I don't own D. Gray-man.
Warning: Yaoi (boyxboy) and profanity.
After telling Allen about his infidelity, the white-haired boy left without saying a word or even reacting.
He could still remember the blank stare that watched him as he begged for forgiveness, but all he got in return was nothing. Just Allen getting off his couch after a while and walking out the door.
Lavi broke down after that.
He repeatedly tried to contact him, but the boy wouldn't answer. He knew he deserved it but he had expected something more. Perhaps he was expecting Allen to tell him off or maybe cry, this reaction he received seemed more painful to him.
It was painful because it left him not knowing what Allen felt.
Did the boy hate him?
How much heartache did he cause him?
Would he ever forgive him?
But the one question that scared him was:
Will he ever smile again after being hurt so many times?
Two weeks passed without talking or being able to see Allen, and by then Lenalee knew something was wrong.
"What happened?" she simply asked one day when she came over his house.
"What are you talking about?" he said, briefly hoping she would leave it alone and not ask him more, but Lenalee was always a persistent person no matter what. She skeptically looked at home before she kept talking.
"Allen stopped talking... All together. What did you do?"
He stared at her, heart breaking even more when she said that.
"Lavi... What did you do?" she whispered the last part, voice cracking and sounding high-pitched, she sounded like she was crying.
"I-I told him the truth" Lavi answered feeling as if he would cry at any minute, but did his best not to. He turned to look at his friend who was staring at him with an intense look. She was begging him to continue without actually begging him. At that time he felt that perhaps she might be the only one who could help Allen smile again, so he continued talking.
"I cheated on Allen."
He told her everything and he was proud to say he told her without looking away. He was tired of being a cowered. Lavi felt he needed to face any punishment head on, but he was surprised when after telling Lenalee everything, she just called him an idiot.
"You're not angry at me?" he asked, knowing that Lenalee saw Allen like a brother she needed to protect.
"No, I already knew. I just wanted to hear it from you,"
"So he tol-"
"He didn't tell me anything. Like I said, he's no longer talking. I just some how knew that it was something like that."
"I was angry at you. I had planned to come, and after getting you to tell me everything, I had planned to yell and hurt you...but there would be no point," she said looking at him sadly. She turned to him and touched his cheek.
"You look like crap. Your skin is pale and you look like you haven't slept in ages, that's enough to know that you are also suffering from your regret, anymore infliction would probably kill you. And as your friend, I wouldn't want that"
He looked at her and the need to cry almost escaped him, but he didn't want to cry anymore. He didn't deserve to cry, his infidelity might have been done while he was drunk, but he was still to blame for hurting Allen.
Lenalee stayed for a while, trying her best to get him to go asleep, but he couldn't. Lavi was haunted by the empty gaze Allen gave him. The boy was broken already and he had shattered the pieces that could be used to glue him back together.
By the end of the second month of not having any form of contact with Allen, Kanda came to visit him. His best friend who had stopped talking to him after their fight, came to his house and scolded him like when they were children.
"Stupid rabbit! Why haven't you been going to your fucking work," the taller man stared at him angrily. He was unable to answer, so he Kanda kept talking.
"Tch, pathetic. Don't mope around like an idiot, if you want him to forgive you, go and do something about it!"
"So you know," he asked the raven haired male. Kanda looked at him with his usual scowl and then cursed under his breath, before sitting next to him on the couch.
"Lenalee is worried about the both of you, but at least the beansprout is still going to school and work."
"You..." Lavi began, rethinking what he was about to say, but his curiosity, about why Kanda was trying to cheer him up when he also loved Allen, got to him.
"Why are you not taking this opportunity to steal him away? I would have," he would do anything to get Allen. Kanda stayed quiet for a while, and Lavi was sure that he would get mugen out and slit his throat for asking him that, but he didn't.
"Remember when you asked me why I didn't just tell Allen about you cheating on him on that day we fought?" Lavi nodded, not understanding why he was bringing that day up again.
"I said it was because he deserved to hear it from you... but it was really because he chose you"
"What?" Lavi asked confused.
"When I found out about what you did I had planned to tell him, but instead I ended up telling him that I liked him. Of course he said, that he couldn't be with me because he was with you, and he liked you," Kanda didn't look at him as he kept talking.
"I wanted him to pick me because he liked me, not because I used your infidelity and was "there" for him," the raven said, and Lavi swore he heard a bit of pain, even anger, when he said that.
Lavi was slightly shocked at how much Kanda really loved Allen. It wasn't because the man was always an ass to everyone or because he never seemed to care for anyone, but because he had never expected it. Of course if he thought about it, then it made sense. He never really said anything hurtful about Allen, just teased him and that was Kanda's way of showing he cared.
After Kanda told him the truth, the male left with only telling him to man up and to go back to work, before leaving.
Trying to forgive himself was hard to do, mainly because he didn't feel he deserved to feel good about himself until Allen did.
Still Lavi began going back to his work, now that he was no longer in high school, it was time to work for his grandfather, who was nice enough to give him some time to mope around. Kanda also worked there now since his grandfather had hired him while his absence. He was glad that he and Kanda were talking again, and the job was helping to repair the friendship they had destroyed since they were sort of working partners.
The job became easier with both working together, even if Kanda tried to kill him multiple times for calling him Yuu.
He still wasn't able to get the courage to go and talk to Allen again. He had gone from wanting to talk and make up with Allen, to afraid of finding out how much he hurt Allen and it grew as time passed by.
Lenalee had tried multiple times to get them to speak, but either Allen would refuse or the cowardice he thought he could overcome, got to him.
It wasn't until Lenalee told him about, how Kanda and Allen were talking again, that emotions began to bubble to the surface.
"Lavi, did you know that Kanda and Allen are talking again?" she asked. Looking at him nervously.
He wouldn't lie, he felt shocked and angry. Kanda had not told him about them talking again, but then again just mentioning Allen made Lavi feel uncomfortable and horrible. But he couldn't help the jealousy and anger that came with the news, he still loved Allen even if he hadn't seen him for almost a year, the memories of them together still lingered.
"How...w-why didn't you... Damn!" he wasn't even able to come up with something to say.
"Calm down Lavi. They aren't dating or anything, just friends. Besides you don't have any right to feel angry, especially since you never did anything to get together with him again," she told him, looking at him a bit angrily at his jealousy.
"I know... I just... Can't get over him," he told her, and she smiled at him in compassion.
"I don't think he's completely over you either, but I won't lie to you. I think he might be falling for Kanda," she said completely seriously.
"Why are you telling me this?" Lavi asked desperately.
"Because you deserve to know and... Because I don't want you to do something that might hurt him again if I'm right about him liking Kanda,"
"So you support them," he asked sadly.
"I only support the one that can make him happy. I'm not sure if Allen likes Kanda, or even if Kanda would make him happy, but if Allen tells me that he does then I would support it," she said then continued.
"The same with you, if Allen told me he forgave you and wanted to give you a second chance, then I would support it. That is of course, as long as I know you would never hurt him again, which I don't think you would."
Lavi couldn't help the smile that spread on his face, Lenalee really loved Allen as a brother.
After his talk with Lenalee, Lavi decided to go speak with his best friend before he did something that could jeopardize their friendship.
He called Kanda and asked him if the could meet up at the park.
"Tch, fucking rabbit what do you want now? Don't I get enough of you at work?" his friend said as he walked closer to where he was sitting on a bench. Lavi didn't answer him right away just waited until he was right in front of him. Kanda looked at him a bit confused since he was being abnormally quiet.
"Is it true that you and... Allen are talking again?" he interrupted. Kanda looked at him for a while before sitting down next to him.
"Yeah, but it's not what you think stupid rabbit," Kanda didn't sound like he was lying, and he would know since Kanda was never a good liar.
"I know... I'm so selfish, I have not right to feel jealous or angry, but I do" he said to his friend, hating himself for being so selfish, especially since he knew that his friend also really loved the white-haired boy.
"You're so fucking annoying. Just go talk to the goddamn bean sprout, I'm sure he would love to fucking see you again," the raven haired male said, not angry or jealous, before he left without looking back.
Lavi took Kanda's advice and decided to talk to Allen again. Lenalee's and Allen's graduation was the day he decided to see the white-haired boy again. And when the day came he was a nervous wreck.
Kanda kept hitting him for being to annoying, in other words for being too skittish, as they sat and watched both Allen and Lenalee. When he saw the white-haired boy his heart began to beat rapidly as he looked at him walk across the stage to get his award.
Yes, he still loved him.
As the ceremony finished Lavi got nervous, even more, as the kids got out of the school to greet their families. Lenalee came rushing out and hugged both him and Kanda, but Allen was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's the bean sprout?" Kanda asked Lenalee.
"Who are you calling a bean sprout, Bakanda!" Allen answered from behind Lenalee.
"Tch, your japanese is horrendous idiot," Kanda countered with a smirk.
"And your English is also horrible. Can't even pronounce the r's correctly. Here Bakanda I will help you it's ho-RR-endous," Allen also smirked at Kanda.
"Why you little..." Kanda fumed and Allen smirk grew into a smile as he watched Kanda become angry, that is until he noticed his presence.
It became quiet as they all looked at him, but his gaze was on the white-haired boy.
He was shocked.
Allen had smiled, the kind of smile he had not seen since before the death of Mana, and all he could think was that the one who caused it wasn't him, or even Lenalee, but Kanda.
Kanda had picked up the pieces he shattered, and what he thought was impossible to fix, the raven haired man fixed.
That's when he knew.
He knew that no matter what he said or did, Allen was no longer his. His heart was no longer his and the only thing that didn't let either of them to move on was that neither of them got any closure. They never really got to talk anything out and it seemed that now that was the only thing he would be able to do.
Weirdly enough, at that moment he did not feel so angry or jealous with his conclusion. Sure he felt sad, he was in love with Allen, but if he had to suffer a little heartache then it was fine.
It was fine because as long as he got to see that smile again, then he was happy.
So officially it has come to an end, but I might write two little extras. One about Allen and Lavi actually talking after the graduation and another with Allen and Kanda finally getting together :).
Anyway thanks to all those who reviewed/followed/favorites. It was fun to write and at times sad to write (I still love you Lavi please forgive me) I will probably post up some more Yullen since this one was only focused on Lavi so hopefully you guys will enjoy future Yullen love :).