So I promised the dear JMHaughey a birthday fic…a few months ago…and I think it's past the time that I can even call this a birthday fic anymore, but I still would like to dedicate it to her for being just an amazing person all round :)
All those months ago I was asked for some season 5 angst…so if I could ask you all to take your memories back to the night before the 100th episode and we'll go from there!
I haven't written for Bones in a while, so hopefully I'm not too rusty; my gorgeous beta, eitoph, assures me I'm good to go. Thanks for the read through, hon!
Disclaimer: Bones is not even a little bit mine :(
Through the stillness of the night air he wakes with a shuddering gasp. The noise rasping from his lungs into the dark and rousing him from his slumber with a sharp stabbing pain to his chest.
It had been just like the night before and the night before that. Terrifying nightmares ripping him from sleep and consuming his every thought. The name he had been murmuring is still echoing into the silence as he tries to calm his breathing.
Bones. Bones. Bones.
His shouts had been desperate, pleading for her to be okay. Pleading for a lost cause.
He looks around his bedroom, spotting a glow coming from his bed. His phone.
A frown overtakes his features as he reaches for the light, holding it to his ear, "Bones?" He doesn't remember dialling.
She takes a second to answer, "Are you okay? I could only hear breathing."
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."
She isn't convinced, "Are you being held captive? If you can't say so, just cough into the phone."
He lets out a laugh; of course she would just jump to the worst case scenario. It's nearly 3am. Technically they're both on their day off, why else would he be calling?
It's tempting though, to cough. She'd come running. He knows that. She would be here and they could settle back into sleep together.
"I'm really fine, Bones."
She hesitates, "Did you have a nightmare?"
He takes a second, letting her question reverberate in his mind. It's one of those moments where he can really see that she gets it, that they're on the same page. It's unexpected but entirely welcome. He can't lie to her, not when these moments are so rare. So he doesn't.
"Yes." His voice refuses to rise above a whisper, afraid that saying it out loud will bring the demons back.
She doesn't speak for a while and he is more than content to just listen to her soft breathing until she decides to break the silence.
"I have nightmares too." He's not sure what to make of her statement, but before he can say anything, she continues, "Usually I dream about losing you or Angela, or Hodgins or Cam. Sometimes it's my dad or Russ. I didn't have all these connections before you came along, Booth. And I am so frightened at the thought of losing any of you." She pauses, "But I know that I'll get to see you tomorrow and that gets me through the night."
He smiles for a moment before he remembers that she can't see him, "Thanks Bones." The weight of the air crackling across the phone lines is enough for him to know how big this moment is between them. Her honesty is something that has become a part of his everyday life, but when it's her own personal history that she's revealing he feels like he's special, like he's a part of something in her life that can't be touched. It can't be damaged.
And all at once it hits him how much he wishes he could just tell her all this. That it would just be okay for him to say how much it means to be her best friend, her confidante. And maybe even let her know how much he wishes they could be more.
He almost says it…but then, "I'm only being honest with you."
And just like that they're back to their usual selves and this is just a regular phone call, not filled with dread and despair and big moments. He wants to stay up all night just talking to her until he can find another way to bring up how much he loves her, but he can hear how tired she is, so instead he makes plans for the morning, "So we're meeting on the mall in the morning and then we'll go to Sweets' office?"
"Yes. Despite my aversion to psychology, I have found Sweets' book to be very good. I look forward to hearing your thoughts as well."
"It will be interesting, that's for sure." Booth stares at the bound paper sitting on his bedside table; well at least he has something to do instead of slip into his nightmare filled sleep again now, "Thanks for chatting, Bones. See you tomorrow."
"See you Booth."
And then he is engulfed in silence.
Picking up Sweets' manuscript, he flicks to about halfway through. As he starts reading about he and his partner from the young psychologist's point of view he lets his mind wander, thinking of Bones and how that phone call had the perfect opening so many times for him to just say it. Just say how he feels.
But as the written words suddenly take his attention again, he can't help but think,ah well, there's always tomorrow.