God, seven months. –Insert Awkward Laugh- Please feel free to slap me through the screen.
(What's the Story) Morning Glory?
"The Elephant In The Room"
I literally had no words.
Me, Rachel Earl.
I mean, what the fuck are you supposed to say when a girl tells you they fancy you?
And you're not gay?
I mean, at least I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. I had that weird thing for Geri Halliwell once- but I reckon that was more due to the fact that she could fit into that union jack dress in her early thirties- and I couldn't even fit into an extra large bin-liner.
Nope, being straight was my thing. I had lusted over Damon Albarn, Archie, Hell- even Mr Carrisford! As far as I know they're all men. Even if one of them also likes men.
"Er- I've gotta go." She mumbled, as her small face gazed up at me in what I saw as sheer embarassment.
But it was too late, She'd already flown out of the door. Jesus Christ, my head was spinning.
Drifting past the living room- I saw everyone had still continued on with their game, Chops idea no doubt…
Instead of enduring more imminent embarrassment and or shock- I decided that outside with fresh air was the best place for me.
I found myself outside sitting on the pavement- probably looking like I had just been molested.
I was still pondering the truth in that statement when a shadow came over me- blocking the light of the street lamp.
"Alright?" Ben sighed, plopping himself down next to me.
I snorted in response.
"That good, eh?" He snorted back, resting his arms on his knees.
"You will not believe what just happened to me." I declared.
"Oh, won't I?" he muttered, digging through his jacket pockets and pulling out a pack of twenty Mayfair cigarettes.
"Mina's a lesbian." I stated.
He fag that he was in the process of lighting dropped out of his mouth.
"And she wants me to be a lesbian with her. Lesbians together. Us, as lesbians. Me and her-"
"OK Rae! I think I got it the first time." He blew out air. "Well, fuck."
"Fuck, Indeed." I said blankly.
We were in silence for a few moments, and I took this time to realise that I was bloody freezing. Luckily, I was wearing a jumper.
I jumped slightly when he held out the packet of cigarettes to me, gesturing for me to take one.
My views on smoking had never been against it- Jesus Christ, practically everyone I know smokes, it had taken me by surprise that I had never tried it myself.
Suddenly, the urge overtook me- and I reached out, lit the fag, and inhaled.
"Christ." I coughed heartily.
Ben chuckled slightly.
I turned to Ben. "Well, I know why I'm out here- and you know why I'm out here, but the question is Benjamin, what the hell are you doing out here? Saw you murdering Chloe's mouth about an hour ago."
I sighed again, and stared up at the sky. "Dumped me, again."
"Yeah, said it was fun while it lasted- but she's looking for something, 'a bit more permanent', what does that even mean?"
I chewed on my lip- unable to answer. "I'm sorry, mate."
"Not your fault." He sniffed. "Just don't think she can hack it."
"I don't think she can either."
We were silent for the better part of half an hour- watching our breath permeate in the cold night air, when suddenly he broke it.
"Can I kiss you?"
The drag I was currently inhaling got stuck in my throat and I almost choked.
Saying nothing, the question hung in the air like my mums laundry.
"You… what?" I said, after a long tortuous moment.
"Can I- Ben Keegan, kiss you- Rachel Earl?" he uttered, deadly serious now- as he tossed the remains of his cigarette into the road.
"What for?" I questioned, suitably shell-shocked.
"Because, why not?" He shrugged.
"Well, there's actually a number of reasons why not- for one you've snogged my best friend on more than one occasion- you've had sexual relations with my best friend on more than one occasion, Chloe is in fact, my best friend- need I go on?"
Ben was silent.
"Alright then, more reasons 'why not'- "
I froze. And my mouth did that weird noise intake of breath thingy that it usually does when you're taken by surprise. And fucking hell, was I taken by surprise.
Attached- quite firmly might I add, to my lips, was Ben.
My eyes widened in horror, but funnily enough my body didn't follow suit. Jesus, isn't it enough torture being fat and slow without my bleedin' body reminding me every five seconds.
Once his lips had started moving and trying to jam his tongue into my mouth- my brain decided it was the opportune moment to kick in.
As fucking per usual, I was one second too late.
"What the fook?"
Hastily, Ben dislodged his lips from my and –thank fuck for his sake- had the decency to look abashed.
Finn's hand closed around his beer can, the crunching of aluminium almost made me twitch.
"Finn, this isn't- I mean, it's really not what it looks like."
"Oh yeah? And what exactly does it look like?" His tongue traced his top lip in anger.
"Me and Ben- we were just having a friendly chat, and it's just- it's just a misunderstanding, isn't it mate?" I turned towards Ben, only to find that this time he had elected to keep his mouth closed and to himself.
As Finn's eyes continued to flash, and mine continued to plead- out trotted Chop, with what looked like a fireman's helmet on his head.
"Wahey!" He cheered, sloshing his beer can in the air and splashing Finn in the process. The look that Finn gave him in return kind of made me slightly happy that I was me and not Chop right now.
"Yous lot need to get back in there- sharpish. Things are just hottin' up!"
"Yeah, alright." Ben murmured and scarpered off the pavement like he desperately needed a piss.
It was all I could do but sit in what I like to call, 'Dumbfounded Bewilderment' before Finn responded.
"Nah. Me and Rae are gonna 'ave a chat out 'ere."
"Brilliant." I muttered under my breath.
Chop put his hands up in the air as if to surrender, and waltz back inside- cheering once he has crossed the threshold.
Finn hadn't taken his eyes off me since Ben had made his untimely exit.
"Are you fookin' mad?" His eyes narrowed.
I almost snorted. "Sometimes."
"What, you think this is fookin' funny? What the 'ell are you playin' at Rae?"
My jaw dropped. "I wasn't playing at anythin'!" I replied, outraged. "He kissed me."
"Oh, what- and that's alright is it?"
"No! It's not but I-" Throwing my hands up in frustration, I blew out a puff of breath in the cold night air.
"You-" He breathed deeply too, and ran his long fingers through his hair. "You know I like ya."
Seemingly out of nowhere, my hormones began to rage- and I wanted to pounce. Unfortunately for me, I have 'self control'.
How sickeningly puke-worthy.
I needed to change course. "Well, what about you?! Upstairs- Mina all over ya, didn't see you complaining then!"
He looked taken aback at this. "Rae. That wasn't what it looked like- and you know it." He shook his head. "You must know it."
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a packet of Mayfair cigarettes, sparking one up- his hand shielding the flame.
I sighed, defeated.
"Yeah, I know." I muttered into the night.
I dared to gaze back to his eyes- which twinkled in the light of the street lamp.
"Mina's a lesbian, y'know." I declared.
Finn choked on his fag.
"W-what?" He spluttered, between coughs.
"Yup. She's quite fond of me too." I confirmed what he was probably already thinking.
"Shitting hell." He blinked.
I nodded, and it was silent once again.
"So, what's with you and 'Benny boy'?" He said nonchantly, inhaling the cigarette smoke.
"Oh my god, I've told ya. Nothing. It was random- that was all."
"Does he know that?" He folded his arms defensively- gesturing to the house.
"Yes." I took a step forward- unsure of what it would lead to. "Completely."
I'm not sure whether it was consciously or subconsciously but Finn mirrored my step forward, his eyes not leaving mine.
"Well, that's- good." He replied.
I stared at his mouth and automatically ran my tongue over my bottom lip.
He did the same.
"I've bought the Spice Girls album." He said, deadpan.
I had to repress a laugh. "You're joking."
"Nope. My Mam wanted it- so I bought it."
"I see." I chuckled, biting my lip ever so slightly.
He gazed down at my lip biting, his breath becoming deep and shallow.
Jesus, what we must have looked like.
"Maybe you could come and listen to it." He offered, voice thick.
"Maybe, I will. Maybe we could listen to it in the dark."
"Maybe. Or maybe I'll get some candles."
"And maybe I'll laugh at the idea of you buying candles."
"Oi- I happen to like 'em-"
"Alright! Alright! Don't fucking shit yaself." I snorted. "Maybe I sit against your bed whilst you light the candles."
His eyebrows shot up at this statement, and I had to resist to urge to grin with satisfaction.
"Maybe you could lie down on my bed instead, y'know seeing as my floors as fucking uncomfortable as shit."
"Maybe." I uttered.
"And maybe you could stay over."
"Maybe I could."
"And maybe- just maybe we could -"
"RAE!" A great cry jerked up both out of our sexual haze.
I turned towards the door. There, with tears streaming down her face- was Chloe.
Oh fuck, sod, wank and tit.
"Chlo- what's the matter?"
"It's Ben- he said he likes someone else!" She cried.
My eyes turned into saucers, whilst Finn's darkened and his brow creased.
"Chlo- I think you've got it wrong."
"No!" She exclaimed. "He came up to me and said that it's probably for the best that we broke up because he's found someone else now!" She sobbed like a child.
Whilst I was well aware that Chloe had lost her father three months ago- I still knew when she was turning on the waterworks because, well- she could.
I hadn't forgotten that it was her, who broke up with him, in the first place.
"Oh, Chlo." I hugged her tightly- watching as Finn dove his hands deep into his pockets and put his tongue to his cheek.
"Rae?" Chloe sniffled.
"Can I stay round yours tonight? I just- don't wanna be alone."
I tried not to hesistate. She was my friend. And I had to be there for her.
Even if I was sacrificing Finn and a night of- God, I don't even know what, but I know I want it.
"Go and get your coat, and we'll go." I said, in my most understanding voice.
She gave me a little nod- and trod back to the house.
I could hear the sounds of Chloe's goodbyes from the house- so prepared myself for the walk home by zipping up my hoodie.
"Maybe I should just try being a lesbian. It can't be any harder than Italian." I shrugged.
Finn snorted, and playfully rolled his eyes.
"As if." He said.
I smiled. "Bye, then."
He gave a sad smile in return as Chloe exited the door. "Bye, then."
"You ready, Rae?" Chloe wiped the remaining tears from her face.
"Bye, Finn." She said.
He gave her a affirming nod in return.
With once last fleeting glance as the brown haired boy with the plaid shirt on- I turned and walked down the street- and again, as always, away from Finn.
It dawned on me then that I hadn't seen Tix and Danny in a while.
I'M STANDING BY FOR HATE- SINCERELY. OH YES GUYS, GIMME THE HATE.