Hi all! So, I know I should be working on getting Interest done, but I had this idea in my head and it wouldn't go away. That being said. This is a parody and not meant to be taken seriously. It is very crack-fic. And some of the characters are OOC.
If you don't like all that, then I guess you can leave. I would encourage you to stay though.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own either Yugioh or Chopped. I just thought it'd be funny to mix them.
CHOPPED: Yu-gi-oh! Edition
The camera pans down and to the left, and we see Seto Kaiba, Mai Valentine, and Marik Ishtar sitting behind a long dining table. In the front right of the dining table, Yami Muto stands with his hands clasped in front of him. He looks directly into the camera and begins to speak.
"Hello and welcome back to the Chopping Block. Today, four competitors think they have what it takes to be the next chopped champion. Let's meet them. First up, Chef Téa Gardner."
The camera cuts to a video of a tall brunette wearing a black apron over a short blue skirt and a sleeveless green button up shirt. She also wears platform shoes and a pair of white thigh-high stockings. While she speaks, the camera cuts to various shots of her daily life.
"I've never actually had any "professional" training in cooking, but I'm ambitious. And, I know I have what it takes to be the next Chopped Champion. When I was a little girl, I decided to become a professional dancer on Broadway, but my family was always poor. And, they couldn't afford to send me to dance classes. So, I got a job at Burger World. That was when I first got in to cooking. I'm not afraid of the competition, and despite my lack of cooking knowledge, I know what tastes good and what looks good. Don't count me out yet because I know I can beat the odds!" She chirps happily.
The camera cuts from a picture of Téa tasting an orange sauce to the large dining room.
With a charming smile, Yami says, "Next up is Ryou Bakura."
It's the same routine as before. Except, this time the videos are of a boy with white hair. Over a white and blue striped shirt and black pants, he is wearing the mandatory black, Chopped apron. From his neck, a gold ring with a pyramid hangs on a leather string.
In a light voice, with a distinct British accent, Ryou begins, "I am originally from England, but my da and I moved here several years ago. I've changed schools and homes more times than I care to remeber, but this has helped me in my cooking career- if you will. Everywhere we stopped, I learned something new. Since my mum died, I have been the designated cook for my family. I tend to be a bit of a bookworm. Meaning, I've read many books on cooking. My greatest strength in this competition is probably my technique. I've spent years refining it. I think I can win this contest. I'm not doubting that it will be difficult, but I've definatly got a shot."
Back in the dining room, Yami announces, "Then there's chef Joey Wheeler."
The camera cuts to a video of a dirty-blonde haired man wearing a white t-shirt and jeans with the black apron on top. Strutting down the street he is shown on, a goofy grin spreads across his face as he puffs his chest out.
Confident, and with a Brooklyn accent, he explains, " I'm a force ta be reckoned with. Me and my baby sista have been to hell and back; we can handle anyting life's got ta throw at us. I love food. More than anyting else in life, I love food. I don't got a lotta experience in ta kitchen, but I can make things taste good." He pauses to give a hearty chuckle and then continues, "I've had more than enough food ta know how ta make it. So, all you other guys better watch out! Cause I'm gonna be the next chopped champion! Alright!"
Once again in the dining room, Yami finishes, "And, last but certaintly not least, Maximillion Pegasus."
The camera cuts to our final contestant: An older -though he still looks quite youthful- man with silver hair that falls just below his shoulders. He wears a red suit under his black apron. In the majority of his video he is sipping wine.
As he speaks, he giggles in a significantly emasculating way as if he needed to be further emasculated, "Oh, me? I am a man of .. refined tastes. After I made my fortune, I traveled the world. I've tasted some of the most erotic foods known to man. Why do I want to win Chopped? Simply because it's something to work for. When you have everything you want, life becomes quite dull. Mhm, yes, I'm certain I have the skills needed to crush my competition."
Cutting back to the dining room, this time the camera is panned futher back. We see the four competitors standing behind metal counters with four baskets on top. Behind the competitors are four stoves and ovens. Téa stands with one hand on her hip as she sizes up the competition. Next to her, Ryou looks about anxiously, a nervous smile playing on his lips. Joey attempts to peek in his basket , but Yami runs over and swats his hand away while Pegasus giggles at their antics.
In the background, our three judges sit looking completely indifferent for the most part. Seto is glaring at Joey while Mai studies her freshly painted finger nails. Marik slouches over the table, his chin propped up in his hand.
As a slightly flustered Yami makes his way back to his normal spot, the competitors snap to attention.
Clearing his throat, Yami explains the conditions of the competition, and we almost laugh at the utter seriousness of his face. "There are three rounds: appetizer, entre, and desert. Each course comes with its own basket of mystery ingredients. You must use every ingredient in the basket in some way. Also, avaidible to you are our pantry and fridge. When the clock runs out, our judges will critique you on presentation, taste, and also creativity. However, if your dish doesn't cut it, you will be chopped."Yami pauses, waiting for them to laugh at his play on words, but no one does.
In fact, Joey could be heard muttering, "That's a harsh way ta put it."
Shaking off the lack of positive response, Yami continues with only a trace of embarrusment in his tone, 'Ehem, chefs, please open your baskets. And, let's see what our mystery ingredients are."
Joey visibly shakes as he bellows, "Ah, I can't look; it's too horrible!" The other competitors roll their eyes as he covers his own and blindly gropes for his basket, managing to knock several different spice jars to the floor. No one moves to pick it up, and the others open their baskets.
An orange screen that will show the list of ingredients pops up, covering half the screen as we try to watch the contestants reactions.
As they pullout the ingredients, Yami is kind enough to call them out for those of us who are not well endowed in cooking knowledge, "We have sea scallops, Guaje beans-"
The camera cuts in mid sentence to a interview shot of Téa.
Bewilderment an anxiousness shows on her face. With her hands raised in a shrug, she questions, "What are those beans? I've never even heard of them before. Two ingredients in, and I have no idea what i'm going to do."
Now, we cut back to the orange screen, and Yami continues his sentence," -aged cheddar, and pickle juice. The twenty minute appetizer round starts now."
A timer appears at the bottom of the screen, all competitors reach out and grab one of their ingredients.
While we watch them cook, we hear Ryou's voice, "I'm pretty good at cooking. My friends and family always say I should participate in a cooking contest, so now, I am definatly putting my skills to the test. I see the scallops, and I think, okay this I can deal with. Although I don't eat them very often, I do know they taste well when fried. So, I grab a skillet, toss in the scallops, and at the last second, I think to add the pickle juice. It will give the scallops a nice sour taste. I let that cook for a bit and pull out the Guaje beans. Honestly, I'm not sure I've had the chance to try these, but they remind me of lima beans, and I pull out a pot and boil some water. I'm going the give the judges the sour fried scallops and a bean salad with a pickle juice vinegrette."
Music plays as the screen cuts to the timer showing that two minutes have passed. Then it cuts to Téa, who is mincing her aged cheddar.
As she dispense the chopped cheddar into neat piles on a baking sheet, she explains, " I need to stand out, so I decide to take the cheese and bake it by itself. I don't know all the technical terms for it, but I've had it made this way before. And it tasted pretty good. So, I pop them in the oven. Then I go back to my scallops. I want to grill them. I add some salt, pepper, and put a skillet with butter on the grill. I'm not sure about the beans, so I taste one. It has a bitter taste somewhat like spinich. Then I get this idea to make it and the pickle juice into a sauce. I toss the beans into a processor and pull out a small pot. I toss the bean juice, some pickle juice, butter, cream, and a little chilly powder into the pot and let that simmer. I need to be creative, and just show my style. I think the judges will like it."
Next, we cut over to Pegasus, who is mixing the pickle juice in with the beans, takes his turn to speak. He sounds completely at ease, his tone carefree, "Sea scallops? I'm not worried. I've had them many times. I'm going to sear them, and serve them with a pickled bean mash. Then, with the aged cheddar, I can make a garlic, cheddar queso sauce. These kids have no idea what they are in for."
The timer shows we are down to fifteen minutes. And, we pan over to Joey who is running over to the pantry to get some extra ingredients.
As we watch, he gives his story, "I'm glad I get to be on ta show. When I was a kid and my parents got divorced, food was the only thing that saved me. Well, that and ma sister Serenity. Anyways, gawd, these are some crazy ingredients for the first round. I realize i'm in a little over my head with all dis stuff. But, I ain't goin down without a fight. So I grab the scallops. Everybody likes fried seafood. I don't care who you are. I think I just need to spice it up, right? Then I grab the bean and shread them. I mean, why not? I add those to the scallops, throw in some butter, salt, and ginger, and just let it cook. Next, I go back and get my pickle juice. I'm not really sure what to do with it, so I run over to da fridge and pull out a head of lettuce, some carrots, a cucumber, and an onion. I'm going to make a salad with a pickle juice and vinegar dressing and shreaded cheddar on top."
We leave the contestants to their cooking, and go over to the judges table. Slumped over with his forearms on the table, Yami finally introduces us to our judges, " And, our judges are: Seto Kaiba, the man with only part of a heart," A bubble pops up below him, letting us know he is the CEO of Kaiba Corp. "Mai Valentine, the only woman with a size G bra," Expert duelist and finalist at Duelist Kingdom. "And Marik Ishtar, a supposedly reformed villain." Tomb keeper, leader of the Rare Hunters, and holder of the Millinium Rod.
The three judges glare at an oblivious Yami.
Carefree, he continues, " I think, personnally, that this is a very difficult basket."
Seto and Mai persist their glares at Yami, but Marik is willing to shake it off and speak, "I think that the Gauje Beans are posing the biggest challenge for our competitors." Folding his hands into his lap, he explains, " I've had them before, and they taste similar to a lima bean, though the pods have a more wheaty, tough texture. They use it in alot of Mexican dishes."
Now, we go back to our chefs. Currently, Ryou is pulling his pot of boiled beans off the stove. In a murmur, he says, "I pull the beans off the heat, and it makes me happy to see that some of the beans are already falling out of their pods. That means I won't need to use the pods."
The camera cuts away from Ryou, who is happily popping the beans out of their pods, and over to Téa. Spatula in one hand, she pours a bottle of yellow liquid into her sauce pan, "I go over and taste my sauce. Not bad. Though, I feel like it's missing something, so I add in a few tablespoons of olive oil. That did it."
Meanwhile over at the judges table, we see Seto pointing over towards Téa. " Téa is using olive oil in her sauce. That's pretty smart. That olive oil will pull all those flavors together and make it a wonderful sauce."
"You're right. That was a smart move."Yami agrees, a wistful smile playing on his face.
Glaring, Seto growls, " Snap out of it, dweeb!"
A blush creeping over his cheeks, Yami apoligizes, "Right, sorry."
We cut to Téa in an interview room, where She pumps her fist, laughing, "I'm pumped up! I feel like my dish is going to really wow the judges."
We return to the kitchen, and Yami informs our competitors, "Chefs, you're down to ten minutes!"
The chefs continue cooking with renewed vigor, scrambling about the kitch like ants at a picnic. All except Pegasus.
Nonchalant, he shrugs off the pressure of the competition, "Sure, there are only ten minutes left, but why should I worry. My scallops are coming along nicely. And, I add a little lemon grass to the dish. My bean mash is perfect. It came out how I like, so I put it in the blast chiller to cool."
Unbeknownst to us, the editors have decided that five minutes of the show were somewhat boring, and the cut it out. So, Yami barks out, " Five minutes!"
The chefs add the last of their ingredients to their dishes.
Joey minces various ingredients and tosses them into a small pile next to the scallops, paying little attention to presentation, " So, I'm doin better dan I thought I would. The scallops are done, so I take em' and put one on each plate. Then I spread a little of the juices I fried it in to the top. So, now I start tossin together my salad."
Over with Téa, she pulls out a burnt... anonimity from the oven. She throws her arms up in the air and mouths 'Why God?' She explains what happened, " So, I pull my cheese out of the oven, and it's burnt. That's not good. There's nothing I can do about it now, so I distribute a little bit to each plate."
The camera pans over to the judges. Mai pinches her nose shut and waves away the air in front of her face, "I don't know what it is, but I smell something funky coming from over there."
"I think it's Téa's cheese." Seto reasons, pointing out the frustrated chef.
"That doesn't look good." Mai frowns.
We close back in on the chefs where Ryou is checking over his beans. Quietly, he tells us, "Things are going right well with my dish. My scallops are done and looking quite delectable. Then I go over to my beans... They're undercooked. I don't have much time so I turn up the heat and hope they get done soon."
Now, we go see Pegasus, who is frowning. His lip jutted out, he appears to be pouting. " I don't understand. My dish was going so well! The bean mash is alright, but I went over to my scallops to find them burnt with bits of the lemon grass stuck to them. This is simply unfabulous!"
Sending the contestants into a frenzy, Yami bellows, " Thirty seconds!"
They each plate and add the finishing touches to their dishes.
Yami counts down, " 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. Time's up. Please step back."
All contestants raise their hands in surrender and drop what they are doing. Joey accidentally drops a spoon full of scallop sauce on the floor, resulting in the concoction splattering his and Pegasus' legs. Despite messing up her cheese, Téa is smiling. Ryou sighs releavedly. And Pegasus is still frowning, apparently still upset about his scallops. Joey's eyes widen as they fall on his plates.
In the interview room, Joey is waving his arms about, panicing, Crap! I forgot ta put some dressin on one of the salads."
In his interview, Ryou sits quietly with his hands folded neatly on his lap, " It was tough, but I, at least, managed to get everything on the plate."
"Just glad it turned out mostly alright." Téa explains.
Pegasus is still pouting, " I still can't believe I burnt those scallops! Oh, I'm chopped for sure!"
We cut back to the main room. The four chefs walk in a single-file line with their hands clasped behind their backs to stand infront of the judges table. Although Seto is still glaring at Joey, Mai winks at the blonde. Marik appears to pay little attention to any of them.
Voice suave, Yami informs them, "Chefs, this is the chopping block. Your appetizers had to include: scallops, Guaje beans, aged cheddar, and pickle juice." With a wave, he gestures to Ryou, " Chef Ryou?"
The camera cuts to a picture of Ryou's dish. A small green salad with brown beans sits on one side of the plate, and a small scallop takes up the other side. "I prepared for you a pickle-fried sea scallop, and a Guaje bean salad with a pickle juice vinegrette. And, I sprinkled the aged cheddar on top."
The judges take their time picking at the miniscule amout of food provided.
Marik takes the initiative and speaks first, " I think that this is a beautiful dish."
Bowing humbly, Ryou says, " Thank you."
Marik continues, "The grill marks," he makes an 'okay' gesture with his hand, "perfect."
Swallowing a bite of her fried scallop, Mai adds, "It tastes pretty good too."
Ryou thanks them again.
Sighing, Mai continues, " However," she looks to the other two judges, " I don't know about them, but my beans were a little undercooked."
Seto jumps in, "It's good that you mentioned that because I was just about to say that mine were not cooked very well."
Shaking his head, Marik gives his opinion, "See, I disagree. They were undercooked yes, but I honestly thought that might've been what he was going for. It added a little bit of crunch, and I liked that."
"The salad itself is crispy enough without the beans though." Seto retorts.
Marik holds his hands up, saying, "Alright, I'll give you that."
Mai returns their attention back to Ryou, "It's not bad. Just a little bit undercooked." she makes the 'tiny' sign with her fingers.
Steppign back, Ryou says, "Of course. My apologies."
The judges- all but Seto- nod appreciatively.
Clearing his throat, Yami calls out, " Next, Chef Téa." He smiles at her, and she winks back.
Seto coughs loudly.
Téa shakes her head, "Right, sorry." The camera cuts to a picture of Téa's dish. "Well, I have prepared for you grilled scallops with pickle juice, cream sauce and crisp of baked cheese-"
Pegasus interrupts her, "That would be a frico, my dear."
Téa glares at him and grits her teeth, but continues speaking while the judges eat, "Yes, a frico."
Suprisingly, Seto is the first to speak, "I have to say, your style really comes out on the plate. Excellent. The sauce is also good, but I'm having trouble getting through this frico. It's burnt and frankly disgusting."
Téa frowns and bows her head, "I know, and I'm sorry for that. I just looked up and they were burning."
Mai tries to soothe her, "It's not that bad, hun." She glares at Seto who shrugs in response. Téa looks up, hopeful. " I won't lie and say it's good. But, it's not as bad as Seto made it out to be."
Marik added in his opinion, "I agree with Mai about the cheese. It's stomachable, but not preferable. However, I love what you did with your scallops, I think they are the best ones we've eaten thus far." The others nod. The camera cuts over to Ryou, and we see a light blush dusting his cheeks.
Gracefully, Téa steps back, "Thank you."
Yami gestures to Joey with a wave, " Chef Joey?"
Joey steps forward, and the camera cuts to his dish. Only embarrusing himself, Joey puffs out his chest and begins, " Okay! Here's your winning dish. Today, I made ya some scallops with a Gauje bean and butter sauce and a salad with pickle vinegrette dressing and a cheddar cheese crumble."
Unhesitatingly, Seto intones, "You didn't put any dressing on my salad."
Visible deflating, Joey whines, "You would get that one, wouldn't ya Kaiba? No, i'm sorry about dat. I realized it at the last second. Again, my apologies."
Holding a bite of salad on her fork, Mai looks over to Seto and tells him, "That's too bad, Seto, because the dressing is very good."
With a nod of his head, Marik agrees, "Yes, the entire dish tastes very good although your presentation is a little sloppy."
Joey scratches his head, but nods. It cuts to his interview room. "Who cares about the way it looks? So long as it tastes good."
Back in the dining room, Yami dismisses him, "Thank you, Joey. Lastly, Chef Pegasus, what do you have for us?"
Pegasus steps forward, and we note a slight sway in his hips as he walks. "Well, for you all, I've made pan seared scallops with a pickled bean mash and cheddar queso." The camera cuts to his dish while the judges eat.
First, Mai states, "The queso and bean mash are very good in my opinion."
Marik frowns and shakes his head, " I disagree; the sourness from the pickled beans doesn't really mix well with the cheese. I wish you would've encorperated the pickle juice in some other way. Maybe with the scallops?"
Before Pegasus can answer, Seto breaks in, " And therein lies my problem with this dish- the scallops. You burnt them."
"Well, yes. I don't know how it happened to be honest." He informs them.
Giving a hum of agreement, Mai says, " I agree with Seto- as strange as that is -the scallops were very burnt and a little difficult to get down."
Yami clasps his hands behind his back and says, "Thank you, chef Pegasus." He turns to the other competitors, " Please take a few minutes. We'll call you back when we've decided. Thank you."
The contestants all make their way out of the room. And the camera cuts to the little waiting room, where the chefs sit discussing various things about their dish and competiton in general.
Téa states what most of them with the exclusion of Pegasus were thinking, "Those beans, man. They just through me completely of course. Then on top of that I burnt my cheese." She pauses for a moment, "frico."
After a brief silence, Joey breaks in, "I'm gettin chopped."
Téa looks dumbfounded, and she scolds him, "What? Don't say that! You're not."
"Oh, yes I am. I forgot the dressing on Kaiba's salad. He hated it." Joey retorts.
Lightening the mood, Ryou says, " Kaiba hates everything you do though."
All three begin laughing. Pegasus remains silent though he looks smug. The camera cuts back to the judges and Yami, who begins to speak, " Okay, so now that you've had your fill. It's time to talk it out."
Marik starts off the discussion, "When I think about Téa's dish, I think about her sauce. It was very good."
Nodding, Mai adds, " She got her scallops done too. I like the seasoning."
Always pointing out the negative, Seto throws in, " But, she messed up big with her frico. It was burnt."
Shruggin, Mai agrees, " Yeah, she definately freaked up her frico." Mai, Marik, and Yami laugh. Even Seto cracks a smile. She continues, " Now, I though Joey's dish was really good."
Emotionlessly, Seto says, " I didn't get any dressing on my salad."
Marik speaks up, "To restate what Mai said earlier: that's to bad because it was a really good dressing. The salad had cucumber in it, and that sortof took on the flavor of the pickle juick. It was like eating a pickle."
With raised eyebrows, and over the top enthusiasm, Yami inquires, "What about his scallops?"
Mai shrugs, " I thought they were done well."
Begrudgingly, Seto concedes, "Yeah, I'll admit that they were alright."
Changing the subject, Marik says, " I personnally liked the way Ryou cooked his."
Mai nods, " I'll give you that. They were very good. But his beans were really crunchy. It was like eating marbles."
"I definately didn't like the salad, but his scallops were good." Seto gives his opinion, folding his hands under his nose.
Marik rolls his eyes, "I still disagree with both of you about the salad. I liked the crunch. It reminds me of a few dishes from my country. Maybe it's just an Egyptian thing."
Yami decides to bring up the final contestant before the lull in the conversation becomes too much, and the viewers leave. " And how did Pegasus do?"
Seto begins, "The bean mash was pretty good. I agree with what Malik said though. I didn't like the way the flavors mixed with the queso, and also the scallops. They were burnt to a crisp."
Weighing the pros and cons, Mai tilts her head back and forth, "I liked the flavors. I thought that the sourness complemented the cheese nicely. But, I do agree about the scallops. They were way overcooked."
Marik raises his hands, " I've already made my opinion on this dish clear. However, I thought that Pegasus had the best presentation."
Quickly, Seto threw a glance at Yami, "I think we have our decision."
Yami agrees, " Yes we do."
All four of the contestants are brought back in. They stand, figeting nervously under the scrutiny of the judges. The camera briefly cuts to Joey. "I think I'm gettin chopped. I don't wanna be, but I'm just being realistic."
Now we cut to Téa, " No one wants to be the first chef to go. You just don't want to be that chef!"
The camera hurridly cuts to varying shots of the competitors.
With an air of mystery, Yami asks, " Whose dish is on the chopping block?" Just as he is about to open it he freezes.
"What are you doing? Open it." Seto demands.
Yami looks at him with wide doe eyes. " It's time for a comercial break. We have to do this to irratate our spectators before we reveal every dish."
Seto scoffs, "Just get on with it. I don't have all day."
Deflating, Yami concedes, " Fine. Whatever."
He pulls off the lid and reveals Pegasus' dish.
Voice full of mock sympathy, Mai states the obvious, " Chef Pegasus, you've been chopped."
Seto opts to futher explain, " You burned the scallops, and we didn't like the way the flavors came together. And for these reasons, we had to chop you."
Attempting to soothe the sting a little, Marik adds, " However, we did want to let you know that you had the best presentation of your dish tonight."
Pegasus flounders, " I can't believe it! I though I would atleast make it to the second round."
Yami apoligizes, "We're sorry."
Anger flashing through his eyes, he breaks in, " No, I don't need your sympathy. I'm Maximillion Pegasus."
He flips his hair over his shoulder and storms out of the room. The camera cuts to the hallway where he is walking out. " Am I disapointed I got chopped? Of course. But in the end it honestly doesn't matter. I do disagree with them though." He stalks off screen, and we don't see him any more.
After a quick commercial break, we'll move on to our second round- the entrees.
TO BE CONTINUED
So, there is part one. The next part should be out tomorrow though I make no promises. Regardless, I plan on finishing this very soon. I hoped you all liked it.
TELL ME! Was it good? Bad? So stupid you couldn't stand it? I hate the author and hope she burns? I love writing and want to get better at it, so tell me what I can improve.
Thank you all for reading :)