A/N: After last week's episode, I can't wait for the next. But I'm being really weird lately. My head is filled with different brotherly moments, and all that sort of stuff. So here is something that I had to get out… :) Yet another version of Sam and Dean after Purgatory.
Another case in the bag. Another fugly rotting in Purgatory or Hell. Dean was satisfied with that days work. He and Sam did what they always do. Hunt. They succeeded in saving yet another family. And Dean just had the most amazing time with this gorgeous and absolutely smoking waitress. He had told Sam not to wait up for him.
It was 4:02 am. Dean had left the bar after considerable flirting and making out with the waitress in their storage room. He was in a really good mood. Nothing was going to spoil his morning. He parked the Impala in front of their room, right next to the sign that read Silver Lining Motel.
He got out of the car, stroked the hood muttering "See you soon, Baby" and fumbled for the room keys. He finally managed to find them in his jacket pocket, and made his way, with the groceries he had picked up from one of the general stores, to his motel room. He stopped suddenly. He could hear shouts coming from inside. Along with stuff being thrown onto the walls.
His big brother instincts kicked in. How could he not have known, Sammy was in danger. He dropped the groceries by the door and unlocked it. The scene before him was something he did not expect to see.
Dean stood at the doorway and surveyed the scene in front of him. The room was a mess. The papers that they had pinned to the wall, to link all the mysterious events and disappearances, were lying in scatters and tatters on the floor. Sam's laptop lay in a broken mess by the wall. Judging by the dent in the wall above it, it had been thrown with tremendous force. The duffels and their contents were all over the room. And Sam was sitting on his bed, with his back to Dean. Shaking, with what Dean realized with a pang, were sobs.
So much for his good morning.
Dean made his way towards Sam. He was a bit wary. Ever since the specter thing, Sam had been in a very weird mood. And tension was at maximum level between them ever since Dean had sprung out of Purgatory.
Sam jumped as he heard Dean calling him. He tried to ignore him.
"Sammy? Please…look at me."
Still no answer. And Sam was still shaking with sobs.
"Look. I-I know I said things I shouldn't have said. But I assure you, I didn't-"
Anger flared inside Sam at hearing the words I didn't. He spoke without thinking.
"Go. To. Hell."
Dean reeled. He felt something inside him shatter. What did he do? What did he say that made Sam say this of all things?
"I would. I would go if it meant that you would look at me for once Sam. You hardly ever spoke during this whole case. You hardly ever looked at me for anything except me telling you what to do next." Dean's voice broke. He was beyond hurt. Sam hadn't even bothered to look for him. And now, this. He had enough.
He took a deep breath. "I don't know what I did to make you-you hate me…this much. But I'm telling you, I have no idea what I said. I didn't mean…"
"Bullshit Dean!" Sam wheeled around, finally standing up and facing Dean. Anger, hurt, pain….was that guilt? written all over his face.
"Look. I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean that. Of course I don't want you to go to hell. But don't you dare say you didn't mean what you said back there."
"I don't hate you Dean. I-I don't. But….why would you need me when Benny's been more of a brother to you than me? Why would you still stick with me after I told you I didn't look for you? Why! Why would you still trust me when I don't even trust myself anymore?" Sam wrung his hands through his hair. He looked so lost and broken.
Dean felt yet another pang as what Sam said settled in. He knew Sam had been keeping this in for a long time.
"Why would you say all that? I know you didn't mean it. But it's hard to convince myself. I know it's what you have been thinking. You want to know why I didn't look for you. I'll tell you. But first tell me. Answer my questions. Why do you still need me? I don't get it Dean. I have done nothing for you. All I did was crap up your life. All I did was make it even harder for you. All the stuff with the demon blood, the apocalypse, Lucifer…just please. After all this, why chose me?"
"Because Sam. Because you're still my brother. You know me. You know I'm not leaving my brother alone out there."
Sam was shocked. That was exactly the same thing he has said when he was battling with the shattered pieces of his soul after Castiel had broken the wall in his head.
"And you never crapped up my life Sam. You made my life worthwhile. You kept me grounded. You made me who I am today. I'm-I'm not strong enough by myself Sam. Even in Purgatory, I felt disgusted at myself wishing you were there with me, fighting by my side. We both made mistakes Sam. So don't you go berating yourself for our crap."
Sam didn't know what to say. His eyes welled up with tears of relief, guilt and pain.
"Wow. You know Dean? I don't deserve that. All this. You. I don't-" Sam paused as he turned away from Dean to swipe his hand across his cheek as one of the tears made an escape for freedom. Dean had noticed anyway, and it tore at him to see his brother like this.
"Why Sam? Why do you feel that way?"
"Because I'm not worth it Dean. I tried. I tried looking for you. For a month. I didn't get any leads Dean. For all I knew you were dead. I had no one to turn to. Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Dad, You….were all gone. I was…alone. And it was too much. I couldn't do it. I just didn't have the strength anymore Dean. I've been a failure for Dad and everyone all my life Dean. Sure, I stopped the apocalypse with you, but I started it in the first place. I drank demon blood. Who does that? I hooked up with a demon of all creatures and screwed up like shit when I didn't have a soul. I let you get turned into a goddamn vampire just to finish the job."
"I just couldn't stand to fail looking for you. So I ran. And I met Amelia after I ran over a dog. You want to know how? I looked at the rear view mirror and saw Lucifer sitting in the back seat. I lost control of the car and hit a dog. Amelia was broken. I was broken. We both were lost. We fit Dean. The hallucinations stopped after a while. Lucifer disappeared for good again. Mostly because I found this."
Dean had been listening with shock. And what Sam did next nearly swept him off his feet.
Sam pulled out the amulet from around his neck. The amulet Dean had thrown away.
"This thing definitely has some power around it. I don't know how. I had picked this up after you threw it away. It hurt like a bitch. It did. But I couldn't let it go. I had shoved it deep in my duffel. I found it while looking for my toothbrush. I kept it on me after that. It made me feel like you were still with me. You were still watching me. You would still save my ass. You would come back. And you did. Lucifer disappeared again because every time I felt this around my neck, I remembered you and me at the warehouse, where you convinced me that Lucifer was just a hallucination."
"Sam..God. I'm sorry. But don't you for one second think that you're not worth it. You're worth everything to me Sammy. I-I get you. I do. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw away the amulet. I wasn't thinking straight. I tried to get it back, but I never found it. Lucifer? Crap Sam! Why didn't you tell me this before. I've been a complete ass to you! Dammit! I-I'm sorry Sammy...I'm so sorry."
"No! Don't apologize Dean. Don't. Here. It's time you had this back."
Sam handed the amulet to Dean.
Dean wordlessly took it. He stole a glance at Sam and slipped it once again around his neck. He felt a hole in his chest close up. A hole he had never realized was there. Feeling the familiar weight, he sighed.
"Thanks Sammy. We good?"
"Yeah. I guess. Just promise me something."
"Be there for me. Don't ever leave. Please."
"I promise Sammy. I promise I'll be there for you."
Dean pulled Sam into an embrace. The embrace that should have been the one at Rufus's cabin.
Dean let go of Sam, and looked at him. "Sammy, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah. Sure? What?" asked Sam. Thoroughly confused.
"You sure you're not drunk? Usually, I don't do chick flick, unless you're in a mood, or you're drunk."
"What? No! Shut up Jerk."
"Whatever…Bitch." Dean smirked.
Here it is! Hope it wasn't too much of brotherly love. I'm a sucker for fics like this one. Had to write one myself. The stuff just came pouring out. I'm a mess right now. Please. Leave. Reviews!
*crawls away into a corner to let out all the emotion* ;)
I know, I'm a major drama queen. Please, leave reviews!