Disclaimer:  I own nothing…unfortunately.  Joss Whedon owns all. 

Lyrics to the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

For You to See Me

By

Anessa Ramsey

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Cuz I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

Cuz sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

            Dawn asked me once, why I loved her sister, and I remember being unable to answer.  It wasn't that I didn't know, because I did.  It was that I didn't know how to put it in a way that she would understand.  I know she's some sort of mystical key that's been around for thousands of years, but she's also an impressionable teenager.  What was I supposed to say, that to me, her sister was heaven?  That whenever I touched her was the only time I felt any sort of peace?  Or that one glance from her could set me on fire?  Buffy's always been fire, so of course, I'm drawn to that.  Except it's more than that too.  She's everything golden and good in life.  She's everything William always wanted.

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

            Sometimes I would give anything though, for her to really see me.  As good and wonderful as she is, she's also blind as a bat.  All she sees is a vampire, a murderer, in a black leather duster with bottle blond hair.  She would be shocked to know that's not who I am.  I'm Spike, but I'm still William.  He's been crammed in here all along.  He's why I still write bad poetry, wear glasses when I read, and fall in love with the wrong people, which is a bloody annoying habit that I should really try to break.  All I wanted for so long after getting this chip in my head was to get it out.  Now I don't care.  If it brings me closer to her, that's all that matters.

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

            So I'll continue to help her patrol and protect her little sister.  I'll drink blood from the butchers and make nice with that bunch of idiots she calls her friends.  I'll even stop leaving cigarette butts on her lawn under the tree, just for the hope that one day she'll see me as more than a monster, as more than a man.  I'll live for the hope that she might see me as Spike…and William…the person in love with her. 

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am