Hey there, Okami fans and trolls! This is the story where your favorite Okami characters are tortured by a fanfiction written by a Mary Sue. I actually don't see a whole lot of Okami-Sues, but I'm going to create an abomination. Remember, I don't own Okami. Enjoy the show!

Despite the harsh snow outside, Ponc'tan was enchantingly warm and beautiful as ever. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the tiny town was bustling. But, a certain poncle was confused. Issun definitely knew his house, but he had never seen such a sparkly scroll on his shelves before. Any sparkling thing reminded him of the half-baked prophet, which he luckily hadn't seen in a while. After dragging it off the shelf, succeeding in not getting smashed, he laboriously unrolled the huge, twinkling roll of paper. An overly long title was inscribed in big, bright purple letters: "The Chronicles of Mira Morimoto" and written under it was, "By Kawaiikami". Under that, written in slightly-smaller letters was, "Plus Amaterasu and Issun, of course."

Issun snorted in distaste. Who is this idiot, and why are we in the subtitle? Never before had he heard of this "Kawaiikami", and he was going to find out who it was. Unrolling the scroll a little bit more, he proceeded to read the prologue.

Eleventy-one years ago, in that place called Nippon, in a village called Kamiki, there was this wolf and this guy. The wolf, Shiranui, was the Okami, but no one knew that he was special like that. The people of Kamiki thought he was a demon (stupid people)! So, they wanted to get rid of him, but that guy wanted to the most. His name was Nagi. He was really ugly, but he had an awesome sword. It was, like, over 9,000!

And then that weird celebration came, and that big ol' dragon shot an arrow out of nowhere, and it stuck at the top of that lady Nami's house. Apparently she had to be sacrificed. I mean, seriously. That Orochi dude has absolutely no taste. Well, she was sacrificed, as predicted, and Nagi was all like, "No! My love! I'm gonna save her!" Hah. That idiot had no chance with a woman like her with such an ugly mug. Compared to her, anway.

So, he ran off blubbering about Nami and waving his sword about like an imbecile. But, little did he know that Shiranui was already over at the Moon Cave! While Shiranui was busy being badass and beating the crap out of Orochi, Nagi just leapt down from that suspicious-looking outcropping! The clouds, like, parted, and Nagi held his sword up after babbling about troubling fair maidens. So, the moon came out, and Nagi stole Shiranui's badass-ness by chopping off all of Orochi's heads. And then he was all like, "CELESTIAL CLEAVER!", and he split the leader-head right down the middle!

Shiranui had already been hit too much, though, because he was dying. So, Nagi carried Nami and the wolf back to Kamiki, where Shiranui finally kicked the heavenly bucket. Mr. Fruit was like, "Ohmigod, this wolf is, like, a god!" Everyone was really sorry that they mistreated a god(and they should be!), so they made a shrine to him. And everything was happily-ever-after and all that stuff, the end. Or is it?

Issun stared in disbelief at this paragraph. If this person was a Celestial Envoy, then they were a really crappy one. They had completely mutilated history! It was unforgivable! "I'd better tell Ammy about this," he muttered, and set off for Gen's place. He was going to need his spaceship back.

After arriving at the Celestial Plain, because the author was too lazy to detail the journey there, Issun held on to the fur on Chibi's head as they raced through the golden splendor. "Try not to get slobber all over that scroll, Chibi," shouted Issun over the roar of wind in his ears. Chibi just snorted, unable to bark his indignation with the scroll in his mouth.

They searched for some time before they heard the sound of an all-too-familiar flute. "Shoot," Issun muttered, but Chibi immediately raced toward the music. The mist cleared, and Issun spotted his enemy perched elegantly upon a cherry tree branch. "Oh," Waka chuckled. "There you are, Tiny Sun." Chibi wagged his fluffy tail as Waka jumped off the branch and landed gracefully on the fertile ground. The prophet disregarded Issun's fuming that he had ignored him and ruffled the fur behind Chibi's ears. "What do you have in your mouth, little one?"

Chibi dropped the scroll on the ground carelessly, causing it to unroll a bit. The title glinted as Waka read, "The Chronicles of Mira Morimoto. Quoi? Qui est-ce que?" Issun sighed. "I don't know what you're babbling about, ya half-baked prophet, but we need to show this to Ammy." "Mais oui," Waka replied, and floated back up to the branch to look for her. As it turned out, she was already racing in their direction, her tail wagging. "It looks like Amaterasu already knows you're here, my little bouncing friend," he informed Issun.

Said wolf-god ran out of the mist and careened into her son, covering a shocked but happy Chibi with slobbery licks. Issun was promptly knocked off of Chibi's head, and landed on the ground with an inaudible thump. "C'mon, furball, what was that for? You shouldn't go and knock people off of other's backs, y'know!" The aura surrounding him changed from green to red as he got up and bounced up and down angrily. Ammy whined an apology and lowered her head so that Issun could mount her. Issun patted her nose and muttered a thank-you before jumping up between her ears.

He directed her to the scroll and whispered, "Read that first paragraph. It's insane!" Ammy unrolled the scroll a bit more with her nose and proceeded to look over the sparkly words. The light that shone in her black eyes gradually grew darker and darker as she got further into the prologue. Her lips contorted into a snarl, and she raised her tail, ready to power-slash the treasonous scroll to itty-bitty bits and burn them.

"No, not yet, ma cherie,"said Waka, waving his hands. "I say that we read the whole thing before we do anything with it. The idea that another says that they accompanied you on your journey is intriguing." Growling, Ammy stepped back reluctantly and lay down on the ground, heaving a huge sigh. Chibi whimpered and walked over to his mother to comfort her. The group sat awkwardly for a few minutes, not knowing what to say or do. Finally, Issun broke the thick silence. "So, who's gonna read this?"

"You, of course," spoke the prophet. "It's fitting that the one who found it should be the one who reads it." "I can barely unroll it," gasped Issun. But, in truth, a devious grin was spread across his miniscule face. "In fact, I think you're the only one fit to read it. I'm too small, and both Chibi and Ammy can only bark." After shooting a resentful glare at the poncle, Waka gingerly picked up the scroll. "Fine, since I am not a weakling," he joked, "I'll read this farce." And he would forever regret that decision.