Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is from Psych.
Beta: Yes and thank you to jerseybelle for all her hard work.
Warning: Shawn is dead. He had committed suicide and this fact is mentioned often in the chapters ahead. Please, suicides are a very serious matter and if you feel that it is your only option, please talk to someone first.
Author's Notes: This is my sequel to my story "In Control, Even in Death". It might help to read that story first, but isn't necessary. Each chapter is short and each one is from everyone's point of view. Plus at the end of each one Shawn's spirit respond to what they have thought/said about him. Please note these chapters are short, as they are only quick thought just before they leave for the funeral.
Story Notes: These are the thoughts of the ones left behind. Thoughts as they get ready for Shawn's funeral.
Reflection's Before a Funeral: By islashlove
Chapter 1: Henry
I can't believe it, Shawn. Here I am, standing in front of my own mirror, trying to get ready for your funeral and for the first time in my life, I can't get my tie right. Damn it, Shawn, this is my fifth attempt at this and I still can't do it. If I don't get it right this time, I'm not wearing it.
You know Shawn, this just isn't fair. It should be you, burying me; not the other way around. No parent should be burying their child and no child should die before their parents do. And one thing is for sure, Shawn, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction that you brought me to tears, not when you did this to yourself.
Now…there, is this tie straight? God, Shawn, what in the world were you thinking, when you chose this...this tie, for me. At least it will bring smiles to people's faces when they see it. It does to my face, I mean, with the lovely beach scene, the dancing woman with the grass skirt on. I guess, I'm just glad you're letting me wear a suit and tie, even if it is 'this' tie that you asked me to wear.
You know, Shawn, I still can't believe you organised your own funeral, let alone your own death. I mean, Shawn, I'm not surprised, not one bit that you knew what you wanted for your funeral. You have been telling me that since you were twelve. It's just that you managed to do it, to actually organise and paid for it, as well. Usually, you leave everything to the last minute or get Gus to do it. So my hat is off to you, well done, son.
I often look at that last photo you gave me. I was so sure you were going to get yourself killed riding that damn death trap of a bike of yours. I could never imagine that you would take your own life, but I guess I didn't know you like I thought I did, kid.
I'm sorry, Shawn, if I wasn't the best father to you and I'm truly sorry if I really did make you think that I wasn't proud of you. Of course I was, I was your father and every time you succeeded in anything, I was proud. Yes, I was disappointed that your life didn't go the way I wanted it to go, but I'm glad, no proud, that you had the guts to stand up for yourself, even if it was standing up to me.
I'm proud that you lived your life the way you wanted to and I am grateful that you stayed good. What I mean is, Shawn, is you could have become a crook, just to spite me, but you didn't. Instead you opened up Psych and worked with the police, not against them. Shawn I was also glad that you stayed in Santa Barbara and we sort of managed to reconnect, it was something I never thought we would do.
Well I've got to get going Shawn. I'm picking up Chief Vick and taking her to the funeral, your funeral. Please, Shawn, don't let it be a circus. I know at one time you said you were going to have one for your funeral. But however you have set it up, I'm sure it's going to be...different.
So dad, you finely know how it feels for me all the time. That's why I don't wear ties or I'd get Gus to do it for me and you will be wearing it. I know you will, because I asked you to.
Oh Dad, Dad, Dad. How many times have I told you that I don't play by the rules? Yes, Dad, you're definitely right. You should have died before me. But it just didn't work out that way, you know. But you're wrong, you will cry; every one cries at a funeral, even you.
There, you see. I knew you would get that tie on sooner or later and what is wrong with it. It's not rude or vulgar. It's a nice tie, with a nice picture. Anyway, I wanted you to wear this tie at the funeral for a good reason, Dad. It holds a childhood memory of mine and I hope at the funeral, you'll remember what that memory was.
And when you smile, Dad, it's lovely. Yes, people will smile when they see it and they will say they knew that I had given it to you. Maybe that is what will trigger your memory about the tie. Especially, since you have insisted on wearing that black suit to my funeral.
You're right again, Dad, I am lazy. I do leave everything to the last minute, or as you say, I get Gus to do it, like, tying my ties. But I had since I was twelve to organise my funeral and as for my death. Well, let's just say, my life was already over, I just chose how I wanted to exit.
I didn't mean for Gus to be hurt like he was, seeing me like that. But to be honest, I'm glad I died saving him, rather than jumping from a building or riding my bike off a cliff or in front of a truck. As for actually organising and paying for it, well, I had help, Dad and you will meet that help today at the funeral
I knew you would like that photo of me and my bike. I had it taken two days after I found out I had cancer. I know that you always thought that my bike was going to be the death of me, but the truth was, it was part of me. Part of who I was. It took me away from my troubles and into new ones. But the one thing it always did, Dad, was it always brought me home.
Wow, Dad, that was deep, but you are wrong. You were an amazing father to me. You taught me things that, that I took with me and used right through my life. You could have left like mum, but you didn't. You stayed with me, even when it seem like I was out of control, you stayed. To finally hear you say you were proud of me, well, it's bitter sweet and it was all I ever wanted from you. It's a shame I had to be dead for you say it.
No, my life didn't go the way you wanted it to, but I think it went better. As for me standing on my own two feet, well I got that from you. It was one of the many things you had taught me.
A crook, huh; well that's an interesting idea. Yeah I could see myself as a cat bugler…not. And as for Psych, I really didn't have a choice there. I was in real trouble and I wasn't sure if you would help me or not. Sorry I didn't trust you. I'm also glad that I stayed in Santa Barbara and we started to connect, even if we did fight all the time.
A circus, Dad, really, did you really think I'm that immature. Yes, my funeral is going to be different, but I think you're going be happy with it, Dad.
Well, see you there.
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