Hi, there! I know that it has been ages since I have updated this fic, I have been busy with several other projects and real life. But then I heard that a very special lady's birthday was coming up and I remembered promising her ages ago that I would write about INO Peeta and "angsterbation". I wasn't brave enough at the time to write about it. But I'm a bit more comfortable in my smut writing skills now so I thought that I would give it a try.
Happy birthday Streetlightlove! I hope that you enjoying it.
Thank you so much to Court81981 who beta-ed this in a flash, I've written the bulk of this in the last 48 hours.
In Name Only- Peeta's POV
Peeta watched his new wife piece together a jigsaw puzzle with her little sister from over the top of his newspaper. Katniss was kneeling in front of him, bent over the coffee table while she sorted out the pieces, giving him an excellent view of her rear.
He wanted to look away, but he couldn't.
Katniss had no clue what effect she had on him. She was driving him crazy by just being her, more so than any than professional seductress ever had. Damn it, why in the hell did I insist that she have pants made? They do nothing but make me want her more.
"I am no good at these things," she jokingly complained to her sister. "It's all yours, Little Duck." Katniss then sat on the floor and scooted back to where he sat and put her head on the knee of his good leg. Surprised by the intimate gesture, Peeta had a little start.
Katniss craned her neck to look at him, as if to question if what she'd done was alright. He answered by laying his hand on her head urging her to again lay cheek against his knee, and he petted her hair once or twice and she relaxed into him.
It was sweet torture andPeeta was ready to burst. He had been married to the girl of his dreams for three weeks, and yet he was more frustrated than ever. When they wed, he told himself that he would be content just to have Katniss in his home and that they would live as if they were a priest and a nun. Hope of anything else was too much to ask for.
It was easy the first weeks after they got married—it was easy to forget about his needs. Everything was so new and busy. The first chance he got he went to the county asylum to check on Mrs. Everdeen. He'd heard terrible stories about the place. When he arrived, he found that rumors had been true, and the place smelled of human waste and suffering. From the administrator's office he could hear the tortured screams of the delusional patients.
The Army hospital that he spent months in was a hundred times better than the rancid smelling hellhole that had the nerve to call itself a mental hospital. He remembered his brother, Graham, praising the doctor that treated his wife's brother. Peeta immediately made the necessary calls and had his new mother-in-law transferred to a better hospital.
He debated telling Katniss about what he'd done. She would be upset that he made such a big decision without her, but he didn't want Katniss to know how terribly her mother had been treated. Peeta also knew that Katniss would inquire about the added cost of keeping her mother in a private hospital, and she was dealing with so much at the moment with the adjusting to her new life and caring for Prim. She was so proud—to a fault—and he didn't want her to think that she was in his debt. If she was ever to have any real feelings, they could not be based on her thinking that she owed him.
After the newness wore off some, Peeta had gotten comfortable in his new routine with his female housemates. Katniss would visit him in the bakery in the morning, and they would talk just like always, later at lunchtime she would attempt to make him a meal (and she usually failed). In the afternoons Prim would stop in at the bakery after school, and then they would walk home together. They would all eat dinner as a family and then would relax together in living room. It was a nice little life, and most of the time he could convince himself that he would be perfectly happy if that was all he ever he ever got out of this marriage. But then there were times, like now, that he found it hard to keep his thoughts about his wife chaste and he couldn't keep his eyes off her.
Katniss yawned, arching her back and stretching her arms, her breasts strained against her shirt, making top the button pop, and he could see down her shirt. Peeta's eyes instantly focused on the lace garment that peeped out along with just a hint of skin that he'd never seen before. Unconsciously he found himself wondering what color her nipples were: dusky or rosy pink. Just as he began to indulge in this thought, he instantly began to repeat his silent mantra, "Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, a little girl with pigtails and freckles and skinned knees. She is only a girl!"
It was enough to dash any sexual thoughts of her and it was just in time. Katniss looked at the clock on the wall and announced, "Come on Prim, it's time for bed."
Katniss stood and then helped her sister up. Prim walked over to his armchair. "Goodnight, Peeta."
"Night, Prim," he replied and affectionately pinched her nose. "Good luck with your spelling test, tomorrow. But I know you'll ace it."
The little girl giggled and headed towards the stairs, leaving him and his wife alone in the silent room. Katniss turned on the radio and then took the seat nearest to him. Obviously, she still didn't know that her button was undone. At this new angle, he was could see even more, and he couldn't seem to ignore it, no matter how hard he tried, and it was leading him down a dangerous path.
"I think that I'll get ready for bed, too," he said and stood. He didn't miss the little look of hurt on her face. Usually they would sit together, alone, for a little while every night. Although tonight, he couldn't stand to so close to her without thinking about how much he longed to have more.
"Oh, alright," she said softly and also rose. "I guess I'll go to upstairs to read."
"What are you reading?" he asked.
"Jane Eyre," she replied and walked with him out of the room to the foot of the stairs.
"How far are you?"
"Jane and Mr. Rochester just got engaged."
"Then you haven't gotten to the good part yet," he grinned. "Just wait until you find out what's in the attic."
"Don't tell me," she warned and playfully slapped his arm. "I've been so good and not looked at the end, so don't ruin it for me!"
"I wouldn't dream of ruining anything for you. I only want you to experience the best of everything," he said, sounding like a jester, but in all reality he was serious.
"Which I have since I've been with here you, Peeta," she said and took his hand in both of hers. It was moments like this that confused him to no end. When she looked at him like this, he thought that maybe, just maybe that she might come to love him like he loved her. In a moment of weakness he bent his head to kiss her not on the forehead, but on the cheek, just a fraction of an inch from the corner of her mouth.
As soon as he realized his error, he quickly pulled away. He fully expected her to recoil or have a look of disgust; instead she looked at him with a happy expression. She was completely at ease with him, so it seemed.
"Well, goodnight, Peeta," she sighed.
"Sweet dreams, Katniss," he whispered.
She smiled at him and turned to climb the stairs. Her curves were definitely those of a woman, and yet he knew that her innocence nature was more like that of a child. He watched her until she turned the corner and she disappeared from sight.
He took a steadying breath went to his bedroom and gathered his pajamas before he went to the bathroom to shower.
He removed his clothes and started the water. Most of the time he waited for the water to get hot, but tonight he wanted the shock of the cold water to chase any impure thoughts of Katniss from his mind.
It didn't work.
Peeta tried to not to think about her, but it only made things harder, so to speak. Not to mention that it had been long time since he'd last 'taken care of his personal needs.' He'd resisted all urges to pleasure himself since the Everdeen girls moved in. The thought of being caught in the act by Katniss, or even worse, Prim walking in on him, was enough to put him off, even with the doors locked. But finally he felt as if he had to, or he might literally explode.
After he washed his hair and scrubbed his body, he decided it was best to get it done and over with. Don't think about Katniss! he warned himself and tried to instead call up an image of some random pretty face. The woman was in some imagined hotel room bed, wearing nothing but a sultry grin.
In the shower he wrapped his soapy hand around his hardened member and braced himself against the tile wall with the other.
In his fantasy, the woman used her pointer finger to crook a come-hither motion for him to come to bed. He obeyed her command, and soon he was naked and in the bed with her. Their lips fused, and he explored every inch of her: his hands traversed her body while his tongue outlined every bit of her mouth it could reach. His body pressed hers deep into the mattress, and his erection throbbed in between their bodies. He closed his eyes to fully immerse himself in the lustful dream. The woman moaned loudly, and the voice was familiar. It was Katniss's.
Despite all his efforts, the nameless woman's face morphed into that of his wife's, and the room became his own. Instead of stopping Peeta, it only turned him on more. He didn't want to think about Katniss, although his desire outweighed his good intentions. He looked over her naked body—it was so perfect. Unabashedly, she reached out her hand and gripped and stroked him as if they'd been doing this forever. Her hands were strong and sure in their movements. She smiled at him with hooded eyes, urging him to let go.
"Not yet," he told her and pulled her hand away and began to kiss her again. He wanted nothing more than to give her pleasure, too. He palmed her breasts and she keened, and next he parted his lips from her and attacked her breasts, suckling on one of the dark pink tips. He imagined that her skin tasted savory rather than sweet, with a hint of salt and musk. One of his hands sought out her center. She was soaking wet with silky arousal. Slowly he inserted one finger. She was so tight. It was going to take some work to get her ready for him, so he added another finger and pumped her steadily. She cried her name and bucked her hips begging for more.
"I need you, Peeta," she pled in a husky voice. Eager to comply, he buried himself in her tight, wet heat with a single thrust. He knew that it would feel like paradise, and she matched him move for move.
In the shower his fist moved at a furious pace. He felt a tingle at the base of his spine and feeling of heaviness in his sac.
In his fantasy Katniss reached her climax moaning his name and clinging to his body, and under the hot water, Peeta came soon after. Biting his lip to stifle the sound, he spilled himself onto the tile floor. He hadn't come so hard by his own hand since he was a teenager. Spent, he reluctantly left his fantasy and opened his eyes and watched the pearly white fluid swirl down the drain. It was a lonely feeling.
When he recovered and rinsed off, the guilt began to set in. Peeta turned off the water and stepped out of the stall. He limped over to the sink. His leg ached, as he'd stood in one spot for too long. He looked down at the ruined skin where there was a chunk missing out of calf, and a jagged scar.
He didn't bother to dry off; being cold and wet brought him back to reality. In the mirror, he looked at his reflection, focusing on his scar. Even he had to admit that it looked better than it did years ago, but he still thought that it was ugly. It made him ugly. It was an outward manifestation of all the misery he'd survived and that had changed him forever.
Katniss deserves better than this. He wasn't lying when he said that he wanted the best for her. Sometimes he thought, or rather hoped, that he could be what was best. Yet times like this, right in the moment, he convinced himself that he wasn't.
"You're a fool," he told the man in the mirror before he turned to put on his bed clothes. Peeta limped to his bed feeling lower that he had in ages. I am no closer to her now than I was before we married.
That night he lay there trying to bring up innocent memories of Kitty, a nymph-like little girl with a bundle of dandelions in her hand. He couldn't. So instead he again allowed thoughts of her in his bed, reasoning that it was alright if his intentions were wholesome. This time his dream Katniss was only there to hold him; after all it was a nice dream. There's no harm if it is only a dream, right?
Thanks for reading!
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Teaser- In Name Only- Katniss and Peeta's First Valentine's Day
"We're home," he announced when they pulled into the drive, it wasn't a moment too soon because Katniss was just about to reach into his pants.
She smiled at him seductively, "What are you going to home to me, now that you got me?"
"Do you mean, 'what am I going to do to you, now that I've got you home?'"
She smiled wide and squinted, making her nose wrinkle in the cutest way, "Isn't that what I said?"
"No," he answered and parked the car.
Katniss giggled heartily as Peeta opened the car door, she slid out behind him, nearly tumbled to the ground. He caught her around the waist and guided his tipsy wife to the house.
"Yes?" he replied and opened the door.
"Before you came over to the table, that man said something to me…I've heard the word before but I don't know what it exactly means," she said shyly.
He let her go so he could face her, "What did he say to you?"
"He said that 'I look I would be fun to…um…fuck'," she whispered the last word and Peeta felt the fury rise in him. I should have punched that asshole a few more times. He wanted to go back to the bar simply to go ring the bastard's called him back to reality, "What does it mean exactly? I know that it is a very bad word, I've heard only a couple of times before."
"It means," he searched for the right words, "fornication, and sex simply for sake of sex. Sort of like animals."
"Oh…Do you ever want to do that to me?" she posed with a mix of innocence and curiously.
It was a hard question to answer. The thought of taking her hard and rough, was a fantasy that he usually didn't allow himself. In all the time he'd spent dreaming about them together it was always love making; deep and meaningful. Never did he allow himself to imagine just simple fornication. He was always telling himself that she was too inexperienced, naïve, and most importantly his wife, and not to be used in such a way. But sometimes, he had to admit, that he thought about making love to his wife in a wanton way, he wanted to hear her impassioned cries as he thrust into her deeply.
He had to be honest with her, "I wouldn't use the word 'fuck' but yes there are times, that I would like to…um…," he searched for the right word, "ravage you."
He felt Katniss shiver with the words and she smiled at him with hooded eyes, "Then why don't you?"
Peeta couldn't believe what he had just heard, "Is that what you want tonight?"
She nodded and then pulled on his tie to bring his lips to her in a heated kiss. She inhaled his lower lip into her mouth and worried it with her teeth. One of her hands traveled to his fly and groped him through his pants, and he instantly began to stiffen again.
He chucked, "I thought that you wanted me to ravage you."
She proposed, "Maybe we can take turns ravaging each other."