At age four Dean was saddled with what some people would call a burden but Dean never saw it that way. He would have wanted to take care of Sammy even if he had his mom, even if his dad wouldn't have been gone all the time and drink to excess when he was there.
So it began, the innocent love that turned into something forbidden, complicated , heartbreaking and wonderful all at the same time. The love between Dean and Sam Winchester.
Dean doted on his baby brother, he was the one there for Sammy's first word. It wasn't "Daddy" it was "Dee" he couldn't say his first name but Dean knew what he was trying to say and he was proud. It stuck as a childhood nickname until Sam was too cool to call Dean a baby name. Dean secretly loved being "Dee".
It was always Dean Sammy ran to when there was any pain or happiness he wanted to share and Dean felt so special. John was a second in Sam's life. The boys loved their dad but he wasn't dependable or stable. When they were grown Sam told his brother that being a sperm donor doesn't make for father of the year but still they respected him and his memory.
It's a story of two brothers with an unusual love most people wouldn't understand but it is their story, they live it every day.
Sam was asleep in the backseat of the Impala covered up with an old blanket Uncle Bobby gave Dean the last time they visited, Dean rolled up his coat for a makeshift pillow for his Sammy. John was lit already when he dragged Dean along in the bar. Dean brought in a catalog with kids clothes he picked up somewhere. Sam was going to start school soon and all he had was Dean's hand me downs to wear and they were from a thrift store when Dean got them. He was hard on his clothes, hunting with his father was tough business. They were full of holes and stains when Sam got them.
John sat a table with a bunch of hunter friends drinking, laughing and ignoring Dean. John gave him 4 quarters for the pinball machine. "Why can't I just stay in the car with Sammy dad?" But when John was already buzzed there was no reason to what he did.
Dean went over to the pinball machine and pocketed the quarters so he could get Sam some ice cream tomorrow. He carefully laid the catalog on the pinball machine smoothing it with his fingers and pulled out a pen. Dean started marking things he would like to get Sam for school. Backpack, sneakers, some cool t shirts with cars on them and new pants. Dean sighed knowing that it was a dream, that he would have to sneak enough change from the dresser and hope it was enough for something.
If he could Dean would make a big day out if for Sam, some ice cream and the thrift store in the town they were staying at that week. If only his little brother could have one thing new, all his own Dean would have been happy. He was nine and already the weight of the world was on his small shoulders. Brother, Dad, Mom and Sammy's protector, the one that would love him no matter what but Dean didn't regret it at all.
"Hey kid, what are you looking at." The man had been sitting in the corner of the otherwise empty little game room of the bar. Dean guessed he was really old like in his 30's even, he had on worn jeans, work boots and a t shirt, slender and scruffy looking.
Dean touched the knife in his pocket, "nothing sir", John taught him to address adults properly and be respectful. He started folding the catalog back up and slid it in his back pocket.
The man leaned forward "so you gonna buy something from that catalog you were marking up?" Dean shifted uncomfortable with the conversation "No sir, can't afford it." Dean was about to leave when the man said "would you like to make twenty bucks fast?"
Dean felt like he should leave but the thought of a whole twenty dollars, he could get Sammy a backpack and some good shoes with that, maybe even enough for a shirt. "What….what do I have to do, what kind of work?"
The man pulled a twenty out of his wallet and held it up. "Nothing kid, just sit on my lap…that's it just sit right here." The man patted his lap and smiled. Dean felt it wasn't right, that he should run and get his dad but the thought of taking Sam to a real store, letting him pick something new was too much for Dean to pass up.
He walked slowly over to the man, felt to double check his knife was in his pocket and grabbed the twenty dollar bill stuffing it next to the hidden knife. "Good choice kid, easy money." The stranger grabbed Dean and pulled him on his lap. Dean could feel the man's breath on the back of his neck, he smelled like sweat and whiskey.
Dean was getting scared, "How long do I have to sit here sir?" The man brushed his lips against the nape of the boy's neck and started moving Dean on his lap, the strangers voice was low and his breathing getting heavier "as long as it takes." He started pushed up against the boy and Dean could feel something hard pushing against his bottom through his jeans. "What are you doing to me?" Dean had an edge of panic in his voice. The man groaned and put his head back, "Christ…you are sooooo pretty kid", pressed up on Dean's bottom hard and then let go of the boy.
Dean jumped off and turned back to the man, his face was red, he was smiling and his eyes were closed. Dean ran out to his dad, begging John for the keys to the motel, he went back to the Impala and woke up Sam. "Come on Sammy we are going to walk back, its only a couple blocks." He pulled a sleepy Sam out of the Impala and they started back. "Dee….why can't we wait for daddy?" Sam rubbed his eyes. He was wearing Dean's coat and it hung on his tiny frame like a robe. Dean didn't answer just kept walking until they got back to the hotel. He got Sam in his sweats and put him in bed.
Dean went to the bathroom and tried to catch his breath, he hung onto the sink and stared in the mirror, he tried to calm himself but the tears came hot and plentiful. "Stop it, stop being a big crybaby, tomorrow its gonna be better, I'll take Sammy shopping and get him an ice cream." Dean wiped his fist over his eyes and checked his pocket for the twenty dollar bill and four quarters then put on his sweats and got in bed with Sam.
Sam woke up and saw Dean was crying, he patted his big brother's face "shhh..its ok Dee, don't cry ok? ." Sam curled up on Dean's chest and listened to his heart beat until it slowed down and he was sure his brother was asleep then patted his hand "love you Dee." Sam fell asleep holding his brothers hand in his.
The next morning John walked in the door with a bag of doughnuts and tossed them on the table. Dean opened his eyes, he knew better than to speak to his dad until his dad spoke first. He was usually hung over and yelled at Dean or worse. John got out a couple glasses and poured some milk in them. "Hey boys get up, rise and shine." He sounded like he was in a good mood so this would be a good day for them.
Sam bounced out of bed and grabbed the bag of doughnuts, Dean always let him pick first and Sam always picked strawberry jelly, Dean was easy and would eat whatever his dad brought for them but Sammy was picky. "Come on Dee pick!" Sam held out the bag and his brother reached in and pulled out a cinnamon roll, not his favorite but Dean made a big deal out of the prize. "Wow cool, glad I didn't get strawberry." Dean winked at Sam and his brother giggled. He liked it when Dean winked at him, it was their private joke since he knew Dean loved strawberry anything.
John was quiet for awhile, he chewed a couple of pills for his headache. "So I'm going to have a couple people meet me here and we are going to be gone all day. I got to check out a job here, this is a weird town. Dean you see anything odd last night?" Sam had the TV on, not listening to them any longer. "Any…monsters?" Dean's mind went back to last night and the stranger. He shook his head and stared at the table "No sir, no monsters."
"So what are you and Sam going to do today." To the average person letting five and nine year old walk around a strange town together didn't seem safe but John didn't have the luxury of watching Sam when there was work to be done. He was sure Dean could handle things just fine.
Dean tore up a paper towel in tiny bits on the table getting up the nerve to ask his dad, "Dad, do you have any money so I can get Sammy new school clothes? He also needs a backpack, crayons, paper and stuff." John sat back and hitched his thumb toward the dresser. "Whatever change is there should be able to get something at the thrift store in town." John grabbed Dean's wrist "Look you know I'm maxing out the credit card on this dump, until I can score another one this is it. Don't ask for anything until then."
Dean's cheeks flared red, his fists balled up. "You had money to drink last night." He didn't have time to see the hand coming, the slap knocked him out of his chair. Sam pulled his knees up and started rocking on the bed, cartoons forgotten. "Please daddy don't be mad at Dee ok? I don't want nothing for school."
There was a knocked at the door John hissed "Get on the bed by your brother and behave both of you." John answered the door and in walked two men, one was a guy named Billy and Dean remembered him from last night at the table with his dad. To his horror the other man was the man that gave Dean the twenty dollars. He walked over to boys and smiled wickedly at Dean. "Well hey there boys I'm Tony" He ruffed up Sam's long hair "You must be the baby." Sam pulled away "I'm not a baby!" Tony held up his hands "Whoa there, didn't mean to offend , " he poked Dean lightly on the nose "I remember you from last night! Its Dean right?"
Dean didn't answer, he held Sam's hand tight. John walked over to them and touched Dean's face "I'm sorry I lost my temper, things are hard right now, forgive me?" Dean shrugged and wouldn't look John in the eye. Anyway be careful today and I wont be home till late. Tony smiled at John "Hey don't worry I can check in on them if I get back before you." Tony winked at Dean, "See you later Dean."
"Don't cry in front of Sammy, don't be a crybaby….just take him shopping and get some ice cream, worry about tonight when it comes." The boys dressed quickly and headed down town. Sam was happy and practically pulled Dean off his feet when he saw the Savers Thrift Store sign.