Just a little piece of drabble I made hope you all enjoy :)
The early morning light poured through the window illuminating the room that Katen had been sitting in perfect darkness not an hour a go. Looking around at the rumpled room she felt a wave a nausea sweep over her and take root somewhere deep inside somewhere. It would probably be her psyche because this was not the type of sick feeling that went away with a bit of ginger and tonic water. This was a sickness that had been there long before this night , but being master of deception she could fool herself just as easily as anyone else that everything was fine even as the sickness rolled through her like a black wave what should have been refreshing just felt like another layer of tar coating her heart as she looks at the rumpled bed . What made it worse this time was there were no sake bottles littering the floor , no opium nothing that could possibly impair her ability nothing she could hide behind . Looking around this mess was all hers the rumpled bed the knocked over lamp , the blankets on the floor . She couldn't hide this one from herself , she couldn't deluded herself telling herself it was the alcohol or the excess that impaired her judgment .
Shaking her head she fought back a tear this was her , all her knowing full well what she was getting into , knowing that in the morning there would be tears , but his smile , sighing softly she looked at the bed and let a tear slip his smile was worth it , it had always been worth it a smile that could make girl feel like she was the most cherished thing in the universe a smile that made a girl believe she was the sun and the moon and everything in between.
Tears slipped down her cheeks her breath caught in her throat she had felt that warmth once and lost it just as fast and everyday like a heroin addict she wished she could feel the warmth of his smile was over her again.
She had look in so many places for so many years and nothing , and no one could compare to that smile , sure there were moments of distraction but in the end she was just left aching from the hole that had been left there from him.
It was a loss she never forgot , a betrayal she swore she would never forgive , but she wasn't that strong because oh how she had longed for that sun light , wished for that smile even if for a night after a few hundred years it was better than the dull ache that had started to build In her chest slowly turning her into a heartless monster.
More tears started to stream down her cheeks as the light got brighter and continued to pour into the room . It was the sheets , the smell , it was everything that was left behind , the lucid memories of those few moments .
It didn't take much the promise of love . She snorted and laughed a watery laugh … love … a fresh sob escaped her lips and she quickly tried to stifle it with her hands . Falling to her knee's her eyes blurred as his sent became stronger . Letting out a sob she cried for herself , for her stupidity, for her hope , her love , and even after a few hundred years her little girls dreams of love that were quickly vanishing again with the rising sun .
All thing she would never get not with as blood stained as her hands were , not with as rough as her edges were , not as archaic as she was , who but him would understand everything . More tears ran down her cheeks because there was no one. She was a one of a kind an oddity in her own right something strange and beautiful , untouchable and lonely trapped in her own mind , but he got her , her light and her dark and it still wasn't good enough .
Looking at the stained rumpled sheets she fought back an audible sob it was her own fault her own loneliness had gotten the better of her , her own love for him and now she was in the exact same place she was so many years ago a lone crying on the floor. Curling up she let her body lie limply as the sobs came in racking waves everything was sinking in all the years of him , there really was only him and she even though he was as much a part of her as she was him it would never be enough because she a being would never be enough .
Laughing a watery little laugh she cried harder . She wasn't them , she wasn't full of life , or energy she didn't have that spark she didn't even know if she had the affection of a well loved teddy bear any more . She didn't know what she was , laughing bitterly that wasn't true she knew what she was , she was amusement when he got board , she was a tool when he needed it and she was tired of it .
Looking around at the retched room she knew she couldn't do it any more . She needed to go home to a place she felt safe a place no one could touch her , a place where her purpose was clear the little one would understand and keep him in line .
For now she was just to tired to carry on like this it was time for her to go home so slowly , oh so slowly she let herself let go . She would know peace soon enough . Laying on the floor through watery eyes she looked at her hand as it started to drift into nothing , specks of dust in the morning light . Soon she would know peace and would go to a place where she was needed . Sighing softly she lie there in the early morning light until there was nothing left of her but a few spirit particles .
"This was the way it should be " a disembodies voice whispered into the nothingness.
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