Detention
By: Song
Summary: Edward gets detention. Umbridge is not amused.
A/U: I SWORE I would never write a crossover... but... of all the crossovers I've read- I've never seen this scenario. Ever. So I wrote it.


"Write 'I will not mouth off to my betters'" Umbridge said in her sickeningly sweet voice.

"Fuckin' dictating whore.." Ed muttered under his breath.

"What was that, dear?"

"I said, 'How many times?'" The small blond repeated in his best subordinate voice.

"Oh, until it sinks in, I think." She returned to her desk and her constantly watching kitten plates.

Even Al would be unsettled by cats that look like that.

Edward picks up the suspiciously sharp quill and sets it to the paper. "How am I supposed to write without ink." Ed deadpans. And what is with these quills anyway- hasn't anyone heard of a fountain pen around here?

She looks up from her papers. "Don't worry dear, the quill will supply it's own."

Taking the quill hesitantly Ed begins to write.

The back of his glove tears open exposing the concealed automail.

He looks at the paper.

Nothing.

"Professor..?"

"Get on with it Mr. Elric."

So, he tried again.

RI-RIP-SCREE-SCREE-SCREACH!

Still nothing. Ed could have sworn he wrote something.

No matter.

I-SCREECH will-SCREECH not-SCREECH mouth-SCREECH off-SCREECH- to-SCREECH my-SCREECH betters-SCREECH.

With each screech she winces. I-SCREECH will-SCREECH not-SCREECH mouth-SCREECH off-SCREECH- to-SCREECH my-SCREECH betters-SCREECH. Ed writes again.

Other than the slight tearing of the parchment, it would look like nothing happened.

I-SCREECH will-SCREECH not-SCREECH mouth-SCREECH off-SCREECH- to-SCREECH my-SCREECH betters-SCREECH.

It sounds something like fingernails on a chalkboard. Without the fingernails or the chalkboard.

"Professor- nothing's happening."

She stands again, coming over to Ed's seat and looking around for what is making that horrible sound. It is then she notices the blank parchment.

"I do not know what you are playing at Mr. Elric, but it will stop this instant!"

"Yes Professor Umbridge," Ed replies obediently.

"Now, write!"

I-SCREECH will-SCREECH not-SCREECH mouth-SCREECH off-SCREECH- to-SCREECH my-SCREECH betters-SCREECH.

I-SCREECH will-SCREECH not-SCREECH mouth-SCREECH off-SCREECH- to-SCREECH my-SCREECH betters-SCREECH.

"OUT, OUT, OUT!" She screams in a pitch very near that of the quill against the guardplate of his hand.

Walking down the hall well out of hearing distance Edward snickers.

He knew being ambidextrous would come in handy sooner or later.


Fin