A New Start
"I don't want you here" she told him weakly.
He ignored her and held her hair as she began retching over the toilet. She took a deep breath when it was over, wiped her mouth and told him:
"Please go away."
She kept telling him over and over but not once did she push him away as he held her. They sat on the floor his legs around her as she leaned her back on him. She was sick for what seemed like forever. She gave up fighting him once she was too weak. When it was over he carried her to her bed and was going to sleep on a chair when she took him by the arm.
"Stay" it was a whisper, barely audible.
He began to get into bed with her:
"Take off your shirt" she instructed.
He did as he was told and watched in awe as she cuddled up next to him. Feeling how hot her body was he understood that she wanted the coolness of his body.
She awoke the next morning to an empty bed and a sunny room, thinking that it had all been a dream. The thought filled her with sadness and she felt her heart clench at the thought of loneliness.
"This is how you wanted it" she told herself, "This is why you haven't told anyone and why you are living here by yourself."
With that thought she got herself out of bed and into the bathroom to wash off last night's sickness. When she emerged she was accosted by the smell of eggs and bacon. He was here, he hadn't left after all and her heart gave a little jump for joy.
Buffy composed herself remembering that her loneliness was no reason to run to William's arms. She had to be strong, there was a reason why they weren't together and her illness wasn't going to make that reason go away. She could see him at work in her kitchen as she walked down the stairs. He was muscular as ever in his light blue skin tight t-shirt and dark wash jeans. They clung so perfectly to his waist that she almost let out a sigh.
For a moment it was as if nothing had changed and he was making breakfast for them like he had every Saturday morning, but things had changed, too much. Drusilla had waltzed into their lives – literally- and now, Buffy was slowly dying.
"Morning Love," he greeted when she came into the kitchen
He had a smile on his face and a plate of yummy fried food in his hand.
"How are you this morning?"
*Stupid British accent* she thought, *why does he have to be so sexy?*
"You need to leave William," she told him "I told you last night, I don't want you here."
"Yeah, and then you curled your sexy little body around me and fell asleep"
She gave him a look.
"Just eat Buffy. We can talk about this later. You had a hard night and you need energy."
Out of habit she allowed him to guide her to a chair. He sat in front of her and began eating.
"I'm still queasy." She told him "I can't eat this"
"Can't live off yogurt and diet coke pet."
She looked up at him accusingly.
"What? Had to look in the fridge to make breakfast. Did a little grocery shopping for you. Got some food that will help your body get strong for this."
She couldn't resist the urge to cry. He called it "this". What did he think "this" was?
"It's cancer Will, breast Cancer. There's no coming back from "this". "This" is going to kill me. I came here to die."
"Pet," he interrupted
"NO!" she yelled "I am not your "pet" or your "love". Not anymore. I know what I have Spike. I'm dying and I came here to do that alone."
He stared at her, eyes filled with anger. She bit her bottom lip realizing what she'd done. What she'd called him.
"No," he said standing up "I understand. I'll go. I just, I didn't want you to be alone. It's what you want, it's fine."
He was walking toward the door and she was following,
"Spike, you mean. I'm still Spike to you."
She shook her head at him.
"I hope you get through this love. No," he amended "I know you will."
Then he was gone and she felt like such an asshole. She hadn't meant it. It had been her anger. The name had just tumbled out because she was angry and Spike had always been the one to make her blow her top. She was an idiot.
Buffy went over to the kitchen sat down and ate her breakfast of fried eggs, bacon and toast. Swallowing turned out difficult to do through her tears.