Chapter 4: Plan to try and not get killed by Itachi, Hidan, Pain and pretty much everyone.
"You have to be kidding me" I sighed. This was turning out to be the worst hour of my life.
To recap, I was going about my normal, if boring, life when suddenly I found a Tobi in my closet. Now I have a bunch of fictional characters that could kill me at any moment sitting on my sofa. That's pretty much it. So yeah… just your average day.
"Tab, what are you going to do with a group of ninjas while there's a bunch of drunk teenagers hanging around?" Brad asked me sternly, "this isn't some fanfiction you've read where we just go and buy them new clothes and pretend there your new collage buddies".
~~one swirly transition screen later~~
"God damn it Tab, I just said we shouldn't do this", Brad lectured me again as we picked out some new clothes for the Akatsuki.
"It'll be fine, you worry to much" I laughed him off, "Im just sad I have to dig in to my savings for this, so much for that Thialand trip."
"Never thought I'd see you complain about one of your creepy fanfics coming true"
"HEY! They aren't creepy"
"What about that one with th…"
"We agreed never to speak about that again"
"Fine, fine, all I'm saying is shouldn't you be enjoying this. Half of your favorite characters are in your apartment"
"Yeah well I guess it is pretty cool. It would have been better if they had turned up as kitties though"
~~more swirly transitions- bleep bloop~~
"We're back, where's Pai…. What the fuck have you guys done to my house!," I screamed at Sasori as we entered. The entire place looked like a bunch of criminals had just ransacked… Oh wait, they are a bunch of criminals.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING!" I shouted, gaining the attention of most of the Akatsuki who were in my kitchen and lounge.
"We are searching for information" replied the cool (and extremely scary) voice of Itachi who had suddenly appeared behind me.
Ooops, probably shouldn't piss off a bunch of s – class criminals. Especially when I'm pretty much shit at tying my shoes no mind defending myself.
"Well stop it now, I can get you guys any information you need without having you look through all my shit. Where are the others?"
"They are searching the other rooms"
"I'll go find the... Wait, they better not be in my bedroom! BRAD, ROUND UP THE OTHERS, I HAVE TO STOP THE OTHERS" I shouted, throwing the now forgot clothes at Brad.
Fuck no are they going through all my stuff. NOoooooo.
I arrive at my room to find Hidan going through all of my… well more personal items of clothing, Pein reading all of my letters and Kisame going through my pile of drawings and sketches.
"The bitch acts all high and mighty but looks to me she's a total whor…"
"GET THE FUCK OFF MY STUFF" I scream picking up the closest thing to me which happened to be my limited addition, hand made katana from one of my favorite animes (I'm very proud of it).
Now my friends before we see what a good idea that was I'd like to remind you that while they are very awesome (not to mention hot!) fictional characters, the Akatsuki are also S-Class criminals. Recognized for there skill and ability and well, being killers, so taking up a blade in front of three of theses ninjas is never recommended. Now as for me…
Within seconds the blade I had been pointing at them was in Kisames hands while Hidan had moved behind me, one hand grabbing the back of neck, the other holding his scythe to my neck so hard that I could feel blood starting to trickle out.
"If you want to try and kill us, give it your best shot" he whispered in my ear as he dragged the blade along the skin of my neck, making the gash even longer. My breathing became shallow and my heart rate was through the roof. They might be really cool characters and funny most of the time but they were also killers. I can't just go pointing blades at them.
I had to open my big fucking mouth. What was that I was saying earlier about not being able to defend myself. What a way to go though, I thought I'd choke to death on a piece of chicken or something like that. Wait, who will feed Boots when I'm gone! No, my poor baby will starve!
Before I could continue with my honorable last thoughts my savior arrived. Namely Brad, who looked part worried and part fed up with everything, so he was looking pretty much the same as always.
"What are you guys doing" he asked, not sounding like he was a bit worried about the very sharp scythe at my neck.
"She pointed a blade at us even though she told us she was no threat. We are simply defending ourselves" replied Pain who hadn't stopped looking through my stuff this whole time.
Cocky bastard, I'm starting to think he's not as great as he seems. At this rate I'll have to remove him from the carrot top club. Dammit, I was looking forward to…
"Listen she's just really dumb. She's 19 and living on her own with her cat as her best friend. She's not exactly a criminal mastermind. She just doesn't like other people going through her stuff" Brad replied, interrupting my thoughts.
"Hey! That's rude, I thought we were friends!"
"Haha you just got told bitch" Hidan laughed, finally releasing his hold on my neck.
"We can't trust you with this from now on" Pain said finally putting down my mail and taking the katana from Kisame and snapping the blade from the handle in one easy move.
"NOOOO!" I screamed, Pain simply stared at me, his Rinnegan staring right into my skull, "fine, whatever".
"We need to talk to you guys in the kitchen" I just grumpled at him before moving into the kitchen.
How many times can a person almost get killed in one day. Seriously I don't think I can keep this up for long without losing my head. Literally!
~~Transition transition – Jingle, jingle, jingle~~
With everyone finally in the kitchen (after no small amount of struggling I can tell you), Brad and I produced the many bags of new clothes we had picked out for them earlier.
"Tonight there are lots of teenagers coming over to my house, and have fictional murders walking around is probably not the best idea, for this reason (and the fact you wont all fit in the attic) we are going to disguise you all as collage students!" I said looking round at the less than impressed faces of the Akatsuki.
"No way am I playing fancy dress with your pathetic friends un!" Deidara shouted out rather politely (I'm going to get that little shit back at some point!).
"Well it's this or you find someone else to feed you and provide with information so you can get back to your world" I stated rather bluntly.
"Right now assholes, I've had enough of being kidnapped and tied down and almost killed," I glared at Hidan who glared back while I touched my now bandaged neck.
"I spent all my savings on getting you all something decent and NORMAL to wear, most of you can just change clothes but we have a problem when it comes to Kisame and Zetsu. Everyone else can get away with 'tattoos' or 'contacts' but you guys are just weird. I'm going to get you guys to transform, you just need a more normal skin color, apart from that your good. Any questions?"
"Good. Here are your bags, go get dressed in the living room, Konan you can have my room to get changed."
Me and Brad then continued to throw the bags at everyone (except Konan because I love her, she's so nice).
"Hey bitch this better not be like the shit you wear" Hidan then shouted out.
"That 'shit' was bought with my Thialand money, so if you want to critsise it again go ahead, I'll just find some other blade to point at you" I growled at him.
Luckily before I was killed though, Kakuzu came up and dragged Hidan out of the kitchen by the back of his hair.
How the hell am I going to survive the night?