaah!

Noreti: It's alright. It must be the resistance.

Tanaka: Damn right it's the resistance!

Noreti (To Tanaka): I'm a Neo posing as an Exotrooper. I need to infiltrate Able Squad and kill the admiral.

Tanaka: Ok! Hop in!

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Scene 3: Venus, some jungle

(Neos and Able Squad are lined up like two opposing football teams in their e-frames. O'Reilly, considerably smaller in her jump gear, is the ball.)

Commander J.T. Deadmarsh #18: 69! 69! 69! Uh… 69! HIKE!!!!

(Wolf Brewski, the center, throws O'Reilly to Deadmarsh, who passes her to Rita "The Bitch" Torres, but she is intercepted by a Neo. The Neo runs her in for a touchdown, spikes her, and she dies again. The scene erupts into a full-out brawl, and, of course, the Terrans whoop ass. The Neos run away. One of them stops in the end zone to kick O'Reilly's dead body.)

Deadmarsh: Hey Buttler! I wore those Neos down so maybe now they won't be so scary…here they come!

Captain Harry Buttler: Oh, you couldn't finish 'em off yourself? You are a PUSSY!

Deadmarsh: That's not what your mom said last night!

Buttler: WHAT?!

(The Neos run right by. O'Reilly, who is alive again, gives chase, and gets a bright idea. She shoots a tree branch, which falls on the Neo…then the rest of the tree falls on her and kills her.)

Buttler (talking to O'Reilly's soul): Lt. O'Reilly! You are not to die more than once per scene! DO YOU HEAR ME?!

O'Reilly's Soul: Understood, sir.

Deadmarsh: The script says to kill her whenever possible, sir.

Buttler: Yo' mama.

Deadmarsh: Do you understand? This is to be a running joke, it's Exo Pack Fleet policy.

Buttler: Yo' mama.

O'Reilly's Soul (To J.T.): I'll be glad when this operation is over!

Deadmarsh: Me too…

Buttler (in dorky Pee Wee voice): Me three!

O'Reilly's Soul: I hear they're using dogs to track Neos now…

Deadmarsh: But there's no dogs on Venus, not since the big famine…

Buttler (pouring holy water on O'Reilly's soul and melting it): Yeah, you just keep talking, Deadmarsh…

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Scene 4: Around the Campfire

(Marsala and Deadmarsh are sitting around a heat lamp, gazing at the stars. The words "Shounen Ai Warning" flash under the screen. Deadmarsh grabs Marsala and plants a big wet kiss on him)

Marsala (little stars above his head): Commander Deadmarsh…why did you do that?

Deadmarsh: Well, we need something to get this censor up…nobody's even said fuck yet!

Marsala: Understood.

Deadmarsh: You know what the problem with Venus is? There's no full frontal nudity.

Marsala: Huh?

Deadmarsh: There's no full rear nudity either! What the fuck do they think this is, a family show?

(O'Reilly walks up. Predicting her imminent demise, Marsala starts to chuckle.)

O'Reilly: Can you spare some heat?

(On cue, Kaz Tecate pulls out a blaster and shoots her in the face! Marsala is beside himself with laughter. Rats carry O'Reilly off the screen. Longfeather runs up wearing a dress and a long red wig and carrying a copy of the script.)

Longfeather (in squeaky voice): Look, I'm sorry Captain Buttler was so hard-nosed today. We took a lot of casualties during the invasion. Some of us didn't even make it to the ground; I think the Captain feels responsible. Besides, jumptroops just don't like e-frame jockeys.

Deadmarsh: Have you ever been in an e-frame? I have to fly night recon, and Marsala might let me borrow his e-frame…or else I might have the Mafia bump him off.

Marsala (wipes a tear off his face, trying not to laugh): The Mafia is just made up, dumbass. Just like Santa Claus, and Eskimos, and God!

Deadmarsh: Hey, Santa Claus is real!

Longfeather (Calling offstage in his normal voice) Ok, next scene, BRING OUT THE SIDE DISH!

(Stage hands push real O'Reilly, who is still bandaged up, on-screen.)

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Scene 7: Marsala's E-Frame

(Deadmarsh is driving, O'Reilly is in the back seat.)

O'Reilly: It's amazing!

Deadmarsh: What, the flying?

O'Reilly: No, the stuff that Marsala hides back here!

(O'Reilly pulls out a stack of comic books, a diary, and a pair of pink panties)

Deadmarsh: WHAT THE FUCK?! PANTIES!

O'Reilly: (Reads the tag) "Property of Rita Torres."

(Deadmarsh giggles like a little girl)

O'Reilly (gives Deadmarsh puppy eyes): You really love flying, don't you?

Deadmarsh (still laughing): Where did he get those underwear?! Lord Jesus, I've wanted those so bad…they are my promised land, brotha!

O'Reilly: J.T., were you listening? I asked you to get all sentimental about flying so you'd sleep with me!

Deadmarsh: Oh – My – Gawd. I can't believe he got ahold of those panties! I've been trying to do that for years! Rio-cut briefs! Pure silk! With lace trim and everything!

O'Reilly: Dammit! (turns sentimental) I'm trying to talk about what you love, what brings you joy.

Deadmarsh: Me too! Hey, lemme put those panties on my head!

(Deadmarsh grabs the panties and pulls them over his eyes. He gets a big, dumb smile on his face.)

Deadmarsh: Oooh…freshly-worn underwear…yummmmmy…

(O'Reilly deep-throats a stick of dynamite, lights it, and explodes.)

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Scene 10: Back on the ground

(Deadmarsh parallel parks the frame—badly—and helps O'Reilly down. All that's left of the 'dynamite incident' is a band-aid on her face.)

Deadmarsh: Dude! Pink silk panties! I – am – just – in – shock ! Holy fuck!

(Marsala pours a bucket of water on Deadmarsh's head and shows him the Cliff's Notes to the episode.)

Deadmarsh (to Marsala): Oh. Right. (To O'Reilly): Would you like to go down, *ahem* I mean go up again sometime?

O'Reilly (big puppy eyes x10!): Are you asking me on a date, Commander?

Deadmarsh: No, I just wanna see whose underwear will be back there next time.

(O'Reilly slaps Deadmarsh in the face)

Deadmarsh (rubbing his cheek): I mean…any objections?

O'Reilly: No, as long as I can control every second of your life. I'm a woman, remember?

(Flash to a black screen with Marsala in the center.)

Digital Voice: Marsala, digivolve to…

(Marsala spins around , growing and turning gold)

Scary Digital Voice: GUERILLAZEROMON!

(Back to the scene, Marsala is now a 25-foot-tall blue gorilla with gold armor and a Zero shirt. He grabs O'Reilly and bites her in half like a cookie!)

Some Stupid Kid: Yay! Go Guerillazeromon!!

Guerillazeromon/Marsala: *burp*

(Aside, Deadmarsh is brooding. Alice Noreti approaches.)

Noreti: Trooper Alice Noreti, reporting for duty, sir!

Deadmarsh: First the panties, now this…get the smelling salts! (swoons)

Noreti: What's the matter, Deadmarsh? You look like you've just seen a pair of Rita Torres' panties, a giant Neo sapien Digimon, and a ghost!

Guerillazeromon/Marsala (grabs Torres' panties, wears them on his head and stomps around breaking stuff) RAAAAHHHR!!

(Cut to Commercial)

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Commercial

J.T. Deadmarsh is in a bar, crying his eyes out and drinking tequila. A man in a tux approaches.

Man: Are you suffering from a broken heart?

Deadmarsh: Don't I know it! One of my girlfriends is a sape, and the other one is a bitch! But my one true love, Sgt. Torres, 'just wants to be friends'!!! Waaaah!

Man: Well, sir…the name's Logon. Joe Logon. And I know what can help you!

Deadmarsh: A clever, yet achingly bitter webpage? The answer to why all the poor schmucks like us end up being 'just friends'?

Joe Logon: Not quite, your case is too desperate for even that.

Deadmarsh: Then what do I need? Help me!

Joe Logon: You, my friend, need the HOLY HAND GRENADE! (Hands him a white and gold grenade with a cross on top, and a Jesus doll smiling and giving a thumbs-up on the cross)

Deadmarsh: Coooool!!

Joe Logon: You should wear a tux, too.

(Fade to black. The scene re-opens to the Resolute II, with the words "One Week Later" under the screen. Noreti, Torres, and O'Reilly are talking.)

Deadmarsh (praying, holding grenade…and wearing a tux) O Lord, bless this holy hand grenade… (pulls the pin and tosses the grenade)

Torres (stepping back nonchalantly, then turning and running): It looks like J.T. gave one of you lucky ladies a present…

----Ka-BOOOOOOOM!!!----

(O'Reilly and Noreti die. Torres runs up to J.T.)

Torres: Oh, Commander Deadmarsh! You saved me from those two annoying bitches! (throws her arms around his neck)

Deadmarsh: Anything for you, Rita.

(Torres looks him up and down, impressed by the tux).

Torres: Hey, sexy…is that a holy hand grenade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

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Scene 2.5: In Bed with J.T. Deadmarsh

(Deadmarsh and DeLeon are sleeping in the same bed. Deadmarsh wakes up with a start, screaming like a little bitch)

Deadmarsh: Eeeeeeeek!! Scary!!

DeLeon: Did Deadmarshy-warshy have a widdle nightmare? Daddy can make it all better…

Deadmarsh: Dude! Sick! How did you get in my bed anyway?! (pauses) On second thought, don't tell me! It was just a nightmare about Noreti…she was the only trooper I ever lost. I carry her picture in my e-frame as a reminder. I think I do, anyway…it's probably buried under all those dirty pictures of Sgt. Torres I snapped while she was in the shower. I also have one of Nara…

DeLeon: Eeew! Girls!

(O'Reilly walks in)

O'Reilly: Well, J.T., as long as you're awake…would you like some company? (winks seductively)

(DeLeon sneezes on O'Reilly, then walks to the bathroom. A second later, he walks out holding a cup of blue stuff with a stick in it)

DeLeon: Ohmigod! My Ebola test came back positive! Fancy that!

(O'Reilly implodes, blood pouring out of every orifice)

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Scene 4: Outside, yadda yadda

(Noreti and Marsala are talking. Nara is standing behind Noreti, seething with rage, with a nuclear rocket launcher aimed at Noreti's head. O'Reilly crawls out of the tent, putting her guts back in her mouth. Deadmarsh walks up to Noreti and Marsala)

Noreti: It's hard for me to talk about the prison camps…

Marsala: Because the memories are so painful?

Noreti: Shit no! We had a party! I was drunk the whole time, I don't remember shit!

Marsala (suspiciously): I thought only the Neo sapien guards were allowed to drink…

Deadmarsh: Shouldn't you be getting some sleep, Noreti? I'll sleep with you, moral support… (smiles)

Noreti: I'm not tired.

Marsala (whispering): That's 'cause you're a Neo, you filthy stinking…Neo!

(Noreti stomps on Marsala's toe, he jumps around in pain)

Noreti: I'm just so excited about getting back to the squad!

Deadmarsh: Well, don't let Marsala keep you up all night talking. Neos may not need sleep, but you do.

Noreti: I know, I know…

Marsala (whispering): Oh, sure, play it off, you little sape!

Noreti (whispering back to Marsala): Takes one to know one! You're more of a sape than I am, you sape!

(Deadmarsh walks off, dragging Nara kicking and screaming.)

Marsala: Oh yeah?! Choose your weapon! (He pulls two baseball bats from behind his back, Noreti grabs one)

Noreti: Call me a sape again, bitch!

(Marsala chases her around, whacking her on the head)

Marsala: Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack) Sape! (whack)

O'Reilly (runs outside in a tizzy): Break it up, you two!

Noreti (spins her head around a few times, a la Exorcist): Redrum… (projectile vomits acid onto O'Reilly, she melts)

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Scene 19: The Next Morning

(Able Squad, minus Deadmarsh, Brewski, and Marsala, is sitting around the heat lamp eating breakfast. Noreti is running her big mouth again)

Noreti: I hitched a ride with this trucker lady named Large Marge all the way across North America. Then, since I had to go into space and trucks don't go there, I got a ride on a prison ship. It was so fun, there were about fifty girls on there, and they were all lookin' for some action…

(Torres fans herself with her hand, drooling, eyes half-shut in ecstasy)

Noreti: …I was just so anxious to get back and start fighting the sapes again!

Nara (aims mortar cannon at Noreti's face): We don't use that word here! They're Neo sapiens…Neos if you're in a hurry.

Noreti: Oh, you're just saying that because you're in loooooooooovvve with Maarsaaaaaallaa!!!

Nara: ACK!! Bitch! (Fires)

(Noreti ducks out of the way, grabs a remote control, and hits the "slow motion" button. While the mortar shell is moving in slo-mo, Noreti grabs O'Reilly and sticks her in front of the shell, then hits "play" again. O'Reilly dies.)

(Brewski walks up, hiding something in his jacket)

Brewski: Look what I found!

Torres: Is that a holy hand grenade in your pocket…or are you just happy to see me?

Weston: Looks like your stomach's trying to go for help!

(Dead silence)

Nara: Trooper Weston, did you….

DeLeon: Is it true…..?

Weston: Oh my god, it is true! I got a LINE!!

(The dog wiggles out of Brewski's jacket and runs up to Noreti. At the same time, Marsala enters.)

Dog: Bark!

Dog: Bark!

Dog: Bark!

Dog: Bark!

Weston (tears streaming down face): WAAAAAAAHHH!! Even the dog gets more lines than me! I'm such a loser!! (blows her nose on Marsala's sleeve. Jealously, Nara puts an elephant gun to Weston's head)

Noreti: Uh…I gotta go. I'm not good with animals.

Marsala (whispering in Noreti's ear): S-A-P-E. Booyeah!

O'Reilly: Come here, puppy-wuppy…see, I'm good with animals! And you have to know how to handle wild things to have a chance with Commander Deadmarsh!

Dog: I'm domesticated, you stupid cunt, and don't think you know how to handle me!!

(Dog devours O'Reilly, piece by little piece. Marsala laughs so hard he cries.)

Weston: WHAT?! The dog got a BIG line!! Waaaaaahh!!

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Scene 67: Deadmarsh's makeshift office

(Deadmarsh is busy looking at porn on his laptop. He hears a knock at the door and slams the computer shut.)

Deadmarsh: Come in!

Noreti: We need to talk. (Pauses, does the 'smelling a fart' gesture) I need to get back in an E-Frame. The squad won't accept me as one of them until I do.

Deadmarsh: Hell – negatory – no.

(Noreti turns to leave)

Deadmarsh: Sike, just kidding! I meant…you can't fly without medical clearance. Wanna play doctor?

Noreti (puts in eyedrops so it looks like she's crying): Commander Deadmarsh…you don't blame me, do you? For the crash, I mean?

Deadmarsh (starts really crying): I blame myself. You weren't ready…maybe someone with more experience would have made me—

Noreti: DUDE! I'm talking about the crash!!

Deadmarsh (wipes his eyes): Oh. Right. Well. That was my fault too.

(Noreti puts her hand on Deadmarsh's shoulder, rubbing his back. O'Reilly walks in, and Deadmarsh turns to face her. A sign—obviously planted by Noreti--reads, "Applaud if you want to see a cow land on O'Reilly's head". The studio audience bursts into thunderous applause!)

O'Reilly: J.T…ah, Commander Deadmarsh…bla bla bla, yadda yadda, frame up, etc. Anyway…what's that bitch doin' with my man!?

Deadmarsh: It's not what you think! (aside) It's worse. (gives a thumbs-up to the camera, turns back) Ok, you heard the bitch, frame up!

(Just then, a cow lands on O'Reilly's head and kills her.)

(Everyone runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. Marsala tries to jump in his e-frame when Deadmarsh stops him.)

Deadmarsh: Marsala, you go with the chump troops as liason. (loudly) Protect Captain Buttler from those big scary saaaaaappes! (quieter) Noreti will take your place in the e-frame.

Marsala: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Deadmarsh: But anyway, Noreti will be weapons tech, and not fly, so there. Booyeah!

Nara (to Deadmarsh): I'm gonna tell God to stab you. (sulks)

Noreti: Woo hoo! (Hops in the E-Frame)

(Marsala tries to flip her off, but doesn't have a middle finger.)

Marsala (To Torres): Sergeant Torres, please show Trooper Noreti an inappropriate gesture for me.

Torres: Hey SAPE GIRL! (whistles)

(Noreti looks to Torres, who grabs her boobs, grabs her crotch, sticks her tongue between her fingers, flips Noreti the bird, moons her, and makes a 'jack off' motion)

Marsala (horrified): I said ONE!

Torres: I go above and beyond the call of duty.

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Scene 25: Battle!

(Able Squad flies to Dragon's Rock, where the Neos are working on e-frames…and a 1975 Camaro. Noreti is waving at Deadmarsh, making puppy eyes, etc.)

Deadmarsh: Tecate, you're flying air support for the jump troops. The rest of you…

(Noreti—who is suddenly in a trenchcoat, flashes Deadmarsh, the Full Alice!)

Deadmarsh: … …

Deadmarsh: uh… … heeeheeee…boobies…

Deadmarsh: … … … …

Torres: DEADMARSH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Deadmarsh: (no response)

(Torres fires a rocket at Deadmarsh. Suddenly, jump troopers rain from the sky! O'Reilly comes between the rocket and Commander Deadmarsh…we can all guess the outcome…Marsala's hysterical laughter echoes through the radios)

Torres: A'ight, homies, let's open up a can o' Whoopass!

(Able Squad opens up a can of Whoopass. The Neos are spanked into submission, once again. Feeling cocky, Able Squad gets out of their frames and lounges around on Dragon's Rock.)

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Scene 3.7: Chillin' like a Villain

(Able Squad is loafing around. Deadmarsh answers a call from Admiral Minefield.)

Minefield: I hear Lt. Noreti is a sape and she wants to kill me.

Deadmarsh: Ooooh…I saw Noreti's boobies…

Minefield: Anyway, I'm feeling a little suicidal today, so can I come hang out with you guys?

Deadmarsh: Yeah! (claps) Maybe Noreti will show you her boobies too!

Minefield: Dude, you need help. Minefield out.

Deadmarsh: SeeeeeYa! (to Marsala and Noreti) Minefield is on his way! He wants to see your rack!

Marsala: Oh, J.T., you know how modest I am… (blushes)

Deadmarsh: I meant Noreti, you uncultured Holstein!

Noreti: Woo hoo! (to Deadmarsh) Can I talk to you alone?

Deadmarsh: Is this a booty call?

Noreti: Let's just say it is so you'll get Marsala's sape-ass outta here.

Deadmarsh: Ok, Marsala, round up the rest of the squad! And take your time, this is a booty call!

Marsala: (whispering) Torres! You know what to do!

(Torres runs up to Deadmarsh and farts in his face. Marsala and Torres run away, giggling with glee!)

Noreti: Dude, don't you ever worry about getting sape cooties?

Deadmarsh: Do what?

Noreti (in 'angst mode'): Marsala is your friend…a Neo sapien…the enemy.

Deadmarsh: No, Phaeton is my enemy. Neos are just big blue people that look like Gonzo on steroids.

Noreti: I used to hate…the enemy. But not now. How do you fight without hate?

Deadmarsh: I'll show you! (calls offstage) BRING OUT THE SIDE DISH!

(O'Reilly is pushed onscreen)

Deadmarsh: See, this is O'Reilly, my bitchy girlfriend. I don't hate her. She's actually a pretty good lay. But I can fight her, see?

(Deadmarsh unloads a 51-hit Super Art Sho-Ryu-Reppa combo on O'Reilly! She falls off Dragon's Rock and dies.)

Noreti: Aww, man, that was PHAT! *ahem* … What if winning the war meant you had to take a life in cold blood, like assassinating Admiral Min..whoops! I mean Phaeton! Kill Phaeton, would you do that?

Deadmarsh: The Colorado Avalanche doesn't play that way!

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Scene 8: Somewhere else on Dragon's Rock. It's a big rock, ok?

(Marsala and Torres find Able Squad munching on delivered pizza.)

Brewski: Hey, I knew you'd come back when you got tired of walking!

Marsala: Can I have a piece?

Brewski: Sapes don't like food, remember? (sticks his tongue out) Ha ha, nyah-nyah-nyah-nyaaaaah-nyaaaaaaah! Marsala's turning into a Terran!!!

Marsala: Hey, shut up, you boner-munching…(catches himself)…oh, wait, I'm supposed to be logical and shit. Well. How about…It is biologically impossible for a Neo sapien to turn into a Terran…

Brewski: (nods)

Marsala: …and besides, your mom blows goats.

(Able Squad is laughing hysterically. Marsala walks up to Nara.)

Marsala: Was my replacement satisfactory?

Nara: Noreti did a good job today. It was almost like having you back there!

(Marsala, in a jealous rage, fires a long-range Bitch Seeking Missile ™ at Noreti. It flips a U and lands on O'Reilly instead.)

Nara (puppy eyes): Oh, Marsala! I didn't know you cared!

(DeLeon runs up to Nara and Marsala in a panic)

DeLeon: Don't say that, you'll jinx it! Remember what happened in Dream War?

Nara and Marsala: … …?

DeLeon: And the last episodes, where I die!?

Nara and Marsala: … …?

DeLeon: Jeezus, you guys don't go to enough ExoSquad conventions! Just TAKE THESE! (DeLeon hands them four-leaf clovers, salt shakers, horseshoes, dice, a black cat, Patrick Roy's lucky boxers, a Broncos helmet, and some Tarot cards) Good luck! And remember to cross your fingers!

Cat: And be sure and say 'bread and butter' when you split the pole!

Weston: GACK!! The CAT got a bigger line than me!

Marsala: Ok, frame up, let's go back and say hi to Deadmarsh!

(Marsala climbs in his e-frame)

Marsala (to frame): Frame up and reconfigure.

Frame (in 'canned' computer voice): You're the one that has to frame up, stupid.

Marsala: Well just reconfigure then!

Frame: … …

Marsala: What the….

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Scene 9: Back with Deadmarsh and Noreti

(Deadmarsh is throwing rocks off the cliff. Noreti is busy loading her guns and writing a terrorist manifesto as Marsala approaches)

Deadmarsh: I love Pokemon. Pikachu is so cute.

Marsala: Noreti's boobs are fake.

Deadmarsh: WHAT?!

Marsala: Noreti is a Neo sapien. Sape. Neo. Tattoohead. Gonzo on Steroids.

Deadmarsh: No way!

Marsala: Way! She never sleeps. She didn't get medical clearance. And that dog only barked at me and her!

Cat (to Noreti): Bark bark bark bark bark bark!

Marsala: See?! She's such a sape that even the CAT barks at her!

Deadmarsh: You're telling me they're fake because a cat barks at her?!

Marsala: I have proof. She didn't have to reconfigure my e-frame jack when she plugged in.

Deadmarsh: What does your e-frame have to do with Noreti's rack?!

Marsala: No, I'm saying they're fake because she's a Neo! So my frame does have something to do with it!

Deadmarsh: Maybe the frame reconfigured itself.

Marsala: Commander Deadmarsh, stop being such a pussywhipped ass-kissing weenie.

Deadmarsh: Huh?!

Marsala: I said, Commander Deadmarsh, you must not let your emotions interfere with your judgment.

Deadmarsh: Of course not! That's what alcohol is for!

(Noreti hops into Nara and Marsala's e-frame.)

Noreti: Yoink!

(Elsewhere, Buttler is drilling the jump troops. Minefield's shuttle lands on them and kills them all.)

Minefield: Any luck seeing Noreti's boobs?

(Just then, Noreti rushes toward them in her frame, picking Minefield up by the seat of his pants. She flies around, showing him off to all the exotroopers.)

Minefield: Take off your shirt!

Noreti: I don't want to do this, Admiral Minefield, but the war must end!!

Minefield: Ok, rewind, I wanna see BOOBIES!

Noreti: Listen, dumbass! (pause) Phaeton has ordered me to kill you! I am a SAPE!

Minefield: Eeeeew!

(Noreti drops Minefield)

Noreti: No! I am…Batman!

Deadmarsh (flies up in his frame): Give it up, Alice!

(O'Reilly approaches, dragging a cannon behind her. She sits on the cannon and aims at Noreti.)

O'Reilly: Stay away from my man! (reaches back to pull that little string)

(Nara rides up in a tank that dwarfs O'Reilly and her silly little cannon. She gets out, sits on the turret, and clicks the 'fire' button on her keychain.)

Nara: Goodbye Blue Monday!

(O'Reilly and Noreti are blown to bits by a missile!)

Deadmarsh: Dammit Nara! You killed both of my girlfriends!

Nara: I had to do it, J.T….for love! For honor! For a piece of big blue ass!

(Nara jumps in her e-frame and kisses Marsala)

Deadmarsh: I don't believe it! A sape is getting more play than I am! This is WEAK!

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