Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars. I mean, I would screw that show up so bad.
Save You From Me
Paige sighs. This isn't at all how she imagined. Not that she ever imagined breaking up with one Emily Fields, because she didn't. Ever. Even now, sitting on Emily's couch, in Emily's living room, in Emily's apartment, looking at Emily's tear stained face, she cannot fathom living in a world where Emily wasn't hers. To love. To hold. To console. And she wants nothing more than to grab her and say never mind, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. But she does. She may not want to let go, but she has to, for Emily. Always for Emily.
"Did you hear what I said?" Emily's question breaks Paige out of her trance.
"Yes. Then and the other ten times you said it," she says evenly. "But that's not how this works. You can't just say no. If one person wants to break-up, then you break-up. And that's it. There's no refusing."
"No, if one person has a legitimate reason to want to break-up, then they break-up. And I know you don't have one." Emily huffs, "you have a Paige reason," Emily finishes looking down at her.
Paige can't help it, she laughs at that. This whole thing is just ridiculous. "OK, I'll humor you. What exactly is a Paige reason?" She asks, eyes leveling with Emily's.
Emily doesn't miss a beat. "It's you making up all these ridiculous 'what ifs' in your head, finding things that could maybe, kinda-sorta happen, in the maybe distant future. It's you trying to save me from you." Emily drops her head, "and it's my fault because I let you get away with it before. Before we were serious, before I was in love with your stupid, stubborn, annoying self." Emily takes a deep breath, raising her head to look at her. "But I'm not letting you now. Because now you're not just messing with my head, you're messing with my heart. And I've been through enough pain to let you do that to me."
This time Paige drops her head, pleading with herself to not cry, not let Emily sway her mind. Because she's right, of course she's right, she always is. But that doesn't change anything. It doesn't change what she has to do, what she came here to do. And she needs to do it quickly because she can't keep this up. It's too much, this denying Emily what she wants. She could never do it before and now that the thing she wants is her, it's almost impossible.
"What are you doing Paige? Making up more reasons?" Paige winces at Emily's sarcastic tone. Yes, she needed to get this over with.
Paige clears her throat, pleading with her body to cooperate and swallow any and all her feelings and emotions. When she's sure she's okay, she stands up and looks into Emily's eyes. She needs the message to be loud and clear. "Maybe I'm just not in love with you anymore."
Emily flinches and Paige can see the muscles in her jaw clenching, then stop completely. "Really?" Emily asks, her tone confusing Paige. It sounds almost...cocky.
Paige simply nods, not knowing what else to do.
"And at one point, from six this morning when you left my apartment," Emily turns to look at the clock on the wall, "to barely four in the afternoon did this happen?" She crosses her arms over her chest.
Oh. Crap. "Well, I...I don't know...I wasn't really-"
"Because it couldn't have been last night," Emily interrupts her mid-sentence, walking towards her.
Ohcrap. Ohcrap. Ohcrap. "Why not?"
Emily stops when she's directly in front of her, "because last night you were very much still whipped." She smirks.
Paige gulps. She's not sure exactly when it happened, but at some point she lost control of the conversation and now she's confused and just a little scared. "You don't know that."
If it's at all possible, Paige is sure Emily's smirk widens at her poor attempt to dissuade whatever it was Emily was getting at. "I know that you were all googly eyed over that stupid purple dress I wore. I know that you couldn't keep your hands off me long enough to eat. I know that we had sex...multiple times. And I know that last night...you screamed, cried, whispered, even told me in Spanish how much you love me."
"Emily, people say a lot of things-" Emily's fingers on her lips shuts her up quickly.
"Shut up, I'm not done." Paige nods again and Emily pulls her hand away from her mouth. "I know I believed you every single time. You want to know why?"
No, no, no, she really didn't want to know. She wanted to run. She's not entirely sure if it's away from Emily or to the bedroom because she's both scared and turned on. No Paige, say no. She nods her head. Damn.
"Because you," Emily points a finger into her chest. "You Paige McCullers, you wear your heart on you sleeve, on your face, on every part of your body. I believed you...because you can't lie."
Paige snorts, "shows how much you know. I've lied plenty of times." Paige steps back. She needs space. Air. Her senses were overloaded with all things Emily. "Sometimes even to you," she tries her damnedest to sound convincing.
Emily laughs, loud and open. Guess it didn't work. "Please. It doesn't matter how true the words coming out of your mouth are, unless it's my name, I hardly ever pay attention to them anyways." Emily closes the distance, face suddenly serious. "I pay attention to how your eyes shine when you look at me," she says, bringing her hands to lightly touch them.
Paige can't stop her eyes from closing.
"To the way you bite your lip right before you kiss me," Emily's hands follow her words, tracing over Paige's lips.
Paige has to remind herself to breathe.
"The way your hands always seem to find mine, no matter where we are or what we're doing," Emily continues, squeezing her hand. "Or your heart..."
When Paige feels her hands on her chest, her eyes fly open. She's not sure why, she's not turned on or anything, Emily's hands are just kind of there. Whatever the reason, Paige hates herself for it because now she can see...everything. And she knows her plan is disappearing right in front of her eyes.
Emily is smiling brightly at her, "how fast you heart beats every time I touch you, no matter how innocent the touch is." Emily's smile suddenly vanishes and she pulls her hands away.
Paige immediately misses the contact.
Emily sighs, "why would I listen to anything you have to say, when your actions are so much louder."
Paige ducks her head down. She couldn't do this. "Emily please..." she's not sure what she's asking, she just knows she wants this to be done...either way.
"Paige. Look at me."
"Then tell me what's wrong. What can I do?"
Paige rubs her face, sitting down on the couch. Takes a breath. "My parents are getting a divorce."
Emily sits next to her, as close to her as possible, without actually touching her. Paige wonders why she's being so shy now. She'd laugh, but she's scared it's going to come out as a cry.
"I'm so sorry Pai-"
"Don't be." Paige interrupts her. "I'm not, I mean, I love my parents, but they're just...much better apart."
"I don't understand-"
"I found my mom crying. When I went to visit her, she was just crying on the porch steps. She looked so sad and lost and I just..." she trails off, not really knowing how to finish.
"That's understandable. She's been with your father for..."
"Fifteen years," Paige answers.
"So of course she'd be sad. It's a divorce."
Paige turns so she can see Emily properly. So Emily can see her properly. She needs Emily to see. "She wasn't sad because they're getting a divorce. She told me she was sad that she spent fifteen years trying to love someone that she isn't even sure she liked. She put so much into him, into them. And now-" she stops. Sighs. "Now she has nothing to show for it."
"Paige..." Emily grabs her hands.
Paige relishes in the feeling for a moment, letting it wash over her, giving her the confidence she needs to get everything out.
And then she pulls her hand back, standing up. "I'm sorry," she says, seeing the hurt look on Emily's face. "I just...you wanted to know what was wrong and I'm trying to tell you, but I can't when you're touching me. It messes with my head," she meant for it to come out as a joke, but the connection between her mind and her mouth must be off because Emily just nods and looks even more hurt than she did a second ago.
Paige rakes a hand through her hair in frustration. Nothings coming out right.
"Paige," Emily says quietly.
Paige looks down at her.
"Just breathe." Emily smiles.
She takes a breath.
She rolls her shoulders.
"Just give it some time. The words will come."
It's quiet now. And Paige welcomes the silence. Let's it calm her and tries to make sense of the jumbled mess that is her mind.
After a few minutes she says, "I'm so in love with you" without thinking. She guesses it's a start.
Paige ignores the words coming out of Emily's mouth. She doesn't need to be interrupted now that's shes started. "I've...I've always been in love with you. I loved you before I even knew what love was. Before I knew it was okay to love you. When I hated everyone else...even myself, I still loved you." She whispers that last part and has to take a breath to steady her voice. "You're it for me. There was no one before and there will be no one after."
"No. Just let me finish okay?"
Paige takes another long breath. "I love you. I always have and I always will. You got me...forever, however. I'm not going to go anywhere. No matter what, I will always be here. I just need you to know that." Paige waits.
"I do." Emily answers her unvoiced question.
"Good," Paige nods to herself. "Because above everything else, I need you to be happy. It's important that you're happy. Whether it's with me or someone you haven't even met yet. I don't want to find you crying on the porch steps, fifteen years from now, wondering where time went. Regretting who you spent it with. I just...really, really need you to be happy." She's glad her brain decided to cooperate with her and she hopes Emily get's the point. Get's what she was trying to do for her. The out she was trying to give her.
"I am happy," Emily says confidently, standing in front of her. "Really, really happy Paige."
"No, not just for now."
"You don't know that." Paige doesn't understand why she's not taking the out. Maybe she didn't make it clear.
Emily laughs and grabs her hands, squeezing. "Neither do you. You can't save me from the future. It hasn't happened yet."
Paige looks down.
"I'm not your mother," she says, nudging at her chin, forcing Paige to look at her. "And you are most definitely not your father."
"I know, I just-"
"No, you don't know," Emily grabs her face and holds it firmly between both of her hands. "You've built up this...completely wrong idea in your head. That I'm too good for you. And you bend over backwards for me, trying to make up for it. I wish you knew-" she caresses Paige's face gently. "I'm telling you now, you don't have to do that. I'm not too good for you and you're not too good for me," she smiles. "We're both flawed and stupid sometimes...and that's okay. Because you and me, we're good together. We make each other better. You make me better."
"I've seen what's out there Paige. I'm not missing out on anything, I promise," Emily finishes, kissing her.
"I'm. Not. Missing. Out. On. Anything." Emily validates each word with a peck. "Okay?" she asks, looking into Paige's eyes.
Paige looks back at her, taking a moment to just take her in. Her beautiful, perfect girlfriend. "Okay," she murmurs her agreement, placing her head on Emily's shoulder. "At no point tonight were we going to break-up huh?"
Emily leans her head on Paige's. "Please, if I didn't let Rosewood break us up, what made you think for a second that I'd let you?"
"A momentary lapse in judgment." Paige pulls her head up to look at Emily. "It won't happen again."
"I know." Emily kisses her forehead. "Just talk to me next time. Save us both the trouble."
"I will," she says, disentangling herself from Emily, suddenly remembering her promise to her mom.
Emily frowns, "where are you going?"
"I'm sorry Em, I kind of promised my mom I'd have dinner with her and I have to leave now if I'm going to make it on time," she says, her eyes scanning the living room. "Do you know where my keys are?" She ask without waiting for an answer, vocal or otherwise, opting to look in the kitchen.
"Why didn't you just stay there instead of driving back and forth?" Emily asks, her voice a bit louder, seemingly to make up for the small distance between the living room and the kitchen.
Paige stops, unsure how to answer her. "Well I came back to..." she trails off, not wanting to start anything up again.
Emily's head pops into the kitchen doorway. "To break-up with me, right, I almost forgot."
Paige gapes, open mouthed at her, trying to figure out where her head was. Emily is just looking at her. Paige thinks she's in the clear, but she could never be sure. "Did I tell you how sorry I am...and stupid, very stupid."
Emily shakes her head, "you didn't actually."
"I'm sorry, very, very sorry. And stupid, so incredibly stupid."
Emily nods and walks fully into the kitchen, Paige's keys in hand. "I'm coming with you."
"Em, you don't have to-"
"Yes," she pulls the keys out of reach of Paige's outstretched hands, "I do. Who knows what you'll talk yourself into if you go by yourself." She walks out of the kitchen and Paige is left to follow after her.
Paige stops, unsure, of what, she's not so sure. She watches Emily grab her coat and walk to the front door, turning around to look at her questioningly.
"Are you coming or what?"
"...right...um, wait up," Paige quickly grabs her coat and jogs after Emily, as she's already out the door. When she catches up to her, she grabs her hand, needing the comfort. "I really am sorry Em."
Emily looks at her out of the corner of her eye, "I know." She squeezes Paige's hand.
"I love you."
Emily smiles, "I know." She kisses Paige. "I love you too."
Someone left me such a nice message and I realized I haven't posted a fic in a while. Now I realize this isn't smut or Hannily/Caige fun times, which a lot of you seem to want, but I hope you at least enjoyed it. And I have Hannily/Caige fics just waiting to be posted so look out for that. No smut tho, I'm gonna leave that to the pros. Also, any prompts you may have, please feel free to throw them my way and I'll see what I can do with it. As always, thank you for your reviews and such. It's much appreciated.