My name is Emma and I have a remarkably long chapter for you.
"I-It's not what it looks like!" You stuttered, watching as a red faced Felix gritted his teeth, eyes jumping from yours to Toby's. "Hear us out!"
"I know what happened," he growled suddenly. Your heart felt heavy in woe as his arms began to shake slightly. This was an anger you had never seen before, in Felix. He wasn't even this angry when you were sat in the dark of his study, listening to him and Marzia argue upstairs, back home. "You," he continued, before twisting his head menacingly and staring death towards Toby, "and him, were getting some alone time."
A silence fell between you three, broken only by the deep, rasping breaths of Felix, and a pulse that throbbed at your temples. There was a slight hint of toxicities in the air, and you realised that Felix was definitely not sober. Infact, you had barely seen him all night, and from your frozen position at the back of the cupboard you could clearly see his clothes were unruly and he wore no shoes. What had he been doing this whole time?
You had sobered. Definitely. You could feel the fear and dread rising through you and the alcohol levels diminishing. This made it all the worse, as now the fear you felt was real, and not muffled or softened by the warm feelings of alcohol. Felix's arms were rigid, hands grasping either side of the closet, stopping either you or Toby from being able to get out without having to dip under his arms.
Felix continued to glance between you both. What was he expecting? An explanation? Your attention darted to Toby, who had his mouth open slightly and looked about as scared as you were. Why wasn'the saying something?
Your stomach clenched tightly as your inhaled, preparing to speak. Felix's hawk-glare turned to you, and his lip quivered as he scowled. You didn't like angry Felix, not one bit.
"We were playing spin the bottle," you whispered, surprised you could muster a voice at all, through all the fear shooting through you, "we were joining in. If we didn't, we'd have been laughed at." Your sentences were coming out quicker than you could muster them. "Uh-uhm, the others left us as a joke. He hugged me because there wasn't room. We didn't know they all left, I swear. We were waiting for them to let us out. We didn't do anything!"
Things ticked over for a few moments in Felix's mind, and he stiffly moved away from the door of the cupboard, face still as red and expressions still as rigid. He didn't make eye contact with either of you. It took you a couple of seconds to realise that he was letting you both out. So, drunk Felix didn't think you were lying after all?
Still on edge, both you and Toby eventually made your way out from the confines of the closet, and watched with caution as Felix closed the white wood door behind you.
You tried a smile; "Thanky-"
"No." Felix interrupted, staring at you intensely. "Don't. Go back downstairs and enjoy the party. We've still got a while yet till it's over."
"I don't think we should argue with him," Toby whispered so only you could hear, and you responded with a slight nod. Maybe he was right.
The walk down the staircase, back into the bustle of the party, was tense. You could feel Toby's eyes on the back of your head, and those of a few people in the Lobby who stared at you as you came down. They must have been part of the circle. Must have been.
Toby touched your shoulder gently as you reached the last step, and leant forward to whisper into your ear.
"After all that, I'm feeling a bit of fresh air. Want to come with?"
You gave him a look of concern.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? Felix probably won't like it."
"He doesn't have to know."
There was something about Toby's voice that made you shiver, the way it growled. Not in the same tone as Felix's anger, but in a way you couldn't name. Quizzical, supposing. Daring. Licking your dry lips a little, you followed him outside. Only after the front door closed behind you and you sat yourself down on the step Cry had claimed earlier, did you realise that this was a good idea. The crisp night air felt much better in your lungs than the stuffy indoors.
Toby sat beside you, and for a while you were in silence. Or at least, as silent as a pair could get, sitting on the porch outside of a house that blared deafening music. You watched quietly as your breaths fell in time, plumes of billowing steam rising from your lips. You didn't feel cold at all, but the nip of the wind at your cheeks and neck was something the really woke you up.
"I could go to bed, right now." Toby said after a while, and you turned to look at him. He was leant against the porch banister, arms folded across a black 'Tobuscus' shirt. "After that whole escapade upstairs with Felix, I could do with just sleeping."
"I know what you mean," you agreed, licking your lips again, "I wonder when everyone's going to leave?"
"Pretty soon, I'm sure." He checked his phone quickly, his expressions changed, but you couldn't really tell from within the dark, and his phone didn't provide much light. "Wow. It's 2am. This nights gone quick."
You groaned, throwing your head into your hands. You just wanted to sleep, get the rest of this night over with. You admit, you had fun, but fun can reach a limit and now you just wanted to sleep the last hours' memories away. You wanted to grab Felix, fall into a bed, and not wake up until your body decides.
It wasn't long before you eventually began to feel cold, and you looked over at Toby and shivered, and strangely he shivered at the same time. You could see the Goosebumps that had spread across his arms. Your glance was broken by a few people stumbling out of the alleyway that lead to Felix's garden. The group was only at the side of the road for a few moments before a taxi pulled up and took them off somewhere.
"People are finally leaving," Toby confirmed your thoughts, and a weak smile spread across your face.
"Finally." You echoed.
It was 4.30am before the house had finally cleared, Toby and you had mutually agreed that all the mess could get cleaned up in the morning. You dragged yourself up the staircase slowly, wandering across the landing and nearly into the bedroom door, barely managing to stop yourself.
Closing the door behind you, you were plunged into darkness. You heard the click of a switch, and the landing night turned off too, showing that Toby was going to sleep also. It took a while for your tired eyes to adjust to the dark, and the window barely gave way to the rays the moon reflected, so you tried your best to remember where everything was and stop yourself from bumping into them.
You climbed out of your clothes and into pyjamas you kept tucked away in a drawer, then climbed into bed, bringing the duvet up to your throat. You could feel drowsiness taking you over. All that snapped away the second you heard a deep exhale from beside you. Felix was in this bed too. You became tense all at once, and you got fleeting thoughts of him sitting up and screaming at you.
There were no reasons for you to feel like this, at all. You and Felix were happy together and there doesn't have to be any way to change that. You were pretty sure that you loved him. Pretty damn sure.
Slowly, you rolled over and stared at the back of Felix's head. The duvet was barely covering up to his elbows, and you were pretty sure he was shivering.
With caution, you inched towards him. Even though he was sleeping, you felt the tension from earlier taunting you from all directions. You didn't want to feel like this, you wanted to just be with him and be happy, but the screaming he did earlier… it was horrific, and it wouldn't stop rising to the foremost of your mind. It wouldn't stay buried.
Felix stirred, and rolled onto his back, making you recoil slightly. Hand brought to your chest, you saw through the dark that his eyes were tight shut. You could even see the remains of fresh tears staining at his cheeks. He had been crying? Well, he had reason to. He thought you were cheating on him. You let a slither of air slip between your lips as you inched back over to him.
Gently, you let your body press up to his side, then slid your arm over his body, pulling him as close to you as you dared. After a few moments of lying still, eyes open, head against his shoulder and arm draped over his chest, he stirred again. He took a sharp breath, and turned his head to face you. You felt him tense beside you.
"…_?" He mumbled with hoarse throat, eyes barely opening as he tried to look down at you. He realised after a few moments that you were trying your best to not look scared, and let his head fall back onto the pillow. "_." He said more solidly.
"Felix…" You whispered.
The man rolled onto his side, to face you, and slowly let his fingers trace down you cheek, neck, and collarbone. It rested on your shoulder. Your faces were mere inches apart, and you could practically feel your heartbeat pounding in your chest.
"I'm sorry…" You started,
"No-" He interrupted softly, a smile picking at the corners of his mouth, "I'm sorry for making such a mess of it. I was way more angry than I should have been. Plus I was drunk, I was stupid."
You brought yourself closer to him, letting your legs entwine with his.
"In a way," you suggested under your breath, looking him in the eye, "we were both stupid."
Felix's hand found its way to your cheek, the pad of his thumb rubbing at the skin gently. His lips were so close to yours, you weren't even sure if they were touching or not. Your thoughts were confirmed when he began to speak.
"I think your right."
Without a moment's hesitation, his hand pulled you close to him, and your lips crashed together. They were so warm, and it felt like so long since you last kissed him. You both inhaled sharply and pressed your bodies together, instantly eager to explore each other.
Oh, how you'd missed him.