Oh what a night
Rukia sighed deeply while she was lying on Ichigo's bed. She was lying on her back and her hands were on her stomach. She was looking at the ceiling. The window was open so the night breeze quietly entered the dark room. For some reason, she didn't feel like moving.
How long has it been?, she asked herself.
She could hear noises downstairs and she grabbed the hem of her dress and squeezed it. Everything was so lively beneath her, but why did she feel so numb and lifeless?
Is it because he's gone? Or is it because she was just so used to him that it feels weird when he's not around?
Not being able to see his smiling face made her want to die.
When did it all fall apart?, she questioned herself again.
The answers to these questions-she knew them well, but she always felt like asking herself over and over again until she wanted to die. She felt the need to do so because of him.
He suffered and died because of me. Now I have to suffer like he did and slowly perish until there's nothing left.
Ichigo died two months ago. He died doing what he knew best-protecting people, protecting her. And it made her chest ache because she felt responsible-she felt that she wasn't strong enough to protect him. Everything he always did was protecting others.
But there was no one to protect him.
Tears crept up in the corner of her eyes. She wiped them off immediately. Her promise to him was that she wouldn't cry over him. And she hasn't because she knew that she would fall apart if she broke that promise.
I have to be strong because of him.
She knew that it was the hundredth time that day that she said that to herself. But she had to because that was the only thing that got her through the day.
It was harder at night because that was the time that she was all alone. Usually, during the day she was surrounded by people who kept her busy-who kept her strain of thoughts busy.
And everything reminded her of him.
The way Yuzu smiles is the same as his. The way Karin scowls is the same as his. And the kind gaze that his mother has on all her photographs is the same as his. Even Isshin's weird ways are the same as his.
But she acknowledged that she wasn't alone in her grief.
How many times has Yuzu been crying? How many times did Karin lock herself in her and Yuzu's room? How many times did Isshin's face expression turn from the one of a happy-go-lucky goof to the one of someone who is in excruciating pain, especially when he thought that no one was looking?
Everybody was suffering in their own way.
What am I still doing here? I have no right to be here. It's my fault. I should have been the one that's dead.
Tears appeared and she wiped them off again. She couldn't stay alone any longer so she decided to go down stairs and see if Yuzu needed any help with preparing the dinner.
Rukia quickly got up, but before she could even reach the door a dark shadow splayed across the room blocking the moonlight that was seeping in and making it even darker. She quickly turned to the open window and there he was, crouching-his face a cold mask.
Rukia backed away a little and froze. She wanted to move, but she couldn't. And he smiled one of his wicked grins because he could smell her fear.
Grimmjow easily jumped into the room, the grin was still plastered onto his face.
"Where is he?", he asked, his voice gruff and seemingly amused.
Rukia couldn't bring herself to answer him. She could only remember what happened last time when she and Ichigo had a close encounter with the blue-haired espada.
"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?", he teased in a low voice.
She thought that it was about time she regained her composure and tried to get out of this situation without a hole in her stomach, because that's how she liked it-flat and without a hole.
"If you're looking for Ichigo, he's not here.", she said, trying hard not to make her voice break.
"Then where is he?", Grimmjow asked while he slowly started to get irritated.
"I told you he's not here. Not anymore.", she answered.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Grimmjow's grin fell into a surprised frown.
"Dead?", he asked, surprise was clear in his voice.
"Yes.", Rukia confirmed.
Suddenly, he seemed very angry. Grimmjow quickly walked across the room to Rukia and grabbed her wrist into a painful grasp. She let out a yelp and tried to pry his hand off her wrist, but that was all in vain because he was much stronger than her.
"You gotta be shittin' me, right?", he asked.
"I'm not. Let me go.", she answered while she struggled to get out of his grasp.
"Kurosaki can't be fucking dead. I have to fight him."
"Well, that's too bad. He's a little busy at the moment. Now let go of me."
And he did. Rukia quickly went backwards, trying to get as far as possible away from him, until her lower back hit Ichigo's desk. Grimmjow seemed shocked for a few moments, but then his face turned very serious.
He turned and glared at her. She flinched because it felt like his gaze was piercing her body.
"When did he die?", he started questioning her again.
"A couple of months ago.", she quietly answered.
"Don't tell me you feel sorry?"
"The only thing I'm sorry for is that I didn't get to be the one who killed him."
Rukia didn't know why, but suddenly she got the feel that she's the bravest person in the world and her legs kind of led her on her own while she walked to him and slapped him hard across his bare cheek.
"You bitch!", he snarled.
She instantly regretted it. Grimmjow got on a new level of pissed off and pushed her so hard that she fell onto the floor. When her back hit the floor, the skirt of her dress lifted and he got a flash of the white skin of her thighs. He didn't know why, but he wanted to touch it. And that made him even more pissed off.
Well it could have been worse. He could have punched a hole in me., she thought and got up, straightening her dress.
She looked up and her eyes shot daggers at him. His cold blue eyes were emotionless-like he had no soul and she was sure that that was the case.
"Get out.", she calmly said.
He smirked and chuckled like he thought that what she said was funny. But then suddenly his face turned into a cold mask again and she knew that this is when he gets serious.
"Make me.", he said and started approaching her dangerously.
She backed away until her lower back hit the desk again. And he came so close-too close. Her forehead almost brushed against his bare chest.
Rukia felt like her heart is going to jump out of her chest and run away. She was certain that he could hear it.
Grimmjow could sense her fear and, in some twisted way, it excited him and he liked that she was afraid of him. She was obviously weaker than him and, if he wanted, he could rip her into pieces with ease. But, he wasn't planning to do anything like that, not yet that is.
He roughly grabbed her upper arm and she instinctively brought her hands up and started to push at his chest. Rukia winced against him letting out a loud gasp.
Sweet., he thought and licked his lips.
She looked up at his face. He still wore the serious mask and she had to admit that, when he didn't grin, scowl or snarl, he actually looked pretty decent for a guy.
Argh, what am I thinking?!, she thought, wanting to slap herself for ever thinking that this horrible man actually looked nice.
"Stop it.", she finally said.
"Why?", he asked and lowered his head.
And then, he did something unexpected, he buried his face into her neck, sandwiching her between his body and the desk.
"Ah!", she gasped loudly and tried even harder to push him off.
"Don't try to resist, because I know you want this as much as I do, so shut up.", he said, his breath hot against the skin of her neck.
"No, I don't. Stop making stuff up, because you don't know how I feel nor what I think.", she said and winced when she felt his hand go down her waist to rest on her hip.
He raised his head and looked her deep into the eyes.
"Did you love him as much as I hated him?", he quietly asked, his face was too close to hers.
Rukia hesitated for a bit, but then she felt stupid for doing so because she knew the answer.
"Yes.", she said and looked away.
"Then you can imagine that it's him instead of me.", he said.
She grew angry at his words. How can he be so oblivious? No one can ever replace him. She wanted to slap him again, but restrained herself because she didn't want to anger him.
"That's not how things work.", she simply said, her blood boiling beneath her calm exterior.
"I don't care.", he grunted and pulled her into a rough kiss that bruised her lips.
She let out a muffled scream in his mouth and she tried wriggling out of his grasp, but to no avail.
When he finally released her mouth, she was left panting holding the desk tightly-so tightly that it was painful. Only a streak of saliva was connecting their lips, like it was there to remind her of what he did. He gave her a cocky smirk and a tear made its way down her cheek.
Rukia felt dirty and polluted. And she couldn't understand why she started crying. She managed to remain calm when thinking of Ichigo, but now, she was crying because of this man. Rukia just couldn't understand it.
"Are you crying because of him?", Grimmjow asked.
"No.", she answered and quickly wiped away the tears.
"Then you're crying because of me, right?"
"Yes and I hate you because of that."
"I don't care."
In a split of a second he grabbed her and pushed her onto the floor. He was quickly on top of her and she couldn't even react properly. It wasn't until she was already trapped beneath his body that she realized what happened.
She wanted to scream, because she finally admitted that she in fact knew exactly what he wanted all along, but she restrained. He's so strong, he could easily kill everyone in the house and she couldn't allow any more deaths to happen. And, she also promised to Ichigo that she'll take care of Karin and Yuzu. They're practically children and she couldn't let any harm fall upon them. She would never forgive herself.
The same way I'll never forgive myself for his death.
Grimmjow's hand traveled south until he grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it up a little bit. He spread her legs and touched her inner thigh.
"Stop it. I'm scared.", she said and finally admitted that she was, in fact, really scared of him.
"Eh?", he simply said and looked up at her, "Could it be that you never did it with Kurosaki?"
"That is none of your business.", she hissed in response.
Grimmjow gave out a psychotic laugh.
"I can't believe this! This whole time I was dealing with a virgin! Holy fucking hell!", he said loudly.
Rukia tried pushing at his shoulders, but he just grabbed her wrist and placed her hand on his cheek. His face was all serious again.
"Let's fuck.", he simply said.
Rukia was surprised at first, but then she realized that she shouldn't have expected more from the espada.
"It'll make you feel better.", he said.
"No it won't. Get off of me!"
"He's not gonna come back, so I don't see the reason why the fuck we shouldn't."
"Don't you see that you're the only one who wants to do it?"
"Well, chicks are usually all over me, so I don't really get any of that shit. Actually, I never get any of that shit."
"Good for you! Now will you kindly get the hell out and leave me alone!"
"Fine, you fucking bitch. You'll regret it, because I'm good at-"
"I don't care!"
Grimmjow stood up and glared at her one last time before he went for the window. Rukia got up and watched him go to the window, thinking that it's all over. But, he didn't jump out as she thought he would, instead he just stopped.
"I knew he was dead.", he said.
Rukia didn't know why, but the fact that he knew all along surprised her and made her angry since he was giving her a hard time.
"What?", she murmured.
"I wasn't really sure, though. I got here few weeks ago and I immediately used my pesquisa to track him down, but I felt nothing. There wasn't even a smidgeon of his spiritual pressure. I didn't really want to believe that he's dead because I still wanted to fight him. And, he's also strong as fuck and that's probably the main reason why I didn't think he was dead. I was wrong, obviously.", Grimmjow explained.
Rukia remained quiet. She sat down on Ichigo's bed and couldn't help but feel that Grimmjow, while he spoke, looked a little bit human and a little less of a monster. And, she knew well that if Ichigo didn't die before then Grimmjow might have been the one who killed him.
"Then why are you here?", she asked, her voice quiet.
He turned to look at her.
"Well, since I didn't believe that Kurosaki's dead, I remembered you. You were with him the night I first fought him.", he answered.
"I remember.", she said and her hand immediately went to her stomach, where he pierced her with his bare hand.
"So, I thought that you know where he is and so I followed you around the town. I'm really surprised you didn't notice me, though. I'm powerful as fuck.", he finished.
"You followed me?", she was agape.
"Yeah, kind of. I came here tonight to confirm my doubts."
And then they both fell silent. Grimmjow shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around for a few seconds.
"You're pretty.", he broke the silence.
She couldn't help but stare at him, her mouth wide open. He wasn't looking at her; instead he was looking at some dot on the wall.
"What?", she somehow managed to say.
She was too dumbfounded to say anything else. What was she supposed to say, anyways? To thank him for complimenting her? That would be dumb because she knew well that he didn't expect nor want her to thank him.
And, what was even worse, she saw the last bits of humanity in him. After all, he was once human, and she was, too. But then they both died and went completely different ways. She took the right path and he took the wrong one.
She felt unworthy to decide which path was right and which one was wrong because both the soul reapers and hollows serve their purpose.
"I'm not going to repeat myself.", Grimmjow said.
"And you don't have to, really.", she said.
Grimmjow then moved towards her and sat beside her on Ichigo's bed. She didn't look at him; instead she was staring at the closet she used to sleep in.
They felt really close to each other, because they had both lost something. Grimmjow lost a worthy opponent and Rukia lost someone whom she loved with all her heart. In some bizarre way, at that moment, they were the same, yet completely different.
He was a man, a hollow, someone who was able to kill without even blinking. And she was a woman, a soul reaper, someone who still lived by the human codex.
Rukia placed her hand next to her body, on the bed, and she reached out to touch his hand with her fingertips. Her touch was so light that, at first, he didn't even feel it. But, when he did, he turned his head to look at her. She looked small and she was small compared to him, and weaker.
He reached out and grabbed a strand of her hair. He remembered that her hair was longer when he first met her. Shorter hair suited her more.
Grimmjow knew that she wouldn't be the one to make the first move, so he leaned in and rested his head against her shoulder. He placed his hand on her knee and kept it there for a few moments, after that it went up, over her inner thigh.
For some reason, she didn't move at all. It was like she was paralyzed or something like that. She didn't really mind him touching her-she wouldn't mind even if he was killing her; instead, she remembered Ichigo and the last time they were this close, although they never got to the 'love making'.
She thought that maybe she could use Grimmjow as a substitute for Ichigo. All she had to do is imagine that he's Ichigo and everything would be fine. Although, Grimmjow's body was different than Ichigo's. Grimmjow was taller and more muscular, and, overall, bigger, but, despite all these dissimilarities that Grimmjow had with Ichigo, she knew that she'll manage.
Is this the right thing?, she asked herself.
But she didn't want to think about that; she'll think about it in the morning. She was too overwhelmed to think at all.
It's all or nothing.
"Arrancar…", she whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck.
AN: So yeah. That's it. My first GrimmRuki fanfic. Considering that my ultimate OTP is IchiRuki, people would think that I'd write an IchiRuki fic, but noooooooooooo! I think I'm scared of writing for IchiRuki because I think I'll ruin it or something with my bad writing skills.
I was listening to Guano Apes' song "Oh what a night" so I decided to name it like that. Good song, lame title. I know. You can leave a complaint in the complaint box, BUT I DON'T CHECK THAT SHIT.
Anyhow, I think Grimmjow is kind of OOC because I don't think that he'd say something like: "You're pretty." or shit like that. But, I just had to make him say it. Yeah, I basically ruined the character. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, this was kind of depressing to write considering that Ichigo died and all. But I had this stuck in my head for a while and I just had to write it out. I also wanted to write out a lemon but then kind of went: "Meh, I'm not cut out for that shit." So I didn't write it out. Not saying that I'm not gonna do that one day.
I think I should end this rambling now. Okay yes. Okay good.
Oh and don't forget to R&R!