My first time ever attempt at writing a fanfic ... Let me know what you think !
Okay. Breathe. Just breathe. What's the situation? Think about it. Just analyze it and rationalize. It can't be that bad, San. I couldn't have made my life worse than that time when I drove mom's car against the wall of our house without telling her I took her car to begin with. So, breathe. And think. What's currently going on in my life? How's my VLC? My Value of Life Criteria.
Health. I turned twenty five last week, which was pretty much a big blur and ended up in an ally, puking my guts out. That was semi-okay. I'm still alive, even though my father threatened to kill me when he picked me up and witnessed the state I was in. He's a doctor, he's not that keen about binge drinking. I probably don't need to tell you that. But it's not the worst ever. Right? Okay, check.
Next, work. I'm busy working my ass off on my first job ever as a copywriter. It's hard and I simply have to put up with it, because I'm new to the company and that's just how bosses treat their new employees. We've all been there, I need to suck it up. So, check.
Finally, relationships. Relationships. Re-la-tion-ships ... Oh, boy. That's where it's all messy. That's the part of my VLC that managed to throw off the balance. I've screwed up pretty badly the day before yesterday when I kissed my best friend. Yeah, like, my best friend ever. She is a girl, by the way and I am not a lesbian. At all. I just really wanted to kiss her and ... I did. That sort of makes me a cheater, because I have a boyfriend. Yeah, seriously involved and loving and ... I know, it's complicated. I screwed up, let's just start there. Or maybe it's just me that's screwed up. Anyhow, I've kissed my best friend and I no longer care about my massive hangover from last week or the cruelty of my job - which is the company of my boyfriend's father to make the situation even worse. Yeah, my loving, caring boyfriend, Jacob, got me the job. Sickening, right? And in a way to thank him, I kiss my best friend. She's a big lesbian, by the way. Bigger than that shorthaired, skinny girl from the L Word. You know, that one who left the hot Latina at the end of season two? She made me watch it, on repeat, for months - nothing else but lesbian drama. Anyway, she's the kind that drags all the straight girls to a corner and makes them believe they want to kiss her. And they do - oh, how many have kissed her! How many times my jaw has dropped by the sight of men obsessed women throwing themselves at her feet without she ever even asked them. She's just some sort magnet, you know. A big 'lesbian experimental material' magnet. Wherever we go, chicks just throw themselves at her. It's disgusting and she doesn't mind. No, Brittany doesn't mind being an experiment, because that way it's easy for her. My best friend isn't interested in relationships or commitment. She might even end up having a panic attack simply by thinking about it. The only relationship she has is with me. We've been inseparable since I started dating her cousin, Jacob. Oh - right, forgot to mention that: my boyfriend and my best friend are cousins.
My head is nearly exploding, that's how much I'm thinking about the mess I've created. I'm so horrible. I'm such a horrible person! She never even wanted to kiss me in the first place. I was her only, religiously respected 'don't touch, don't kiss' area. Because best friends don't kiss, she once told me. And she's right, there's a reason why that's an unspoken rule. First of all: I'm straight. But there I went and french kissed her in the middle of a party, when I got all jealous of that beautiful blonde who had been all over her the entire night. I never reacted that way before. I never got jealous before. I don't ever get jealous. Let me tell you: I don't normally pull that kind of crap. Never in my life have I ever thought about kissing a girl, let alone her. But that night, man, I could've killed the stunning girl standing in front of her. There was this look in Brittany's baby blue eyes that made me panic like crazy. The look that made it clear that she liked the girl and - I don't know - it practically drove me nuts. So I kissed her. And she kissed me back. And it was so mind-blowingly, freaking good. Did it help that we were both drunk? Probably not, because I wasn't even that wasted. But Brittany doesn't seem to remember anything, at least she hasn't mentioned it yet. She had, like, fifteen shots of tequila, and surprisingly, she was still walking.
God. I feel so bad. It wasn't just a kiss to keep my best friend all to myself. I wasn't jealous of a random tramp trying to steal away my bestie. No, I felt my stomach flip like I was reliving the wildest part of a roller coaster over and over again when I tasted her tongue. And my mind can't analyze what that means. But that's not even the worst part. No, the worst part, let me tell you, is that I can't even talk to my best friend about it.
So I decided to take it day by day. I'm on a twenty four hour agenda from now on. First thing's first and the first thing today: get out of bed, get dressed and get to work.
I close the diary that's positioned on my lap and follow my plan. Jacob's in the kitchen and ever since I kissed his cousin, I've been too afraid to look him in the eyes. Coward! He has no idea that something's going on, because he's a guy. A guy who has been having a lot on his mind at the company for the last couple of months, so he's too busy to notice a change in my behavior.
All cleaned up and ready for work, I silently appear next to him. He's obsessively reading the business section of the newspaper when he takes a second to kiss me on the cheek.
"Have a nice day, hun." is the only thing he says.
Not that much of a morning person, really. He was such a lovely person when we met. Out of all the beautiful people in the room, he targeted me. He winked and screwed on the typical mysterious half smile on his adorable face and BAM - I was sold.
I nod and stare at my fingers in a way to avoid the possibility that he might look me in the eyes. Then I take off and bundle up my purse and my messed up feelings. He normally drives me to work, because his office is located at the building next to me, but today, his days starts with a business brunch at a hotel downtown. It offers some distance, some freedom to not talk about feelings and anything relationship-related. Thank God, he's a guy. As my back presses against the soft driver's seat of my small, charming car, the rear view mirror staring back at my dark brown eyes hands out free reality checks.
You are not okay, it tells me. You are anything but okay. Get your act together and talk to your best friend. Fix this shit - sooner than later before you hurt Jacob.
The fingers of my right hand reposition a lock that's terrorizing my face and the rest of my black, long haircut when a troubled sigh escapes my mouth. Then, I start my car. The day has officially begun. Twenty four hours, we can do this. You've done worse.
Yeah - like that time you kissed you bestie ...