This story was a huge surprise for me. I had first intended for it to be light-hearted and silly, but it eventually got more dramatic and a lot longer. Anyway, it's something different. Hope you guys enjoy it!
She remembered it clearly.
The first time…things didn't exactly go as planned.
She was wringing her hands together as she stood outside of his dorm. It was way too early, but she couldn't wait any longer. She needed to do this now, before she lost her nerve. The door finally opened after her endless knocking to reveal a drowsy looking Jesse.
"Beca?" Jesse asked confused. "What are you doing here at 7," he said checking his watch, "on a Saturday morning?" he said incredulously.
"We need to talk," she croaked. And fuck, why the hell did she say that? That's the most cliché line used in the history of break-ups. Did she really have to start off with that?
"Is everything okay, Bec?" She nodded and stared at a spot over his shoulder. He frowned as she kept avoiding his gaze.
Jesse furrowed his brow. "Okay. Let me just splash some water on my face; I'm still half asleep."
She took a step into his room as he closed the bathroom door. She could see Benji's head sticking out of his Star Wars bed covers and heard him snoring away. She looked around the room and tried to keep a smile on her face from forming. She would miss this cave of dorkiness. Her gaze landed on Jesse's movie collection, immediately recognizing the ones stacked on the lower shelves, the ones they had already watched in movication. They would never get through all of them, considering how Jesse seemed to buy two more movies each and every week. She wondered which ones he had gotten this we- no. It didn't matter anymore. There would be no more movications for her. She pursed her lips and cleared her throat to get rid of the lump that had settled there.
She turned around as soon as she heard the bathroom door open and made sure to keep her face unreadable.
"Okay," Jesse sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Um, not here," she gestured nervously to Benji's side of the room. "Somewhere…just somewhere else."
"How about the quad?" He asked, already putting on some clothes. She was thankful; as if this wasn't hard enough without looking at his abs.
Beca nodded and they started heading out of the building. Jesse tried reaching for her hand, but Beca crossed her arms and pretended not to notice. She could feel his eyes burning into the side of her head and looked down at the ground as they kept walking.
They made an awkward picture as they walked side by side to the quad. Beca's gaze didn't leave the ground and her arms stayed tightly crossed, while Jesse's brow was furrowed and his hands were buried deep in his pockets.
They finally got to their spot on the grass after five agonizing minutes spent in silence. Beca wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck; she shouldn't have agreed to do this here, it was too windy and chilly.
"So, are we going to talk?" Jesse raised an eyebrow.
She tried not to notice how nicely his shoulders filled out his jacket. He had his treble hoodie on underneath and it reminded her of the old one she had under her pillow; she liked sleeping in it because it still smelled like him. She scowled as she considered that; she would have to get rid of that habit if she was going to go through with this. Maybe get rid of her bed sheets and pillow too; since they all held his scent.
Beca took in a shaky breath. "The reason I wanted to talk to you is because…" she swallowed the lump that had settled in her throat. "I just don't think we're working out. I mean, we're graduating in a couple of months; I got that internship in LA and you have one in New York. And I know you said that you weren't sure about taking it yet, but we both know you can't turn it down. It's just not worth it." She had been looking into his eyes up until this point; they had darkened significantly and by the way his jaw had locked, he wasn't all that happy. But she had to do this. For him and for her.
She avoided his eyes this time and tried to state firmly, "I've thought this through, Jesse. It's not just a split-second decision that I made on impulse. It was going to come to this anyway." By the time she got the courage to look at his face again, it was unreadable. His eyes had cleared back to their original color and they were looking at her calmly.
Was he resigned? Or even worse, was he relieved? Had he wanted her to say it first? Was he going to let her go that easily?
No, wait. This was what she wanted. She didn't want him to try to change her mind. She didn't want him to fight for her. Fuck, who was she kidding? That's all she wanted.
She furrowed her brow. "Okay, so I guess…that's it. I'll see you around?" She hated the hopeful tint to her voice. Maybe she shouldn't have tried to play this off as casual.
She was frowning at the ground as a pair of feet came into her line of vision. She held her breath as she felt Jesse get closer and put his mouth by her ear to say, "No."
Her head snapped up. "What?" She asked confused.
He was staring at her steadily; his eyes were clear and the corners of his lips were slightly tilted up. "We're not breaking up."
A part of her wanted to smile until her face cracked and jump him, but a bigger part of her just felt indignation. She was breaking up with this guy, and he had the nerve to tell her no?
Jesse smiled this time as he noticed a bit of the fire come back into her eyes.
"What do you mean, we're not breaking up? Newsflash, nerd! I just broke up with you!" How dare he? Here she was, all heartbroken about the fact that they would have to separate eventually and here he was, telling her that no, they were not going to separate and unknowingly putting her heart back together. Who did he think he was?
…She must be in deep, deep denial.
"We're not breaking up," he shrugged. "Because I love you and you love me. And that internship in New York means absolutely nothing to me, if you're not going to be a part of my life anymore because of it."
"Bu- you can't ju- yo-" she was stuttering, she knew. But damn it. This wasn't going the way she had planned at all.
"I'm gonna go get some more shut eye. We have Stacie's party tonight, remember? You should get some rest too or else we won't make it past midnight. Honestly Bec, making us walk out here in the freezing cold this early for such trivial matters," he was annoying her, he knew. But he had always loved how she looked when angry; a flush on her cheeks and blue eyes burning a hole through him.
"So I'll see you then, love." And he really enjoyed annoying her sometimes.
Beca could only gape at him unattractively as he gripped her chin and leant forward to place a kiss on her forehead and then a hard kiss on her lips, his hand on her jaw and his thumb stroking her cheek.
Five minutes after he had left, she was still standing at the quad, gaping at a nearby tree.
The second time…wasn't much better.
"You're an idiot."
"Thanks, Chloe," Beca said dryly, staring at the usually bubbly ginger frowning at her from her laptop.
"Beca," Chloe said exasperatedly. "You can't just break up with your boyfriend of four years two months before graduation and starting your lives together."
"That's just it, Chloe!" Beca snapped. "Our lives are starting separately." She hated how her voice broke off at that word. "And I need to be realistic. Besides, I didn't break up with him. I tried to. There's a difference," she grumbled.
She glared as Chloe tried to hold in some chuckles unsuccessfully.
"I knew I always liked that kid for a reason," she said with a cheeky grin at Beca.
"Ugh," Beca said putting her head in her hands. "Why am I even talking to you? I knew you would take his side!"
"Beca," Chloe said softly. "This isn't what you want. You don't know what could happen. Don't be in such a hurry to break up with him in order to avoid heartbreak, or else you might just cause your own heartbreak."
Beca looked up from her hands at her laptop. "I don't know what to do," she said in a small voice.
"Just…wait. Go to Stacie's party, hang out with Jesse. Think about what you want instead of wondering what you should do. And everything will fall into place. Don't make me tell Aubrey to contact you because she will knock some sense into you and her way will be painful."
Beca took in a deep breath. "Okay."
Now, that was easier said then done, but she doesn't tell Chloe that as she says bye to her and signs off. She knew what she had to do and she knew it wouldn't be easy, but what other choice did she have really? Go to LA and maintain a long distance relationship with Jesse through Skype? That wouldn't work. She would probably bitch and moan about how much she missed him and how he wasn't there with her, and then he would undoubtedly move to LA for her and she couldn't let that happen. She would hold him back. So no, that couldn't happen. He would be fine. He might not have wanted to break up this morning, but he would soon see that this was the right choice. And he would find someone else; he would. Her nerd was perfect.
She tried to ignore the heavy feeling weighing in her lower belly that made her feel like vomiting. She really didn't think she could handle seeing him with someone else, but he would be in New York, so that was good.
Beca shook her head as she looked at the time. She would have to get ready soon. And she wasn't just talking about the party. That definitely wasn't going to be the hardest part of tonight.
"Beca! Amy!" Stacie shouted. "You guys made it! I love you so much!" She was crashing into random people as she stumbled towards them.
"Hey Stacie," Beca smiled. "Seems like you've been hanging out at the bar, huh?"
"Who can blame her, really?" Asked Fat Amy. "Tonight is the night to get wasted!" She made a few disturbing 'thrusting' motions with her hips. Stacie had a laugh attack at this, clutching her chest and bending over.
"Riggghhhttt. Okay. I'm going to go say hi to Lilly and Jessica," Beca said walking towards the two girls on the other side of the pool.
"Hey Bec!" Jessica said with a huge smile. "We were wondering when you were gonna get here."
Lilly nodded and then glanced at the pool, "I once filled an entire pool with alcohol." She said in that small voice of hers. Then she spoke up, "We should do the same to this one."
Beca looked at her with an amused look on her face. "Sure Lilly, I don't really think people will mind," she said looking at the frat boys drunkenly playing water polo in the pool.
Lilly nodded enthusiastically and made her way over to the bar. Jessica sighed as she watched her go. "Come on, we should check on her. People are still afraid of the fires she set at the last party."
Beca shrugged. "Don't really know why, though. They were relatively small compared to the usual ones and completely harmless."
Jessica nodded, "People exaggerate."
They met Ashley, Cynthia Rose, and Denise at the bar with Lilly. They had started doing shots and while Beca didn't normally drink, she had a feeling she would need to for tonight.
"To almost graduating, bitches!" Cynthia Rose said, handing out shots to everyone. By this point, Stacie and Amy had joined them, though it really didn't seem like they needed more alcohol in their system.
Beca got it over with quickly, licking the salt off her hand, taking the shot in one gulp, and then sucking the lime. She could still feel the alcohol burning in her stomach, though. She definitely wasn't used to this.
"Oh, look! There's Benji," Ashley said, nudging Jessica with her elbow. The girls started teasing her as she got red and mumbled a small, "shut up".
Beca really didn't want to turn around, but she knew it was unavoidable. She just thought she would have had a bit more time before having to face Jesse. Turning around, she saw Benji…but no Jesse.
She didn't feel as relieved as she should have. "Benji, hey! Um, where's Jesse?" She asked.
"Hey Beca! Oh, he was with me a few seconds ago; I think he stayed talking to someone from his music class," Benji said jerking his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the patio.
Beca looked over and saw him talking to…Karen. She hated Karen. The peppy brunette that would randomly pass by the quad on the days she knew Jesse would be there. To her luck though, Beca was always with him. And Karen would glare at her like she had stolen her favorite doll. Beca had never really cared. Even a blind man would realize that Jesse was utterly devoted to her and had basically not looked at another girl since they had gotten together. He was just friendly and good-looking and that made most girls like him. But to his credit, his body was half-turned away from Karen like he wanted to finish the conversation quickly; he even had on his I'm-being-polite-but-you're-not-my-top-priority-right-now smile.
It doesn't matter though, she thought as she turned away from the stupid sight of Karen. She was breaking up with him and soon enough, Karen would have the liberty of sinking her mangy claws into him. She quickly took another shot as the lump in her throat returned. It didn't really seem like it was going to go away anytime soon. And that heavy feeling in her belly had returned too; she doubted it had anything to do with the alcohol.
Both of these things went away, as soon as she felt strong arms encircle her waist and a chin rest on her head.
"I thought you didn't drink," he said, taking the third shot she had been about to gulp down out of her hand.
"I don't," she said. Her whole body had become tense and she resisted the urge to curl her arms around the ones he had wrapped around her waist. She wanted to take a step forward to extract them, but Jesse had already tightened his hold on her, like he knew what she was going to do before she did it. Which he probably did; he knew her better than she knew herself.
So she awkwardly hung her arms by her side, not knowing what to do with them. Jesse was already happily chatting with the Bellas and Benji. Lilly, who had noticed how quiet Beca had gotten, caught her eye and gave her a furrowed brow as if to ask her what was wrong. Beca just gave her a small smile and subtly shook her head. Fat Amy had noticed her weirdness too, and was much less subtle in checking in on her. She raised her eyebrows and motioned with her eyes from Beca to Jesse and back. Then did a few 'thrusting' motions with her hips with a questionable look on her face, as if to ask, "Have you guys not had sex in a while or something?"
Beca just gave her an exasperated look and shook her head. She was lucky that Jesse and Benji were caught up in conversation and that the other Bellas were too drunk to notice; except Lilly, somehow her tiny body can take in a mass load of drinks and not get even a little tipsy.
Soon enough though, the girls and Benji went over to the keg and Beca and Jesse were left at the bar. He loosened his hold as she turned around to face him. Well, it was more like looking over his shoulder and avoiding his eyes, but same thing.
"Hey," he said softly. "You want to take a walk?"
Beca nodded and let him wrap an arm around her as they made their way out of the backyard and over to a nearby park. Stacie had asked for her aunt's permission to use her house for the party. Apparently, her aunt was very cool about those things and hadn't minded the fact that college kids were going to basically turn her house into a remake of 'Project X'. Do you really have to ask her how she knew that? The very obvious answer would be: movication. She really didn't get why they hadn't just used the Treble house; the guys didn't like to use it for living purposes, only for partying. But she guessed they weren't in the mood to clean it up afterwards.
As soon as they got to the park, Jesse took a seat on the grass. She was going to sit a few feet away, but he was looking up at her with his big, brown eyes and so she "resignedly" took a seat in between his legs, so his knees were bent on either side of her, with his arms around her again and his head perched on her shoulder.
Beca sighed and melted into his touch as he kissed the underside of her ear and she buried her face in his neck. The inevitable conversation could wait for a little while, right? She just wanted to stay here, with Jesse, where nothing could interrupt them or separate the- she snapped her eyes open as she processed that thought. They couldn't just ignore what was going to happen. She couldn't run away from the fact that their futures were separate.
Her body had gone rigid again and she could tell that Jesse was aware of this because he heaved a big sigh and stopped placing kisses on her neck.
She was surprised when he started talking first.
"Don't do this, Beca," he said in a hard voice. "We've gone over this and it's not going to happen."
Beca frowned and tried to extract herself from his arms, to no avail. Damn him, he had caged her in. That had probably been his intent in the first place; she should have sat far, far away. Sometimes she hated how she couldn't deny him anything.
"No. You don't this, Jesse. I'm trying to keep us from hurting more than we will inevitably have to."
"No. What you're trying to do is end things because you're scared of what might happen. We don't even know what that is yet," his words just made her panic even more. If there was anyone who could change her mind, it was him.
"Exactly! We don't know if we're gonna end up together. And I hate that. Don't you think I hate that? I don't want to do this, Jesse, but-" she couldn't really speak anymore because her throat had choked up and she sounded ridiculous. But he didn't get it.
She felt a hand grip her chin and gently turn her head sideways to look at him. He was blurry. Why was he blurry? Was she drunk already? Oh, never mind…those were tears. Fuck. That was even worse.
And her stupid, sweet, soon-to-be ex-boyfriend was now wiping the ones that had fallen down her cheeks with his thumb and kissing them away with his lips. "I don't know what's going to happen, either. And it scares me too. But we still have two months to figure this out, Bec. I want to spend them with you," he mumbled against her cheek.
Beca shut her eyes tight and took in a deep breath. "I hate you," she groaned, giving in.
"I love you," he said cheekily. She smiled at him shakily and pressed her lips to his, over and over again.
So she was weak, sue her.
The third time…
She must have looked pretty silly perched on her bed with her arms crossed, glaring at her laptop screen.
"Beca," Aubrey said exasperatedly. "What are you doing?"
"You sound like Chloe," she said, as she resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at her.
"Listen to me, Beca. As far as I know, this past month has been the most emotionally draining one of your life. You're with Jesse the whole day, proving that you two aren't meant to be apart at all, and when you're not with him, you're freaking out about the 'potential' break up that might not even happen. I got a call from Amy yesterday," Aubrey continued, ignoring Beca's muttered 'I knew it'. "And you know what she told me? She told me that after weeks of everything being peachy, you came home yesterday evening, buried yourself underneath your bed covers, and refused to talk to anyone from then on out. You're not even answering any of Jesse's calls, are you? What is going on, Beca? Please don't tell me you're still considering the ridiculous-"
"Yes! Okay? Yes, I am still considering it, because it has to happen," she said angrily. "I was with Jesse yesterday, in his room. He got a call on his cell and he walked out into the hallway to talk," she sighed. "He didn't think I could hear. But I was curious, I mean, when has he ever had to take a private call? So I eavesdropped," she said, wincing at Aubrey's look of disapproval. "But I was right to do it! He was talking about an LA internship. I don't know to who, but he was asking if they had had any openings. He's going to give up New York, Aubrey. For me."
"And that's his choice, Beca! He wants to be with you! Why can't you let him?"
Aubrey waited patiently for Beca, who hadn't said anything in return for the past couple of minutes. She could tell something big was weighing on her mind and it was only a matter of time before Beca told her; that's why the Bellas called her whenever they needed to bring out the 'big guns'.
"Because…what if I can't make him happy?" Beca looked straight at Aubrey. "Right now, Barden is all we know. We've been happy here for four years. We have the Bellas and the Trebles, and you and Chloe come to visit often. We have the shifts at the radio station; we're our own bosses there. We have our safe routine of classes and rehearsals. We have our dorms on campus so that we're only a few minutes away from each other. This life, college life, it's easy. Jesse's with me almost every day. And our fights are meaningless and petty; we resolve them pretty quick. But out there, it's real. Work will stress us out and we'll be away from our friends. We'll only have each other and that's enough for me, but it might not be for Jesse. He's everything I need, but sometimes I'm still so moody and closed off; I might not be what he needs. I might not make him happy."
Aubrey didn't say anything for a few minutes, instead choosing to stare intently at Beca through her skype cam.
Beca chuckled sadly, "Say something."
"You're wrong," Aubrey said frowning sadly at her. "I don't think anyone could make him as happy as you do," Aubrey paused. "But if you need to do this, if you think that this is for the best, then I can't stop you. But will you be happy, Beca?"
"I don't know," she shrugged defeatedly. "I guess I'm going to have to find out."
She had decided to wait another week; to spend more time with Jesse. She just wanted to be selfish for a bit longer.
And one night, during movication, she remembered the call and knew she couldn't put it off anymore.
She reached over and pressed pause on his laptop, ignoring Jesse's indignant gasp and rolling her eyes. Pausing a movie was a big 'no no' in movication land. Unless she was getting naked. These rules were written in stone according to her nerd.
She sat back on her knees and turned her body towards Jesse. He was already looking at her, with that scared look in his eyes; the one that had never really left since the night she had tried to break up with him. She had been right; now this was going to hurt them a lot more than it would have before. She should have done it like ripping off a Band-Aid, but now that they had dragged it out, it was not going to be easy to get over.
Jesse sat up and turned to face her fully as well, moving aside the laptop. Beca bit her lip as she stared at him, wondering how the hell to start a conversation that the both of them had avoided for a whole month and one week.
"I heard you talking on the phone last week," she winced as it came out, but she had wanted to admit to it for a long time now.
Jesse nodded, "I could have guessed. You didn't answer any of my calls the day after."
She swallowed hard, "Yeah. I was surprised. And angry. I don't want you to do that."
"But it's what I want, Bec." He looked so tired and she felt awful. They had had this same argument for so long now. Except that he had gone ahead and done what she had specifically told him not to do.
"You can't give up your internship, Jesse. It's not right. You've worked so hard for it and your parents are so proud of you."
"They would be proud of anything I chose to do, Beca. They just want me to be happy. And the internship itself doesn't make me happy," he sighed. "I just don't understand. I don't know what to say to make you believe me," he said running a hand through his hair; a sign that he was upset.
Beca grabbed his hands and drew them to her lap, where she intertwined their fingers. She looked down at them as she spoke, "I love you, so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." She looked up at his face to continue. "And I can't imagine not being with you. You're so important to me, Jesse. I want the best for you, which is why I can't let you give up such a good thing. This internship could open up all the doors you need to score movies; to do what you've always wanted to. And if you moved to LA, I just can't help but think that you would have missed such a great opportunity. And I wouldn't be able to handle it if you resented me for it in the future."
She shook her head as he made to speak. "I'm not saying that you would, but it's a possibility. We don't know what could happen; how things could turn out." Beca moved forward to cup his ashen face in her hands. "I know that you love me. I love you too. And maybe, in another four years, we'll see each other again. And we could pick up where we left off." She hoped that would happen; she hoped no one else captured his heart before that.
She tried not to gasp shakily when he removed her hands from his face, but in the next nano-second, he had grabbed her waist and pulled her into him to connect their mouths. Her arms immediately wrapped around his neck and she kissed back just as desperately as he was kissing her. She could allow herself this; she needed it as much as he did.
Their breathing was ragged by the time they pulled back and she pressed her forehead against his. "You're everything. Don't take that away from me," Jesse pleaded, looking into her eyes.
Beca quickly shut her eyes to stop the flow of oncoming tears and tried to take in a deep breath. "I'm sorry." It was all she could say.
…was the hardest thing she had ever done.
She didn't remember much of the three weeks before graduation; just that they passed by agonizingly slow. She didn't really go out much; just hung out in her room, working on the mixes she would present at the internship in LA. She also had some conversations with Chloe and Aubrey through Skype; the three of them carefully steering clear of the topic that was the recent talk between all of the Trebles and Bellas. Speaking of her Bellas, they had tried to get her to go to all the pre-graduation parties, but she had refused. She wasn't avoiding him; she just didn't really feel like partying.
She also didn't think she could handle seeing him. She had thought to throw out anything that reminded her of Jesse, but that had been hopeless. Instead, she just spent the nights re-watching their favorites from movication.
As soon as the graduation ceremony ended, she went over to her dad and mom. They had agreed to put aside their mutual dislike for each other to come and support her. Beca just hoped Sheila hadn't gotten too uncomfortable; her step-monster had grown on her.
Dr. Mitchell was the first one to pull her into a hug. "Congratulations, Bec. I'm really proud of you," he said smiling at her.
"Thanks Dad," she weakly smiled back.
Sheila was next with her abnormally peppy attitude. "Congratulations, Beca! We got you a little gift," she said smiling widely at her and handing her a small jewelry box wrapped in silver paper. Then she proceeded to almost squish Beca to death. Beca just smiled at her gratefully; it was hard to notice the tension between her parents with Sheila's optimism.
It kind of reminded her of…
Christine Landor, formerly known as Mitchell, was next. Beca and her mother had gone through a rough patch during the aftermath of the divorce. Her mother had always been kind of a workaholic so she had immersed herself completely into her job in order to avoid the reality of her divorce and in turn, had all but ignored the fact that she had a daughter who had been broken up about it, too. To be fair, though, Beca hadn't made much of an effort to try to get close to her mother either. They had hurt separately, and had realized too late that they hadn't had to.
They had started really talking again during Beca's sophomore year, with Jesse's help. She winced as his name popped up, but it was true. Jesse had been the main reason why she had reconnected with her parents, who had both adored him. Her father hadn't exactly been happy with her decision to break up with him. Honestly, sometimes she thought he liked Jesse more than he liked his own daughter. Her mother been more sympathetic; and they'd had deep conversations over the phone following the break up. Christine hadn't been all that sure Beca had made the right decision, though.
She was distracted from her thoughts when her mother came over to hug her. Christine pulled back and traced her thumb over the dark circles Beca had under her eyes worriedly. Her daughter just reassured her that she was fine with a small smile and hugged her back.
"Here," Christine said. "For LA." She handed Beca a set of keys.
Beca looked up at her confused. "For the car that'll be waiting for you at the airport," Christine smiled at the shocked look her daughter gave her.
"Mom- I don't know what to say." She had never owned a car, preferring to use her saved up money for future music equipment.
"Say thank you," Christine shrugged and smiled.
Beca chuckled, "Thank you, Mom."
She kept her cap and gown on for some pictures and took them off right after; it was a warm day. Unfortunately, though, this just launched another set of pictures, since Stacie had made her wear a dress.
After her parents and Sheila left, Beca decided to look for Amy and Ashley. Stacie, Denise, and Cynthia Rose had graduated yesterday, and Jessica and Lilly the day before that, so they were waiting by the Bellas' favorite restaurant to meet up and go celebrate. Chloe and Aubrey were there too; they had come down to Georgia to see them graduate; they were proud of their a-ca bitches.
She saw Amy by the stage, asking one of the professors for some kind of Tasmanian version of a graduate certificate and Ashley was close by with her parents, so Beca started walking over. Her gaze left them for a second when she saw Jesse standing with his family and Benji out of the corner of her eye. They had all been in the same ceremony because they had majored in music, just in different branches. She waved at Benji, who had noticed her, but turned away quickly before Jesse could see her. She wanted to say hi to Ben and Anna, his parents, who adored her, but she figured that it would be too awkward. She and Jesse weren't together anymore.
By the time she made her way over to the two Bellas, she was posing as quickly as possible for pictures and trying to inconspicuously hurry the process along; she could feel his eyes on her like two laser beams trying to burn a hole through her head. She hastily waved goodbye to Ashley's parents and grabbed Amy and Ashley's hands to drag them away.
"Woah, Shawshank! What's all the hubbub?" Fat Amy said as she and Ashley tried to keep up with Beca's brisk pace.
"Nothing. I'm just really hungry." She tried to ignore the urge to shoot longing glances at Jesse over her shoulder; she had to keep walking.
"Right. And this has nothing with the fact that Jesse was looking at you?" Ashley raised an eyebrow at her.
"How do you know that?" Beca asked.
"Uh, Shawshank. It's always been obvious when one of you was looking at the other. The sexual tension in the ai-" Fat Amy was cut off as Ashley nudged her.
"But uh, you know. It wasn't that obvious," Amy said when she noticed the sad look on Beca's face.
Beca cleared her throat to get rid of the uncomfortable silence. "Yeah. Okay, let's go meet the others. We have a lot to celebrate." She sent a small smile to Amy and Ashley when they each put their arms around her and the trio laughed as they tried walking to the diner without letting go of each other.
Two weeks after graduation – Tuesday
She woke up to voices outside her door. She heard Fat Amy and Stacie arguing about something, while Jessica and Lilly tried to shush them. They were all staying at Stacie's aunt's house for a while; until each of their flights; except for Chloe and Aubrey, who had gone home a day after graduation because they couldn't miss work. Cynthia Rose, Denise, and Ashley had already left. They had only stayed for four days. Each Bella had seen the other take off and hugs, as well as tears (Jessica and Fat Amy, surprisingly), had been spread around. Jessica was taking off tomorrow afternoon, and Lilly and Amy were taking off on Thursday evening. Beca and Stacie would be the last ones to board on Friday morning.
Yeah, they kind of liked to do everything together; or at least, not that far apart.
Beca sat up and frowned as she considered what on earth they could possibly be whispering about and why they didn't want her to hear. Then she looked at the calendar hanging on her door and her face paled.
The day of Jesse's flight. Of course. He would be boarding the plane to New York right now. Far away from her.
She plopped down onto the bed and scowled at the ceiling.
She missed him.
She wanted him back.
Beca looked at the door as the whisper-shouting stopped and saw Fat Amy pop her head in after quietly opening the door.
"Hey, Shawshank. Good to see you awake," She whispered. Amy straightened up as the door opened fully and the four Bellas stumbled into the room.
"Want some breakfast, Beca?" Jessica asked brightly.
They headed downstairs for breakfast and spent the rest of the day playing video games and eating junk food. Her Bellas were good at distracting her. She didn't think about Jesse again until she was on the verge of falling asleep on the living room couch; Amy was asleep on the loveseat, hugging the unfinished box of pizza and Lilly was asleep by her feet. Jessica had passed out in front of the TV and Stacie was curled up on the other couch, snoring away.
She allowed her thoughts to roam and that night she dreamt of her nerd.
She hadn't slept that well in weeks.
"Seriously though, what do guys say when they stay the night and hear you snoring?" Beca teased.
"Honey, please," Stacie smirked. "When I have a guy stay the night, we don't sleep."
Beca burst out laughing. Stacie smiled at her. "I'm glad you still have the ability to do that," she joked.
Beca sighed, "I'm sorry. I've been kind of a downer lately." She looked around the airport; Stacie's flight home was in an hour and Beca still had to wait another three hours until her flight to LA.
"It's okay. We've just been really worried about you. Especially Aubrey and Chloe; I swear they text, like, every day to ask how you are. It's kind of annoying 'cause I can't even afford my cellphone bill anymore," Stacie said pulling a face.
"They're like mother hens," Beca said amused.
Stacie nodded seriously, "Except I could teach them a thing or two about sex. They seem to not know enough about it."
"Well to be fair, I really don't think anyone knows as much as you, Stacie."
Stacie sighed, "That's true. It's a gift. Sometimes it's hard, though. With this much knowledge, comes the responsibility of educating people on it. Though I doubt you've had trouble with it, Beca. You must have had a great sex life, considering how happy you looked with Je-" she abruptly stopped talking as she noticed Beca's wince. "I just keep sticking my foot in my mouth today, don't I?" Stacie chuckled weakly.
Beca gave her a tight smile and shook her head, "Don't worry about it."
They were quiet for a minute. "Are you happy?" Stacie asked.
"What?" Beca said surprised.
"I know that it was your decision. And I know that you thought it over for a long time. But are you happy with your decision?" Stacie asked with an unusually serious look on her face.
Beca could only stare at her. She wanted to answer, she did. But she didn't know what to say.
Stacie sighed, "We change sometimes. You've wanted to move to LA since freshman year, maybe even before that. And Jesse has always dreamed of scoring movies, right? So he probably thought about it a lot too. And he had aimed for New York. But that was before you two had known you were going to last this long. It was before you fell in love and realized how much you guys wanted to stay together." Stacie considered this. "I've never really had that, so I don't know how deeply it affected you. But I'm thinking that everyone we meet shapes us, right? Aubrey said that once. Everyone impacts you differently; some don't at all. So how did Jesse impact you? Do you still want the same things that you wanted freshman year?"
Stacie rolled her eyes when Beca just kept staring at her. "What? I can be deep sometimes, you know."
"I'm sorry. I know you can. I just…you made me think." Beca shook her head, dazed.
They decided to move on to other topics and talked until 7:30, and then Stacie had to go board. After a hug goodbye and a promise to call each other later, Beca was alone.
She had not expected that. Stacie had made her question everything she had thought she'd done right. Had she pushed Jesse towards something he maybe hadn't wanted anymore? Had she pushed herself?
Would she even be happy in LA?
Music had once been her outlet. It had been everything to her. She had only felt truly happy and stable when she was mixing and creating music.
But that hadn't been true for a long time. Jesse had become everything to her; to the point where she couldn't imagine not having him in her life anymore. And yet, because of her, that was probably going to happen anyway.
Beca walked over to the giant screen, where all the flights that were taking off were displayed. She looked at her cell; she still had an hour before her flight to LA. She nervously played with the diamond stud earrings her dad and Sheila had gotten her, as her eyes zoned in on the flight to New York that would board in 45 minutes.
She felt hypocritical. She hadn't allowed him to give up his internship for her, but here she was, thinking of giving up her internship for him. And the more she thought about it, the better it seemed. She would be with Jesse, if he could forgive her for having been so stubborn. She could find a job in New York, while she worked on getting a new, paid internship there. They could move in together and live in a rusty, old apartment for a couple of years. So what? They would be together. And LA wasn't her dream anymore; she had a new one now, with Jesse.
That was it. She had decided. She had little time to change her boarding ticket, though. She had to go wait in line immediately.
Beca froze in the middle of bending over to grab her luggage. She slowly came back up and held her breath as she turned her wide eyes toward her left, in the direction of his voice.
Jesse was standing next to his suitcase, with a sheepish look on his face.
"I know, I know," he said as Beca stared at him. "But I had to do it. It's like the ultimate scene in a rom-com. You know, where the guy follows the girl all the way to the airport and yells her name as she's waiting to board. I would have waited until that part, but I saw you here and it's like my feet carried me toward you unconsciously."
She couldn't believe it. Jesse, her nerd, was here. After a month and a half of being miserable without him, he was here. And he was talking about movies? Seriously?
"Are you serious?" she blurted. "You want to talk about movies when this is our first meeting in almost two months?"
"Two months?" he asked rubbing the back of his head. "It felt like years." His eyes were cautious as he studied her; he couldn't really tell what she was thinking.
"I'm sorry." It was like her mouth had started spewing everything that popped into her head. "I've been so stupid. I've missed you like crazy, I-" This was serious word vomit right here. "I'm so glad you're here." And that's where she couldn't take it anymore. She jumped him; like literally, jumped him. Stacie would be proud.
Her arms were around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist as she hugged him with all her strength. She could feel Jesse hugging her back just as tightly, rubbing her back, and softly murmuring in her ear, but she was too emotional to pay attention to what he was saying. Beca could feel people staring at them, but she didn't care. She had him with her now, and she was happy.
She finally pulled back to look at his face. He was all blurry again. Stupid tears.
"I couldn't wait four years."
"What?" She asked confused.
Jesse brushed his nose against hers. "I didn't want to wait four years to find you again. I want to pick up where we left off now," he said.
Beca held in a happy sob, because damn it, she was becoming such a sap.
"Me neither," she smiled at him.
"I'm going to LA with you," he said firmly.
"Or I can come to New York," Beca said. "You don't have to give that up for me, Jesse. I don't care about LA anymore."
He smiled at her. "I know. You were staring rather intently at the screen for a few minutes there. But there's no need. I've already made arrangements. Turns out, they liked my resume in NY so much, that they recommended me for one in LA when they found out I was scouting. I got the call yesterday; seems like three days of searching finally paid off."
"You never boarded?" Beca asked incredulously.
"I couldn't. It didn't feel right. Internship or no internship, I was going to meet you here today, and go to LA with you whether you liked it or not," he smiled cheekily at her.
Beca let out a surprised laugh. "You dork," she said affectionately.
"I told you we weren't breaking up," he said softly.
She grinned at him. "I know. You were right. I was just being stupid. Can I kiss you now?"
Jesse laughed as she looked at him eagerly. "Please."
And if it wasn't for the voice on the speaker calling for boarding, they would have definitely missed their flight.
Five hours later
They were resting on the bed, watching Pirates of the Caribbean on the television. Beca had picked up her new car as soon as they had gotten to the airport and had let Jesse drive them to the small, decent hotel he had found online. They were jet-lag and exhausted. They had tried to get in the mood once they had crossed the threshold, but had tripped so many times, they realized that it wouldn't be very romantic if they kept up with the drowsiness and the clumsy fumbling.
Beca didn't mind. She would have her way with him after a few hours of good sleep; the kind that neither of them could manage separately.
She was on the verge of slipping into unconsciousness, when she remembered something important.
"Hmm?" He asked drowsily.
"I love you."
He turned towards her and smirked cheekily. "I know."
She grinned satisfactorily at the 'ouch' he gave when she punched him in the arm.
Jesse tilted her chin up and said, "I love you too. Always."
And as he kissed her, she promised herself she would never be so stupid as to try to break up with him again. Her future was sealed.
Six years later
Yes, she remembered it clearly; along with the promise she had made to herself.
Sometimes, though, promises were meant to be broken.
Beca smirked as she leant against the wall of their living room, watching Jesse fish for a movie they hadn't seen in his huge collection.
"It's no use," she said. "We've seen them all; which means that there'll be no more movication."
Jesse groaned, "Don't say stuff like that, Bec. There has to be something here. See, this is why I sometimes hate the fact that we get free, newly released movies."
Beca shrugged as she glanced at their trophy case. They hadn't really wanted it; saying that it would be like displaying their awards for all to see. It sounded a bit egocentric. But Aubrey had insisted they get one because "awards are meant to be displayed, Beca. You two should be proud of what you've won with your work". She guessed Aubrey had a point. "That's what you get for wanting to be involved in every movie, nerd."
"They call me," Jesse said smugly. "I'm that good at scoring."
"Right," Beca rolled her eyes. "As if you need a bigger ego."
"You love me and my ego," Jesse said jokingly.
Beca hummed an affirmative as she ran her finger over her engagement and wedding ring.
"Hey nerd?" She asked and smirked when Jesse responded with a distracted 'yeah?'
"We need to talk."
"About what?" He asked, not really paying attention as his eyes ran over rows and rows of movies. He let out a frustrated sigh when he didn't spot anything unrecognizable.
"I'm breaking up with you."
"Yeah, I'll make dinner ton- wait, what?" He said confused.
Beca smiled smugly at him when he focused his full attention on her. "We need to break up," she said, trying to keep a straight face while she nodded her head firmly.
"Oh really?" Jesse said amused, walking over to where she was standing. "And why's that?" He asked wrapping his arms around her.
"Because…you knocked me up."
She really wanted to burst out laughing at the way he was gaping at her, but he looked so shocked that she would probably feel bad.
"That's right, weirdo. You're getting your a-ca children. How do you feel about that?" She bit her lip as she wrapped her arms around his neck; she may have been a bit insecure about his reaction.
"How do I- Beca, this is- God, I love you," Jesse breathed, grabbing her face and kissing her nose, forehead, eyelids and finally, her lips.
They were both smiling so hard; it wasn't easy kissing with the clashing of teeth, but they somehow made it work.
Jesse pulled back and beamed at her. Beca couldn't help but laugh because she swore he sometimes looked like a cartoon character; a really hunky, gorgeous cartoon character.
"So does this mean you're not breaking up with me?" he asked cheekily.
Beca pretended to sigh resignedly, "I guess. You wouldn't let me anyway."
"Then I have no other choice," she said faux-somberly.
"Let's go celebrate," Jesse said picking her up and making his way up the stairs.
Beca laughed, "Hey weirdo? I love you too."
Then they went on to have their inevitable life together.
Okay, I hope that wasn't too cheesy. It took me a while to figure out exactly how to end it. And to everyone reading 'What's not said' (Thank you for the reviews, you guys are amazing!), I hope it wasn't too weird hearing Beca directly say 'I love you'; it was weird for me to write it... Anyway, I still have a few ideas for that story.
Don't forget to review, nerds!